The Slave Girl
by CTpoetgirl63
Summary: A young girl is abducted from her home planet and whisked away to a life of slavery. Her life is one filled with fear and uncertainty until she is rescued by the unlikeliest creature. Learning to live is her biggest challenge. Meanwhile, on earth, a tortured James Barnes struggles to overcome what HYDRA did to him. Their meeting is kismet and it will change both their lives forever
1. Chapter 1

The Slave Girl

Chapter 1

Gaion

Cold…

She drew in a breath from the chilled evening air, as she woke up and shivered.

It was night time, and the temperature in the room had gone down, as it did every night.

She tried to stretch as she lay entangled in the arms and legs of the creature that had rescued her and had saved her life. He stirred in his sleep at the slight movement, but was in no danger of waking.

She felt his claws scrape her back lightly, as she arched into another stretch.

It was no use. She couldn't get a good stretch in so she squirmed around for a comfortable position; a difficult task when the creature weighed more than she did.

His one arm was under her neck, and their legs were entwined. Thank goodness his weight rested on the bedding in his nest and not her.

Gaion was taller than her when he stood upright, outweighed her by a good hundred pounds, and could kill her in a heartbeat, but he always had treated her kindly.

He kept her as a pet, a source of amusement, companion, and the occasional playmate for his offspring. He never used her as men did. Truthfully, she didn't know if she'd survive it.

She had seen him once completely naked, but even that was a relative term. What word could you use to describe a 7 foot reptilian creature without a loin covering?

Sexually, they were incompatible; her being human, and him having three….she shuddered, and tried to shake off the memory of what she'd been subjected to over the years by men.

He knew of her past, or had at least surmised it then, and he'd covered himself for her comfort when she'd accidentally walked in on him washing up.

The crew wore similar loin cloths, not because of her, but it was considered… polite. It was rather rude to have your private parts on display when it wasn't a mating cycle.

The first time she'd heard this tremendous ruckus coming from one of the staterooms, she had jumped in fright. He chuckled.

To her it sounded like someone was killing someone else, but he patiently explained it was all part of the mating ritual. She swallowed with some difficulty, but he assured her that she was safe.

Zara stretched her legs once more and settled back down. His body was cool, but it was the only warmth she could avail herself of at the moment. She couldn't reach the blanket, so she settled for his body.

The beginning…

Gaion had flown his ship to a nearby star system in search of new opportunities. It had been a while since his crew had had some down time, and truthfully, they could use some fresh supplies.

He was a ship's captain and a trader by circumstance, but it hadn't always been so. Still, he grew into his position and became one of the most respected and reliable of his people.

He grew up like any other of his kind; on a planet where the days were warm and the nights cold. He enjoyed basking in the sun, letting the heat of the day seep deep into his thick and scaly skin. At night, he'd snuggle up to his litter mates, all 25 of them, in their nest that rested deep underground and away from the chilled night air.

Females of their clan would take turns overseeing and educating the young, while the eldest males no longer fit to do much else, would educate them in less formal things.

One male in particular taught Gaion the value of wanting more for himself. An old ship's captain himself, he had finally retired and come home to a life of ease. From then on, Gaion had raised his head and looked up at the stars, and saw them in a new way.

When the Wanderers of their people came to trade and visit, Gaion would beg for stories, and would sit enthralled just listening. He knew he wanted to be a part of this.

As Gaion grew, he heard stories of different planets, different species far different from his own people, and he was fascinated.

Chastised by his litter-mates for his interest in these other species, they soon drifted away from Gaion, and thought he was odd.

As they all got older, they sought out their own opportunities, and went their own ways. Gaion alone stood firm in his belief that one day he too, would be telling adventure stories to the young.

When the days got longer, Gaion grew restless. He went to the elder male and asked how he could be included in a crew. The elder barked a scratchy laugh, but said he'd pass the word.

One day, a young male came to Gaion with a message to meet the elder male. Gaion raced to the meeting with hope in his heart. He was not disappointed.

"I have vouched for you, young one, and have found a captain willing to take you aboard, but the life is not an easy one."

"I've had enough of easy. I don't want to idle my life away."

After speaking with Gaion, the captain welcomed him aboard.

For the next 40 years Gaion worked hard, trained hard and learned hard. He was tested over and over again, and he passed each and every test. One thing remained however, his skill with other species. So, his captain abandoned him among strangers. He had to learn this most crucial of things; how to work with others unlike himself.

At first Gaion was angry at being abandoned, but he gradually learned the value of others' strengths and weaknesses. He also learned that his perceptions of others were limited. What he once perceived as weakness, he grew to understand could be a strong and steadfast ally.

When his captain came back for him, Gaion was different. He had matured, both intellectually and emotionally. Finally, he was ready for his final test.

But the test came in a way no one could have predicted.

The day before it was scheduled, their ship ran into space pirates, and a battle ensued. The ship was badly damaged, many of the crew had died, and it included their beloved captain. The pirates had gotten away with much of their supplies and fled. What was left of Gaion's people struggled to just survive.

With little food, and little in the way of supplies, the ship, now commanded by Gaion, limped along to the closest planet. The engines were in dire need of repair and going was slow. Gaion was forced to make decisions he did not want to, but for the sake of all of them, he did. The worst of the injured were left untreated, given only comfort care until they perished. There was not enough food, water or air for all of them to survive otherwise.

As he was given notice of yet another no longer alive, he'd wept bitterly, as they all had. Still mourning their losses, Gaion had gotten those he could, safely to a planet.

As they buried their dead in alien soil, he'd sent word to their families. He sat and grieved with his crew. They burrowed underground for the night and snuggled up with each other, and softly sang the songs to honor the dead.

When morning came, Gaion was formally accepted as captain, and the crew began the arduous task of getting their ship repaired. It took a long time, but with trade, hard labor and much sacrifice, they pulled together and made it happen.

Now, as Gaion looked around at his bridge crew, he recalled those desperate days. He had grown with his crew, and they were the most loyal of any ship in the fleet. They would die for him, as they knew he would die for them. His mate had fought to save others. She was a strong female, but she knew the ship and crew came before her own desires. It was her love that drove her on, even when she knew she had sustained an ultimately fatal injury. She fell back and retreated to her nest of offspring for her final battle.

Love. Gaion shook his head. This thing was both weakness and strength. He sighed as they drew into orbit. He had learned the hard way about the width and breadth of love; the giddy weak feeling and the determination that both encompassed and entwined this, that bound this to one's inner self.

"Captain?" The communications officer turned to him.

He nodded to her. "Open a channel."

Once he had secured permission to land in what passed for a spaceport, he felt his muscles tense as he watched the descent in the front view screen.

As some of the crew gathered by the exit door of the ship, he reminded them of caution. They all knew the drill, but it was re-assuring to hear him say it.

The security detail left to guard the ship watched every movement of the passersby. Nothing would get by them, to fail meant the forfeiture of their lives and the lives of everyone they protected.

Gaion stepped out onto the sandy soil. _No good for burrowing_ , he thought. _Too loose_. He took in a deep breath; the air was a bit thin, but acceptable. He set out to wander around the small city.

It didn't take his people long to find the market, and they nosed around looking for bargains. Gaion's top negotiator was hard at work to get them needed bulk supplies, and she always succeeded.

Gaion picked up a few sparkly things he knew would bring a good price on other worlds and added them to his carryall bag. He then sampled some of the foodstuffs; _too bitter, too sweet, ah, acceptable._ He bought what he could use and placed them in his bag as well.

He wandered over to an area where he saw many others had gathered, curious at what had drawn them. It wasn't until he was up close did he recognize what it was; a slave auction.

Gaion watched as a slave trader yanked the unfortunate soul onto the wooden staging area by a rope that was wound around its neck. The animal resisted but could not effectively fight back and was dragged along the floor. Animal was the best description Gaion could come up with. He didn't even know what species it was. It hissed as it fought back, but it was clear that it would be a short battle. The trader drew out a whip and flailed at the poor thing. It cried out in pain as the whip struck flesh. It cowed and whimpered in fear after that.

Slave after slave was sold before Gaion's horrified eyes. Some species he recognized; Altons, Gryzons, and Norridians, and some he didn't. He was about to leave when he saw a pair of humans dragged onto the stage. Neither of them wore a stitch. Gaion judged the female to be of child-bearing age by the size and shape of her breasts. The male was younger than she, but still old enough. He turned, unable to watch anymore. The shouts of bids echoed in his hearing cavities as he walked away.

The effort Gaion made to stifle out the auction left him unfocused to the world around him, and when he came to his senses, he realized with a start that he'd actually gone deeper into the slave market. He shook his head and a soft growl escaped his throat. He was determined to escape this nightmare, but when he forced himself around, his gaze fell on a pitiful creature in an impossibly tiny cage.

A couple of youngsters were poking a stick at it, but the creature held within barely moved. Gaion felt his feet walk closer in spite of himself. The young chuckled with laughter as they raced around the cage poking their sticks at it from different angles. Cheers went up when the creature finally let out a pitiful yelp.

Gaion's stomachs, all three, churned with acid when his mind finally sorted out the scene. It was a small human female. Her hair was matted with mud and debris. The thin cloth barely covered her frame. She was filthy. The cage was so small she had to sit cross-legged within it. She leaned against one side and she let out another yelp as one of the offspring kicked the cage. The other had found a bigger stick and was trying to stab her breast. She offered no fight.

Gaion could stand by no more. He marched angrily to the children. "What are you doing?" he barked.

The children jumped and ran away.

Gaion knelt and peered at her. She was even thinner than he originally thought. Gaion rose when the booth tender came over.

"She's not for sale. She's defective."

"I don't care. Why were you letting those offspring poke at her?"

"I'm just watching over the booth until the owner returns, but I'm telling you, she's not for sale."

"Then why is she here?"

He shrugged. "It amuses the owner. I have some other specimens over here, if you're interested."

Gaion felt his blood pressure rise, and as the booth tender began his sales spiel, the owner returned. "Can I help you?"

Gaion looked at her again, and found himself asking what the price was for her.

"She's not for sale."

"Then why is she here?" Gaion had repeated his earlier inquiry.

"Maybe I just like watching the kids torture her, she's not good for anything else, not anymore. I won her in a game of chance, but when I found out she was worthless, I killed her previous owner."

"I will buy her."

"She's not for sale. I told you."

"Why do you keep her when I will offer you these?" Gaion pulled out some gems he had brought for trading.

The owner's eyes opened wide, money symbols mentally chalked up in his brain. "How many you got?"

Gaion opened his hand more. "Ten gems of good value and clarity."

The owner mentally calculated in his head. The gems were worth 1000 times her value. "Done."

Gaion would not give him the gems until the female was removed from the cage.

She could barely move. The cloth that draped her hung at odd angles, and she wore nothing underneath. She crawled out on hands and knees. Her body was bruised and she smelled bad.

The owner held out his hand for payment. _Greedy son of a grunt-snort_ , Gaion thought. He dropped the gems into his hand, and with a sweeping move, he gently picked her up.

"Good luck with her, you just bought yourself a dead slave."

Gaion peeled off her garment gingerly.

The medic had been called as soon as Gaion hit the ramp. Together, they washed her and then the medic examined her. "She needs more help than I can give her."

"Recall everyone. We take flight as soon as everyone has returned."

The medic dipped her head, and issued the orders.

When everyone had been accounted for and the trade goods loaded, the ship lifted off. Gaion headed for familiar territory at maximum speed.

The medic kept her alive during the journey with pulverized food, watered down enough for her to sip. She tried to make it taste good, but it didn't seem to matter to the female on the table.

Gaion finally found a place that was familiar enough with humans to have her examined. She tried to fight, but she was so weak. The healer thought it best to put her to sleep for the exam, and gave her an injection. She drifted off, but not before her haunted eyes bore a hole into Gaion's soul.

"The prognosis is bad, Gaion. I doubt she'll even survive surgery." The healer handed Gaion the report.

"Please try."

The healer nodded, but he was clearly not hopeful.

So, they spent the next week forcing nutrients into her starved body to build up her strength. Time was of the essence. Her heart was giving out, so to keep her from straining it, they kept her semi sedated.

The healer had her fully sedated on surgery day, and began the procedure.

Gaion waited outside, re-reading the report given to him last week. It wasn't pretty. She'd sustained so many injuries. There was residual evidence of broken bones. Scars crisscrossed her back, and there were odd smaller ones all over her body; hands, arms, legs, and torso. There was evidence of past surgeries, including the removal of her reproductive organ. The reason why was a mystery.

Gaion looked up when he'd heard a noise. The healer came out of the surgical room, and Gaion stood up immediately. "And?"

"She lives."

Gaion exhaled.

"She will need to take medicine for the rest of her life if she wishes to live; otherwise she will be back in this situation."

Gaion nodded.

It didn't take long before that happened. Exactly 2 months later she was back in surgery for the same thing.

"It was missed the first time around. I couldn't see it. My knowledge of humans is good, but not great."

"Will she live?"

"If she takes her medicine, she has a good chance."

Life with Gaion

Zara woke up in a soft, comfortable bed. A dim light illuminated the small room. She was disoriented for a bit while the anesthesia wore off…again.

This was the second time in as many months that she had woken up here, alone.

When her head cleared a bit, she went into the familiar panic she'd always felt upon waking up. She felt all over her body for signs of hurt and pain.

She checked her arms and stomach for signs of new cuts, but she found none. Next, she squeezed her legs together and waited to feel the burning between them, but felt no pain. Her right hip hurt though, right where the leg connected to her body.

She knew from two months ago if she touched there, it would cause pain _. What have they done to me now?_

The tears started to fall; partly from the pain and partly from the fear of what they'd done to her.

The first time she had woken up she felt different. It took her some time to realize that she could breathe easier than before….she couldn't remember how long it had been since she'd been able to take in a full breath. Time no longer meant anything to her.

She was frightened when Gaion had first walked in after her first surgery. She rubbed her eyes to clear away the image, but his image remained. She'd wondered if it was all a dream, but she felt the pain in her hip and knew it wasn't.

"Do you speak?" Gaion had growled.

She shook her head. She didn't speak, but clearly she understood. "I will call you Zara. You are going to live with me."

Tears fell then too. She was in no position to fight or argue. She nodded her head as she had for other masters in her past. She was afraid. If she co-operated, maybe this creature would not hurt her. She nodded her head in submission. She had been "conditioned" to obey. Zara feared the punishment that would come if she did not obey.

Zara; it just another name in a string of names for her. Each new master would call her by whatever they wished; some didn't even bother to give her a name, just a number, or worse, just grabbed her by the hair and dragged her off. _Zara_ , she thought. At least it sounded pleasant.

"Zara? Are you in here? I'm coming to find you!"

Zara snuggled closer to Gaion's female offspring, Zhuli, as they hid from her father.

It had taken many, many months before Zara felt comfortable in her new home. She had inadvertently taught Zhuli the game of hide and seek, and now Zhuli had taught her father.

Zhuli became a friend of sorts to Zara, and Gaion had allowed Zara and Zhuli to play together.

Zhuli was a little rough and scratched Zara the first time they had played. It had caused Zara to bleed profusely. Zhuli had hung her head as her father scolded her fiercely. Zara was so upset, that she crawled on the floor, and begged Gaion not to punish Zhuli.

Gaion assured them both that the scolding was the only punishment being handed out that day, and then tended to Zara's gash. Although he tried his best, he knew there would be yet another scar upon her body.

Zhuli giggled then, and gave away their hiding spot. Gaion came over and found them. Zhuli was young and sometimes forgot that the object of the game was to be successful in hiding from the hunter. But it was all in fun, and Zhuli shrieked as her father picked her up and spun her around. Zara smiled sadly as tiny flashes of distant memories assaulted her mind, of parents long-dead, spinning her around the very same way.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ship life

Zara was cooking her meal. Gaion would return soon, and the computer would take over the ship, so she wanted to be finished when he arrived.

She'd spent the day cleaning the quarters she shared with Gaion and his daughter, Zhuli. Zara stretched her shoulders and tried to loosen the muscles that had tightened up from scrubbing the floors. Her knees told her they weren't happy either, and that she was no longer the young woman she once was.

Once dinner was over and Zara cleaned everything up, she thought that she might set up a bath for herself and soak her tired body. Yes, that sounded like a good idea. Gaion would fall asleep, and Zara would make sure Zhuli was safely tucked into her nest, and she would fill the water pool with hot water and let the worries of the day dissipate.

A whoosh from the doorway, followed by a shriek and a giggle, told Zara they had returned. She glanced at the timekeeper on the wall. _Hmmmm, they are early._

She rubbed her hands on the towel she kept close by, and dropped it on the preparation space.

As she turned, Zhuli nearly knocked her down by running up to her and embracing her around her legs.

"Guess what, Zara?"

Zara smiled. It was good to see Zhuli so happy, but her enthusiasm could be overwhelming sometimes.

"Father said…" The rest of her statement was cut off. Gaion covered her mouth with his paw.

"I said not to tell until after dinner."

"But I'm too excited to wait!"

Gaion chuckled. He knew there was no stopping her. "Go on then."

Zhuli poured out the words as fast as she could, and bounced on her feet. "And afterwards, he said, we could play in the green wood nearby."

Gaion had planned a planetary stop for rest and fun, and Zhuli was very happy. She knew little of planetary life, having spent much of it onboard the ship, so whenever an opportunity came her way to take leave planet-side, she loved it.

Gaion chuckled again, and steered his offspring away from the cooking smells so they could prepare themselves for dinner.

As usual, Gaion tried whatever Zara had been cooking. He gave her a toothy grin, nodded, and swallowed the morsel. "Interesting flavor."

Zara smiled at his polite gesture, but she knew him well enough by now to know that he was only being polite this time.

Zara pulled apart the meat she'd cooked, while Gaion and Zhuli swallowed their dinner of live fish; a treat for them. Gaion frowned as Zhuli splashed the water around; her paw snaking around the bowl in an attempt to catch the last one.

"Like this." Gaion demonstrated.

In a concentrated effort, Zhuli plunged her paw down into the water. As science knows once space is taken up by something, the water had to go somewhere else; displacement was a fact of physics. And it did….all over Zara!

In a rare occurrence, Zara let out a startled yelp, as the cool water doused her. She jumped up, and knocked over her plate.

It was a sight to behold; Gaion aghast with his mouth open, Zara stood dripping water and Zhuli with her dark eyes wide open.

Zara stared at Zhuli for a second. Zhuli looked about as embarrassed as she could get, and extended her mitt to Zara, with the fish still squirming around in it.

Zara started to laugh, which set the others off too. Zara waved off the offer of the fish, so Zhuli plunked it in her mouth and swallowed it whole.

 _Well, I wanted a bath!_ Zara thought ruefully. _But not like this…oh well.._

* * *

The hot water felt good. Hopefully, it would remove the fishy smell from Zara's skin. The heat melted the knots in her muscles, and she relaxed.

The air was cool, as it always was when the ship entered the night cycle, but Zara didn't mind. She was used to it.

When she'd had enough, she set the water to drain, and emerged from the pool. She dried off as the water swirled downward. It would be recycled by the reclaimer and used again. On the ship, water was too precious of a commodity to have it lying around and wasted. Everything was recycled.

As she dried herself off, her mind drifted off to the past. She had vague memories of being at a lake. Some fuzzy images of people and the water in the background, loud voices, and feeling scared. She shook it off. Was it real? Or was it a dream? She didn't know.

She pulled on her underwear and then her nightgown. It was warm and soft against her skin.

Gaion had burnt the rags she was clothed in, and sent the ashes out the airlock. He had literally nothing to dress her in when she first arrived, so she spent the week wrapped in an old blanket Zhuli had discarded.

The nightgown was the first actual clothing she had received in over a decade. No one cared enough to buy her anything, so she remained in the rags she wore from her previous master.

Shaking off the memories, she slipped out the door of Gaion's quarters.

* * *

Recreation

Zhuli scowled at her father, and then looked down at her paws. "Like this?" She raked her claws over the soil so fast the dirt went flying behind her.

Gaion was teaching her to build a burrow for the overnight sleeping.

Zara sat on a fallen tree and watched.

All those not assigned to guard duty would burrow underground to sleep. It was a welcome diversion from space travel.

There was a lake nearby, and plenty of fresh fish and prey to eat. Some had gone off to hunt and bring back some food.

Zara would not sleep underground. The fear in her eyes when Gaion had suggested it had squashed all further conversation on the subject. On top of that, she was not built for the task of crawling on her belly, whereas Gaion's people could navigate the tunnels on all fours quite efficiently.

Bipedal and upright by day, they retained the capability to revert to fours like their distant ancestors, for the acts of mating, and burrowing.

Sighing, Zara slipped off the log, and began making a fire pit to cook her dinner. She wandered only as far as she needed to gather some wood. She arranged the wood inside the pit and set it ablaze using a tool Gaion purchased for her.

She sat down to cook the fish she'd caught earlier.

A couple of days here would do everyone's soul some good.

Tomorrow the crew would change places and allow those standing guard tonight to have time off. It was the routine and Zara knew it by heart.

She sat back against a rock, one leg folded, and the other stretched out. Her right leg had never seemed to be quite right after the two surgeries she underwent. The leg just wouldn't straighten out without some discomfort. She never complained, except when the pain was so sharp she couldn't contain a small yelp. It didn't happen often, and so she hid it from the others. She was grateful just to be alive.

She rotated the stick she held to cook the other side of the fish. Gaion had had the lake and fish tested before he had let her go off fishing. He wanted to make sure it was safe for her to eat.

She'd gathered some things and made a make-shift fishing pole to use. Gaion had laughed when he saw it, and then dove into the water from the bank, followed by others. They caught fish by hand.

Once the group had emerged with fish, and the water settled down, Zara was rewarded with two fish!

Gaion hid his smile, but secretly he was proud of her survival skills. She was a strong female, and she reminded Gaion so much of the mate he'd lost. They shared many of the same traits.

* * *

Dreams

 _The crying and screaming went unheeded as he dragged her away from her parents' dead bodies. She twisted and tried to free herself from the grip that held her arm fast._

 _Tears streaked down her little cheeks, but she ignored them as she beat her tiny fist against her captor._

" _STOP IT!" He shook her, but she continued to cry._

" _They are dead, you hear me? Dead! You're mine now."_

Zara woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and shivering. She peered into the dim light that came from the other room. It took her a moment to recover from the dream.

Finally, her breathing slowed and she got up to get a drink from the cold storage unit. She sat on the nearby chair and let out a deep breath.

It had been a while since she'd last had a bad dream, but she knew it was because she was alone tonight. It felt lonely without Gaion there.

Her mind drifted back to her slave girl days, when she and all the other girls would cuddle together for warmth and the illusion of safety at night. Master could, and did, burst into their room in the middle of the night, grab a girl at random, and haul her away. She shivered at the memory. Sometimes, it had been her. She failed to hold back another shiver.

She didn't want to go back to sleep, so she slipped out and walked the ship. It was going to be a long night.

She soon found herself sitting by the fire outside, her head dipping and then springing up. Her body needed sleep, but her mind was still fearful.

She watched a guard walking the perimeter. No one would get by them. They would die to protect each other. It made her feel better, but still she could not rest.

Dawn was imminent. Her eyes detected the subtle change in light. Reluctantly, she stood, and went back to the ship. Her body could not be denied any longer.

* * *

The Woods

Gaion lead the two females into the woods. The sun was bright and it was warm. Zhuli stomped on the shadows made by the tree leaves on the ground to amuse herself. Zara just walked leisurely, letting her gaze fall on whatever there was to see.

After walking awhile, the trio came to a clearing. Gaion and Zhuli headed straight for some large rocks protruding from the soil. They got into the weirdest positions and let the afternoon sun warm them.

Too much sun was no good for Zara however. She'd been forced to spend time out in the heat, and under the merciless sun. So, she quickly took shelter under the trees.

When it became apparent that neither Gaion nor Zhuli were going to get back up any time soon, Zara got bored and began to wander around. She didn't stray far, she never did, but today something caught her eye, and she wandered further away. _What is that?_ She ventured further to get a better view.

She eased her way through some bushes, but because of the denseness she didn't see the drop off. Her foot found nothing but air, and down she slid!

Her cry for help froze in her throat, and by the time her shocked mind processed her situation, she had gone all the way down.

Dazed and confused, the world around her slowly came back into focus.

She had scrapes and scratches all over, some even tearing her clothes and leaving ragged edges. She was lucky that it wasn't worse.

Painfully, she rolled over and began trying to make the climb back up. She got so far and stopped to rest, only to slide partway back down.

She kept trying but she'd only succeed in gaining a few feet at a time.

Meanwhile, back on top, Gaion and Zhuli awoke to find her gone and a feeling akin to panic blossomed in Gaion's heart.

"ZARA!" He called out, hoping she would just appear out of nowhere. She did not.

Down near the bottom, Zara could hear the shouts, but every time she tried to raise her voice, her throat constricted. Her mind flashed back to horrible punishments, and she tried to shake them off. She desperately needed to get back up the hill.

She clawed as the soil frantically when she heard Gaion call again. It seemed farther away! Her breathing shot up, and her heart rate skyrocketed.

The scream she'd been trying to let out finally came….and she collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

Her eyes opened slowly. Gaion was looking down at her. She sat up too quickly and felt a bit dizzy. Her hand flew to her forehead and she turned pale at the nauseous feeling.

"You sat up too fast, now relax and let me take care of you."

Gaion had been the only creature to treat her gently, kindly, and with respect. She had come to care for him, as he nursed her back to health. He was here now, taking care of her once again.

During three years he kept her, he had tried to find doctors who would help to heal her body, help erase the scar tissue from her flesh. Some procedures were more successful than others, but she finally begged him to stop. She didn't want all the scars to go away. She knew it was the ones that couldn't be seen that would be the ones that stayed with her, and she wanted to keep some that she could see, as a reminder of her survival.

She had learned to cook, and often did so in Gaion's cabin. He would try her offerings even though he felt doubtful, (but he would never have admitted that to her.) He brought her to marketplaces when she had attained enough courage to face up to them. (Crowds frightened her.)

He'd walk her by booths and tell her to pick out whatever food she wanted. He then paid for it.

Gaion's people rarely cooked their food, but she didn't learn that until much later.

When Gaion lost his mate, he was in a terrible state of grief. She had given her life so that her youngest child would survive. She had defended her nest against the predators that had attacked them. The ship had been boarded and all of her brood had perished in the fight, save one, a female.

Gaion had no way of returning her to a colony right away, so he did his best to carry on. By the time they were close enough to a planet, he had already begun the process of learning how to raise her, and even he felt surprise in his decision to keep her.

The burrowing portion of his people, those who scorned leaving their native soil, scowled at his decision. _It wasn't natural_ , they said **.** _Give her up. Do the right thing. Males aren't capable of raising young, especially female offspring._ It was unheard of, but Gaion was steadfast in his decision. It had started him on the path to the four hardest years of his life.

His grief was raw at first, as grief always is, but in focusing first on his young daughter and then on the fragile human female he had bought, cared for, and freed, he learned much more about himself than he could ever express.

So, when the day finally came that he laughed for the first time, he was surprised. Zara had turned his grief and pain into laughter and joy. Zara had overcome her own painful past and she had healed him, without him even realizing it. He sat then stunned by the revelation, and tears leaked out of his large, dark eyes.

Zhuli ran to her father in distress to find out what was wrong. He assured her that he was fine, and he picked her up and spun her through the air until she squealed with delight.

That night as he put Zhuli to sleep in her nest, he told her that he loved her. It was the first time he had spoken those words to any of his children, and in his heart he felt all of his mate's love for him. It was all he could say before emotion choked off further words.

As he crawled into his own nest, he pulled Zara to him, and relished the heat of her warm-blooded body. How fortunate he was indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

The Slave Girl

Chapter 3

The Battlestar Galactica

Smoke and dust settled over the bridge of the Galactica. Adama heard coughing from several crewmembers, including the second in command, Colonel Tigh.

"Are you all right, Tigh?" Commander Adama asked in concern.

He nodded, coughed a couple more times. "I'll be fine. There are people who need more help than I do."

Dr. Salik was already picking his way around the bridge debris, checking out the crew, and ordered those most severely injured to Life Center. He wished he could send them all, but only the worst would be sent. Those that remained would be patched up to work at their stations until the next shift, and hopefully there would be someone to relieve them.

"How are we doing?" Adama looked over Salik's shoulder at the crew.

"Most are just minor injuries, but I sent three to Life Center with more severe wounds. We were lucky this time. We sure did take a beating this time."

"She's a good ship, she'll hold up."

Salik exchanged glances with Adama. They were old friends, and they knew what the other was thinking. How many more times could she pull through?

Adama patted the good doctor on the shoulder, and moved back to his chair. He had to clean a bit of debris from it, and sat heavily down onto it.

Tigh stepped up. "We're getting reports from all over the ship now."

Adama swung his chair in Tigh's direction. "How bad is it?"

"It looks like we got the worst of it up here."

"Keep me posted."

When it became possible, Adama left the bridge and toured the other damaged areas of the ship. Repairs were underway already, but it was evident, supplies were growing slim.

Even in Life Center, where the medical technicians treated the wounded, medical supplies were also running low. Salik tried to look hopeful, but Adama knew it was just a matter of time now before they ran out completely. They had to have new supplies, but from where would they get them? And what would they trade for them? They were already running at a bare minimum in trade goods.

"It's that bad?" Adama asked Salik.

"Yes, Adama. We need to look for any human colonies for supplies before it's too late."

"It's a big risk exposing ourselves to human colonies and it might give the Cylons a chance to catch us, or find them."

"If we don't, we don't stand a chance."

Adama sighed. "All right, I'll have our patrols scout any possibilities that come up on our long range scans."

For the next three sectons, (weeks to you and me), viper patrols searched the human colonies and other places that had been detected where they might get supplies. A couple offered nothing, a third had less than they did, but the fourth place at least offered hope.

Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Boomer gave their report to Adama and Tigh on the bridge.

"Apparently, there's a ship that stops there occasionally according to the local townsfolk. They trade with them, but haven't seen them in a while, and they are due to arrive soon. They say that these folks might help us, but they don't have a way to communicate with them."

"How do the townsfolk know they are coming?" Tigh asked.

"There's a trade route that this ship follows, and it just shows up now and again."

"That isn't very much help to us, son." Adama commented.

"I know, but if we could only send out a cry of aid, they might hear us."

"And it would bring the Cylons right to us."

"I know the risk, but this ship is due, and it might just be close by."

"We can't take that chance."

"Blue Squadron will keep on searching, Father. Maybe we'll get lucky. I'll schedule some long-distance patrols, rotate everyone around, hopefully we can make contact."

Blue Squadron made their best efforts; each patrol however, came up empty.

Adama would encourage his son, Apollo, with a "next time", and a pat on his shoulder, but things were looking rather grim.

A few more Cylon hit and runs later, Adama began to feel the pinch himself. He ordered the temperature lowered in all compartments; less engine work conserved fuel. Blankets were scarce on the ship, and everyone had to pitch in to help.

It wasn't easy, but it had to be done.

"Father! I'm getting a strange transmission. Several of the smaller ships towards the rear are getting it too. Everyone is calling it in."

"Athena, send it up to my station." Adama sat down and adjusted his headset to match the frequency his daughter had indicated.

Adama listened intently to the transmission being broadcast for a few microns, (moments), and then joined his daughter at her work station. "What frequency is that?"

"That's just it, Father. It's not a military channel, and it's not in the range of most of our civilian channels."

"Can you clean it up any?"

Athena's hands flew over the console. "I'm afraid this is about as good as I can get it. We haven't used anything in this range for a long time."

Adama listened again.

"Boomer is very good at the older frequencies, Father. Maybe he could play around with it?"

He shook his head. _No, there might not be time_ , he thought. "Tigh! Send Blue Squadron to investigate, discreetly, please, and give Boomer a heads up on this."

As Tigh directed the squadron with their new orders, a sizable ship approached the ragtag convoy warily from the rear of the fleet.

The design was nothing like the Colonists had ever seen before. All the small ships that had side view ports were filled with people fighting for a glimpse, all those who weren't frightened to death at a possible new enemy. Chaos reigned as this new mysterious craft passed by them.

Apollo led the squadron expertly, using his experience as a pilot. Some of the newer members voiced their surprise at this intruder.

"Keep the chatter down! I'm going to try something." He switched channels to contact the bridge. "What frequency did you say it was broadcasting on, Athena?"

Athena supplied the information, and Apollo immediately switched to it. "Here goes nothing."

Tense microns, (seconds), passed and a crackle was heard over Apollo's headset, followed by a voice. Not quite human sounding, but it spoke Basic. "I have received information that you are looking for supplies. I was told a great convoy of ships had passed and needed aid. Tell me what it is you require. I am Gaion of the Nomadic People of the Burrows. I command this ship."

Taking a huge chance Apollo decided to reply. "I am Apollo of the…..Stars. We need medical aid, food, and other supplies. Who sent you?" He actually felt sort of silly, but did not wish to reveal where he was really from.

"We trade with the People of the Four Moons. I was told you stopped there in search of help."

The planet with the four moons was the planet Apollo saw hope on. He sighed audibly. "Yes, yes. We very much could use anything you have to spare."

"To whom shall I speak?"

"I'll contact my father, one micron, please."

Gaion shook his head. _Micron?_ He did not know what this was, but he waited patiently for Apollo to come back on the line.

"If you'll follow me, I'll show you the way, Gaion."

"I will follow."

Blue Squadron escorted the unusual ship next to the Galactica, where it could be fired upon should something go horribly wrong.

"Apollo of the Star People, we are in place. I have a small craft that will be used to come aboard. Please send the specifics of your atmosphere and temperature. I will need to know what gear I need, if any."

Apollo didn't need to relay the information; Athena radioed that she was already compiling it and sending it.

"Ah! I have it on my console already. You are human?"

"Yes, we're human."

"I like humans. Your people are very… interesting."

Apollo shivered. He didn't know why, it just gave him a chill. There was something in the way Gaion said it, that made Apollo feel uneasy.

Half the squadron landed along with the small craft that emerged from the alien vessel. It hardly looked bigger than a viper, and it surely looked harmless enough. It was not any sort of fighter vessel that Apollo had ever seen. It was squat and boxy, clearly not built for speed or maneuvering.

It landed lightly, as an insect would, on the deck of the great ship.

Commander Adama had sent over instructions as to what the visitor could expect, so that he was prepared. Neither Adama, nor any of the others, were prepared for what they were about to see.

Clustered together, the Colonial warriors peered intently as the door slowly opened and out stepped the lone figure. He/it appeared reptilian, and wore a dark robe of some sort. The edges of his face were gently angled, almost pleasant. Large, solid black eyes blinked once.

"I am Gaion of the Nomadic People of the Burrows, and leader of my tribe."

"I am Commander Adama. This is my son, Captain Apollo."

"Son?" The eyes blinked once. "Ah, yes, your offspring. I have several offspring myself; all but one has left the nest."

Adama smiled uncertainly and blinked several times. "If you'll follow me, please. As I instructed, you'll have to go through a decontamination procedure to protect your people and mine."

"Yes, yes. Will you join me so we can talk?"

"I don't usually, but I will stay in view."

"Of course." Gaion stepped in and the door closed behind him.

A few minutes later it was deemed safe enough for him to come out.

"I'll show you around, and we'll discuss things." Adama led the way.

Gaion sipped gingerly at the glass Adama had filled for him. It looked so fragile in his clawed hand. They had ended the brief tour and gone to Adama's quarters to talk.

"It's good. What do you call it again?"

"Ambrosa. My people make it."

An unsettling sharp-toothed grin appeared on Gaion's face.

"So, do you think you can help us?"

"What you propose Adama is a tremendous request."

"We have tremendous need."

"I see that. You have so many to feed."

"And the conditions on the Galactica are better than on most of the civilian ships."

"And these Cylons you speak of, they are following you?"

"Yes, if we could just lose them long enough, we would be in better shape."

"Do they pose a threat to us here?"

"They may eventually, but I can't say for sure."

"I see…" His tone was so thoughtful, Adama was suddenly concerned that Gaion would change his mind and leave. "I'll warn our other ships and at the same time see what supplies might be available."

Adama let out his breath. "I thought you would change your mind."

"I told your offspring that I like humans. Your species is entertaining."

Adama raised one eyebrow. "Entertaining?"

Gaion laughed, but to Adama's ears it sounded like a rough and scratchy bark. "I have been to many places in my lifetime. I have met many species, some more developed than others, some more violent than others, but I have never met another species quite like yours. Your people of the Stars have much intelligence, and yet, use it so unwisely."

"I cannot apologize for the actions of others…"

Gaion stopped him with a clawed hand. "I do not look for excuses or apologies from you. There are more than a few notable exceptions to your species, and that is why I came to help you."

Gaion stood up. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must return to the warmth of my ship. It is cold here for me. The temperature dips at night on my world and my species still follow our planetary cycle. We hibernate in the chill of night, so if you do not get an answer from me, that is why. It soon will be time to rest, and time for my pet to roam."

"Your pet?"

"Yes, my pet. She dislikes the heat and humidity my people enjoy. Her time is the night when the temperature goes down. She will remain with me a while and then she will roam the ship."

"I see. I hope she won't get lost."

"Oh no! I've had her for three years and she knows quite well our routine. She's a very clever girl. Once in a while, I let my youngest offspring play with her. You see, when my mate died unexpectedly four years ago, it left me with a female offspring. Usually, males of my species have nothing to do with raising them, but I had little choice at the time. I could not bring her to a place where the offspring could be looked after properly, so I kept her with me. It filled the time, I must admit and I learned so much that I had never known. And yet, I still felt the void left by my mate's death. Many on my ship suggested I look for a pet. I resisted at first, like most, but it has been very good for us both. My pet is very gentle with my offspring. More often do I have to chastise my offspring, as my pet is very fragile."

"I see. Well, I won't keep you. I'll show you to the landing bay."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Negotiation and Information

The next day, Gaion returned with a larger shuttle and a shipment of supplies. "I am quite embarrassed. As I have already engaged in trade with the People of the Four Moons, my supplies are low."

"We appreciate anything you can spare. By the way, we haven't yet settled on a price."

"Commander Adama, these meager supplies are for free. I have a call out to a sister ship that I am going to meet. I will return with a much larger quantity."

"Yes, well, I appreciate this very much, but we still haven't discussed what you what in trade."

"I will think over all that you offered yesterday until I return. Then we shall sit and finalize our trade."

"Alright." Adama felt a growing uneasiness in his gut, but pleasantly bid Gaion farewell until he could come back with more.

"I will return in a few days. I will use the frequency provided to me, until then Adama."

Gaion returned to his ship and Adama watched on the monitor as it disappeared out of range.

Adama ordered the supplies decontaminated, sorted and distributed as far as they would go. This nagging feeling pestered Adama and he wondered what it could mean.

Adama stood open-mouthed at the bounty Gaion brought, much more than he could ever have hoped for, much more than he felt he could pay for, and a stabbing feeling entered his gut. What kind of payment would Gaion demand for all this? He smiled at Gaion to hide his anxiety.

Meanwhile, Gaion watched as the colonists unloaded yet another round of supplies.

"This is amazing, Gaion. I didn't think it would be so much."

"I met up with several of our ships and we traded goods for some of it and some was donated to the People of the Stars by our sister ships for you. We had to stack the crates in the hallways as we ran out of room in our cargo areas, but it is all for a good cause."

"I think we should talk about the price."

"Come then, we will sit and talk."

In Adama's quarters, they sipped 1Ambrosia. "I am beginning to like this. Could we perhaps have some in trade?"

"By all means, whatever we can spare."

"I have also brought metal for you to make repairs. I hope it will be compatible."

"That wasn't on our list of immediate needs…"

"Do not worry my friend, I am not asking for you to pay for things you did not ask for."

"But Gaion…"

"No buts, Commander, it is my gift to you. I feel you are a good man. I am wrong then about you?"

Adama opened his mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say.

"Will you show me some of your other ships, the ones these supplies will go to?"

"Of course."

Gaion stood open-mouthed at the deplorable conditions he saw. People lived in cramped bunks, no quarters to speak of, just wards. Children slept on the decks, with only threadbare blankets to comfort them. And cold! Gaion nearly went into his hibernating state.

He was grateful to go back onto Adama's relatively warm shuttle.

"I am ashamed Adama." Gaion hung his scaly head down.

"Ashamed? What could you possibly be ashamed about?"

"I did not bring enough."

"You brought more than was expected and I'm ashamed to say, more than I think we can pay for."

"I am not worried about the payment. It is yours. Spare me all the ambrosia you have. I will accept that."

"I cannot accept such generosity. You and your people have sacrificed a lot with all this."

"Let me tell you a story. Yes?"

Adama nodded.

"First, let me ask you. Your mate, I have not met her."

"She died the night the Cylons attacked, along with my youngest son."

Gaion emitted a cry of pain. "A mate and an offspring, on the same day?"

"Yes."

"I have told you I have one offspring not yet old enough to leave the nest."

"Yes."

"She is young and not yet mature. I have other offspring, but they rarely send messages. They have their own lives and families now, and have no time for me. You are lucky your offspring are close."

Adama smiled.

"I knew nothing about raising offspring, but she taught me a lot."

"Children have a way of teaching us parents a thing or two."

Gaion laughed his scratchy, throaty laugh. "Yes, they do. I learned a lot, but what I learned most of all were things about myself."

Adama nodded in agreement.

"My people mate for life when we take a mate. When mine died, I was inconsolable. I was filled with thoughts about what to do with my offspring. I was not close enough to any of our colonies to drop her off and have her raised properly, so I kept her. I have said this before."

Adama nodded again.

Gaion emitted what Adama took to be a heavy sigh. "I was grief stricken over the loss of my mate. Oh, there were others I could have picked from, but I was not ready. About a year passed. I took my people to many worlds where we would engage in trade, re-supply, have time to renew our spirits. Although my people travel among the stars, we are people of the land, and to be away from it for too long…" Gaion shuddered.

"Our spirits live in the soil. We need it to feel alive. The roughness, the smell, the cleanness of the soil; it is where our lives began and where we feel we belong. All this time, I was encouraged to look for a new mate, or at least a pet to entertain my offspring and me. I resisted, as I have said before. One day, I took the ship far away; farther than we had been, in a new quadrant none of us had ever explored. I gave leave to my people and we all began to see what there was to see."

Gaion sipped at his glass gingerly. It looked so out of place in his unwieldy, clawed hand. He smiled a fearsome, toothy grin.

"I went into the village where there appeared to be a marketplace. I wandered around. There were selling many things, things I had never seen. I bartered some items. Communicating was easier than I had expected; they spoke many languages there. Anyway, I wandered into a strange looking area of the marketplace. It took me quite a long time to realize what exactly they were selling, and it churned my stomachs."

"What were they selling?" Adama sat forward now, not wanting to miss the answer.

"Slaves. Slaves in all manner of species, gender, and age. Many were beaten, hungry, chained; it sickened me." Gaion paused to collect himself. "I was about to turn and leave but something caused me to go forward. I could not help myself. I watched in horror as slaves were bargained for and sold, to be taken away to who knows where. In the middle of the street, I turned slowly in a circle; their despair was so evident. And then I saw her."

"Who?"

"A female locked in a cage off the main trading space. I wandered over to inquire about her. I was told she was not for sale, as she was, "defective". The creature there was just keeping an eye on the "stock" while the owner went for food and trade; he would return soon. So, I waited, and while I waited, this creature endeavored to sell me a slave. Anyway, the owner returned and I further inquired of the female I had spotted. She was indeed "broken" and he kept her caged because it amused him, because she was sick, he could not sell her as merchandise. I was determined to acquire her, for what reason, I could not even explain to myself. The more adamant he was about not selling her, the more I wanted to save this pathetic little creature. Finally, we agreed on a price. I paid immediately."

Gaion took a deep breath. "This female had been abused clearly. She crawled out of the cage, slowly, painfully. She had bruises all over her. Her face was dirty, and thin! My goodness, she was half starved. I was handed the chain that connected to her collar. She was terrified. I was wished luck with her, as she was not expected to live long. My heart broke for this little thing. She was so weak, and her breath came raggedly. She sounded like she would die right there and then. It pained her just to breathe. I picked her up in my arms and carried her. She smelled awful, but I got her to the ship. She went through decontamination with me. She stayed in the corner, her eyes full of fear. Her covering was so ragged it barely covered her. I got her cleaned up after we were done and removed her collar. I tried to decide what she would eat, but it wasn't necessary. She ate everything I put before her."

"I guess she was very hungry."

"Feeding her didn't seem to be a priority for her previous owner, as she was not expected to live long, so why waste perfectly good food?"

"The Lords of Kobol…" Adama shook his head in sorrow.

"Once we got her cleaned up, I realized I was in over my head. The bruises were more extensive than I thought. She needed medical care, and soon. We left this place and I headed us out at top speed. I contacted several planets, but few had the kind of help we needed. They just didn't have the knowledge. As I had taken us far away from home, it took a long time to return. I did not know if she would survive long enough. While we raced to seek help, I began the long journey to understanding her. That was three years ago."

"What happened to her?"

Gaion smiled wide. "She is my pet. I kept her and she is alive and doing well."

"But not a slave?"

"Oh no! Not a slave. She comes and goes, walks all around the ship, and even sits by my side on the command deck. She is clever, and smart, and has learned a lot. And I have learned a lot from her. She was like a newborn offspring. I had to learn to take care of her; what she ate, how to make her comfortable, and I had to learn what her expressions meant."

"Her expressions?"

"This one meant she was afraid, this one for when she was hungry, the one that meant she had to relieve herself, the one for pain, and eventually, the one that said she was content."

Adama was envisioning a daggit, like the one Boxey lost. "It must be rewarding to know you've won her trust."

"It does, and yet, it saddens me." Gaion's expression abruptly changed.

"Why?"

"Because it is time she was returned to her own kind. I am now ready to take another mate. A new mate will not tolerate her in our nest. She sleeps in my bed, she comforts me, and she is warm and soft. We like our females soft and round." Gaion made a circling gesture around his body and chuckled. "Perhaps I fed her too much."

Adama chuckled, and nodded.

"I must find someone to give her to, someone who will not abuse her or hit her, someone who will not starve her or chain her, someone who will love her as I have come to love her."

Adama wondered exactly what this female pet of his looked like. "Why don't you just set her free among her own kind and perhaps she will find her own way?"

"NO! I CANNOT!" Gaion raged at the thought, and Adama recoiled. "I am apologizing. I MUST know that she is safe. You must understand this. She cannot be set free; she must be kept. I believe she is incapable of living on her own. She has spent so many years in captivity; she cannot fend for herself. I have to know that she is cared for. She has spent these last three years helping me to heal…" Gaion broke off, too emotional to continue.

Adama blinked several times. He debated whether or not to offer some comfort to him. "I miss my mate and my offspring very much. It has been over a yahren and I still weep for them."

"I ask you this. Does your species mate for life?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes we separate."

"When we choose a mate, we have no other choice; we are bonded forever in every way. It rips us apart inside when a mate is lost."

"For us too."

"You feel loss, pain, but for us, it is like losing ourselves."

"It can be like that for us as well."

"And you are not ready for another mate?"

"No."

"You are a good man, Adama. You work tirelessly for the good of your people, yet you neglect yourself. You are the one, I know it."

"The one?"

"You are the right man to give my pet to. I know you will care for her, and cherish her, with all your heart."

"Oh, now, wait one micron…"

"Consider her a gift."

"Gaion…"

"Consider her care as payment for your supplies. I will transfer all of her medicine, clothing and food, and she can live here."

"Hold on! I can't agree to this."

"You must, please. She must go back to her own kind."

Adama opened his mouth to protest further, but when Gaion's words finally sank into his thick skull, he stopped. "What do you mean?" Adama's stomach fluttered precariously, and he suddenly felt sick.

"Come to my ship and meet her."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Zara

The moment Adama stepped onto the deck of Gaion's ship he gulped for air. They stepped into the decontamination chamber together. It was stifling!

Sweat beaded up furiously on Adama's skin. His clothes were way too warm for the atmosphere, and before he could get out of the chamber, sweat was dripping into his eyes.

The door opened and the males stepped out.

Gaion had removed all of his garments, wearing only a loincloth loosely tied about his waist.

Together, they toured the ship. No one wore garments, just the loincloths similar to Gaion's.

Adama tried to identify the males from the females. Gaion laughed raucously when he guessed wrong, making Adama's face feel even more flushed.

"It is difficult to an untrained eye to tell the difference. Some females are lighter in color, but not all, depending on their bloodline. Some females are short, but mostly we are the same size." Gaion leaned over to whisper. "Mating is quite physical."

Adama smiled, somewhat embarrassed.

"Do you wish to meet her now? I have been letting her cool the temperature in my quarters while I am away. It will be more to your liking in there."

"Alright." Adama didn't know what to expect and braced himself for the worst.

"I will go in first so that she is not alarmed, and then I will come out to get you."

Adama nodded while Gaion stepped inside. He adjusted his clothing in vain. Under his arms, down his back and chest, and between his legs were wet from sweating. The heat and humidity were stifling. Steam practically rose from the floor.

Gaion stuck his head out. "Come."

The moment Adama stepped in, he felt the temperature change. It was delightfully cooler. Gaion, he noticed, had donned a warm robe.

The living space was quite pleasant to look at, and very spacious. Adama guessed it might be twice his own living space.

"This is the common room." Gaion gestured to Adama. The moment he stepped in, his stomach dropped. When her eyes met his, shock and fear registered on her face.

"Come, my pet." Gaion extended an arm. The human female rose and clung to his side.

Adama swallowed hard. The rescued pet was a human being! All sorts of emotions churned in Adama.

She was a head shorter than Adama, blonde, and as well fed as Gaion had indicated.

"Sit, my friend, make yourself at home."

Adama found a comfortable spot and sat down.

"This is Zara. She is my pet. Well, I call her my pet. She is truly my companion."

Adama managed a polite smile and nodded his head at her.

While she clung to Gaion like a child, she kept her eyes on Adama.

"She has rarely seen any of her own kind these past three years. I do not know of her past."

"She hasn't told you anything?"

"She does not speak. She has not spoken a single word of language since I rescued her. She does understand everything we say."

"She doesn't talk? Why not?"

"I do not know, but I have my theory."

"How does she communicate?"

"You will learn as I did."

"Oh, now, wait a micron. I haven't agreed to this."

"And what else would you have me do, Commander?"

Adama couldn't answer.

"It is settled then." Adama opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off. Gaion stood up, bringing the human female with him. "I will begin the transfer of her personal things to your ship and she will go to live with you."

Zara's eyes grew wide and she exhibited distress; fidgeting, tugging at Gaion's arm, shaking her head no. Her arms circled about him, not wanting to let go. She had terror in her eyes. Adama's stomach no longer fluttered, it felt like it would catch on fire.

Her clothes, if you could those clothes, shifted about in her distress. She was decently covered, but the clothing was loose, due to the high temps and humidity of the ship.

Gaion took her hands in his. "These people are your kind, it is best that you go to them."

She shook her head, her expression became desperate.

"Look, my pet. Commander Adama is a good man. Look at him."

Her head turned briefly. Adama caught her terrified glance. Tears had begun to drip down her cheeks.

Gaion continued to convince her that this was best, but she wasn't having any of it.

Adama didn't know what to do. The female looked to Gaion, frozen in place by fear.

"He is going to take care of you my pet. He will treat you kindly, and give you a warm place to sleep, good food to eat, and you will be his companion, just like you were my companion."

Adama wanted to comfort her somehow, reassure her, but didn't know what to do for her. The decision was soon taken out of his control.

Gaion held her forearms and shook her gently. "Listen to me. I am giving you away to this man. You will obey him as you would me. Is that understood?" Gaion felt he must be stern.

She stood there shaking. Sniffles began along with ragged breathing.

Adama intervened. "Don't frighten her; can't you see she's already terrified enough? Perhaps this isn't the right thing to do…"

"It is! She cannot be here when I take a new mate. It will not be tolerated."

"Maybe there's another solution…"

"No! There is none." Gaion turned back to Zara. "You will go with this man, I order you. I cannot keep you any longer." He pushed her to Adama. She still wasn't having it.

"You have to go! I….I…. I don't want you any longer." He pushed her away again.

This time she just stared at Gaion in disbelief. Tears began rolling down in full force now.

"GO!" Gaion pointed towards the door. "Out with you! I will send over your things, now go."

Gaion wanted her to leave before he began to show emotion over the situation. He didn't want her to go, but he had no choice. A new mate would have his pet locked up and dumped off at the nearest rock, habitable or not.

Adama put his hand gently on her shoulder to steer her away from Gaion. "Come on."

Crying in silence, she shuffled her bare feet along the floor and let Adama guide her down to the landing bay.

Her manner of dress and mere presence raised more than a couple of eyebrows among the pilots of Adama's shuttle. Neither Boomer nor Sheba were going to ask.

Once on the shuttle, she quieted down a bit, too terrified to even cry. She was heart-broken.

She trembled all the way to the Galactica. Adama sympathized with her, but did not know what he could really do.

Upon landing, he brought her through the process of decontamination. She was compliant, but she huddled into the furthest corner from him.

He had a blanket brought over to wrap her in, and then he led her up to Life Center.

"Dr. Salik, this is Zara. Don't ask. Just make sure she is examined." As Adama turned to leave, she followed him.

"You are staying here; the doctor is going to take a look at you."

She shook her head no.

"You must stay here."

Again, she shook her head no, and this time, she grabbed onto his arm.

Adama disengaged her hands, but she regained her grip.

He tried again, but she grabbed back onto him.

After many attempts, medical staff had to restrain her.

Crying, kicking and screaming, they pulled her away from Adama.

* * *

"And in the end, I wound up having to sedate her, Adama. She tried to bite me! Where did she come from? Are you going to tell me now?"

Adama sighed and began to relate the whole story to Dr. Salik. When he was finished, all Salik could do was to shake his head in disbelief.

"How did she survive I wonder?"

Adama's only reply was to shrug his shoulders.

The two men looked at one another. Finally, Adama asked how she was doing.

"Well, I found out she has a heart condition."

"A heart condition? How bad is it?"

"Someone operated on her, I'd say within the last few yahrens. They inserted some sort of braces into a major artery in her heart. They cannot be removed."

"Gaion admitted she was very sick when he bought her. I didn't realize it was this bad. Is she going to be all right?"

"If they hadn't operated, she would have died. I can give her medicine to help stem her symptoms, but I cannot cure her at this point. The disease has progressed too far."

"Gaion said he was transferring her medicine over with whatever things she has. Take a look and see if you can substitute it with something similar. Is there anything else I should know?"

Salik then reported all the information he could determine. "I'll also have research check the medicine immediately."

"That's good."

"What are you going to do with her Adama?"

"I don't know. What do you suggest?"

"Did you tell Gaion that she would live with you?"

Adama nodded.

"You can't be serious?"

"Do you think she is capable of living on her own?"

Salik thought about it for a moment and shook his head. "She's like part child, part wild animal. It took 4 med-techs to restrain her, while I shot her up with a sedative."

"It's not her fault the way she is. She's been a slave all or most of her life, she knows no other life. What can I do?"

"I don't envy you, Adama. Where are you going to put her?"

"I can have her sleep in the office section of my quarters, there's room there."

"What if she tries to escape?"

"Where is she going to go? Besides, I think she is too frightened to attempt anything."

"Okay, it's your choice, but I disagree."

"What else is there? Should I put her in the brig? Send her to the prison ship? I cannot punish her when no crime has been committed."

"I can always put her into stasis."

"And how will she learn to trust me in stasis?"

"It's the only other idea I have."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A New Beginning

Terrified, Zara was led to Adama's quarters.

Not knowing what to expect, she followed, eyes wide with fear. She looked around during the trip, but the ship was made for military purposes, not aesthetics. It was, in a word, bland. Everything looked the same to her. _How am I supposed to figure this all out?_

Adama politely exchanged glances with those they met along the way to his quarters. Salik and a handful of med-techs came along just in case they needed to sedate her again.

Thankfully, they all reached Adama's quarters without incident.

Adama went in first, leading her by her hand.

He brought her over to the long sofa that occupied a good portion of one corner.

"Sit."

She scrambled onto the sofa and sat in the furthest corner from Adama, wrapping her arms about her. She was frozen in place, not knowing what was going to happen.

Salik dismissed the med-techs, and then turned to Adama. "You still can change your mind about this."

"What would you have me do with her?"

Salik sighed heavily.

Adama knelt down in front of her in an effort to be eye to eye with her. She reacted by pressing her back to the wall, and drawing her legs up underneath her.

Adama's face fell a little, but decided to persevere. "Do you understand what I am saying?"

She stared at him for the longest time, but finally nodded her head.

"You will sleep here." Adama tapped the sofa's edge. "These rooms are my quarters."

Adama stood and activated the door that separated the office from the sleep chamber. He indicated the other room.

She leaned her head ever so slightly to get a better look, but otherwise made no move of coming forward. She then fixed her gaze on him, questioningly.

"In here is my bedchamber and the turbo flush. You may use the turbo flush whenever you feel the need. Come, I will show you how to use it. It'll be your first lesson."

* * *

Zara eyed Adama while he sat at his desk and made notes on his computer. He watched her too, his gaze alternating between her and the computer screen.

When she felt his attention was more on his note-taking than her, she got up on her knees and peered out the port window of Adama's office. She looked around, and hoped to catch a glimpse of Gaion's ship, but there was nothing to see except the cold blackness of space and the stars. She could not have known it, but Gaion ordered the ship away as soon as her belongings were transferred over.

She reached her left hand up and touched the glass-like material of the window itself, touching it as if she could reach through it and bring Gaion back. He'd been the only creature that had treated her with kindness in her lifetime. Her fingers stroked the glass in desperate hope, but it was no use. She was alone again, left in the care of a stranger. _What would become of me now?_ She thought silently.

Silently. Silence. She turned when she realized there were no sounds in the room. Adama had stopped speaking into the computer, and was now watching her.

When her eyes met his, she felt afraid, uncertain. She sat back down and scooted back to the corner on the sofa, wrapping her arm about her again, not knowing what he would say or what he might make her do.

He did look older than many of the males she'd encountered, but he still looked strong enough to hurt her.

Her misadventures in the, _what did they call it?_ She dismissed it quickly. The people there held her down, made her sleep, and who knows what they did to her while she slept.

When she'd woken up, she had tried to take inventory of her body, looking at her hands, rubbing her arms, touching parts of her torso. She saw no cuts, no bandages, no bruises that could be seen, but it was the wounds that she couldn't see that frightened her. What did they do to her where she couldn't see?

She didn't feel any pain, or any sensations that didn't seem out of the ordinary, but she had been hurt before. She had been made to sleep before, waking up in pain…

Lost in her thoughts, she forgot to watch Adama, forgot where she was. Tiny tears rolled down her cheeks in silence as she thought of the past.

A small squeak brought her attention back to the present. Startled, her head came up and she tried scooting back into the corner, tried to melt into the hull itself to no avail. His eyes were upon her, and she was afraid.

After a momentary pause, Adama stood up.

 _This is it_ , she thought, _he's coming to hurt me_. She squeezed shut her eyes, bracing herself for whatever might come.

She heard his footfalls on the floor, but no blow or order came. No rough hand reached out and snatched her up by the hair.

When she heard a small pop in front of her, she opened her eyes. Adama was kneeling in front of her, rubbing the offending joint.

When he looked up and met her gaze, he smiled. "It pops like that every once in a while. I am 162 yahrens old after all."

She heard his words, but not all words made sense to her _. 162 what?_

"Come. It's time to sleep." He held out his hand to her. "Come over here and find whatever it is that you sleep in. Your clothing is in one of these crates."

When she didn't move, he gestured with his hand to come forward.

Sighing, he struggled to stand up.

She watched him go to one of the crates that had been placed in his office and open the lid. "Here are your clothes. Come pick something out." He backed away from the crate to give her room.

She finally edged over, and peeked into the container, all the while keeping an eye on Adama. Should he make any sudden moves, she would be ready to run.

She plucked something out and retreated to the sofa with her prize.

Adama opened the bedroom door. "Come here and you can go into the turbo flush area to change."

It took a few moments before she obeyed, but she slid off the sofa and made a mad dash to the turbo flush. Adama retreated to his chair to wait for her to return.

When she did, she went right back to the sofa. Her blanket and pillows were waiting for her. She snuggled under the blanket, feeling chilled.

Adama came back over to her. "I'm going to sleep in there. You will sleep out here. Is that clear?"

She nodded.

"If you need to relieve yourself, use the turbo flush, just go in and use it. Okay?"

She nodded again.

"I'll see you later." With that he vanished into the bedroom, the door closed, and she was alone.

* * *

The first night was quiet, lonely, and cold. Gaion's ship was almost always hot, but here, not so. She shivered under the blanket. It was a long night.

She did sleep some, finally, from exhaustion. It wasn't like Gaion's ship, and Adama wasn't like Gaion.

She remembered her first few days aboard Gaion's ship in her dreams. She was so weak and hot, she could do nothing to resist the clawed hands that pawed at her, removed her clothes, cleaned her up, and tried to comfort her.

Gaion's face dissolved and was replaced by Adama's. Her eyes focused at last, and she pulled back, recognizing where she was.

"I'm ordering a meal, would you like to eat with me, or would you prefer to pick something from your crate?"

Zara sat up, pulling the blanket up to her chin.

Adama wandered over to her crates. "This one appears to run on energy." He pulled open what appeared to be a door. "It's cold in there, a cold storage unit. Interesting." He closed it up.

Knock, knock.

"Enter."

Dr. Salik came into the room. "So, how did things go?" He glanced at Zara.

Adama came over, punched a button on the wall and ordered three meals. He turned to look at his friend. "I assume you've not eaten." It was a statement, not a question.

They chatted about the first night. "She was very good. I didn't have any problems with her. She was quiet and she's still here, as you can see."

Salik shook his head. "I still think this is a bad idea. You don't know anything about her."

Knock, knock.

"Enter."

A tech came in bearing food. He set the tray down on Adama's desk. "Enjoy sir."

Adama picked up one of the plates and brought it to the sofa. "Here you go." He placed in down on the cushion, and walked back to his desk.

"Has she said anything?"

"Barely even a sound."

"She wasn't quiet in Life Center when you tried to leave yesterday. She probably screamed herself hoarse."

The men began eating, but Zara just looked at the strange cubes on the plate. Adama glanced at his new charge and smiled at her quizzical expression. "You don't find the food to your liking?"

Zara looked up at him incredulously, and then back at the little colored cubes. _This is food?_

She picked one up and scrutinized it. Then she sniffed it. It had no discernible scent. She tried breaking it apart and tasting a corner of it. It had a strange taste and she put it back down, with a scowl.

Adama and Salik laughed. "Not to your liking? You have your own food, go get something."

Zara got off the sofa cautiously and crept by the men, rummaged through the crates and went back to eat her food.

"Strange sort of food she has there." Salik noted to Adama.

"I'm sure she thinks the same of ours."

And that's how it went until her food ran out.

The day came when there was no food left, and she had to eat those little cubes. She hated them.

The rest of her routine was boring. Adama would leave her in his quarters and she would stay cooped up there all day.

Adama had tried to get her assessed for intelligence, at the behest of the doctor.

She was tested with little success. First, they had to get her settled down long enough to sit. Then it was trying to teach her how to operate the data pad. But since she'd had no prior experience, it wasn't very successful.

Sending her to the classroom with the children proved fruitless; she was frightened of the kids.

So, in his quarters she stayed. Alone.

Eventually, she began looking through his books out of boredom, always putting them back exactly where she found them; she didn't want to get beaten.

She liked the pictures, even though she didn't always understand what they meant. She read the words, understood some of them. In her few, short years before she became a slave, she'd been learning to read. It wasn't until an older girl joined her in the ward that she had gotten good at it. The older girl had taught all of them how to read, and write. Zara had survived up until then because she listened, and observed when she didn't think anybody had noticed.

But that was a lifetime ago.

Now she looked at herself in the looking glass, a shadow of the girl she'd been. The years and the abuse had taken its toll. She averted her eyes, and curled up in a ball on the floor. She vowed never to look in the mirror again and began to cry.

* * *

When Adama arrived home that evening, she wasn't in her usual spot on the sofa. These many nights after he'd finished his shift, he'd come home and found her huddled in the corner of the sofa, but not tonight. Adama's heart began to beat wildly. Where was she?

He went into the bedroom to find her sleeping in his bed, snuggled as far down into the blankets as she could be. The only light that spilled into the bedroom was from the office. He stepped all the way in and allowed the door to close. Out went the light.

Adama stood there until his eyes adjusted to the soft starlight through the port window. He couldn't see her face, but imagined a sort of peaceful look on it.

He crept around the bed to try and see if she was okay, but woke her up instead. Startled awake, she flung back the covers and scrambled off the bed onto the floor. She hit with a loud thud, and cried out in pain. She crawled as quickly as she could out of the bedroom back to her usual place on the sofa.

Adama came around the corner just in time to see her huddle under the blanket. Her eyes were filled with tears and fright.

"Did you hurt yourself? Here, let me take a look."

Shaking, she tried moving back, but there was no more room; her back was already against the wall.

Adama sat on the sofa and edged forward slightly. He reached out with just one hand to take hold of the blanket and lift it enough to see if she'd done any damage.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I want to see if you are all right."

He paused as her body just then seemed to go limp. She rested her head against the wall. Her breathing was still dangerously erratic.

Adama suddenly remembered the doctor saying that she had a heart condition and became concerned that she was having some sort of attack. He jumped up and went to the comm unit on the wall. "Medical team to my quarters immediately!"

He sat on the sofa again. "It's going to be okay. I've called the doctor to come look at you."

Her head shook no weakly. Tears began flowing again, but she did not get up.

"Where are they?" Adama growled.

Finally, after what seemed forever, the med team, headed by Salik, arrived.

"I think she hurt herself. She may also be having some sort of seizure."

The doctor leaned over. She made a feeble attempt to pull the blanket over herself, but she was not strong enough against the doctor.

He ran a scanner up and down in front of her, and sighed in relief after reading it.

"Her heart rate is elevated, but she's not having a heart attack. What happened?'

Adama told him.

"I see. I have two options. I can take her to Life Center and sedate her or I can look at her here, if she'll let me. She's not the most co-operative patient I've ever had. She sort of reminds me of you actually."

The commander smiled. "It isn't easy winning her trust, and just as difficult communicating with her."

Salik peered at her closely. "I thought you said she understood what we say? Did I miss something there?"

"No. According to Gaion, she understands everything, but she won't speak. Did you find any physical reason why she doesn't vocalize? Is there some damage to her vocal chords?"

"I didn't find anything amiss and the screams she let out tells me there's nothing wrong with her vocal chords. I'll have to get her down to Life Center and examine her again."

Their attention was drawn back to her by a feeble whimper. Salik sighed. "Did she take her medicine today?"

Uncertainty clouded Adama's face. "I think she did."

Salik sighed again. "Have you been taking the medicine like you were told?"

Her head bobbed up and down in a yes. Tears stained her face, but there seemed to be less fear in her eyes. In fact, she just looked exhausted.

"Feeling fear all the time must be exhausting for her, and for her heart." Adama inserted.

The expression on Salik's face softened. "Well, I guess it can't be easy for her. Here she is in a strange place, with strange sounds and smells, and living with a stranger. She knows less about us, and you, than we know about her."

"I cannot imagine what she must be feeling. She was given away to a stranger by the only creature that seems to have taken care of her in her entire life. Gaion did say she appeared to have been abused when he bought her."

"Yes, I found residual evidence, and numerous assorted scars on her from who knows what. Some do appear surgical."

"If you think she has to go to Life Center, by all means, take her there, but if you think she's okay, then she can stay here and get her rest."

"Do you want to go to Life Center?" Dr. Salik asked her.

He got a blank look in answer.

Salik looked at Adama, and then back to Zara. "Do you want to stay here?"

This time she nodded vigorously.

"I don't think she's in any medical crisis, so as long as there are no further incidents, I'll leave her in your care." With that, the medical team left.

"What are we going to do with you?"

Zara just looked at him.

"Just so you know; it is okay for you to sleep in my bed when I am on my shift. Does it make you feel more comfortable to sleep there?"

To Adama's surprise, Zara sat up, and tried to communicate with him. She crossed her arms and shook herself, and then huddled back up in the blanket.

A light went off in Adama's head. "You're cold! I never even thought of that before. Gaion's ship was too warm for me. My clothes help me to stay warm here. The clothes you have are for a warm place, you must be freezing in here."

She nodded yes.

"I'll send for…" He stopped. "I've ordered the temperatures to remain low to conserve fuel, and had blankets distributed as far as they will go. I don't know if there are any left, but we'll try."

"I'm sorry Commander, as of now all the extra blankets have been passed out."

"Thank you." Adama turned off the wall comm unit. "I'm sorry Zara, even commanders have limitations."

She sniffed a little and nodded. She was clearly disappointed.

"I can't think of any alternative. I have one blanket, and you have one blanket. I suppose that'll have to do, I'm sorry. I am not doing a good job of taking care of you, am I?"

She cocked her head a little, as if trying to understand him better. He certainly was an unusual master.

"Are you hungry? We should eat."


	7. Chapter 7

Before proceeding, I must warn you of references in this chapter of Zara's abuse. It isn't graphic, but if you prefer not to read it, you may skip it and wait for the next chapter.

Chapter 7

Life on board the Galactica

The days became weeks, and the weeks; months. She was terrified when the first Cylon attack came. The loud explosions and rampant shuddering of the ship sent her screaming into the turbo flush, where she huddled into the turbo wash under her blanket.

By the time Adama got there, she was unresponsive. Even when the med-techs took her to Life Center, she didn't even look into their eyes. Her own were glazed over from fear or shock.

When she came back from wherever she had gone to in her mind, she was released back into Adama's care.

Little by little, each night, Adama talked to her, and told her the story of Kobol and the Twelve Lords that ruled it. He pulled out the Book of the Word and showed her the pictures. He showed her his symbolic necklace and how it had been passed down through the generations to him from the Ninth Lord of Kobol. His family members were descendants of the 9th Royal House. He spoke of the Cylons and their quest to wipe out every human being, how they hated the human spirit and their independent nature.

After these many nights, he told her about the night his son, Zac, who was killed just short of the fleet, and how the Cylons attacked their colonies, also killing his wife.

The pain in his eyes showed. She could feel that pain. She longed to tell him of her pain, but she was just a slave girl, what did he care?

It wasn't too many nights after this that she finally decided she couldn't take the cold anymore.

The Cylons had attacked again, and although they were driven back, the engines had been knocked out for a while. It had gotten very cold on board before the engines were brought back online. She could see her breath when she exhaled.

He was exhausted when he staggered into his quarters. She could see the toll it had taken on him in his eyes.

Adama had come home to get rest. The doctor had ordered it. The teams assured Adama that the engines would be working before he woke up from sleep period.

* * *

Zara had been trying to hold her pee. It was so cold; she didn't want to get up.

When the cramps got so bad she couldn't bear it, she ran to the turbo flush and relieved herself.

Adama was in his bed sleeping. She shivered, even with her blanket around her. Exhausted, she flung her blanket over Adama's and crawled underneath both blankets for warmth.

Her movements shook the bed, and he woke up. She was too tired and cold to run, so she just chattered her teeth and tried snuggling underneath the blankets more.

Adama was startled at first, but decided he wasn't that heartless as to throw her out. He let her sleep there.

In the morning, Adama found it a bit awkward, but managed to not call any attention to what she had done. She had expected something, but was relieved when he left without neither demanding attention nor scolding her. What kind of master was he?

That same night when Adama returned, she wondered what he was going to say or do. Would he order her to his bed? Would he make her sleep in the cold alone again? She hated the cold, but she wasn't sure about encouraging him either.

Too many masters had climbed on top of her and did their business. Too many nights she cried because she was sore after they had finished. She didn't understand why they hurt her this way; even one doctor had forced himself on her. When she fought back, he slapped her hard across her face and gave her a needle to quiet her.

When she woke up, the tell-tale soreness between her legs told her what he'd done to her.

When she was released back to her master, he also forced himself on her. She had started to cry, but he smacked her hard and laughed. She was already sore from the doctor and the pain was terrible, and she could do nothing to stop him. All she could do was try to endure until he was finished. He liked hurting her.

When he finally finished, he rolled off and went to sleep. She crawled off to clean herself up.

Later when her master woke up, he smacked her around some more, climbed back atop her and began hurting her all over again.

Then he began sucking and biting her breasts and nipples. He continued until he satisfied himself.

When it was time to go back to the doctor, she fought back when she recognized him. Her master held her by the hair.

They talked about her right in front of her, like she didn't even exist. Then her master got an evil gleam in his eyes. They decided to take turns defiling her.

The pain was more than she could stand. She passed out. When she woke up, she was on the floor. They had outdone themselves. She could barely move because of the soreness between her legs. She wished she could die.

What kind of master would Adama be? So far, he had not touched her, but that meant nothing. Gaion was a lizard to her, but he had not defiled her. But men; men were the masters who defiled her, and she was afraid to encourage him.

When it became bedtime, Adama just went to bed, leaving her in the cold. In the middle of the night, she flung her blanket over him, and crawled beneath the warm blankets. He didn't kick her out, so she slept warmly that night too.

The next night, she followed him in, and when he didn't object, she slipped into his bed.

That's how it started, and she'd slept in his bed every night since, finally warm.

* * *

One yahren later….. (roughly 250 days, plus or minus)

He'd never touched her, hit her or defiled her in all that time. She did her best to obey him, trying to find ways to make him smile, trying to keep his quarters clean in return for her care.

She learned to like him; she learned to show him her trust by leaning her head against his shoulder. He learned when she was hungry, when she had to relieve herself, and most importantly how to handle her nightmares.

She would have them occasionally, waking up sweating profusely, crying, and terrified. Adama would hold her, talk to her softly, and stroke her hair.

Over the course of time, she had them less and less as she grew more confident of Adama finally being the one who would protect her.

Zara and Adama did not have the kind of relationship most people thought they had. She was a scared little child, and she needed a father's protection, that's how Adama saw it. He had to admit to himself that he was growing very fond of her, and was glad she'd been brought into his life.

Unfortunately, there was a palpable friction in the family. Apollo did not like the situation at all, and remarked it more than once to his father. He didn't like bringing Boxey and Muffy to his father's quarters, but he did occasionally.

Zara was afraid of Muffy, who growled at her, so she'd retreat hastily to the bedroom whenever Muffy was present. Boxey would ask the occasional question, but otherwise tolerated her presence. Athena tried to be non-committal either way. Apollo's girlfriend, Sheba, also tried to be neutral, telling Apollo that his father had every right to seek out a companion, but also acknowledged Apollo's discomfiture being around her.

Adama asked questions of Dr. Salik. How old do you think she is? What planet might she have come from? How intelligent might she be? How long do you think she can live?

All good questions; none had precise answers.

Over the course of the yahren, Zara gained some confidence. Adama began trying to teach her that it was okay to speak. She wouldn't be punished for that. And he told her that it was also ok to say no. Those two things were the biggest revelations in her life. She'd never been given a choice before; to actually have a say in her own life was not something she'd ever had. It was a strange thought. Men just didn't do that. What kind of plot was this?

Gaion had also started her on these principles too, and after a time she began to have hope again. But all that was undone when Gaion had discarded her like trash. She'd been heart-broken. How could he have done this to her? She thought Gaion loved her…

But no matter how much Adama encouraged her, she still refused to speak. She had her reasons. First, she'd been conditioned not to speak. The last thing the master wanted was slaves that talked to each other and spread mutinous ideas. And second, she knew once she spoke, the questions would start. There would be questions about where she came from, where she had been and what had happened to her. She shivered at the very thought. What would happen then if she refused to answer? Or gave them an answer that they didn't believe? What then?

She still couldn't make her own way around the decks of the Galactica, and she only went out when Adama took her out.

He tried taking her to the ship called the Rising Star to their dining room, but she was so nervous and scared, she wouldn't eat, and she sniffled the whole time.

The music they offered sounded like noise to her, and she plugged her fingers into her ears. She gawked at the unusual dances being done, and shook her head in confusion. Even Adama's private booth for the Triad sports games felt awkward. The worst part was the gambling. She gazed at people throwing their money away on games of chance. She thought she had seen everything, but again, she was surprised.

On one trip to the turbo flush, a man approached her and asked if she needed a companion for the evening. Not understanding what he meant, she shuffled off.

On her way back, he again approached her. He was clearer this time, and then that's when it dawned on her! He was making an attempt to get her to hire him for male/female interactions!

She asked Adama why this man was doing that. His reply was that they had "socialators", and their perfectly legal job was to entertain people for pay, which included, if so desired, "intimate relations".

Zara was aghast! The thought of people hiring themselves out WILLINGLY to be "hurt" was more than she could wrap her mind around. (In her mind, " **hurt"** was the only word she knew of for what had been happening to her. The words rape or sex had never been in her vocabulary.)

Adama teaching Zara that it was okay to say "no", and that she wouldn't be punished for doing so finally came to fruition, and she refused to ever set foot on the Rising Star again.

The Officer's Lounge was only a hair better. She stayed close by his side, with her head down the entire time. She didn't like the crowds or the people looking at them.

Eventually, inevitably, she overheard something Apollo said and it made her sad to know he felt the way he did about her. The next time he came by, Zara scurried away to cry softly in the bedroom.

Adama tried to comfort her after Apollo left, but she knew better now.

* * *

One day, out of the blue, Zara took Adama's hand and began to make lines in his palm. It took him some time to realize she was drawing letters! And from those letters, she made words! Adama was amazed. He didn't realize she could read or write.

He told the doctor that she could spell, and Salik was naturally skeptical about it. But when Adama asked her a question, and she spelled out her answer, the doctor looked at Adama.

"Are you sure it's her giving you the answer or what you want her to answer?"

"All right, you ask her a question."

Zara became frightened when the doctor came near, but Adama assured her, she only had to answer the question in the doctor's hand.

Scowling at Adama, Salik asked his question. "What is your name?"

Tentatively, Zara reached out to his hand and spelled her name into it.

She got a raised eyebrow.

He asked another question. "How do you spell doctor?"

She spelled it out.

"Maybe you're on to something here Adama." Then he gave her word after word to spell. Some she got right, the more complicated ones had some mistakes.

"Look what else she can do. Zara, show him the gestures."

She showed a few examples, and Adama told him what they all meant.

"Well, keep up learning all these Adama. Maybe she has some intelligence we don't know about, after all."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Contact

"Commander, I'm receiving a strange assortment of signals. It's such a mess; I can barely make out anything."

"Send it to my headset."

Athena sent up the signal. Adam listened intently. It was a jumble of sounds, nothing like he'd ever heard.

On her end, Athena kept monitoring it too.

Adama exchanged a doubtful glance with Tigh, who was nearby. He was just about to give up listening when a strong signal broke thru. "Home base, this is Shepherd, we have concluded our run and we're heading back, E.T.A. 10 hours."

"Athena, can you lock in a location for that signal?"

"Trying." A few moments later… "I think I've narrowed it down. It's coming from space, not a planet."

"I thought as much. Scramble Blue Squadron, and give them the co-ordinates, but tell them to stay as far out as possible, not to spook them."

Athena nodded and sent the signal to assemble Blue Squadron.

"Can you tell where the signal is going to, Athena?"

"I only have a general direction, not a concise location."

"Keep on it."

* * *

The next few hours went smoothly for Colonel Shepherd. The puddle-jumper followed his commands effortlessly.

They were still a good distance away when he received a message. "Colonel Shepherd, we're tracking several bogeys on your six."

"Yeah, they keep darting in and out of my scope. I've noticed them there. They are small, probably darts. There's probably a hive ship somewhere about."

"We're getting some confusing data. They don't read as they have in the past."

"Well, I can't tell how many there are, but I can give them one helluva surprise. Shepherd out."

He turned the cloaking device on and turned around, to head at them dead on.

* * *

"Apollo, my scanners must be mal-functioning. The ship just dropped off."

"Starbuck, don't you know the meaning of radio silence? I can see that. I don't have a location either."

"It was there a micron ago, and just vanished. Where did it go?"

"I don't know, just everyone stay on formation."

The squadron pilots flew blind.

Shepherd flew the jumper right at them. When he got into visual range he sat back in his seat. "Huh! Those aren't darts. What are they? Scan vessels."

The jumper responded and displayed on-screen. Shepherd was not expecting this answer. "Hey, the onboard scanners say they are human!"

His copilot, Major Lorne, looked at him with wide eyes.

"Double check that." The computer confirmed the earlier report.

"Well, check all the frequencies; is there any sort of communication?" The computer ran through all the known frequencies. The screen changed colors to indicate something. "What's that?" Shepherd looked at the screen with one eyebrow raised quizzically.

Major Lorne just looked at Shepherd and shook his head.

"Oh, what the hell…cloak off."

"Frak!" Apollo and Starbuck spoke in unison and peeled off in either direction when the jumper de-cloaked.

All Shepherd heard was something unintelligible. "Who are you? Where are you from? Why were you following me?"

"Where did you come from? You just appeared out of nowhere! Who are you?"

Shepherd sighed. "Well, this is getting us nowhere. I'm Lt. Col. John Shepherd. Who are you?"

"I'm Captain Apollo."

"Well now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

After a short debate, the two leaders agreed to set down to meet on a nearby planet.

Guns drawn, but not pointing directly at each other, the two teams eyed each other warily.

Apollo, Starbuck, Boomer, Jolly, and Sheba squared off against Shepherd, Lorne, McKay, Teyla, and Ronon.

No one spoke for a long time. They just sort of stared at each other.

Finally, McKay spoke up. "So, are we just going to stand here like idiots?"

Shepherd gave him a sideways glance and a semi scowl. "What would you like me to do, McKay? Should I throw rice?"

"Well, no, but I mean we're not getting anything accomplished here just standing around. And I haven't eaten yet. I just want to get this over with so I can meet with Jennifer for dinner."

"Always thinking with your stomach." Ronon mumbled.

"Well, at least I don't look like a Wookie, Chewbacca."

"That's enough you two." Shepherd lowered his weapon of choice, the P-90, and stepped forward slightly. "I'm Lt. Colonel John Shepherd." He introduced the rest of his team.

Apollo lowered his blaster and also stepped forward. "I'm Captain Apollo, team leader of Blue Squadron." He introduced the rest of his team.

"So, what can I do for you, Captain Apollo?" Shepherd asked simply.

Apollo looked uncomfortable. "We've been traveling for a long time, and we haven't seen anyone. We wanted to make contact with others like ourselves."

"How long have you been traveling that you haven't seen anyone?"

"A long time, a long way, too long. We just want to know that we have brothers and sisters out there somewhere."

"Well, um, here we are. So, now what?"

"I should get in touch with my father. He's the leader of our people."

"Your…people? Just how many are we talking about here?"

"About 6000, there's only about 6000 of us left."

"What do you mean…left?"

"We were attacked and we were left decimated. We had 12 colonies, and we're all that survived."

"When you say 'colonies', what exactly do you mean?"

"We had a system of 12 planets."

"By the Ancestors!" Teyla breathed in disbelief.

"So, where are you heading?" Shepherd asked.

"We have a sister colony, a 13th colony. We were hoping to be welcomed there."

"I see. So, you're just passing through here then?"

"Well…" Apollo looked uncertain. "We've been out of contact with our sister colony for a long time. I don't think anyone remembers exactly where it is."

"What's the name of this colony?"

Apollo looked into each of their faces, at his own team, and back to Shepherd. "Earth."

Shepherd's jaw dropped.

"Have you heard of this place?" Now, Apollo became anxious.

"Well, um…You know, maybe you should talk to your father a little more about things. That'll give me time to contact my leaders as well. How about we meet back here tomorrow"?

"When's _tomorrow_?"

Shepherd looked incredulous. "Tomorrow, you know, the day after today."

Apollo paused for a time, thinking things over. "Agreed, but how long is a day?"

* * *

"YOU WHAT?" Commander Adama shouted at his son.

Apollo looked uncomfortable, as did his squadron members.

Adama paced while he thought. "We have to work fast. You've tipped our hand. No one is to speak of this. If the Council finds out, we're done. They will take over and ruin everything. Can you fly me out to meet one of their leaders?"

"Is that wise father?"

"If there is any chance that these people can lead us to Earth, it's a risk worth taking."

"Of course. I'll reach out and see if I can raise them. I'll arrange for a meeting if I can, but I'm going to escort you myself."

"And, I'm his wingman." Starbuck stepped forward, hand raised to make his point.

Adama smiled. He knew he could count on his son and Starbuck. They were the best in the fleet.

It took a bit of maneuvering, but Apollo managed to arrange a meeting with his father and Col. Shepherd's commanding officer, which just happened to be a civilian, Richard Woolsey.

The two men faced each other.

Richard Woolsey began the meeting with his usual diplomatic aplomb, and Commander Adama responded in his usual thoughtful, logical mannerism.

The two men sat down to talk.

In the end, they hashed out an agreement that would bring the Colonial fleet to Atlantis, and they would remain in orbit while negotiations were conducted in the city. Atlantis would be the liaison between The Colonists and the Stargate Command Council.

Adama left and prepared the news for his own Council.

Adama met with the Council and they were suddenly at attention. Questions flew back and forth with ferocity until Adama quieted them with his authoritative, baritone voice.

"We have been invited to orbit their planet while we conduct negotiations. We have been given leave to let some of our people in rotating order come down to interact and get to know them. An escort will be arriving soon to lead the way."

More questions flew about the room, which Adama did his best to answer. He did not reveal that he had already met them, and he had requested that no one from Atlantis reveal that fact either. Mr. Woolsey understood, and assured Adama he could count on the staff of Atlantis.

Chatter among the ships of the fleet was rampant, and an excitement filled the decks. Maybe their long travel through space would be coming to an end.

They had traveled countless distance, and lost some good people along the way. It was time to heal.

* * *

In Adama's quarters, Zara had little knowledge of what was going on until that night.

Adama came home and went right to his computer, and began dictating notes into the tiny, attached microphone.

She was on the sofa as usual. She watched him as she always did. But this night was different. She first heard it in his voice, an excited tone, and then in his words. _Home._ _We might be arriving at our new home soon_.

Her breath caught in her throat.

He finished up his notes and moved to the sofa. "I don't want to make promises I am not certain I can keep, but we've made contact with people who may be able to take us to our new home. I am going to be even busier than usual, so I may be coming back very late. I am going to try and arrange someone to look in on you, make sure you get meals. Do you understand?"

Her face showed uncertainty and anxiety.

He reached out and took her hand. "I know you understand my words…"

She shook her head and cried out in a mournful wail, jerking her hand back from him.

"I've spoken to you about how we were attacked, and that our people were fleeing for their very survival. I'm in charge of trying to find them, US, a safe place to live; a home they can call their own, a home for you too. You are one of us now."

She looked at him, her lower lip quivering, her eyes welling up. She signed to him her answer. _You have told me._

"I know that you're afraid. You don't have to be anymore. I promised that I would take care of you, and I have."

She nodded her head. She brought up her hand again. _Don't leave me alone_.

"I promise you that I will have someone watch over you and make sure that you get meals. If I have to be away overnight, I will have someone stay in here with you."

Her eyes grew wide at the thought. Then she leaned forward and hugged him, her tears finally falling.

He held her while she cried.

Adama rested his face on the top of her head, and squeezed her gently to him. "I promise I will do all that I can to keep you safe. I only have my two hands, but I will do that which is in my power to do so, but I need your help. Will you help me?"

She pulled back from him, and stared up into his dark brown eyes, and weathered face. He had never asked anything of her until now. Her head nodded up and down. _I will try_.

His hands cupped her face, wet with tears. "I know you are afraid, but I ask you now to be strong. You must be a strong woman; otherwise you could not have survived as long as you have. Just give me the time I need, just be strong just a little longer, and then I promise, you'll never be afraid again."

She nodded, but inside, her heart was breaking. _'What if he goes away and never comes back?'_ She thought.

* * *

Cassie heard Zara crying in Adama's quarters when she arrived, and let herself into the bedchamber. Cassie walked slowly to her, not wanting to add to her emotional state.

When Zara didn't run or draw back, Cassie came and sat on the bed. "I'm going to stay here with you. Did Adama tell you?"

Zara nodded.

"Good. I'll sleep in the office. If you need me for anything just come to me and I will do what ever I can to help you."

It was a rough night for both women.

The sofa in the office wasn't really made for sleeping, but it sufficed in a pinch. Alone, without Adama, Zara slept poorly as well.

In the morning, Cassie had food cubes delivered and went to work.

Adama was gone for 2 nights before he returned. He seemed tired, and only made brief notes into his computer. He called lights out pretty early.

She didn't mind. She was tired from worry and sleeplessness.

In the morning, he headed out once again.

"I doubt I shall return for sleep period. I'll have Cassie come and stay with you again. The Council members, for all their collected knowledge, are fools. If I'm not there to keep order, well, I fear the worst. I'll come back as soon as I can. Do you understand?"

She nodded; the sadness and disappointment evident on her face.

He brushed his fingers lightly over her face.

"I will come back."

Then he stood, picked up his bag, and left.

* * *

Zara was staring out the window trying to catch a glimpse of any other ships or any of the Galactica's shuttles or Vipers. It was how Cassie found her.

"Are you still looking for him?"

Zara sat down, a sad look on her face.

"I doubt he'll be back for sleep period. I hear the talks are getting much more involved now. Rumor has it that the people from the smallest ships will start being processed down on the planet and then sent on to Earth. The crew of the Galactica will remain onboard until every last person has been processed through. There are also rumors that some crew will be coming aboard to train with us here."

Zara looked at Cassie and sniffed audibly. _'What this has anything to do with me, I don't know'._ She thought to herself. _'I guess it's just to fill the silence.'_ Zara hated silence sometimes. It gave her too much time to dwell on the pain and loneliness of her past. At least Adama filled the time so she didn't have to think about it so much. She sighed sadly.

"Our meals should be here shortly."

Zara nodded, but she wasn't at all enthused about having to choke down those horrible food cubes. As if on cue, a soft knock sounded at the door. Cassie got up to answer it and, sure enough, it was "dinner".

Zara took the tray Cassie handed to her, and scooted back onto the sofa, while Cassie settled into the desk chair.

Zara looked up briefly at Cassie. She was so beautiful, with her wavy, long blonde hair, and delicate features. Her eyes were beautiful too. Zara had never given much thought to eyes until she saw Cassie's. Adama's were dark brown. Somehow, Zara always associated dark eyes with anger, and punishments, even light brown eyes turned dark and intense when the owner was angry at her. She'd just seen too many eyes filled with rage and hate in her life. She felt a great sadness that there had been so few eyes that looked upon her with kindness. Zara set her tray down and got up on her knees, not to look out the port window, but to see her reflection. She could only bear the blurry image for a scant moment or two. Her own blonde hair was ragged layers. She ran her fingers through it, and when she drew her hand away, a strand or two fell away with it. Snarls, always snarls in it.

Her eyes looked hollow to her. It had been a lifetime ago when she had anything other than fear and sadness in them. The child that she was, well, she was long gone now. Carefree emotions were a thing of the past, alien to her. She had glimmers of hope now and again, but they were getting dimmer since Adama was gone.

She sat back down, defeated by herself. If it were really true that they had reached the end of their journey, what did this mean for her? She sighed softly, sadly. _'It means a whole new world for Adama, a world filled with possibilities, and potential new mates, just like it was for Gaion, and I'll be shuffled off to yet another place, and I'll be alone again.'_

She picked up the glass filled with water and hurriedly shoved the nearest cube in her mouth, washing it down as quickly as she could without tasting it. She repeated the process until all the cubes were gone, and swallowed the last of the drink.

She sat, waiting for the feeling of nausea to pass before setting the glass back down. She shivered a little, and then settled down.

There wasn't anything to talk about. Zara didn't speak, and Cassie couldn't understand her version of sign language. Zara pointed to the door to the bedroom, and pressed her palms together to the side of her face. That one meant sleep, and Cassie knew that one.

She nodded to Zara, who just got up and left the room.

Once inside, she changed into her sleeping clothes, but sleep was far from her tonight. She sat on the bed cross-legged, and stared out at the expanse of stars. She wondered if one of those was Earth. Of course, she couldn't have known that Earth wasn't visible from Atlantis. She continued to ponder for some time before settling into a troubled sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Atlantis

"I need to speak with you Commander."

Adama turned from his spot on the bridge to the voice addressing him. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept. "Unless it's council business, I don't have time right now, Cassiopeia."

"But, Commander…."

"I'm sorry, but it'll have to wait."

Colonel Tigh came over. "I'm sorry Cassie, the Council will be arriving shortly. I must ask you to step off the bridge."

Reluctantly, Cassie obliged, but under her breath she muttered half to herself. "Zara shouldn't have to wait, she's waited long enough." Then she turned and left the bridge.

Behind her, Tigh paused, and turned to stare at the spot Cassie disappeared into.

Undeterred, she reported to her work station in the Life Center until Dr. Salik came in. "Doctor, may I speak to you a moment?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"It's Zara."

"Is she ill?'

"Well, no…."

"Oh, good." He wasn't looking forward to another episode in Life Center.

"She's becoming despondent with Commander Adama gone so much. I think it might be a good idea if we moved her."

"Moved her? To where?"

"Down into the city, down on the planet. I think if she can learn to interact with the people down there, and be closer to Adama, she'll come out of her shell. Look, all she does is mope around. She never leaves his quarters. It's just another cage she's living in. Is that a life? Don't we owe her something more?"

"Well, have you spoken to Adama about this?"

"I tried to speak with him earlier, but he was too busy on the bridge. Maybe, if you spoke to him, he'll make time for you. She's so sad, it breaks my heart."

"We're all in the same situation, Cassie."

"I know that, but she's been locked up for so long, she lacks any real social skills, and I'm not talking about my former occupation. There are no others of her people here, not really. We're all strangers to her. Maybe, just maybe, she'll find a friend in the city and she'll blossom. Isn't it worth a chance?"

The doctor thought a moment, and nodded. "I'll speak to him and propose the idea to him, see what he thinks."

Cassie smiled. "Thank you."

' _If she's in the city, she won't be a problem up here. This might work out for all of us.'_ Salik thought.

* * *

"That's ridiculous!" Adama retorted to Salik's proposal. "She can't even function here! How could she cope with an entire city?"

"The Galactica is a military ship. Haven't you told me that the city of Atlantis is mostly civilians? Surely someone there has some free time they can spend with her. It's more than she gets here, and now that you're gone most of the time, she doesn't even have you."

Adama opened his mouth to reply, and slowly closed it, as the words sunk in. "You're right. It's just like it was with my wife. I was never there for her, or the children, never there when it mattered."

"If nothing else, ask her, Adama, give her the option, but tell her what to expect, so she doesn't become hysterical."

* * *

Her eyes went wide with surprise as Adama explained everything.

"Now, just so you understand, I will still be in meetings mostly, but during breaks I'll be close by so we can eat together."

She smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"There's just one thing; before you can be admitted, the doctor will have to look at you."

The color drained out of her face completely.

Adama felt his stomach drop as he watched her reaction. "I will be there by your side the entire time. I will not let you out of my sight."

She looked stricken, frozen in fear.

"I did it. It only takes a short time. I think they have a woman doctor there, and I'll bring Cassie along too. You like Cassie, don't you?"

She tried to swallow, but her throat went dry. She edged away from him, inch by inch, until she couldn't go any further. How could he ask this of her? She felt betrayed.

When he reached towards her, she panicked. She knew, _THIS_ was it! _THIS_ was when the hurting was going to start. She just knew he was going to grab her and push her down. All those days and nights of being nice to her were just to gain her trust before he slammed her to the floor. She started flailing at him, at least enough to confuse him, so she could run. When he backed up, she bolted out of his quarters and down the hall.

She'd hardly ever been out of his quarters before, and she didn't know her way around. She didn't care, she just ran. Panic gave her the adrenaline to flee quickly. Behind her, she heard the door to his office open, but she never turned around. She couldn't take even a second to pause. She ran blindly, passing people who were shocked and stunned until she found herself in the darker halls, in the darker levels of the ship.

By now, Adama surely had called for a team to go search for her, but she was determined not to be found. She slipped from place to place until she found a dark place to hide.

* * *

Two time cycles had passed, and still no one had found her. Apollo was annoyed at having to waste his time on looking for her. Even Adama himself had devoted time to the search. He had to finally enlist Boxey's mechanical daggit, Muffy, to aid in the search giving it clothing to smell, to go and find her.

Up and down halls, Muffy ambled along, without success. How could she have just disappeared?

Woof! Woof! Muffy found something! He began to move quickly. The search party followed.

Muffy found her at last!

It took a sedative and the whole party to flush her out, and cart her to Life Center.

Adama met them there, and upon Dr. Salik's recommendation, Adama agreed that they keep her sedated.

"I told you that this was going to happen." Salik warned Adama.

"She was afraid! I could see the look in her eyes. Something I said terrified her. When I told her their doctor would have to take a look at her, she panicked, turned as white as my hair. Somewhere along the line, some doctor did something to her. Or they told her he was a doctor. We know how she reacts to you, with unbridled fear."

"She's feral, Adama, can't you see that?"

"I don't believe that for a second. You haven't seen her the way I have. You haven't had her living in your quarters for nearly two yahrens. She's gentle and sweet, a bit shy even, but hardly feral. You talk of her as if she were some wild creature captured in the wood."

Salik threw up his hands. "What do you want me to do with her? I can't keep her sedated for too long."

"Stop the sedation, put her back in my quarters, let her wake up and see me. I will talk to her, and convince her she won't be harmed."

* * *

When her eyes opened she felt disoriented, the room fuzzy and vague. She blinked several times before her vision came into focus. She was back in Adama's office, and Cassie was there, along with Adama. She sat up quickly, and instantly regretted it. Her head swam with dizziness, and she lay back down. Her hand automatically went to her forehead, briefly. She sat back up with a start, and in spite of the dizziness, she began to take inventory of her body.

She pulled the blanket up to her chest. She reached out with her senses to feel for the telltale soreness between her legs, but felt nothing. ' _How can this be? How long was I out? What did they do to me?'_ She looked up at Adama, fear in her eyes. _'Is he going to wait until I'm awake? Does he want to see me fight back before he hurts me? Does he want to hear me scream? Does he want to see me to cry? Do I have to beg?'_

Her gaze traveled to Cassie. _"Why is she here? Is she going to make me sleep?'_

Adama cleared his throat and Zara flinched. "Zara. I'm very sorry that I frightened you; that's not what I intended. Please, will you give me a moment to explain better?"

Her eyes flickered up to his face and she saw how tired he was; lines etching his face from worry. _'What is this? I don't understand….'_

When she had seemed calm for several minutes, he began to explain, and when he was done, he sat back in his chair. "I want to make this clear to you; this is your choice and your choice alone. I will not force you in any way. You can take your time."

He watched as the expressions on her face slowly changed from fear to disbelief.

"Zara, you've been with me here for how long? Have I ever hurt you in any way? I very deeply regret that I haven't been able to spend the amount of time with you that you needed. There just wasn't anyone that could have been spared to teach you all the things you needed to learn. Down on the planet, in the city they call Atlantis, there are a lot of people, and opportunities for you to learn the skills and knowledge you'll need for when we arrive on Earth. Of course, I'll have to ask permission to bring you to the city, as they will need to know your situation. If I don't get that permission, then you'll just stay here. Do you understand?"

She blinked at him several times, turning over the words he'd said. He was really asking her to make her own choice! Finally, she nodded her head.

Adama gave her a half-smile. "When I travel there next, I will inform them of the situation, and let you know what they say."

* * *

Just as Mr. Woolsey was just about to call for the end of the meeting, Commander Adama stood up. "I would like to ask a favor, if I may."

"Of course, Commander, what is it?"

"I would like to speak with you and your staff for a brief moment. It's not Council business, it's rather, a more personal request I need to discuss."

Sire Beltron of the council gave Adama a sharp look. "Is this about your feral beast?"

Mr. Woolsey's eyebrows shot up.

"She is not feral."

"You had the entire ship on alert Adama, or so I heard."

"She was frightened."

"If you say so." He stood and arrogantly led all the rest of the council members out.

"I apologize for their behavior, Mr. Woolsey. Sire Beltron and I don't seem to be in agreement over many things."

"Understood, but what is this feral beast he was referring to?"

Adama sat back down. "Almost 2 yahrens ago, my ship traded supplies with a species new to us. The leader of their ship was called Gaion, he and his people are reptilian in nature. He went out of his way to obtain even more than we had asked for, many items we could use, but we had nothing left to trade with. Gaion brought me aboard his ship to meet his pet. That is how he referred to her. He'd bought her on some distant world in the slave market. He told me that if I agreed to take her, we need not pay for the extra things he had brought to us. My people don't keep slaves, and neither did Gaion's, but he saved her life. He'd bought her after his mate died, but he finally healed his grief and he was ready to take another mate. She couldn't be there when he did. I was astounded when he brought me to his quarters to find out that his pet was a human female."

Murmurs erupted around the table from the Atlantis crew.

"I see." Mr. Woolsey began….

"I know very little of her actually. We have only educated guesses about her life and her age, but there's not much to go on. She doesn't speak. My doctor believes she was beaten into fear of speaking, as he can see evidence of abuse. It's the mental abuse I worry most about. When I first brought her aboard, she was terrified and crying. She has gotten better, but I could never spare anyone to teach her. I thought if she came here, there might be a chance for her to learn about the home she will be going to."

"What did Sire Beltron mean when he referred to her as feral?"

"She's terrified of doctors, and will react physically, pulling, trying to get away, and screaming. She's just scared. When I told her about possibly coming down to the city, she was smiling, excited even, but when I told her she had to go and be seen by a doctor, she reacted badly. She started shaking. I could see the terror in her eyes. She fled my quarters when I approached her. I guess she thought I was going to force her to go. Anyway, she hid out for two time cycles before we found her. It took 6 people and sedation to get her out of the crawlspace. I am asking permission because I don't want to cause problems. She may become frightened at first, but she isn't a threat, and she will calm down. There is a med tech onboard named Cassie, and she feels comfortable with her. I'd like to arrange for them to come together, if approved."

"I will get back to you. I would like to discuss this with my staff."

"Of course, of course, I understand. She won't be in the way, I'll see to that, but she needs to be around people. Her education is minimal, but I believe her to be quite intelligent. She hasn't actually decided what she wants to do. I think it's the first time ever that she's been given the opportunity to have a hand in her own fate."

"Thank you Commander."

Adama nodded politely and left the room.

"Well, that was interesting." Colonel John Shepard was the first to break the silence.

"It certainly was." Mr. Woolsey agreed. "I can't imagine this woman being called a feral beast."

"Well, we have met all kinds of people here in the Pegasus Galaxy, with some having bad first impressions." He briefly gazed over at the big man known as Ronon Dex. "I should think that we could overlook some biased opinions on the matter."

"Why do we have to take in all the rejects of the Pegasus Galaxy?" Dr. Rodney McKay interjected.

When everyone gave him a dirty look, he continued. "Hey, I'm just saying."

Mr. Woolsey took control of the meeting after that crack, knowing McKay's habit of bad mouthing everyone and everything. It was finally decided to approve the Commander's request, but there had to be a controlled environment until she acclimated.

The impromptu meeting broke up, with Shepard agreeing to meet with Adama and tell him the news.

* * *

Zara walked into Adama's personal shuttle hesitantly, her eyes taking in everything. Cassie was right beside her. Adama settled her into a seat and buckled her in safely. Cassie took the seat right next to her. Adama took the one on the other side, buckled himself in, and grasped her hand.

In the pilot seats were Boomer and Sheba. When they finished checking everything they announced their state of readiness.

"Relax Zara, Boomer and Sheba will give us a smooth flight."

In the cockpit, the two pilots exchanged smiles.

"Ok, we're lifting off."

Zara took a deep breath as she felt the shuttle lift off the landing bay deck. In just seconds, they cleared the bay of the great ship, and the black of space enveloped them.

There were no bumps, no jarring, just the smooth flight of space travel. Zara looked up to the bow of the little shuttle to watch the twinkling stars slowly drift by like lazy leaves on the surface of a pond.

As she kept watching, the elusive planet she'd been vainly trying to see from Adama's office finally came into view. It was a bright ball of blue, and as they got closer, the sparkles from the ocean lit up her face with delight.

They skimmed across the surface until the city of Atlantis itself came into view.

Artistic spires reached up into the sky as if growing towards the heavens. Zara couldn't help but gasp at its beauty.

"It does take your breath away, doesn't it? I never tire of flying down here to that magnificent view. It's even more beautiful than Caprica." Adama sighed.

Zara wasn't sure if the sigh was for the beauty, or for the wistful memory of a planet turned to dust.

"Atlantis control, this is Commander Adama's private shuttle requesting permission to land."

The ship's speaker crackled as the voice of the operations officer replied. "You are confirmed for landing on the east pier. Follow the blinking lights."

Sheba confirmed instructions, and then turned to look behind her. "We're on final approach, Commander."

"Thank you."

Adama felt his hand being squeezed just a little bit tighter, as he felt Zara's anxiety rise.

He patted her hand with his free one to re-assure her. "You'll be fine. Cassie and I won't leave your side."

When they landed, Dr. Jennifer Keller was there to meet them. She introduced herself simply as Jennifer. "I'm here to walk you to the infirmary. "

Adama introduced Cassie and Zara.

"Cassie, I was told you are going to be working with us here for a while."

"Yes, I'm part of the exchange program. Will we be working together?"

"We certainly will. I can't wait to show you around."

It was a long walk, and Zara tried to remember all the twists and turns, but it all looked the same. It was the Galactica all over again. She sighed, and tried to focus on anything except what was about to happen.

The infirmary was busy with the usual people, and Jennifer led them to a relatively quiet corner. She patted an exam table. "If you will just sit up on here, we'll get this over with so you can enjoy the city, ok?"

Zara stared at the table and began to tremble. She started to pull back, afraid of the table, afraid of the memories, afraid of the pain she had endured. She won't get back on the table, she won't, she won't! Her struggles became urgent and Jennifer called for help. She started screaming as other hands grabbed hold of her. Jennifer prepared a sedative, and, with help, injected her arm. It would take just a couple of minutes before it would take effect. Zara kept on fighting until the last minute before her body collapsed and everything went black.

* * *

" **This is exactly what I was afraid would happen!"** Commander Adama's baritone voice boomed over Jennifer's argument.

Staff, startled by the loud commanding voice, hurried away.

"I'm sorry Commander, it was a last resort."

"This was a mistake. I should never have tried to talk her into this. All this does is reinforce her fear of people. What is it about this place, about Life Center that makes her react so violently? Why is she so afraid of doctors?"

"We don't know enough about her to make that assessment. You said yourself that you hardly knew anything about her."

"What did the exam reveal?" His voice lowered to a normal level, knowing full well, what she'd find.

"There's clear evidence of multiple knitted bone breaks, some surgical scars, other scars that we can't identify as to the cause, missing gallbladder, a possibly damaged kidney, and her uterus has been surgically removed. She appears to be pre-menopausal, due to evidence in her ovaries. We took some blood for a DNA analysis. She's definitely human."

Adama nodded his head. "That's pretty much what Dr. Salik said."

"She wasn't treated kindly, she had a rough life."

"Abuse?"

"The evidence suggests years of it."

Adama squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, a tired resignation emerging as he opened them. "I'll stay with her as she wakes up. If she trusts me after this…." His voice trailed off.

"I've put her into a private room. Right now, she's restrained, but I'll leave that up to you to decide whether to remove them."

She led him to the room and quietly closed the door behind her.

Within the hour Zara began to stir, and when she realized she couldn't move she began to struggle.

Adama rushed to her side. "It's okay, I'm here. I'm going to loosen these so you don't have to struggle anymore. Do you understand?"

Her sedative clouded mind cleared enough for her to nod slightly. Adama saw the relief on her face as the restraining straps fell away. "No one hurt you. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. Cassie and I stayed with you the entire time. It only took a couple of microns. When you feel well enough, I'll lead the way to our living quarters. They gave us special accommodations, one of the biggest I believe. I think you'll like it."

Zara tried blinking the sleep out of her eyes, and she managed a slightly fuzzy Adama. Her brain was still foggy, but at least she'd stopped her struggling.

She sat up and inventoried her body, but felt nothing out of the ordinary. _'Why do they keep doing this to me? I didn't do anything wrong!'_

Silently, tears pooled in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Adama came over to wipe them away, but she turned her head. He heaved a great sigh of sadness. "I'm so sorry. I thought we could do this without frightening you. I thought if I explained everything, you would know what to expect. I thought if we got a woman doctor things would go better for you. I was wrong, so very wrong. I am sorry I talked you into this. If you are too scared, I'll take you back to the Galactica."

She looked him in the eye for a moment and shook her head. She brushed her hands over the opposite arm, looking for any marks that weren't there before and found none. She glanced back at Adama with a hurt look in her eyes, and then she started looking around the room. It didn't seem like a normal sickbay room to her. The lighting was dimmer, and hers was the only bed, for a room this large. Why was she here?

She indicated to him that she had to use the turbo flush.

"Yes, yes, it's right over here. Someone showed it to me, just in case you'd need it."

She felt a little shaky, but managed to get to and from the bathroom ok. She paused at the door upon leaving, a questioning look on her face.

"Do you want to go back to the ship?"

She shook her head no. She had no intention of going through this again.

Adama offered him arm to her, and she let him lead her out into the main part of the infirmary.

Jennifer noticed almost immediately, and came over. "I'm so sorry about all of this, I didn't mean for you to have such a bad experience. We want to make you feel welcome here on Atlantis. Is there anything I can get you or do to make you feel better?"

She gave Jennifer a questioning look, and then looked towards the floor. She inched a little closer to Adama and tightened her grip.

A man walked over to them. "Hullo, I'm Carson Beckett. Is this the young lady you've bin tellin' us aboot?"

"Yes. This is Zara."

"Well, hullo love. Are ye feelin' better?"

Zara blinked her eyes and stared at Carson for a moment with a look of surprise.

Carson smiled. "People who don't know where I'm from give me the same look. I'm from a country called Scotland on Earth. I think it's very beautiful, but people who aren't from there say it takes a bit o' gettin' used to. I'd be happy to show you some pictures of Scotland, if ye'd like."

Zara gave him an odd look, and then turned her face into Adama's shoulder.

"She's shy." Adama began explaining. "I'm afraid she hasn't had much interaction with people."

"I can see that. Show her around and maybe she'll take a likin' to something."

Adama nodded and he led the way out of the infirmary. After some twists and turns he came to a doorway. "They gave us quarters where we can spread out a bit. I hope you like it." He keyed the door to open.

When they stepped inside, Zara started to look around. It was something similar to the office space on the Galactica, but a little less military looking.

Adama pointed to the door on the right. "This is your room. You can decorate it any way you like."

Zara looked inside, her eyes wide.

After she inspected it, she joined Adama in the common room. She put her palm up to indicate talking. Adama presented his hand to her. _'I have my own room?'_

He smiled. "Yes, you do. I didn't tell them about our 'arrangement', just that I was your guardian. I don't know what their culture finds acceptable, so this was the best I could do. I know you find the Rising Star unacceptable. The few times I brought you on board you didn't like it."

She made a face and put her fingers in her ears. "And you didn't like the music the younger people find pleasing." He chuckled. "Let's go down to the cafeteria. That's their word for where to go to eat. I have to warn you the food is not like ours, and most of my people who have been here found it upsetting to their stomachs for a couple of time cycles, so go easy."

He led her to the café and when she got to the buffet line, she stopped dead in her tracks. Adama hadn't even noticed until he half turned and saw she wasn't next to him. He turned to look for her and found utter amazement on her face when he did.

"What's wrong?"

She pointed out to the food line. She had never seen so much food in her life!

He held out his elbow, which she took without hesitation and walked her up to the start of the line. "You may take whatever you wish, but only take what you're going to eat, don't waste it."

She took her plate after he did, and watched as he put food on his plate. She waited until he was done, and then walked up and down the line just looking at everything on display, trying to decide what to try first. She hadn't even noticed Adama had laid claim to a table.

Some of the Lanteans were already sitting down for lunch, including Shepard, McKay, Teyla, and Ronon at one table. Shepard tilted his head her way. "I guess that's her."

They all looked her way. McKay made a face and returned to his lunch. Ronon raised an eyebrow. "She doesn't look all that feral to me."

"Poor thing! She doesn't even know what to choose. Do you think I should go and help her John?" Teyla gave John a questioning glance.

By the time an answer had formed in his mind, he noticed Zara was finally selecting something. "Ah, I think she can handle it."

Zara put one thing on her plate, and looked around for Adama. When she spotted him, she made her way to the table and sat down.

"Is that all you're having?"

She smiled at him and began eating. When she was done with that, she ran back up and selected another item. She ate that, and then got a third item, but before she returned to the table she stuffed some fruit into her pockets and a bottle of water.

After their meal, Adama gave her a tour of the rest of the city. He pointed out a few places neither of them was allowed to go.

Adama set up a way for her to find her way around the city. He explained that his duties would call him away for extended periods of time. He would have Cassie check on her.

* * *

And so it went for the next month or so, and during those times while Adama was gone, Zara began to explore the city.

To change levels there were these interesting rooms. One only needed to touch the window in the wall and say the right words, and you would somehow wind up there!

She listened very carefully and she watched people very discreetly. She had always learned a lot that way. She figured out people's schedules; when they would be at breakfast and when the best times were to avoid excessive people. Of course, when Adama was there she joined him for breakfast.

She also discovered the stairwells, and the lower levels. It was apparent that few, if any, people went down there, so she made herself a little hideaway. Little did she know how handy those lower levels would become in her future.

Over time, she managed to squirrel away, blankets, pillows, a flashlight, books, and assorted foodstuffs; bottled water, granola bars, fruit, and candy, and hid everything in her little room.

Colonel John Shepard had tried to make friends with her by giving her chocolate bars. She shied away until Adama took them from John's hands, and said she could have them. It took her a bit, but eventually she accepted them from him directly. To her, he became known as the man with the treats. He would find ways to coax an extra dessert or treat out of the galley, and sneak it to her. She'd smile shyly and blush a pale pink.

She took a passing curious interest in Teyla and her baby, Torin, but never felt comfortable around her youngster. Adama had noticed the same level of discomfort whenever his grandson, Boxey came to visit.

Around Mr. Woolsey she kept her eyes downcast, upon learning he was in charge of the city. She always seemed quieter around those in charge.

She gave Dr. Carson Beckett a wide berth, but there was that curious look she had whenever she heard him speak. Dr. Jennifer Keller fared slightly better.

Not a medical doctor, Dr. Rodney McKay, was the one she avoided the most. He always had a mean scowl on his face, and after one particularly nasty run-in sent her crying, she avoided him at all costs.

While Adama was away on an overnight, she got lost in the lower levels. It took most of the night for her to find her way back to her hideaway. She was scared and alone, and half of the lights didn't work due to the flooding Atlantis suffered. The lights were never fixed, and most people were assigned quarters in the upper levels. After this, she learned to leave markers around when she went exploring.

"I have a meeting with Mr. Woolsey, so after we eat, I'll be there, ok?"

She smiled and nodded.

"After the meeting, I have a training session on the Galactica, so don't wait up for me."

Her smile slowly faded, but she nodded her understanding.

He felt bad for her. "We have 6000 people to educate about our new planet; new customs, new identification cards, new jobs, places to live, and a hundred other things I can't even remember. It all takes a lot of time to organize. Unlike our colonies, this planet consists of many different governments, and our people have to be assigned to one of them. We will do the same when the time comes."

She nodded.

"Not only am I training Apollo, but Boomer as well for bridge crew shift supervisors. Some new crew members have come from Earth for training on the Galactica as well. It will give our people some much needed relief."

She reached out her hands to indicate spelling into his hand. He extended his hand, palm up and she spelled into his hand that she understood all this and not to worry about her.

"You've come a long way, and grown up so much. I'm very proud of you. Now, all you have left to do is make some friends."

 _But, I don't know how to._ She wrote into his palm.

"You'll figure it out."

"Commander Adama, please report to the Operations Center, Mr. Woolsey would like to speak with you."

Adama tapped the strange earpiece he'd been given to communicate with the Atlantis crew. "I'll be right there." He turned to Zara and explained. "Go get your food, but don't wait for me. I don't know how long I will be."

She nodded.

He walked her up to the buffet line and grabbed something to eat on the way to his meeting with Mr. Woolsey.

Zara just got herself a bowl of cereal, and sat with her back to the wall. She didn't like people coming up and surprising her from behind.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Friends

Dr. Radek Zelenka looked around the science department. It was empty of all staff except him. He pushed his glasses to top of his head and rubbed his eyes. He'd been staring at the mathematical problem on his laptop for some time with little progress. He sighed.

Muttering to himself in his native Czech, he closed the computer down, and took it with him. He needed sleep, but he needed food first.

He made his way to the galley. It was too late for hot foods, so he resigned himself to yet another cold sandwich. Just as he was about to turn the corner, a figure shuffled slightly in the periphery of his vision.

He stopped and saw Zara. She was sitting in a chair by the window, and was staring out into the blackness. He wondered what she was looking at so intently, so he made his way over cautiously.

He couldn't see anything. There wasn't even a good view of Atlantis from here! What did she see?

He didn't want to disturb her, so he quietly walked away and met up with other latecomers at the galley.

"I see you're working late." John Shepard remarked as Radek took a seat.

"Yes, yes, Rodney has me working on some calculations." He took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.

Teyla came in and took a seat next to John. Her young son was fussy again, and she hoped a walk would tire him out.

"What is she doing?" Radek nodded towards Zara.

"She's waiting for Commander Adama to come down from the ship, but I doubt he'll be coming this late."

"She's been there most of the day." Teyla added.

"Really?" Radek peered over his glasses now. "Does she have nothing else to do?"

"I don't know. I don't see her much myself, only usually at meals and at night after away missions."

"She's so alone, no friends. She must be very lonely. She doesn't even speak. It's almost as if she doesn't understand any language at all. I know she understands us, but it's as if she speaks another language entirely. I wish there were a universal language that could bring us closer together."

Suddenly, Radek stopped chewing and sat up straight in his chair.

"What?" Shepard asked him. "You okay?"

Radek put down his sandwich and opened up his laptop. His fingers clacked the keys quickly.

John half stood to peer at the screen, but he couldn't see anything from the angle he was at. "What? Will you tell me what's going on?"

"There IS a universal language! Why didn't I think of this before?"

Ronon gazed at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Music!"

With a final tap on the keyboard, Radek turned the device around. It displayed a file of music that had been downloaded from a flash drive brought to Atlantis by a science team member. Radek knew about it, but once he'd discovered it, had hidden it from Rodney. No personal files were supposed to be on the laptops, but people were people, and they liked what creature comforts that could be found so far from home.

He let John look at the file briefly. "Just don't tell Rodney."

"I don't know anything that goes on in your department." John held up in hands in surrender.

"What do you think she would like?"

"What kind of music?"

Radek nodded.

"How would I know?" John shifted in his chair to get a better viewing angle. "How about you start with something simple?"

"What do you listen to?"

"Me? Uh, well, I've been known to listen to Johnny Cash."

Radek clacked away again. "There is one song by Johnny Cash; "Ring of Fire."

John looked pensive. "I like it, but she might not."

"What do you suggest?"

"How about something without words or something maybe kids would like? I am guessing she's more intelligent than we suspect, but still I don't think she'd enjoy anything too loud."

"Something in English, maybe the Beatles?"

"That might work, play something soft."

Radek queued up "In My Life" and walked close enough to where she would hear it.

As the first notes of music floated out of the machine, her head turned. Radek was smiling as he carried it over. John and Ronon struggled with a table. Teyla watched her with bemused eyes.

"We're bringing the party to you." John quipped. Her eyes grew wide with amazement.

Radek set the laptop down on the table and turned it to face her.

She turned her gaze to the picture on the machine. It was a single black and white photograph of the Beatles that accompanied the song. She stared at it, her mouth opened partly in utter awe. She'd never heard or seen anything like this before.

When the song was over, Radek queued up the next one, and the next, and the next.

Some had moving pictures, while others did not.

Finally, Radek turned the machine towards him. "I'm afraid those are all the Beatles songs available. There are others, if you would like to listen to them."

When he looked up, he saw tears in her eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head no. A genuine smile lit up her face.

"Would you like to hear more?"

She nodded yes emphatically. No one had ever played music for her before.

Radek came around to the other side. "May I sit here?" He wanted to make sure it was all right. He knew she was skittish around people, but she nodded.

"I shall show you how to find music in here. Will that be okay?"

She smiled again, and nodded.

So, Radek spent the next hour showing her how to sample the recordings, and he showed her how to make her own little file of favorites, and he titled it Zara's Music.

"I'll check some of the other laptops, there may be some more music on those. You'll have to give me a couple of days though, okay?"

She nodded.

* * *

A few nights later, Zara and Commander Adama were sitting together in one of the lounges when Radek showed up. He wanted to introduce Zara to some more music.

She sat captivated by the enormous amount of music and Adama looked on in amazement.

"She's never taken an interest in our music, in fact, she hates it." Adama declared.

"I have been asking everyone to compile a flash drive of music and to send it to me. This way I can combine all the files and she can sample a bigger variety of musical styles, and eras. Let's try this one."

Radek cued up some Glenn Miller, and as the first few notes floated about, a big smile came over Zara's face. Adama raised an eyebrow.

"Once I find out what styles appeal to her, I can make a file with those that are her favorites. I know a couple of people are heading to Earth via our stargate bridge. I will ask them to bring back as much music as they can, that is, if they have the time and are willing. Also the Daedelus will be shipping out with a new load of supplies for us shortly. I will send a message out and see what else we can find."

"Thank you for doing this. I can see that she's thrilled. It does my heart good to see her happy."

"I cannot take all the credit. It was Teyla who gave me the idea. I will play music for her on the nights that I do not have to work late and when I can get the laptop out of the science department. Rodney doesn't like us to use them for personal files."

"Please do not get yourself in trouble. Perhaps there is a way for Zara to have her own? I have Colonial cubits. I don't know what value they have here, but they should be worth something."

"I have an idea, but I cannot promise anything."

Adama's face turned serious. "I don't want to seem ungrateful, for I am, but I don't want you to go out of your way."

"Óh, no, no, no, it's no trouble. I'm glad she is enjoying it."

"I do want her to learn from her experiences, learn the value of things. I want to know if there's anything she can do for you in return."

Zara's heart froze. Color drained out of her face. She thought Commander Adama was going to rent her out to Radek.

"I'm fine, there's no need, really. If she wants to volunteer, I'm sure there are many departments here that would love to have her as an addition; perhaps botany. I think Zara might enjoy working with flowers and plants."

"She did enjoy our trip to the agro-ship. What do you think; would you enjoy working with plants?'

Zara was taken aback for a moment. After thinking a moment, she nodded. _It might be nice to plant some flowers_ , she thought.

"I'll set it up for her."

* * *

True to his word, Radek spoke to department head, and Zara starting working there. At first it was very simple things, like watering the various plants. She was given a schedule and it was her job to know which plant needed a lot of water and which didn't.

When she excelled at that, Zara was given more responsibility. She was now helping to grow food using Hydroponics.

She carefully harvested the fruits and vegetables being grown, after being shown when they had ripened. Then she was given the task of delivering them to the kitchens for meal preparation.

"We're going to expand our selections as soon as new supplies come from Earth." The lead botanist, Katie Brown, told her. "We've collected water from the ocean and desalinized it, so we always have a surplus of fresh water."

Zara cocked her head quizzically.

"We have filtering machines to remove the salt from the ocean water so we can drink it."

Zara rolled that idea in her head a bit and then nodded her understanding. She didn't understand how a machine could do that, but like many other things she'd encountered, she accepted it.

"I think that'll be all the help I need today, you're free to go."

Zara did a double-take. No one had ever said she was "free to go" to her before. She hesitated, unsure of what to do.

Katie could plainly see the confusion on Zara's face. "Did I say something wrong?"

Zara recovered her momentary indecision, and shook her head. She pointed to herself and then to the door.

Katie smiled. "Go ahead."

Zara gave her a half nod/half bow and took her leave. She felt almost happy as she walked down the hallway. She had a few hours to spare. _What should I do?_ She thought as she slowed her pace. _Hmmm._ She decided to go down to the hideaway in the lower levels.

She crept up on the special room, the one that moved her from place to place. She made sure no one was around and quietly slipped in. She pressed her hand against the sensor in the wall. "Lower level 15."

The panel lit up with lights and she felt a slight vibration in the floor. When the door opened, she was on the requested floor. The dim light spilled into the "elevator". She stepped out and made her way to one of the rooms she'd discovered. It was a "windowed" room where she could look out into the ocean since this level was below the water line. She found it fascinating and soothing.

When she tired, she went to her little hiding place and laid down on the blankets. She could hear the humming of the city down here and it lulled her to sleep


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Setback

Zara spent more time among the Lanteans than she'd ever had with the people on the Galactica. That ship, while a good sturdy ship that got them through many long nights and Cylon attacks, was full of dark hallways, strange noises, and busy people.

Here the people were still busy, but happier. She liked John Shepard, and Radek Zelenka. Teyla wasn't her favorite, but she was tolerated. Dr. Jennifer Keller fared a bit better than Dr. Carson Beckett. Still, Zara would not approach either directly. She was observed to have crept closer to Carson when she heard him talking. John had noticed. He mentioned it to Carson one afternoon.

"I think it's the accent." Carson offered up as an explanation, to which John nodded thoughtfully.

Carson decided that perhaps the resident psychologist should spend some time observing Zara's behavior and went to talk to her about it.

"She seems to have some peculiar body language about her. I often wonder how she acquired it…" He let the statement hang.

"Children tend to pick up on the environment around them."

"She's hardly a wee child."

"True, but she has never had the chance to grow up mentally, or emotionally. Her body is that of an adult, but in many ways, she's still learning how to cope in her mind. She's having a lot of things thrown at her here."

"She does have those things she obviously enjoys. Radek sent her to Botany and she's working with Katie Brown in the Hydroponics Lab. She also likes Colonel Shepard and Radek."

"I'll do my best to keep an eye on her and let you know what I think."

So, for the next couple of weeks Dr. Kate Heightmeyer enlisted the aid of several people to observe Zara's behavior.

She discovered who she liked, which came as no surprise, and who she didn't like, namely Dr. Rodney McKay being the one she seemed most uncomfortable around.

She found this out the hard way, as one afternoon between appointments she was enjoying a cup of tea in the cafeteria. Zara was trying to pick something out for lunch and Rodney grumped his way in.

She took longer than Rodney had patience for and growled something at her. Zara flinched like she'd been burnt and scurried out of the cafeteria red-faced and in tears.

Before Kate could go talk to Rodney about it, Radek went over with a few words. Rodney responded with an angry face and words.

"Aren't you finished with the project I gave you yet? Don't worry about her, and stop spending city resources on someone too stupid to understand. Now get back to work."

* * *

Commander Adama stood in the OPS center waiting to speak to Mr. Woolsey. Down below, the stargate peacefully rested.

Mr. Woolsey stepped over to him. "I was told you were waiting to speak to me. Please, come on in."

When the men settled themselves, Mr. Woolsey asked why he was here. "How can I help you today, Commander?"

"I have a complaint."

"Oh?" Mr. Woolsey sat up straighter in his chair. "May I ask the nature of this complaint?"

"I have just found out one of your staff members has been bullying Zara. When I came back last night, it was obvious that she'd been crying. It took me a long time to persuade her to tell me what was going on, and apparently this isn't the first time."

"Who? Which staff member?"

"Dr. Rodney McKay."

"I see."

"She's just learning how to cope with new situations, and understand how to get along with new people, and she's still very fragile. I cannot tolerate this behavior. If this happened on my ship, I'd take care of it myself, but as you are in charge of the crew, I'm coming to you."

"Yes, yes, of course. I'll have a talk with Rodney. He can be very disagreeable at times."

"Thank you."

Adama got up to leave, but Mr. Woolsey asked him to stay another minute. "I'd like to inform you that the Daedelus is on her way with supplies and counselors."

"Counselors?"

"Yes. They are going to set up orientation classes for your people. Everyone will go to several classes to learn about the planet they will be going to. We have many different countries, cultures, languages, religions, and customs. The job of the counselor is to find out the best place for your people to settle as they acquaint them with Earth. I take it the Galactica will remain in orbit until the last individual has been processed."

"I was not informed of this."

"I was going to tell you at our next meeting, but you got to my office ahead of schedule this morning."

Adama looked thoughtful. "So, we're not all going to be in one place?"

"It is the opinion of the Stargate Command leaders that your people be spread out among the many nations of Earth, and of course, where the individuals themselves find the most appealing."

"I see. Has the Council of Twelve been informed?"

"If you'll accompany me to the meeting, I'll tell them myself."

* * *

Zara peeked around every corner as she made her way to the Hydroponics Lab. She wanted to avoid the mean one at all costs. Just the thought of running into McKay sent a cold shiver down her spine.

It had been a week since she'd tearfully confessed her encounter with Rodney, and had been lucky so far. Just a few more steps… she sprinted into the lab. A great sigh escaped her and she was just looking around for Katie Brown when she spotted her….and Rodney talking!

McKay glared at her, and she turned and raced out of the lab, stumbling over a nearby potted plant. It went down as she passed.

Zara kept going until she got to her hideaway. She refused to leave it.

Later, when Commander Adama couldn't find her, he felt a panic rise up, and went to Colonel Shepard.

"I'll get my team together. Don't worry, we'll find her."

Adama went to OPS and John gave his team members and all the soldiers an area to search. They all checked in and the hunt was on.

Adama peered over the shoulder of Chuck the technician as he began a city-wide scan. On the headset, Adama heard Shepard tell his team to call out when they had cleared the area they were searching in.

"Let's go." He waved his hand and people scattered into separate paths.

John listened intently when people began checking in. A chorus of "Clear" echoed in his ear. "Chuck, what do you have on the internal scanners?"

"I'm going down the list as people check in. Since she's human, I'm picking up everyone."

"Great; this is like looking for a needle in a haystack of needles." He muttered half to himself. "Keep up the check-ins everybody."

Ronan checked off his area in record time. "I'm heading to the lower levels."

When his area hadn't turned up anything, he got a feeling in his gut. He swept down to the areas he knew were ideal hiding places and bypassed the others. He'd check the most likely places first.

Soon enough, he came upon a muffled sound. He crept amazingly quiet for a big man towards the sound. Standing at 6'4", he was a formidable warrior. His long dreadlock styled hair and mustache/beard combination gave him a fierce appearance, but he was capable of gentleness.

The sound got louder for a moment and then quieted down. It was the sound of a woman crying softly.

"Zara?" He whispered into the darkness. "It's Ronon. I've come to help you."

A rustling sound overtook the cry. Zara was startled and all she saw was the dark outline of a man in the doorway. She muffled a scream and scrambled away.

When she could go no further, she sat on the floor in the corner.

Ronon set his lamp on the floor and then sat cross legged beside it. "Do you mind if I sit here for a while?"

Upstairs, John was confused. "What? Where are you Ronon?"

"I found her, everybody can relax."

A collective sigh echoed in everyone's headset, including Adama's. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's okay, we're just sitting here. I'll bring her up in a little while."

"Thank you everyone, thank you." Adama finally let his worry slip from his shoulders.

"So…" Ronon said simply. "I'm Ronon Dex. Do you remember me?"

Zara studied him for a bit and then nodded. In the dim light he looked a lot different.

"I'm going to take out my ear piece and turn it off okay? That way no one can listen in and we can just talk…or not. We can just sit here for a while if you want." He pulled the communication device from his ear, turned it off, and set it on the floor.

She watched him attentively. His voice was low and even. His movements were non-threatening, and his body was relaxed.

After a bit, she began to relax too, but just a tiny bit.

"So…." He was at a loss for words. "I guess you don't talk. I don't blame you. I don't talk much myself. I just don't see the sense."

She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

She shook her head.

"Okay."

And they sat there.

She wiped the remaining tears from her face and they sat as if on a camping trip, and the lamp were a campfire.

"You hungry?"

She looked over at her small stash...that was on Ronon's side of the room.

"Oh, I see." He leaned over and picked up a power bar, and slid it over to her.

She opened it and began chewing on it.

"You really like those things?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"How about we go upstairs and get some real food?"

She considered this. Ronon watched her and could see the gears turning in her mind. Finally, she nodded.

He held out his hand, palm up to her. "Need some help?"

She shook her head and stood up. Ronon waited patiently until she was up and then stood up himself.

"You want to take my hand?"

She shook her head no.

They walked in silence to the "elevator", and Ronon activated the mechanism inside.

In the light she could see him better. In all honesty, she hadn't paid all that much attention to him, but now that she could see him, really see him, the gears started turning all over again.

He walked her to the cafeteria where a very relieved Commander Adama sat. He pulled Zara into a big hug. "I'm so glad you're safe! You had me worried. What happened?"

A sad look came over her face and she shook her head.

"Can I sit with you?" Ronon asked.

"Yes, of course. I want to thank you in person for finding her."

"It's no trouble."

"Did she give you a hard time?"

Ronon shook his head. "No, we just sat quietly until she was ready to get up."

Zara studied Ronon as he sat directly across from her. She averted her eyes when he returned her gaze, but peeked up at him a bit later. He smiled a little. She blushed a pale pink and was unable to hide a small smile from him.

"She likes you; that's unusual for her to take to someone so quickly. You are welcome to join us for our meal."

"Thank you, I will."

They all got their meals and returned to the table. Adama was taken aback somewhat when Ronon began eating his fried chicken with his fingers. His first thought was that the food wasn't processed nearly enough for Colonial standards, and then to see someone not using utensils… He blinked back his comments and continued eating.

Then he noticed Zara copying Ronon! She'd picked up her fried chicken and was eating with her fingers.

"Zara, use your utensils, please."

She stopped mid-bite, a look of admonishment crossed her face. She put the chicken down slowly, but before she could pick up her knife and fork Ronon cut in.

"There's nothing wrong with her eating fried chicken with her fingers, in fact, according to what I've been told, it's a ritual custom on Earth."

Adama nearly choked on his food at the very thought.

Zara's gaze alternated between Ronon and Adama and wondered who was going to win this battle.

"Look around." Ronon suggested.

As Adama's eyes roved over the people gathered to eat, he saw exactly what Ronon was talking about. People were eating their food with their fingers. He sat back a bit and absorbed this new information. What kind of world were they going to? It seemed uncivilized to him.

Finally, he sighed. "I want Zara to be…" Suddenly, he was at a loss for words. He was going to say 'better', but he realized that that sounded condescending to everyone else, including the man who had found her. "I just thought she should…." Another loss. "That she should practice proper techniques." That wiggled him out of a sticky situation fair enough.

Ronon indicated with the hand that held the chicken breast. "Yeah, she's gotten the hang of it already, so she really doesn't need any more lessons, does she?"

Adama began flushing. He didn't think Ronon should be undermining his authority, especially right in front of Zara. He looked over at her and saw that her eyes were wide and questioning. She didn't know what to do and it showed.

"Sheppard!" Ronon called out and waved him over. "Will you tell him that it's okay for her to eat fried chicken with her fingers?"

John wandered over.

"Oh, yeah, everybody does it on earth, it's sort of expected."

"Really?" Adama was surprised.

"Yup, in fact, it's actually very enjoyable. Relax, let her enjoy herself, we don't hold to any standards here, we're all like one big happy family. Most of us don't have much in the way of family, which is why we volunteered to be here. We're each other's family."

Zara fidgeted a bit and looked to Adama, waiting for permission to continue.

"Well, if that is the custom…go on then."

Zara smiled and picked her chicken back up and nibbled away at it. Across from her Ronon nodded.

* * *

She tried making yet another attempt at getting into the "elevator", but failed. The city was busier than usual this morning. Zara sighed and waited some more. She didn't want anyone to hear her speaking.

Out of patience, she reluctantly headed to the stairwell.

Earlier, after breakfast, she'd watched Sheppard lead his team through the star gate. She got an up close and personal viewing of it when they had first arrived. That's when she noticed it was missing two symbols. _They have a defective gate!_ But, rather than inform them of this, she kept the information to herself.

Ronon went out with them, as usual.

She wondered what else was out there as she entered the stairwell and descended. Usually, it was quiet, but not today. As she heard voices get closer and closer, she picked up her pace until she was running down the stairs. Adama was going to be gone for a couple of weeks, so she wanted to have time for herself. With the voices and thoughts distracting her, she missed a step and went flying down the stairwell, bouncing off the metal steps until she crashed into the cement wall with a hard thud.

It made quite the racket and people began calling out, but she was too dazed to respond at the moment.

 _What the hell?_ She found herself on the floor. Her head was ringing slightly, or was the sound coming from another level? She couldn't quite tell.

"Are you okay?" Someone was kneeling down next to her. "Are you hurt?"

She tried sitting up and was unable to stop the cry that escaped her throat. She fell back down.

"Go get help, I'll stay with her."

The second person scrambled away quickly to go fetch help.

Zara blinked several times to clear away the confusion she felt. _What happened?_ She searched her memory. She remembered running, and then a flash of grey, followed by a flash of white light. She looked around, but there weren't any bright white lights in the stairwell. _Where did the lights come from?_

She tried sitting up again and managed to get her back braced against the wall. It took a few more seconds for her to realize the presence of the other person, and she painfully pushed back until she was in the corner.

"The doctor will be here soon."

Suddenly, Zara was really uncomfortable with that and she tried to stand up. She was pushed back down. "You need to sit, you could be injured."

Zara had no strength to fight, so she complied…for the moment.

Above there were sounds and voices echoing around, but Zara couldn't make out anything coherent.

Her gaze swept over everyone who now began crowding the space.

Once she recognized Dr. Beckett, she hissed at him. He drew back accordingly.

For the next hour, she tried biting anyone who came close to her. She hissed and spat like a mountain lion.

Dr. Beckett called Jennifer Keller down and she got the same reception.

"She's in shock." Jennifer told Carson.

"Yes, I know that. How do we get her to the infirmary? We can't knock her out until we've made certain she doesn't have a concussion."

Zara wanted Adama and asked for him; she spelled out his name on the floor.

"He's gone to Earth, love. We can't get him back for at least two days!"

Zara looked about wildly. She was in distress, and breathing rapidly.

"Zara, breathe slow in and out through your nose. You are hyperventilating. You might pass out. Let me demonstrate." Jennifer caught her attention and tried to get her to focus. She only had partial success.

Zara started writing on the floor again. _Ronon. I need Ronon. No one else._

"He's on an away mission…" Jennifer started to say, but Zara wouldn't hear of it. _RONON! NOW!_

It took Ronon two hours to return. Zara resisted the medical staff the entire time.

Jennifer filled him in at the gate, and led him to the stairwell.

"Hey." He said simply when he saw her.

She instantly crumpled into tears, and reached out for him.

Ronon knelt down and gently picked her up, much to the fuss of both doctors. She let him carry her to the infirmary. She refused the gurney and refused to sit on the exam table once they got there. Ronon held her on his lap and she curled her right arm around his neck.

She was bleeding in several places and Ronon wrapped some gauze around her wounds until they could get some idea of any serious injuries.

A scan showed a broken right tibia, and deep bruising. Thank goodness for the technology of the Ancients!

Zara was really good while Carson and Jennifer put a cast on her right leg, and treated her abrasions. But they soon discovered her other pressing issue; she was so badly bruised on her left side, that she couldn't support her weight, even with crutches.

They got her into a wheelchair and Ronon wheeled her back to her quarters.

He pulled out the bottle of medicine from his pocket, a simple bottle of Tylenol, and gave her a couple.

"Carson said it will help take the edge off, but they weren't too strong." She accepted them, and broke one in half. She refused to take more. "Okay, but if you need more, you can take the other half."

* * *

The next four days she spent in misery and pain. She couldn't get into a comfortable position no matter how hard she tried. The pain kept her awake at night, and she only managed to doze.

Cassie was re-assigned to stay with her overnight and helped her into the bathroom. Food and pitchers of ice water were brought to her regularly. (The water was a double edged sword. She needed to drink to keep from dehydrating, but it caused her pain to have to get up so much to use the toilet.) Both doctors checked on her during the day. Ronon came by before and after his away missions. His visits always caused her tears to fall. She was so happy to see him.

Thousands of light years away, Adama was beside himself after hearing the news. He felt terrible. He couldn't wait to get back, but bureaucracy was detaining him on Earth. It helped a bit to know that Cassie was taking care of her, and that Ronon was able to stop in.

John stopped by with some puzzle books. She had taken an interest in the word search books she found in the lounges, and John had thought to bring her one. He also brought her a Sudoku book and taught her how to solve the number puzzles. She liked them but her concentration was limited due to the pain.

Dr. Beckett was told of her refusal to take a full dose of Tylenol, but he decided he'd let her choose the dosing on that matter. Cassie tried to persuade her to take a full dose, but she wouldn't. Carson had ice packs sent down frequently to help with the swelling.

Radek stopped by and played music for her and that helped distract her from the pain for a little while at least. For the most part of the day, she dozed in catnaps, unable to get more than 15 minutes' worth of sleep at a time.

After a week of confinement in her quarters, Zara began exhibiting signs of distress and anxiety. She was constantly chewing on her fingernails and unusually short on patience. Her pain was apparent, but still she wouldn't cry out.

Ronon came by to wheel her to the infirmary for a routine check on her leg, and she didn't respond well to having to go there. Ronon stayed by her side the entire time, but it seemed she was ready to jump up out of the seat at any given moment.

"She needs some air. I'm going to take her down to the cafeteria and we're going to eat outside."

"Make absolutely sure that her legs are elevated, or fluid could collect in them. The broken one will swell and the cast could cut off circulation."

Ronon promised and wheeled her out. She calmed down immediately after leaving the infirmary. He stopped in the hallway and walked around to kneel in front of the chair.

"Are you feeling better?"

Her composure melted and she nodded. She held back her tears with such willpower even Ronon was impressed.

"You know it's okay to cry if you're hurting."

She nodded again, but she wouldn't let the tears fall.

She'd spent so much of her life in pain, she had actually gotten used to it. She could barely remember a time when she wasn't hurting. She'd built up a high tolerance. That didn't mean she liked it or that she didn't feel it, but she refused to express it any more than needed. Sometimes, it was more than she could bear, and the tears leaked out.

"I know you must be in a lot of pain, is the ice helping at all? I could get more."

She looked around, anywhere just to not have to focus on Ronon's eyes. He knew her well enough to be able to sense her distress. She fidgeted and tried to adjust her position, but that only caused more pain.

The tiny sigh of resignation/pain/defeat overwhelmed her defenses. She looked deep into his chocolate brown eyes. An entire conversation wordlessly passed between them in those moments.

He was the only one who understood her. They were brother and sister, brought together by their shared pain. She could see the deep memories that haunted him, the ones he hid away from everyone else. The pain, the guilt, and all the memories he'd rather tuck away and try to forget. And he saw her pain, saw her flinch, the defeated submission and the fears she carried. No one else had suffered as much; no one else knew what they each carried.

She reached out her fingers tentatively. He grasped them gently in return. She squeezed his hand a little, as if asking a question only he could hear. He replied by squeezing her fingers in return. A small smile appeared on her face, and she nodded.

"Let's go get some lunch, ok?" He let slip a small smile himself before standing up. It was a rare thing for Ronon to smile, and he reserved it just for her.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

New lessons

Commander Adama returned to Atlantis at the end of his trip on schedule, amazing since the Council of the Twelve often left him tied up with nonsense.

The Council found out about the orientation classes at the meeting called by Mr. Woolsey and wanted to discuss this with those at Stargate Command. They weren't happy with the accommodations they stayed at during their bridge gate trip, and it was all Adama could do to not roll his eyes at them. In fact, he was beginning to think Zara's assessment of them; selfish, self-centered, and ignorant of the people who voted for them, was correct. Still, he had to be there to keep order. Someone had to be the voice of reason.

Needless to say, even when he got back the Council members were still trying to wriggle out of classes, but Mr. Woolsey was told that no one was going to be exempt – NO ONE.

* * *

Adama pushed Zara down the hall to the infirmary for another check-up and more x-rays. It was important to see how the bone was healing.

"Well, young lady, the bone seems to be healing nicely, and although it's still early on, I don't foresee any worries. Keep your leg elevated, and no weight on it."

Zara signed to Adama.

"She wants to know why it isn't healed yet, Dr. Beckett."

"It's only been three weeks!"

A puzzled look came over her face. She signed more.

"She says she's had broken bones before and they've healed completely in less than two."

Carson stared first at Adama and then at Zara. "It's not possible."

Zara then pointed to several places on her body where the bones had been broken.

"She says all of these bones had been broken and healed, some mostly healed on the same day as they were broken. I know for a fact that Dr. Salik on the Galactica could have fused the bone that same day, but nobody contacted him. Why is that?"

"You have advanced medicine? Good Lord, man, why didn't we know about this?"

"How was I supposed to know what you did or did not know? Zara would have to have been shuttled back to the ship. I'll contact him later and see what he says."

Unfortunately, now that so much time had passed Dr. Salik didn't want to interfere with the process already begun. He felt they would have to undo the healing to start the procedure, in other words, they'd have to break the bone again, and Adama decided not to pursue that course of action. It wasn't fair to poor Zara to start over again, much to the relief of Dr. Salik.

When she found out how long it was going to take before the cast came off she started to cry. Adama explained it all over again. Did she want to go back to the ship? Adama knew she didn't like Dr. Salik at all.

She agonized over the decision, and in the end, she chose to remain in Atlantis, but she wasn't happy about it.

One particularly bad day, she was screaming trying to scratch an itch under the cast. Sheppard came up with a metal wire coat hanger from somewhere and twisted it into a scratcher so she could satisfy the itch. She had been going insane trying to insert foreign objects underneath the hard material. She was so relieved, that she forgot to reign in her tears. It was also the first time she hugged him.

Once her arms healed up some, she was able to wheel herself around, but it totally exhausted her. Getting washed in the morning was a chore. She had been washing her hair in the sink, with her only able to stand up for a few minutes at a time, and then falling back down in a heap. Her shoulders were in a lot of pain from all the added work, but she bit her tongue in an effort to keep it from showing.

Dr. Keller came up with a waterproof protector to slip on over her cast, so she could shower. Zara never thought a shower could feel so good!

Life wasn't easy, but it was getting better.

Classes had started for the Colonists. It had been decided that the people housed on the smallest ships would go first, and that way the ships could be dismantled and recycled for new life as something else. Of course, this caused an uproar amongst the people and another fire for Adama to put out.

The Council decided they needed special privileges, but 'the powers that be' on Earth decided that only one Council member at a time would attend classes as per so many Colonists. Adama would be in the last set of classes as would Zara and the crew of the great Battlestar.

* * *

Radek came running through the hallways, an excited grin on his face. The Daedalus had arrived and brought with it the things he had requested.

Zara was in her usual spot by the windows gazing outside, waiting for any sign of the Galactica overhead or Adama's return.

"There you are!"

Zara turned to find out why he was so breathless.

"Look what I have for you!"

"RADEK!" The shrill voice of Dr. McKay shrieking at Radek made all the color drain from Zara's face.

"I'll distract him, you go into the cafeteria." Radek pocketed the gift he wanted to give Zara quickly.

Radek headed off McKay and Zara wheeled around and quickly disappeared from view.

"Radek, where are you going with that laptop? I need all the laptops in the lab."

Radek began spinning a tale as Zara snuck into the café.

"Look. I don't want to hear it, just get it back to the lab; we have important work to do today. No excuses! Get it done!" He turned around. "I need more coffee."

At the coffee pot, Zara had drained the last of the coffee from the urn. As she was emptying sugar packets into her cup, Rodney came over just in time to see. "Now you're drinking all the coffee too? I need coffee! Don't you know that? I have priority! I WANT MY COFFEE!"

Poor Zara tipped over her cup as she scrambled to get out of there as fast as she could. With tears blurring her vision, she rolled into several people and a couple of tables before she made her escape.

Radek tried to stop her flight, but to no avail; she sailed right past him. "Rodney!"

Any further comments were cut off by a hail of poison by McKay.

"And I better not catch you wasting resources on that girl; she's too stupid to understand the important work we do! Now, get back to work." Rodney spun around. "I want my coffee!" He stomped off to harass the kitchen staff to brew another pot.

Later that night when Zara refused to go to dinner, Adama knew something was up.

After persevering, he finally got her to tell him of the coffee incident.

He was madder than a wet hen and stormed up to Mr. Woolsey. He banged his fist on the table. "You were supposed to fix this! I will not stand for it any longer."

Mr. Woolsey dabbed his napkin to sop up the spilled beverage. "What are you talking about?"

"Dr. McKay has been harassing Zara again. She refuses to leave her room."

"I have spoken with him."

"Evidently it was not enough. He persists on scaring her and screaming at her."

"I'll have another talk with him."

"Don't bother; I'll take care of this myself." Adama turned and left. Mr. Woolsey stood up and called after him, but he was ignored.

* * *

The next morning in the café, Ronon joined them for breakfast and heard all about the coffee incident.

Even with all the many voices talking at once, Zara could pick out McKay's high tenor from the entranceway.

When the color drained from her face, both of the men knew she'd heard him.

McKay strolled in and headed straight to the coffee. Sheppard, Teyla, and Beckett were at their usual table. Rodney went to join them.

Adama stood up, but Ronon was faster.

Just as McKay put down his tray, Ronon grabbed him around the throat one handed and back-pedaled him against the wall. "If you EVER harass Zara again, I'll put you in the infirmary! You got that McKay?"

Rodney gurgled, but couldn't speak. His toes barely touched the ground.

It happened so fast, everyone was in shock for a split second. Then John and Carson jumped up and pleaded with the big man to let McKay go.

"Not until he promises to stay away from Zara." The hand tightened its' grip.

Rodney's face was beet red, but he managed a nod. He fell to the floor with a loud thud when Ronon released him. Ronon gave him one more murderous glare before leaving.

He calmly walked back to Adama's table and sat down like nothing ever happened. "Problem solved." He went right back to his breakfast.

Adama slowly sat down, and let out the breath he'd been holding. Voices spoke in muted tones after that around the café.

John came over and sat with them. "I really have to apologize. Rodney has always been known for his sharp tongue. I didn't know what was going on, if I had, I would have prevented this from getting this far. You won't have any more trouble, I promise."

"I took care of it." Ronon muttered between bites.

"I know you did, I'm just letting these good folks know I could have handled it." He looked directly at Zara. "You're one of the luckiest people I know. You're friend here is the biggest bad-ass in the city. If you're friends with him, you've nothing to worry about…ever."

He stood up, gave a small pat on Ronon's shoulder and went back to his table.

* * *

"So…" Carson looked around for the calendar. "It's been almost 8 weeks; let's see how this bone is doing, shall we?"

Ronon stood to one side and Adama on the other side of Zara in the infirmary. John had been regaling her in the weeks since the coffee incident with tales about Ronon and Carson. Now, she looked at Carson differently. With visions of Dr. McCoy from Star Trek in her mind, she regarded him with less fear. John had scared up a few recordings of the old television series and had played them for her. She was fascinated with TV, and began attending movie nights whenever possible.

Ronon scoffed at the big box, so John took her to the screening room, but Ronon made an exception once or twice.

"Ok, lass, here we go." When Carson started up the cutting device, Zara jerked back in terror and screamed. She thought he was going to cut her leg off. It took all Ronon's strength to keep her from tipping the chair over.

"I've done this hundreds of times, lassie. I know what I'm doing. It will never touch you; I'm only cutting the cast off."

It took several attempts before Zara was calm enough for Beckett to continue. If it weren't for Ronon's repeated assurances, the cast would have still been on at day's end.

She winced at the high pitched whine as it cut the surface of the cast. She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as humanly possible, and turned her face away. She had a death grip on Ronon's large hands. If it hurt, he never let on.

After way too much of the horrid sounds, she passed out and her body went limp. Ronon braced her up and Carson finished cutting.

When she opened her eyes, she was cast free!

"Was it that bad, love?" Carson asked. He felt bad.

Her face showed her displeasure but she didn't make a sound.

"Let's take some pictures of the bone. You remember how we did that?"

Carson had to wait quite a while before she nodded. Her eyes had returned to that suspicious glare she'd perfected. Ronon wheeled her to get x-rays, and returned her to a waiting Adama.

In a couple of minutes Carson rejoined them. "Well, it looks good! The bone still has some healing to do, but don't see any space where arthritis might sneak in there. I want you to slowly start putting some weight on it. Can you work the crutches I gave you?"

She shook her head no. She signed to Adama. 'Those things are dangerous. I nearly fell several times trying to use them.'

"I think she should stay away from them Dr. Beckett. I don't want her to be at risk of another fall and breaking something else."

"Very well then, continue with the chair, but I want you to stand up and see how well you can get around. Do a little more each day. Okay?"

She nodded, but wasn't happy.

"If we were back on Earth, I'd have a couple of other options for her, but since we're not, I just don't have the resources."

"What were you thinking about?" Adama asked.

"Well, I could let her use an assistive device. It's usually for older people who have balance problems. Here let me show you."

Carson pulled up a photograph on his computer.

"Could you send this up to my ship? We have technicians that could make something like this."

"Of course."

Carson sent the image up later that day, and the scientist that created Muffy, Dr. Wilker, set about creating a rolling, four wheeled device that would help support Zara, plus it would give her a seat in the middle for when she needed to rest.

* * *

Radek slipped out of the science department after a long, but productive day. All the data from the last expedition had been sorted and for once there seemed nothing left to do.

He carried the laptop under his arm and scurried off to find his new friend. She was where he expected her to be, sitting alongside Adama in the lounge. The film John had picked for the evenings' entertainment went over well.

"There you are! Did you enjoy the movie?"

Zara smiled and blushed. She still wasn't used to be people actually happy to see her and not want to hurt her.

Adama smiled too. "Your entertainment is of much better quality than we have, but then we are limited in our capacity."

Ronon walked out from behind them and just grunted.

"I'd meant to give this to you some time ago, but the incident with Rodney put a damper on it. Let me show you." He sat down. "I know it doesn't look like much, but I hope it'll be something you'll like. It's called an MP3 player, and you take these things and put them into your ears. These are earbuds."

"What exactly is this?" Adama got curious.

"It plays music. She can carry it around with her and listen anytime she likes. I will show her how to charge it, for when the battery runs down."

"I told you before that I didn't want her to be overwhelmed with gifts…"

"I know, I know. I have a plan. And don't worry; these things are very common and quite inexpensive. I know you want her to earn the things she gets, so she doesn't get in the habit of expecting things. I spoke to Mr. Woolsey and he has agreed to let her do some light work in his office in exchange. Will that be satisfactory?"

"I agree with that. Zara?"

She nodded readily.

"On my laptop, I have your file of music, and I have some new files for you to listen to. Once you make your selections from the new songs, I will put them all on here, and you can listen. I can always add more. It holds about 300 songs. I will show you how to operate it."

She smiled, and signed 'Thank you.'

A couple of days later, Radek returned and brought her the MP3 player and instructed her in its usage.

A huge smile crossed her face as she listened.

Radek stepped back, pleased with his work.

"I want to thank you again for all the work and time you've put into this. She's really starting to blossom."

"Oh, it was my pleasure just to see the joy on her face."

"She's learning so much, and she's getting more comfortable around people too."

"Has Rodney been a problem?"

"No. He avoids her at all costs now. I disagree completely with Ronon's method, but it has been effective."

"They have this unspoken understanding. Once you get to know Rodney, you learn to ignore the hurtful remarks."

"But she isn't emotionally equipped to deal with him."

"Possibly, but the fact remains that she learning the most important lesson. She's learning to trust."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Gaining Independence

Ronon invited Zara to come watch him training the new soldiers who came in on the Daedelus. As her usual way, she thought about it before accepting.

He dropped by her quarters and pushed her rolling/walking device down to the training gym. Sheppard and Teyla were already there warming up, while the green troops silently sat by and watched.

Giggles were muffled as Teyla consistently bested John round after round. He looked at them and they promptly became very interested in their shoes.

She transferred to a bench and gazed curiously at the spectacle. 'What are those sticks called?' She wrote into Ronon's hand.

"I think on Earth they are called quarterstaffs."

'She's really good.'

"She's the best I've seen."

After making sure she was comfortable, Ronon went to speak with the sparring pair. Zara bit her lower lip as she looked over the soldiers newly arrived. They ranged from nervous to somewhat confident, but that all would change.

Ronon took center stage and called for attention. "Alright, listen up. It's my job to train you how to fight in the Pegasus galaxy. You may think you know how to fight, but you'll find out soon enough that you don't. Make the wrong move and it'll cost you your life. The Pegasus galaxy rarely gives second chances; you fight every day for survival. You fight and live or you fight and you die. Those are the two rules out here. You." He pointed to a young soldier. "You're first."

The young man stepped up and squared off against the bigger man.

It took approximately 2 seconds before the young man found himself flat on his back on the floor. Ronon helped him up. "I'll show you how I did that, and how you can counter it. Even if your opponent is bigger than you, there are ways you can effectively defend yourself."

In slow motion, Ronon showed the soldier the approach and the defense motions. He went through it a couple of times so the rhythm felt natural, and then did it for real.

Plop! Ronon was fast and the young man wound up looking up from the floor once again.

Soldier after soldier hit the floor. Time after time he worked his way through the motions with each one, patiently, methodically.

By the end, there were sore shoulders and backs, and more than a few embarrassed looks. Ronon, however, had barely broken a sweat. Ronon dismissed the troops with an admonishment to practice the moves he'd taught them. They moved off to spar with each other in another section. John stepped up to get his weekly butt kicking.

"I have something new for you this week."

"Oh joy, more ways for me to be sore when you're done."

Ronon actually smiled. It didn't last long. He turned all business as he faced John. Two seconds later, and John was on the floor, groaning.

"I knew it…" Another groan. "Okay, help me up."

Zara knew John was in charge of the soldiers here, but she felt he could handle himself in combat. She covered a smile as he was pulled to his feet. No one compared to Ronon's hand to hand combat skills.

When the Wraith turned him into a runner, it had taken all his skill and instincts, and then some, to stay alive. Now, he was using what he learned to teach others.

After he was done with John, he took over quarterstaff and sparred with Teyla. The two of them went at it full bore, they didn't hold back. Zara was very nearly off her seat in fear that Teyla would get hurt. She proved herself a fierce warrior in her own right and did a good job at defending herself.

Ronon's greater strength ultimately won him the fight, but Teyla didn't go down easily.

They embraced arms in a warrior's "handshake" for a good workout, and then Teyla re-joined John.

Ronon came to sit with Zara. He brushed a towel over his face to wipe away the sweat that had finally broken out. "So… do you want to give your leg some exercise?"

'I can't do any of that!' Her green eyes went wide.

He laughed. It was such a rare occurrence that everyone stopped what they were doing to stare in disbelief!

"I don't expect you to. I spent some time with Carson and Jennifer and they showed me some simple stretches I can help you with, if you want."

She nodded her head.

He explained what he was going to do every step of the way. First, he started with some massage from her ankle to her knee and then flexed her ankle gently. "Okay, I want you to push against my hand and rest in between. If it hurts, let me know."

After 10 reps, he put his hand on her instep. "Again, push and rest."

He showed her a few more different things and let her rest. "I'll see what else Carson can do. He did say you broke the bone in a bad place, and it's hard to work on that spot. How does your ankle feel?''

She gave a small shrug and a sad little smile. Then she wrote in his hand. 'It's been hard.' She sighed a little and then quickly added more. 'But don't tell Dr. Beckett!'

"He's a good man. You can trust him."

She gave a skeptical look.

"He saved my life. Twice."

He told her of the story when he met John and Teyla, and how John promised Carson could remove the tracker from between his shoulder blades.

"Do you want to see?"

Uncertainty showed on her face, and she shook her head no.

He continued that story and quickly touched on his fight on Sateda with a particularly nasty Wraith, and how Carson saved his life there.

Zara sat back and began to re-evaluate her initial appraisal of Dr. Beckett.

He sat back himself and watched the expressions change on her face. Like Adama, he wondered what was going through her mind. He actually liked watching her. She was likable, never demanding, and he felt comfortable around her. She had a quiet presence about her and it wasn't because of not talking.

She fidgeted some. Ronon noticed that when she had something on her mind, she would fidget. He didn't mention this to anyone though.

'I just wish Dr. Beckett could just be Carson sometimes.'

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged. Sometimes she really wished she could explain things, but she was afraid of them asking questions; the kinds of questions that she either couldn't answer or didn't want to answer. She wanted desperately to forget all the horrible things in her past. What if they asked her about that? She couldn't speak of it. What about other questions? Even if she answered, would they believe her? If they didn't, what then? Would they hurt her or torture her for answers? Even the most patient person lost patience after a while. She decided to remain silent.

Ronon let it drop. He knew she wasn't ready to tell him about it. He knew that when she was, she'd tell him then. "Anyway, I'll help you with these exercises when I can. I'll get some that you can do by yourself too. You know, you could always ask Dr. Beckett or Dr. Keller yourself."

She sighed.

Ronon thought she looked defeated. "It'll get better, you'll see."

* * *

Mr. Woolsey had a list of things ready for Zara when she arrived. He really didn't need any of it done, but "created" a bit of work for her.

She listened attentively and read over the memo he had carefully worded.

"Do you have any questions?" He asked her.

She shook her head, scarcely making eye contact. She didn't want to offend him, and she wanted to do a good job. She was afraid he might kick her out of the city, and then what would she do?

"Zara." Mr. Woolsey began. "I want you to know that you are safe here. Do you know what I do here?"

She looked up at him and shook her head.

"While my job may seem a bit intimidating to you, all I am is the person they blame if something goes wrong. I'm only human. I make mistakes. I've certainly made quite a few since I've been here, and I'm not the first administrator to have worked here. My predecessors also made mistakes, but that is how we learn sometimes. I sign off on any number of projects. I've even gone through the stargate on diplomatic missions. Do you know what diplomacy means?"

She thought a bit and shook her head no.

"Diplomacy is the art of negotiating. I want something; they want something, so we talk a lot to come to an agreement somewhere in the middle. Does that make sense to you?"

She nodded.

"That's a lot of what Commander Adama does too. He and the Council are negotiating with the leaders of Earth so that you all can come to make Earth your home. Since the Earth has many countries, it requires that negotiations take place with many different governments. The classes are also an evaluation of where each person best fits. We want you to be happy."

She nodded slowly, but the look on her face was one of uncertainty.

"Did you have something on your mind you'd like to share?"

She shook her head and pointed at the list in her hand.

"Alright, you may begin if you are ready."

Zara went through the list one line at a time until she was done. She went to Mr. Woolsey and silently handed him the paper with all the tasks completed.

He scanned down the list and then cast his gaze around his office. She'd tidied up his "mess".

"Well, everything looks wonderful; thank you Zara. I don't have anything else for you to do, so you are free to go now."

Mr. Woolsey watched her leave. She limped on her bad ankle, but was determined not to show it. He wondered if she was just putting on a brave front or if she feared reprisals. It was hard to tell what was going on in her mind. He himself was perhaps a decade older than she, but it was clear the years had aged her. Her face was still young looking, but her body had borne the brunt of the load _. 'What was that quote from Indiana Jones?'_ He mused. _'It's not the years honey, it's the mileage.'_ Yes, that described her.

He looked down at his IPad and made a notation to speak to the good doctors of the infirmary about her.

* * *

Zara opened the book she'd smuggled out of the library, and settled in to read. She's been told it was okay to pick a book and take it with her, but still she didn't want to be yelled at. She'd bring it back when she was done.

When she came across a word she didn't recognize, she tried figuring it out by reading the whole sentence. Sometimes this worked, but sometimes it didn't. But it didn't matter; just to be able to read! It may have been a small joy or even a chore to most people, but to Zara, it was a stolen delicious freedom.

The flashlight flickered and dimmed. She shook it and the beam brightened up. Down in her hideaway, there wasn't quite enough light to read, but she still didn't feel safe being out in the open. Ronon got a squeak out of Rodney that he wouldn't bully her anymore, but years of hiding and fear won out. She had taken the book and ran.

When her eyes couldn't focus well enough on the page, she closed the book with a mark on the page. It had already been a long day. Mr. Woolsey had been nice enough when she was working there, but she still felt something was off. She wasn't sure if it was her quality of work, or if it was her just being there.

She got up from the floor, stretched good and decided to explore more. Carefully leaving herself a trail back, she wandered about, peering into empty rooms and tried to imagine what sort of work was done there.

 _Why have a city that floats? Why have a city with floors under the surface of the water? What would happen if it leaked? She traced the water lines with her finger along the walls. Major leaking had already happened. The smell alone was evidence. Why had it leaked? Would it happen again?_ She shuddered. She couldn't swim very well. Honestly, she may have managed a sloppy dog paddle once or twice, but that was the extent of her swimming abilities.

She closed her eyes and let the smell of the ocean wash over her. It made her feel like she was younger than her years. It brought back vague images and memories of things long past. A single tear worked its way out of the corner of her eye. She swiped it away quickly. She decided she'd had enough of exploring and traced her way back to her hideaway, and then she went upstairs. It was almost time for supper.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The Away Mission

Zara watched from the sidelines as the team prepared to go through the stargate to bring some much needed supplies to New Athos. It was explained to her by Colonel Sheppard that Teyla's people had had to relocate to a new planet due to the Wraith.

She really wasn't sure what Wraith's were, but she was told that they were extremely dangerous and would not hesitate to kill any human.

This new planet was still at risk, but at least somewhat safer for the population that survived. She saw a similarity between Teyla's people and the ragged band of Colonists fleeing from the Cylons.

She sat on her little rolling seat, and wondered what it felt like to once again walk on dirt. She'd spent only an occasional amount of time on planet while she'd been with Gaion, and zero time since she'd been with Adama. The city of Atlantis was on a planet, but she didn't count that, as the city floated on the ocean.

"Will you stop?" McKay grumbled.

"What?" Ronon answered him.

McKay gave him a glance and then just shook his head. "Nothing."

"That's what I thought." Ronon looked over at Zara. "Come on."

Her head came up in surprise.

"Come with us."

Now her mouth hung open.

McKay turned around. "What? Are you nuts? She can't bring that thing. It won't roll."

"It's safe enough, and the wheels are big enough."

"She'll slow us down! She's not coming."

Ronon turned to Sheppard. "We're just bringing supplies. Why can't she come? We'll be home before supper."

"Well…" Sheppard began. He was trying to think of an argument either for or against the idea.

"She'll be in the way." McKay protested.

"I'll be responsible for her."

"I actually can't think of any regulations that forbid civilians from coming on away missions."

"She's not a civilian!" McKay's voice rose in pitch.

"Yes, she is, and so are you and Beckett…" Sheppard began. "Come to think of it, I'm the only military guy going."

"She doesn't have permission."

"Adama is up on the ship and he did say he trusted me with her. Since he's not here, that puts me in charge. I say it's fine."

McKay grimaced at Sheppard, who in then turned to Teyla.

"We were in contact with my people just yesterday, and all was safe. I think it will do her good."

"Ummmm, okay. She can come."

"Come on Zara." Ronon called.

Smiling from ear to ear, she hurried over.

McKay glared at Sheppard, but held his tongue.

Beckett came over. "You walk between us love, and you'll be just fine. Okay?"

She nodded and bent over to pick up a couple of cases. Before anyone could stop her, she had them slung over her walking device.

"You're clever lass, now aren't ye?"

"See? Less for you to carry McKay." Ronon couldn't help the smile that came to his face.

Beckett strolled over to Teyla to see if she needed a hand.

"I've got it, thank you."

"Do you see how he smiles when she's around?" Carson tilted his head towards Ronon and Zara.

"Yes, I have noticed. She's doing him as much good as he is for her."

Sheppard shuffled over, and smiled. He did a radio check and after looking around for acknowledgments, deemed them ready to go.

"Dial up New Athos."

Up in the OPS control center, the address was dialed and activated. A large whoosh sprung from the gate and receded, leaving a 'puddle of shimmering water' on the surface.

"Move out." Sheppard commanded. He took the lead and the group moved into the gate.

As Zara approached, her heart rate increased. This was the first time she'd ever gone through the gate as a freed woman.

* * *

On the other side, dawn was breaking. The sun was barely above the horizon. The early birds were in the trees chirping, and the last of the nocturnal creatures were scurrying off to bed. Dew clung to the meadow grass and taller weeds.

In front of them was a beaten dirt path, and Sheppard lead the way. Zara was positioned between Carson in front and Ronon taking sweep.

Zara took in deep breaths of the fresh crisp, morning air and sighed. It was as sweet as could be.

She rolled along without much difficulty, even with the added weight of the supply cases. The path was just wide enough.

As the sun began to peek above the horizon, she started to quietly hum an old melody from her childhood. She actually hadn't thought of it for quite a while, but the sunrise stirred the memory from her mind. The words came easily back.

"Sun Arise! She bring in the morning. Sun arise; bring in the morning, fluttering her skirts all around.

Sun Arise! She come with the dawning. Sun arise, come with the dawning, spreading all the light all around.

Sun Arise on the kangaroo paws. Sun arise on the kangaroo paws, glistening the dew all around.

Sun Arise filling all the hollows. Sun arise filling all the hollows, lighting up the hills all around.

Sun Arise come with dawning. Sun arise, she come every day. Sun arise bring in the morning.

Sun arise every every every every day.

She drive away the darkness, every day drive away the darkness and bringing back the warmth to the ground.

Sun Arise! OH ohhh!

Sun Arise! Oh, ohhhh, spreading all the light all around.

Sun arise bring in the morning.

Sun arise bring in the morning.

Sun arise bring in the morning, spreading all the light all around."

"What is that noise?" McKay turned around. Zara stopped humming.

"I don't hear anything." Ronon countered quickly. "You must be hearing things."

McKay opened his mouth to retort, but Sheppard gave him 'the look', and he closed his mouth without a word.

It didn't take long to reach the village, and Zara was disappointed to see little more than tents and shacks. The people came out in droves to greet them, however, and took over carrying the load. Teyla herself was greeted by the village leader, Halling.

Zara watched in fascination as they drew together and touched foreheads. It was gentle and respectful. Halling was introduced to Zara and he told everyone they were welcome to eat with them.

* * *

The tent was jostling with people, all talking at once, regaling one another with new stories, and laughter. Zara sat between Carson and Ronon. Both of them giving her advice on Athosian table manners. It felt odd to be among so many people, all jabbering at once, but she saw the relaxed, jovial faces and it helped her feel better.

The fact that these people had so little, and yet welcomed the Lanteans with open arms and shared openly what they did have gave Zara a sense of their good-hearted nature.

She suddenly was overcome with emotion and put her head down to hide her face. Her heart ached with longing. That's all she really wanted; a place she felt she belonged. Home.

Memories assaulted her mind. Images she tried to shake off. She played with her food to cover any signs of distress. She felt a tear build up and threaten to fall. She toyed with her hair and discreetly wiped it away. She forced herself to focus on the food on her plate. They were a poor people, but they shared so freely.

Zara was reminded of times she'd gone hungry. Her Master punished her for every little thing. Denying her food was a favorite. He'd taunt her with tiny bits too far from the cage for her to reach. It would sit there until the rats came by and ran off with it.

She squeezed her eyes closed at the painful memory, trying to force it to go away. It refused.

Other memories began to surface. Her throat became swollen and it was hard to swallow.

She held her breath. _No, go away! Go away! Not now…not now…_ She cried in her mind.

She grabbed the hot tea and gulped it down so it burned her tongue and throat. She choked and coughed. It covered her distress.

Both Carson and Ronon leapt to her rescue, and were none the wiser of her pain.

She'd become a master of concealing her feelings when it suited her; well, almost.

Once her two companions were convinced it was just the tea, she asked Ronon where she could relieve herself. He guided her over to the designated area, and moved away to give her needed privacy and space.

Relieving herself was as important as collecting herself. Sometime she had trouble pushing the bad memories away. The pain was just unbearable at times. Her chest felt tight. She was having trouble breathing. She knew it was just the fear that had gripped her so tightly, and not the sickness inside her.

Still, she feared this sickness. Jennifer and Carson had explained it best to her, but she had questions. She didn't ask them. She was too afraid of the answers. She knew that the sickness would one day claim her. At least they were honest when they told her they could not tell her how long she would live with the sickness, but that if she took her medicine, it would help to prolong what time she had.

It was the uncertainty that frightened her, the not knowing. Yet, she was afraid of knowing too.

Heaving a deep breath, she forced down the fear, licked her hand and like the cats she'd watched, "washed" her face until there were no traces of tears left.

She re-joined Ronon, and they walked back together. As she settled backed into her seat, her stomach roiled just enough to remind her of the lurking shadows of her past.

Ronon seemed to sense her unease and he put his arm around her shoulders for a reassuring squeeze. It helped. When she looked into his brown eyes, she saw within him a troubled, painful past, a haunted soul, and a tormented mind. They were so much alike. It gave her strength when she felt her own failing. She gave him a little smile before turning back to her food. She didn't want her troubles added to his.

* * *

The day went fast; breakfast time turned into lunch time, and finally towards dinner.

Zara had helped where she could. She sat and snapped beans for cooking later with some of the women. She was glad for the work, but whispers caught her attention here and there, and it made her uncomfortable. She did her best to ignore it, and focused only on her work.

The Lanteans helped with some labor to reinforce housing structures, fix equipment, and other physical stuff. McKay of course, managed to weasel out of some of it, and moaned and groaned when he couldn't.

Dr. Beckett saw and treated patients for anything they complained of; minor sprains to inoculations to a broken leg. Zara sympathized with him. It's no fun. Hers still hurt. Carson told her it was better, but she didn't believe him. She nodded at him, but she knew better. She wasn't going to….. Loud voices broke into her thoughts. _What's going on?_

People ran to fetch Dr. Beckett, and then a whole bunch of people crowded into the medical tent. Zara leaned over, but couldn't figure out what was going on. Excited voices all talking at once didn't help.

People came rushing out of the tent and the flaps were closed over. Teyla went in to help with whatever it was.

Zara jumped when she heard a woman scream. She shot up out of her seat, and nearly fell. _What is going on?_

After a few more screams Zara bolted away. She left her walking thing and just hobbled away as fast as she could. She had to get away from the screams! She didn't care where she went or how far she had to travel, she had to get away. Panic fed her energy.

Exhausted, and finally out of earshot, she clumsily lowered herself to the ground. She didn't care that she was uncomfortable. She labored to catch her breath. Her chest was tight from anxiety, but it would pass once she calmed down.

The sun was waning and it was cooler, but not to Zara. She was sweating like crazy.

* * *

An hour later, back at the camp, a new baby was born, a little girl. Mother was fine and her baby was healthy. Daddy was a bit nervous, but all had turned out well.

John was calling everyone together now that the excitement was over and that's when they realized Zara was nowhere to be found.

No one from the village could recall seeing her once their attention had been drawn to the medical tent. John organized search teams and sent everyone off in different directions. Village men accompanied the Lanteans in their efforts so make the search more efficient.

Zara had closed her eyes for what seemed like only a few minutes, but when she opened them she saw how dim the light was. She struggled to her feet. It took a lot of effort, but she managed to stand up. She looked around, but couldn't figure out which way she had come! _OH NO!_ Her heart sank. _Where am I? Where's the village?_ She couldn't answer those questions. She'd never been this far away from anywhere familiar…

A memory came back. Falling. She remembered falling. That planet Gaion took her to. She remembered having a wonderful day there and then….. she was at the bottom of the hill. She was scratched up, dizzy and bruised.

Frantically, she looked around. Nothing was familiar! Inside her a voice cried, "RUN!" Her body was frozen with fear. She was hyperventilating. She couldn't help it. She didn't know what to do! Tears started coming down. _What do I do? What do I do?_ She tried to get her breathing back under control. Panicking wouldn't help. _Scream!_ Her inner voice said. _Scream as loud as you can. I can't, I can't! Yes, you can, yes you can. What would Ronon do? Ronon would shoot his gun into the air. I don't have one. Make noise!_

She scrabbled around on the ground looking for rocks, but in the meadow there was only grass and dirt.

 _Sticks!_ She looked over towards the horizon and saw the edge of the forest, but she didn't know if that would bring her closer of further from the village. She looked at the setting sun. Would she make it to the tree line before it got completely dark? _Wait! Which side was the sun coming up on?_ She flapped her right hand. _And now the sun is over there…_ she flapped her left hand. _Then the village must be that way._

Going as carefully as she could, she started off, in the direction she thought the village was. Daylight was rapidly disappearing and she felt the fear rise up again. When darkness engulfed her, what then?

The search teams called her name, hoping she would respond somehow. John was wondering how far she could have gotten. She didn't take her rolling thing, and she was still limping. She couldn't have gone too far, could she?

McKay was annoyed at having to go around searching for her. His partner, Halling was up ahead of him, sweeping his torch side to side.

Ronon peered intently at the ground. The grass left little to track. Animals, people, had all left imprints. He tried to determine how old the signs were, but it was a jumble.

* * *

Adama's shuttle touched down and all aboard disembarked. Mr. Woolsey met them on the pier. He had only ever done that once, when they had first arrived. As soon as he saw Commander Adama, he headed straight for him.

By his straight posture, and no nonsense expression, he felt something was wrong.

"Mr. Woolsey."

"Commander Adama."

"What has happened? Is it Zara? Is she hurt?"

"She's…..slightly missing."

"What? How can she be slightly missing?"

"Sheppard took his team on an away mission to bring supplies. By all accounts, it was a safe trip off planet…"

"OFF PLANET?" Adama boomed. "She's not even on this planet?"

"She was with the team, but something happened and she ran off. They are looking for her right now. If you'll come with me to OPS, I can get you more information."

Adama followed.

"How could you let this happen?"

"Ronon was watching her and Sheppard okayed her inclusion. There was no imminent danger."

"No imminent danger? She's lost on a foreign planet! How is that not imminent danger?"

Mr. Woolsey cleared his throat. "Apparently, there was an incident."

"What kind of incident?"

"A medical emergency and we think she panicked and took off."

"If anything happens to her, I'll…" He was too angry to even finish the thought.

* * *

Ronon pulled out his blaster from his holster and fired it into the air. The booming sound shook the air and the night birds in the distance flapped angrily out of the trees. But it was just what Zara needed. She found her voice and let out a high pitched wail. She hobbled off towards the sound.

The team closest to her headed off in her direction and found her. She was cold and shaking, but unharmed. Teyla radioed that they were heading back to the village and that Zara was fine. "You gave us quite a scare, but it's over, and you're all right. Let's get back and get you some tea."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Questions and Answers

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Adama's voice boomed and echoed in the room. He was furious at Ronon, but happy that Zara was safe.

Ronon stood up to confront him, but Zara jumped up, her hands over her ears and stood between the two men. She was shaking like a leaf, but stood her ground. She shook her head at Adama, unable now to stop her tears. She signed to him. 'It's not his fault. It was my fault. It was my fault. Don't punish him. He's my friend. He's my only friend. Please! If you want to punish someone, punish me.'

She signed so fast she mixed up some of the letters and had to start over. She smacked her own hand at its inability to obey her.

Adama's face softened. "If anything happened to you, I couldn't forgive myself." He sat back down with a sigh. "I guess this is what it feels like to watch your child grow up. Someday you won't need me anymore."

'That's not true, that's not true.' She wrote into his hand.

"Of course it is. That's the way of things. I won't be here forever you know. I want to make sure someone will be there to look after you when I'm gone."

'Don't leave me, don't leave me.' Her heart was breaking at the thought of losing him.

"Someday you will find someone that you care about more than me."

She shook her head no.

He smiled at her. "I've lost my wife and my son. My heart was heavy with grief. You came along and gave me back part of my heart. I know you did the same for Gaion. You have this incredible gift of lifting the burdens people carry. Someday you find someone who will lift yours. You carry so much on your shoulders. I've never asked you to tell me of your past. I figured when the time was right you would share it. Now I see that I am not the one. A man will come along with which you can share this. Or maybe it will be a woman that you feel comfortable with. It is you who must choose."

"Ronon, I must apologize for my outburst. It is good that she learns. It was my heart that was speaking. I don't know what I'd do if… you understand."

Ronon came over and put out his hand. Adama rose from the chair and shook the offered hand. "If I thought for a minute that she could get hurt I never would have brought her. I never thought she'd get spooked. I guess she heard the woman's cries from giving birth and she got scared because she didn't know what was going on. That's what we figured happened anyway."

"When you all spent the night there I…"

"Commander." Sheppard stepped over. "It was my call to stay. I didn't want to trek to the gate after dark for safety reasons. The plan was we'd be home before then, but Zara had other ideas. And the Athosians are good people. They gave us a safe place to stay and we had breakfast with them this morning. They make a great cup of tea." He glanced over at Teyla and remembered his first meeting with her.

"It's interesting that you say that she's getting 'ideas', because in fact, she is." He looked at Zara. "She's grown up so much since we've been here, and she's beginning to make her own decisions."

"On behalf of all the people here in Atlantis, I apologize that Zara got lost…" Richard Woolsey stood up.

"Mr. Woolsey, she's safe and that's all that matters. I thank you all for bringing her back safely."

"Go to the café and get something to eat. I'll see you later. The Council is coming to discuss progress."

Zara gave him a face of disgust and a hug, and then scurried off.

She went to one of the wash rooms and cleaned up the tears from her face and then straight to the nearest café. Since McKay was in the meeting, she went and grabbed a cup of coffee and some late breakfast.

It was mostly empty of people, which she liked, and stuffed her pockets with fruit, granola bars, bottled water, sugar packets, and anything else portable she found.

She stopped at her quarters, picked up her MP3 player and dashed for the 'moving room'. She directed it downstairs and went to the room with the glass walls. She settled in and watched the ocean life casually swim by as she listened to her music. It was a handy thing that the player displayed the song title right on the face. She tapped the buttons until she found what song she wanted to listen to.

'Perfect or literally F**kin' Perfect'. She tapped the right button and it began to play. The words just seemed to speak to her. Then she picked the next song, 'Never Be the Same.' _This is my story._ A girl whose life changed and could never be the same, trying to erase the past. _This is me, when I'm all alone…_

She played 'Unwell' next. And then "Jealous'. Someone had found this clip on a place called you tube and then on a place called ITunes. She'd scooped that one up too. Then she tapped the list of songs to play a song called 'Soldier'. She didn't quite understand the concept the song was getting at, but it reminded her of Ronon. It was the closest song she'd found. It didn't completely fit him, but she'd seen how his eyes would drift to another place sometimes, and she wondered what he was thinking, remembering. She sighed. _Maybe I don't want to know…_

…"your silence is a gun, aiming at the one, whose love won't change, my love won't change…"

Clearly this was someone very deeply in love with a soldier, a soldier who didn't want to talk about something. She wondered if she could ever fall in love that deeply, or even trust enough to fall in love.

Before she got up to spend time in her hideaway, she played the final song she wanted to hear. 'Angel Without Wings'.

The singer had a nice calm voice, pleasant. Another song taken from a place called you tube. She never gave much thought to angels, or gods. On Atlantis they were called Ancients. _Whatever._ All she knew was that none of them ever helped her escape, none took away her pain, and none allowed her to die. What kind of being was an angel? She was determined to find out.

* * *

'Radek, can I ask you a question?' She wrote into his hand.

He pushed up his glasses further up his nose. "Of course."

'What is an angel?'

The glasses slipped back down almost immediately. She'd never asked any questions like this before, and he was taken aback.

"Well, angels appear in many forms and in many different cultures on Earth. They are based mostly in different faiths. Let me see what I can pull up on the laptop."

His fingers deftly swept over the keyboard, and pulled up Wikipedia. "Here, perhaps this might tell you." He pushed the machine in front of her so she could read.

'What is…' She pointed to the screen. 'that'.

"If you click the pointer on the word is will answer your question, Zara. Any words in blue mean that you can find the explanation for it."

She nodded and began to read. It was a long article and as she re-read paragraphs, certain words and phrases stuck out in her mind. …protection, the shape of humans, of beauty, wings, a guardian, save individuals in perilous times, the personification of a myth, often depicted as male, sometimes shown without wings, sometimes shown to be in military like clothing…

When she finished, she shook her head to clear it. 'There seems to be a lot about angels here.'

"Yes, everyone has their own opinions on them."

'What is the right answer?'

"There is no right or wrong answer. It is what you believe in your heart."

She sat back. It took the wind out of her. She'd never believed in anything before. She wondered if was possible to believe in something so strongly.

* * *

"Why is this taking so long?" Sire Domra demanded to know why the orientation of the Colonists was taking so long.

Mr. Woolsey began explaining that they were understaffed for this type of operation, but more personnel were coming.

"It takes a bit of time to co-ordinate with so many different authorities to negotiate relocation and education efforts. You were on Earth; you know what we're dealing with."

"I want to go in the next class."

That statement set off the rest of the council into a squabble.

Richard's face drooped in resignation. He wondered how these people got anything done at all. He looked over at Commander Adama. The face he saw mirrored his own. Adama folded his arms and let them squabble for a time. He thought that if they exhausted themselves he'd have less resistance later.

Finally, both men stood up and with some combined volume managed to get control of the room.

"Ladies! Gentlemen! More staff is on the way at this moment! I should have an exact time for you shortly."

"Why didn't you say so?" Sire Domra scolded.

"I …"

"We need to speed things up."

"I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with."

Siress Tinia then stood up. "I trust we will be kept updated as soon as they arrive."

"Yes, as soon as they arrive."

"Very good." She looked at Mr. Woolsey from across the table. It was a no-nonsense gaze. "I think we're done here."

Sire Domra looked at her. "Are you dismissing the meeting?"

"I am. There's nothing more to be discussed."

"I think there's plenty to discuss."

Siress Tinia looked around the room. "Are there any objections to Sire Domra going next, any further objections?

"Perhaps we should draw straws." Mr. Woolsey suggested. "Or, if that is not acceptable, perhaps you should discuss this amongst yourselves and decide. The Commander has a fleet to oversee and I have a city to look after." He looked at Adama with disdain. "Are you ready?"

Adama nodded and the two men left the squabbling together.

* * *

"That's a very good idea, Radek. If you can find someone, anyone who is willing to tutor Zara before she is scheduled for orientation classes, it will help her tremendously."

"I am trying to work something out already. I know I didn't ask you first…"

"It's fine. I appreciate everything you've done for her."

"It is my pleasure Commander Adama."

Radek got a few people together and then he worked out a schedule after hours to help Zara learn some basics. Since she was at a great disadvantage in using technology, he downloaded some computer games for her to play. The games were educational, but disguised as fun. Designed for children, they proved perfect for Zara's abilities. The best part was that she enjoyed playing the games.

By the end of the week, she was showing some improvement in her skills. Radek had also found a learning program with languages. The game would allow her to pick two Earth languages, and show her the pictures of four random objects while pronouncing the words for her. The next screen would have the sound clips at the top of the screen and she would have to match up the word with the picture below. She had the most success with Spanish and French. Radek told her to pick two others, so she tried Italian and German. This proved a little more challenging, but Radek encouraged her to keep trying. He also showed her how view and track her progress.

When Radek showed Adama what she was doing, he was impressed. "How many different languages are on Earth?"

"Hundreds, thousands, if you count all the different dialects of each language."

"Will it be very difficult to communicate? I don't know if I'm going to be able to learn that many languages."

Radek broke out in laughter, to the dismay of Adama. "No, you don't have to learn all of them. Most countries have a ready interpreter."

"I see. Now, what about Zara?"

"She is going to prove a bit more difficult. There are different versions of sign language, but unless she's willing to speak verbally, it will be more of a challenge to communicate."

"That's what I was afraid of. She needs to connect with the right person. She doesn't like everyone, nor does she trust most people."

"I do not think it is that she dislikes people, but more that she feels uncomfortable with them for whatever reason."

A sad and tired demeanor enveloped Adama. "She hides from my son and grandson. Apollo does not like her and has made no attempt to hide his true feelings regarding her. Athena has tried to at least appear friendly, but there's no relationship between them. Sheba is Apollo's…what do you call it here…? Girlfriend? Again, there is no connection. The only one she has connected with is Cassiopeia, and it is a mystery to me why."

"Have you tried asking her?"

"Yes, but Zara just shrugs her shoulders. Perhaps even she doesn't know, or cannot put it in words."

"I know what that feels like. I speak my native Czech, English, and Russian, and still it is not easy to find someone who speaks your language. In other words, to find someone who understands you."

"Ronon is not one of the people I thought Zara would make friends with, but she has."

"Ronon has been through a lot in his life; perhaps that is the connection they share."

"It could very well be."

* * *

Ronon looked uncomfortable, but he approached Commander Adama just the same. "Commander?"

"Yes?"

"I know that things didn't work out too well before, but I wanted to ask permission if Zara could come with us on an away mission to Sateda? It's my home world, or what's left of it. The Wraith pretty much left it in ruins. We're bringing supplies. A handful of survivors are working together to re-build. I won't let her out of my sight, I swear."

"She can go, under one condition."

"Name it."

"I go too."

So, the next morning, they both assembled at the gate with Sheppard and the away team. Zara slung a pack over her assistive walking device, and Adama carried some other stuff.

He was nervous about going through the gate, and at the same time marveled at Zara's excitement. She went without hesitation.

On the other side, when he got his first look at Sateda, he was floored. In his mind, he saw Caprica, after the Cylons finished bombing it. Zara was deeply saddened. Whatever home was to someone, it was not a cheery thing to see it all in tatters.

' _Why?'_ It was all Zara could ask.

"The Wraith did this because we fought back. Our people were betrayed by one of our own. He left his post and took followers with him. It left our defense wide open, and Sateda fell. Any survivors lucky enough to escape found ourselves scattered all over the place. A few have come back to try and rebuild, but it's not going to be easy."

Zara promised to help however she could but couldn't stop asking over and over in her mind why did people have to be so cruel. She wasn't sure if there were any real answers for this.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The Education of Zara

With Radek's help, Adama and Zara were admitted into some classes well ahead of schedule. It was the plan that they would attend last, along with the crew of the Galactica, but Adama didn't want to burden her with too much at once.

Between training new crew on the ship and racing down to attend class, it was a good thing he was blessed with energy to spare.

As they finished up supper, he looked over the schedule; World Geography, Diversity and World Cultures, World History, World Religions and a mini class on the Stargate program.

"Are you ready? We've got to get to class, Zara."

She nodded and piled up the dishes for cleaning. She pointed to the station where dirty dishes were collected and got up to bring them over. When she returned, she indicated that she was ready for class.

The only education that she could remember was from a young girl who had been returned to the fold after she had miscarried her 4th baby and had to be sterilized. The girl was 16.

She had been a latecomer to the slave trade, and a beauty too. Stolen from her parents, she had been immediately impregnated by her new owner at 12 years old. Forced pregnancy was a way of life for the prettier girls. As soon as they were of age, most pretty girls were sold off and used as brood mares in baby mills to produce baby after baby for profit. Some were artificially impregnated, using sperm from unwilling young and handsome male donors who were forced into a very similar life.

Births were difficult for the younger girls, as their bodies were still growing, but it didn't matter. They were just cattle to the owners. The girls might receive a month or two reprieve before being forced once again to conceive. Girls who gave birth to less than stellar babies were often beaten; profit came from beautiful babies, and beautiful babies meant more slaves to buy and sell.

The less valuable a slave was, the more he or she was likely to be sold in lots. It was rare for a sold slave to be returned to her former owner, especially if she were one of the pretty girls.

It was forbidden for a slave to know how to read or write. It was also forbidden for slaves to speak. Ideas were dangerous things and no master wanted talk of rebellion or ideas spreading of escape.

When she returned, she began to teach the other girls how to write letters and words. Zara had a small bit of knowledge already and picked up on the concept quickly. She was always asking for more. For them to get caught it meant a severe punishment for all of them.

They had no paper, no pencils, nothing, so they wrote on the floor, and in each other's palms. In the occasion that two of the girls wound up in punishment together in the dungeon, they would write in the dirt. This was considered extremely dangerous. And it had to be erased immediately. No evidence could be left or it would be the end of them all.

Zara sat next to Adama. Some books were handed out, along with notebooks and pens. Zara eyed them with suspicion and dread. She'd never written anything down…ever. To leave behind evidence of intelligence was a fast track to severe punishment, and it was something that might be used against her later. She looked up at Adama questioningly.

Before any questions could be asked, the teacher called for order.

"Welcome to your first class on Diversity and World Cultures. My name is Albert Carter and I will be your teacher for this class. You'll note in your schedules a break in the middle of our time together. That is to accommodate Thanksgiving. I'll be going home to attend family celebrations."

He began class with an overall explanation of the origins of Thanksgiving in both the US and Canada, and that the students were to be welcomed in participating in the US version in Atlantis. Murmurs of excitement rippled in the room; a holiday! Zara was not excited by the prospect however. She sat there confused and uncertain.

In the past "holidays" weren't a time for celebration, well, not for her or her fellow slave girls; it meant more work, exhaustive work. It was a time spent watching everyone else overindulging themselves, while the girls barely got scraps.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear what the teacher was saying until Adama nudged her with his elbow. Her head came up sharply, and she looked over at him with an expression of fear briefly, before focusing on the teacher.

"If you'll open your books, we'll begin."

* * *

Class went relatively well, but Zara was glad for it to be over. She wasn't sure why this class was necessary. Since all the students were from other planets, surely, they already knew about differences among colors and species and how to interact with them. It seemed important to the teacher, so she followed along as best she could, fidgeting when the teacher droned on.

The only sticking point came when Zara refused to write anything down for notes. Adama encouraged her, but still she shook her head no.

"What's the problem here?" The teacher came over to find out what was going on.

Adama explained.

"Ah, yes, they told me to expect you in my class. You need to take notes to study from. How do you expect to pass the test if you don't study?"

 _TEST? No one said there would be a test._ Zara turned white. _What if I don't pass?_ She looked at the teacher wide-eyed. _Are they going to leave me behind?_ She looked over at Adama with a thousand burning questions stuck in her throat.

He smiled at her gently. "Don't worry. I'll keep notes for both of us. I'll help you."

"It's Commander Adama, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"They didn't tell me she was unable to write. Is she able to read? How is she going to be able to read over her assignments?" The teacher talked to Adama without another glance at her. "Perhaps she should attend some remedial classes first."

"I will help her." The tone in his voice made it clear the conversation was over. The teacher smiled briefly and left.

"You'll be fine, Zara. We'll get through this together."

* * *

Zara put her books down with a sigh. She felt overwhelmed and isolated. The teacher had barely even acknowledged her there. She was invisible again. No one noticed slave girls, unless you were there for entertainment purposes. She shuddered at the memory. This wasn't at all like she thought it was going to be.

 _Why can't we just learn about the place we're going?_ She stared at the book with a scowl. _Why do we have to learn about 195 different countries?_ She heaved a small sad sigh. _I'll never understand all of this! I'm going to be left behind…_

Adama came in right behind her, so she made sure she hid her dismay from him. He may think this is easy, but she did not.

She signed to him that she was going to bed.

"Don't forget your studies tomorrow. I'll be leaving early, and won't be joining you in the morning for breakfast. Don't forget to take your medicine."

He went to his bedroom and closed the door.

* * *

After breakfast she opened her textbook and began reading. There certainly was a lot of information in the book, and a lot of things she didn't understand. Some of the histories and traditions were interesting to her, but most of it was just facts to learn.

By the time lunch came she had completed her assignment, even if she had a lot of questions. She wouldn't ask most of them of course, but they nagged in the back of her mind. She knew she'd never understand the world around her; all she wanted was to understand enough to live.

She looked around. The first of the lunch crowd had begun to arrive and that's when she realized how long she'd been there. She closed the book and pulled out her schedule to see what class she had to attend later. World Geography was on the agenda. _What is world gee ogg gra fee?_ Well, she'd find out in class.

* * *

Zara looked at the globe. She touched it lightly, and made it turn on its stand. She traced her fingertip around the edges of the continents, marveling about the strange lands that lay upon this new planet. She looked at the names printed on the spinning ball and wondered where they'd end up.

"Be careful with that!" Albert Carter called out.

Zara jumped and spun around.

"That's a very expensive globe. I bought it myself. I'd prefer it if you didn't touch it."

She backed up and when she had a clear route, scurried out of the class to wait for Adama. Professor Carter watched her suspiciously.

He set up his materials on the desk that had been provided and waited for his students to assemble.

Zara sat down nervously at her seat as the teacher began the lesson while handing out another book.

She opened it as soon as she got it to look at the pictures. She was hoping for some pictures of the place Dr. Beckett called Scotland.

At the front of the class, the teacher cleared his throat, but it didn't get Zara's attention. "Miss Zara!"

She looked up and saw his stern expression. She slowly closed the book.

"Now, we will start the first lesson about the United States. When you arrive through the stargate, you will be in the state of Colorado. Please open your books to chapter one."

Although the class was only one hour, to Zara it felt like forever. Professor Carter asked Adama and Zara to stay after he dismissed the class.

"I'm afraid she is going to need much more schooling than I can provide. I will send for some children's books. If she is to learn effectively, she needs the basics first. I simply don't have the time to tutor her in these lessons; I have a schedule to follow and I cannot hold back the entire class to accommodate her. Surely you must understand this."

"I understand all too well, but Zara is intelligent and very curious about the world we are going to be calling home. This is the reason we are attending classes ahead of schedule."

"I applaud your initiative, but she simply doesn't have enough education to pass these classes. I will have no choice but to mark her down as learning impaired."

"What does that mean?"

"It means she has a mental disability that prevents her from learning at normal levels."

"She is not stupid."

"I didn't say that. This will exempt her from classes going forward. Once you reach Earth, you can enroll her in a special education class, or perhaps you will be able to find her a one on one tutor. I simply don't have the time." He handed Adama a note.

Angry, Adama took the note, and left their books.

The teacher called after them, but he refused to turn around.

* * *

The next morning Adama had a long discussion with Mr. Woolsey, who had to agree with the teacher.

"If she can write, there is no reason why she can't take notes. Have you asked her?"

Adama sat down with a heavy sigh. "She refuses."

"Will she type up notes on a laptop?"

"I don't know."

"Communication is vital to living on Earth. She needs to learn a standardized sign language if nothing else. How many people has she taught her language?"

"Only Radek, as far as I know. Ronon might know some."

"Stargate Command will not send a tutor just for her. What about the children's classes?"

"I tried that onboard, it didn't work out too well."

"I see. Commander, I totally understand your position, but I also understand why the teacher feels the way he does. Let me ask you this; is it fair to Zara to push her well beyond her capacity? She needs reading, writing, and math in the simplest of forms. How well does she really read? Do we really know? If she is not understanding what she is reading, it really does her a disservice."

"The teacher is sending for some special books."

"I will let you know when they arrive."

Adama stood up. "I want so much for her."

"I know, but she is a grown woman with the intelligence of a child. She can't make up for 12 years of schooling in a few months."

Adama nodded. "Thank you for your time Mr. Woolsey."

* * *

"Zara, come in, please." Mr. Woolsey ushered her into his office. "Thank you for coming."

She sat down on the edge of her seat, as if ready to spring from it at any given moment.

"Do you know why I've called you here?"

She shook her head no.

"It's nothing bad, I assure you."

The subsequent look on her face said otherwise.

"I have the books that were specially ordered just for you. I wanted you to get the first look at them." He pulled the books from the shelf behind him and put them on the desk. "I also have something fun."

He pulled down some coloring books and colored pencils. "Studying all the time isn't fun for anyone, so I thought to ask for a little something extra for you; coloring books. You choose a color and fill it in."

She glanced down not quite understanding what she was supposed to do.

"Let me show you." He opened the box of pencils and spilled the contents out. Next, he picked an image and began filling in the blank spaces with color. He smiled when her eyes lit up. "Now, you try."

She took the pencil and began to fill in the remaining spot he had started. She smiled when she was done.

"I will put these back and you can go color, ok? This is my gift to you."

She looked at him half smiling, half nodding, and signed 'thank you'.

"You're very welcome."

As he watched her hurry out to go color, he felt a strange elation in his heart. He wondered if this was what Commander Adama felt like every time she took one more step towards being normal.

* * *

When Adama arrived later that evening, she showed him the books that had arrived, including the bonus coloring book. He smiled at her eager expression, and reminded himself to thank Mr. Woolsey personally.

"Let's see what your books look like, shall we?"

Leaning over the table, he watched as she opened the first book. It was on penmanship. She glanced his way.

"Let me show you. All you have to do is copy the letters, you don't have to write anything special, just form the letters. After you have completed the task, I will look at it and give you a score. No one will see it but me and we can destroy it after, or it can stay here in your quarters. No one else needs to know."

She thought it over for a long time. He watched her fidget as she thought about it. She signed her answer. 'I will try it.'

She took one of the pencils and followed the broken lines on the page to form the letter A. She sat back as if to scrutinize it, and then wrote B. She looked up.

"You have to write all the letters."

She blew out a breath in a huff. It was a behavior he noticed that she expressed when she didn't like something or someone. She worked her way through the alphabet and gave it up for evaluation.

"Your letters are very good! I'm impressed. Work the next part."

She took back the book and started the next page.

Behind her, he smiled. This was a major breakthrough for her, and it was going to change her life.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Time Flies

By the time the Galactica was set to depart for Earth, Zara had gotten through most of the educational books she had been provided with. She excelled in reading, and asked fewer questions about what unfamiliar words meant; math however, she still struggled with.

Thanksgiving had come and gone. She thought it was strange that there was a law saying you must give thanks. Zara was thankful every day. She didn't quite understand the significance of the holiday, but participated at the behest of Adama.

Christmas had come and gone as well. The Lanteans had celebrated heartily, much to the confusion of Zara.

When she had asked what Christmas was, she received several different explanations, none of which satisfied her growing sense of self. She actively avoided the people and their merriment. This holiday stuff made her uncertain. Taking what she'd experienced in the past, with what she was seeing, she couldn't find a way to make it all make sense in her head, so she withdrew.

When that wasn't possible, she got angry. Conversations turned sour and she declared quite fervently that she would not participate in such nonsense. She didn't celebrate holidays, and she didn't understand Christmas. It was an eye-opening insight into her psyche. She stated in a very straight-forward manner that if she were to be forced to believe in something that she felt she couldn't, then she would stay in Atlantis and not go to Earth at all. When she was told that she couldn't stay in Atlantis, she said she would ask permission to go to New Athos or Sateda.

It was clear that there were a lot of underlying emotions fueling this behavior; all her repressed feelings were beginning to surface. The suggestion of her going to counseling was met with stony silence. She refused to sign to the counselor.

Adama gave up and told her she would not be forced to participate, nor would she be punished. Finding her someone she was comfortable with was more important; once she found that person, trust would form, and she could express herself freely. All they had to do was to find that one person.

Ronon was very special to her and having to leave him broke her heart. She had wound her way around his heart in her unique way. He smiled and laughed at her antics, and she managed to train him to pick her up and swing her around. This elicited squeals of joy from her. She also fell asleep leaning up against him, and he didn't have the heart to wake her up, so he'd picked her up and carried her to her room.

Now, all of that was being ripped away from her. Her world was being torn apart, and she was forced once again to leave the life she knew for the unknown. She'd spent 6 months here, and it was starting to feel like home.

She held Ronon and she cried so hard her whole body shook. As they stood on the pier, Adama's shuttle rested scant yards away. Boomer and Sheba stood by the entryway to pilot the shuttle back to the ship.

Zara had already said her goodbyes to the rest of the crew. Rodney had showed up and fidgeted behind the main group.

Ronon crouched down and spoke softly to her. He tried wiping away her tears, but they fell faster than he could keep up. She balled up her fists and took a few swipes in vain. Ronon lowered his head and discreetly swiped tears from his own face.

With one last embrace she buried her face into his unruly hair and with a voice rusty and cracking from disuse; she managed to whisper five words. "I don't want to go."

He whispered back. "I know, but I'll come visit you, I promise."

John appeared out of nowhere and handed her a handful of tissues. She took them and crumpled them tightly in her hands.

Ronon stood up at last. "One more time for 'up'?" He asked her.

She nodded, and Ronon swept her off her feet and swung her around, but there were no squeals of delight this time. She hung on as if her very life depended on it. He carried her to the shuttle and gently put her down.

"I'll come visit you, wherever you are. It'll go faster than you think." He took off the necklace he wore and fastened it around her. "Keep this safe for me. When I come to visit, I'll bring you a new one. I'll make one just for you. This is my promise to you. Do you understand?

She nodded.

Running footsteps behind them caused them to turn. Carson was running with his hands outstretched. "I almost forgot! Pictures of Loch Lomond for ye to keep."

She nodded and drew them to her chest. They had finally come to an understanding, not quite friends, but she didn't run away when he came near anymore. She had finally gotten him to be "just Carson", instead of DR. Beckett.

Adama put his hand on her shoulder and finally they entered the shuttle cabin.

The Lanteans all stepped back and in a quiet whoosh, the shuttle lifted off into the sky. They watched until the shuttle was out of sight, and then turned and went back inside.

* * *

The Daedelus coordinated with the Galactica crew and together, they broke orbit. Adama was on the bridge, and he decided to break the rules just once; he let Zara stay to watch the departure.

All of the remaining Council members were already on Earth, so no one was there to tell him what protocols to follow. He knew his job, and he knew his crew was loyal. They wouldn't say anything.

"Father, I have Colonel Caldwell." Athena reported from her communication station.

"Put it on the speakers."

She nodded.

"Colonel Caldwell, this is Adama, we're all set to go."

"Thank you, Commander. Once we open a portal, you'll be pulled along with us, just like we practiced."

"We're ready."

The Daedelus pulled forward and the Galactica followed right behind. As they picked up speed, Caldwell counted it off.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1…"

Bright lights shown in the horizon and both ships leapt forward, until nothing but streaks of light filled the view screen.

Zara's sobs softened as she watched this amazing display, but it didn't last long. Adama told Tigh he was going to escort Zara to his quarters, and excused them.

Tigh didn't envy Adama's position, but he couldn't help feeling sorry for her as they left the bridge.

* * *

Zara sat on the sofa in his office. "Just think Zara, three sectons and we will be home at last."

She wasn't having it and kept sniffling.

"I know it hurts. I made some friends there too. Ronon will come to visit; I make this a promise to you."

She turned to look up at him; her eyes and face beet red from crying.

"I can't swear to it, but I think you even had Rodney crying." He kissed her on the top of her head. "When you're ready, go to the turbo flush and wash your face. I've got to go to the bridge. You may want to do some school work to keep busy."

She nodded, and he left.

She slid off the sofa and washed her face with cold water. She found her school books and tried to do some work, but she couldn't concentrate. She crawled up onto the sofa like she had before and looked out the port window, but there was nothing to see. She sighed with disappointment and sat back down.

It took her a few minutes to realize that it wasn't as cold as before! In fact, it was pleasant. She wondered what had happened.

While she was down in the city, a lot of work had been taking place on the ship. The Stargate crews had been installing Naquada generators to reinforce the engines. They gave enough power for heat and life support, so the engines could now focus solely on speed.

The food was better too, as she discovered later on in the day. Crews were also installing better equipment in the kitchens, and used supplies sent from Earth.

Half the regular Galactica crew had been replaced with new crew for the trip. Adama had been overseeing the training and now the crew was integrated for the hopefully uneventful flight.

* * *

The three weeks (or sectons) went painfully slow for Zara. She completed some more schoolwork and Adama marked her achievements so she could see her progress. She was happy to see him so pleased and she tried hard to do well, but understanding why she needed to know what a verb was, or a noun was a different matter.

She agreed to leave the office only once to accompany Adama to the Officer's Lounge. Blue Squadron was there; Apollo, Starbuck, Boomer, Jolly, Sheba, plus the new pilots. She didn't know any of them and it made her feel as uncomfortable as ever. So, she decided to spend her time alone. Adama was on the bridge mostly anyway, so a few more hours didn't matter. She got to see him for a short time in the "evenings" after his shift, and before sleep time.

She took the other side of his king-sized bed and slept. She was just about adjusted back to her old routine when they were approaching Earth.

As the great ship finally settled into orbit hope blossomed. Zara was once again on the bridge for the first look at her new home.

She craned her neck to glimpse the blue planet hovering in the middle of space. _'It's pretty!'_ For the first time in three weeks, her spirits soared.

It was short-lived.

Colonel Caldwell opened a channel and had to give them bad news. Embarkation to Earth would be delayed; there had been a change in the US policies. When he had more information, he would relay it.

When asked about the status of all the Colonists already on Earth, Caldwell said he had no information, but he would look into it.

Concerned murmurs erupted from the bridge crew in confusion. Where were their people? The answer didn't come the next day. It had been a very tense 24 hours.

Apparently, with the change of leadership in the US, all of the Colonists had been processed through and relocated to other countries. The refugees were no longer welcome in the US.

Adama was furious, but there was nothing he could do. He was effectively relieved of command, and his ship was to be turned over to the Stargate crew.

He and Zara were the last to disembark. Zara was scared. She felt all the things she had been told were LIES! Now, she wasn't sure what was going to happen.

When they got to the facility, it was as militarized as the ship. Dull colors on the walls, people in uniforms moving about, and a cold feeling permeated everything. Zara's quarters weren't even close to Adama's. She was shown where she'd be housed until arrangements could be made to send her somewhere else.

She sat down on the narrow bed and cried. The bedding was a moldy green color and the walls a mousy brown. A stark empty closet stood on the opposite wall. She didn't even have clothes to change into yet. All their belongings were still being transported. She was sure someone would be pawing through them before being returned to her. She felt like a prisoner.

As soon as it was possible, Adama and Tigh went to see Zara. She was in her room. She hadn't moved since she had been escorted there.

Of course, they all had to go through the infirmary. She wasn't left alone while there, and her tolerance of doctors had risen, but it didn't mean she was fine with the procedure.

"Where is your room?' Tigh asked.

"I'm one level up." Adama replied.

"I'm one up as well." He admitted. "But it doesn't look anything like this."

"These rooms must be for lower ranked warriors."

'Where are my clothes? Where are my pills? I don't have my pajamas, or anything.' Zara wrote out.

"I will find all your things, don't you worry. I know everything got loaded up for transport. It's just going to take a little bit longer."

"I'm expecting my things as well. I will go and personally find out where our things are." Tigh stood up, and took his leave.

While the issue of their belongings was being taken care of, they decided to go to lunch.

They were still there when Tigh caught up with them.

"So, what have you discovered?"

Tigh put down his tray and settled into a chair. "Well, you, Zara and I are now on the priority list. I insisted, but it doesn't appear it will do much good. We still have to wait until they unpack everything. I also discovered that we three are the last on the list to be processed out. Blue squadron is being debriefed as we speak. Everyone else was sent onto another facility close by for processing and housing.

Once it is our turn, we'll get to pick an affiliated country and transported there to begin new lives, or we can pick whatever country of our choosing and they will be contacted."

Zara elbowed Adama _. 'Where are we going to go?'_

"I will look over our options and we will decide together."

The threesome, plus Blue Squadron were guests for now. They were given temporary ID's, an additional orientation class, and a ton of paperwork to fill out.

Since everyone on Earth had two names, Adama and Tigh had to choose first names. Zara on the other hand had to choose a last name. At first, she thought to choose "Adama", but when she was told it might give the impression of a spouse, she changed her mind at his insistence. He wanted her to choose her own identity. She'd have to think about who she was. She didn't know.

Adama chose Joseph and Tigh chose Alexander. Zara couldn't decide, but she was told there was no rush. She was assigned "Smith", until she chose a permanent one.

Tigh decided on Canada for his home. It was close by, and relations still seemed friendly. Apollo, Sheba and Boxey were going to Canada as well. Starbuck and Cassie chose France. Jolly chose England and was joining the RAF.

For Adama, invitations came in for visits and offers of citizenship. His status of council member and commander of the fleet made him a valuable commodity. Of course, the US made an offer too, based on his wealthy status, but since the rest of his people weren't welcome, he declined. This was not met with overwhelming happiness on the part of the US government. So, he was given a time-frame with which to depart US soil.

He kept all this information from Zara, it would only worry her.

He sat down with her and showed her all the places they would be welcome. She nodded. Her eyes roved over the papers he had laid out. Tigh wasn't due to leave for another week and he joined them.

"Have you narrowed it down?" Tigh asked.

"They all have something special about them, and it makes it hard to choose. Would you like to visit any of these places Zara?"

She shrugged, and fingered the files. She was looking for Scotland.

"Well, why don't we visit them all and decide for ourselves?"

The expression she flashed him was not one of confidence.

"We have to start somewhere."

She handed him the paper she was looking for.

"Ah, Scotland, where Dr. Beckett is from. Shall we start there?"

She nodded and it was decided.

* * *

Adama and Tigh embraced briefly. "It's been an honor to have served with you, Commander."

"And with you."

Apollo, Sheba, and Boxey came up to say goodbye. Muffitt the daggit wobbled up behind.

Zara stood as far away as she could. Apollo still had not quite accepted her in his father's life. Zara respected that in a way. She knew she could never be Apollo's step mother nor his step-sister. No one could replace his brother Zac either.

They boarded with Tigh, and the plane taking them to Canada taxied away.

Adama said goodbye to Starbuck, and Cassie embraced Zara.

"I will miss you very much." Cassie told her. "Please look after the commander. Make sure he gets his rest."

"Oh, Cassie!" Adama chastised lightly. He gave her a hug. "I'll let you know where we are, so you two can stay in touch." He felt the device they called a cell phone in his pocket.

With one last wave, Starbuck and Cassie boarded their plane and left.

Now, they were all alone.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Exploring Earth

Zara was stumped. She was working on a Sudoku puzzle in the lounge. Adama was finalizing their itinerary. A voice broke into their thoughts.

"You're Commander Adama, yes?"

He looked up into the face of a handsome man in civilian clothing.

"Yes, I am."

"May I?" The newcomer indicated a chair.

"Yes, of course."

He pulled up the chair, sat down and extended his hand. "I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson. I heard you were here, and I wanted to come over and introduce myself."

Adama shook his hand. "I don't remember seeing you here."

"I just got back from an away mission with SG-1."

"SG-1?"

"Ah, yes, all teams are designated by number."

"I've been overloaded with information lately, please forgive me."

"It's fine. Soooo, this must be Zara."

Her head whipped up at the mention of her name. She looked at the man with the curious blue eyes questioningly.

He put out his hand, but she drew back her arms and looked away.

"I apologize. She's had a rough time dealing with all the new faces around here."

"I understand completely."

"She misses her friends on Atlantis."

"Ah. Atlantis is a beautiful city. I've been there."

"Do you work with Dr. Beckett?"

"What? Oh! No. I'm an archaeologist. I uncover ruins of civilizations long dead. The Ancients who once lived in Atlantis are of special interest to me."

"I see. And what have you uncovered about the Ancients?"

"It's very unusual to have a city in as perfect condition as Atlantis, but that doesn't mean there aren't secrets to discover, like secret rooms in the lower levels, and secret experiments going on. It's just a matter of finding them."

He had Zara's attention now.

"Are there secret rooms in Atlantis?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, there are."

"Zara, did you find any secret rooms while you were exploring the lower levels?"

She shook her head no. Adama chuckled, and then explained to Dr. Jackson.

"So, you made yourself a secret room all of your own. That's clever."

"I think she just needed a break from the noise."

Daniel nodded. "So, what's all this?"

"We were supposed to be quartered in the US, but it seems the new administration no longer finds us welcome. We're decided to go visit Scotland for our first stop."

"I hope you bought winter clothes. It's the cold there right now."

"Is it? No one mentioned that."

"They get lot of snow."

Zara signed _. 'What's that?'_

"She wants to know what snow is."

"Snow is frozen rain, basically, and it piles up, sometimes two or three feet, sometimes more."

Her eyes went wide, but then narrowed as if she thought he was lying.

"Unless you like the cold, I suggest you find someplace warmer."

"Zara? Do you still want to go?"

' _Not if it is cold. I don't like the cold.'_

"Where do you suggest we start, Dr. Jackson?"

"Daniel, please. And I think you'd be better off starting in Australia. New Zealand is also close by, and then you can work your way up through the continent of Asia or to Japan via the Philippines. Then you can head west to India and/or China, work your way through Africa, but be very careful of the Middle East. There's a lot of fighting going on."

"Fighting?"

"Bombings, battles, terrorism, not very safe right now. By April, it should be a good time to explore Europe; France, Germany, Italy, England, Scotland, Ireland, Austria, and maybe Denmark or Finland. Russia has some very beautiful country, but it's still very communist. No matter where you go, be wary of people bumping into you; they might be pick pockets. They are all over, and if they find out you are a tourist, its worse."

"Thanks for the advice."

"I'd stick to countries that speak a lot of English."

"Can you mark them off for me?"

Daniel put a check mark on those he thought would be the safest places to travel.

"Thank you for all your help."

"You're welcome. I got a lot of work to do, so…"

"Of course. It was nice meeting you."

Daniel took his leave, but it wasn't their only meeting. Daniel introduced them to Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, Vala Mal Doran, Teal'c, and team leader Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell.

During the time they had left, Daniel did his best to make friends with Zara, but she wasn't having any of it. She had gotten so heart-broken that she didn't want any more friends. It hurt too much to say goodbye.

It was finally their turn to board the plane that would take them off to distance lands.

Zara settled into her seat without much enthusiasm, but she did steal glances out the window as the plane lifted off. They were bound for Australia.

Customs were a new experience for them. Why were they there? How long would they be staying? What hotel would they be staying at? Etc etc…

They arrived in Sydney, got transportation to their hotel and settled in. It had been a long flight and they were tired. They decided they would rest, order room service just once and then explore.

By the time room service arrived, Zara was out for the count. The courtesy lent them by the US got them only as far as Hawaii. They were on commercial flights after that.

Daniel shared his cell number and if they needed help, he would give them whatever help he could. It was appreciated.

It was February 2, 2016, and the world was theirs.

Australia was okay, but Zara wasn't comfortable in the big cities. New Zealand had breath-taking countryside, but it didn't have the feel they needed.

They traveled to several other countries, but none of them felt like home to either of them. None were like Caprica, and none made Zara happy.

Along their travels, they met up with many dignitaries, which included the Queen of England. By the end of September, they had finally arrived in Scotland.

Clutching the pictures of Loch Lomond to her chest, the pair strolled down the path to the lakeside beach. Zara smiled at the wooden path built for access through the wooded area.

As the serene lake, or as Dr. Beckett put it, loch, came into view, it was beautiful. Zara couldn't help but be touched. The words and melody of the song written about this lake floated into her mind.

Carson had taught her the song, and introduced her to a whole new genre of music. She had Radek help her put some of the Scottish music Carson liked onto her MP3 player. A group with a strange name, Silly Wizard, found their way into her library.

Zara stooped up to pick up a small amount of sand and a few pebbles. 'Can I keep it? I want something to remember.'

Adama managed to save her unusual souvenir in a bag obtained from a local gift shop when they bought other mementos. "I think this will work for now."

Eventually, they found another gift shop and a better idea. Someone was selling sand in a glass bottle, so they bought a bottle later on and the sand and pebbles were stored in it for travel.

They returned to London, and had dinner with Prince William and his wife, Catherine.

He was interested in Adama's time as a pilot and military career, and conversation turned in that direction. Being in the military himself, he wondered what is was like being a pilot in space.

Prince William sat enthralled by the stories, while Catherine simply smiled.

Zara thought she was very beautiful, and graceful. She had a ready smile and an easy laugh. Zara liked her, but felt undeserving to be sitting at the same table as a Duchess.

A servant came in to deliver a message to the Prince.

"Thank you." He dismissed the man of further service. He turned to Adama and told him there were invitations waiting for him, and that they would be delivered to his room.

Once dinner was over and they were free, Adama went to read over his messages.

There were three additional invitations, but the one he found most intriguing was from a country he hadn't heard of before. Of course, that in and of itself wasn't unusual, there were many names he wasn't acquainted with. He took Zara along and went to make inquiries about this country called Wakanda.

The staff was happy to oblige and they were given use of an office computer and an advisor. What he found was even more mystifying, but he was assured that Wakanda was a safe country to travel to.

The advisor made the appropriate arrangements and it was agreed they would leave at weeks' end. In the meantime, they spent their last days exploring London.

Zara enjoyed the museums and the Tower Bridge. There was an old world feel that they both found enjoyable in London. The dampness made Zara ache, her arthritis acted up, but she remained silent about the pain. The shoulder she could live with, the previously broken ankle would not behave.

She hid it as much as possible until a cobblestone walkway pushed her beyond her limits and a pained cry betrayed her. That was the end of the touring for the day.

The last day was spent shopping at Harrod's for a few last minute things and then it was off for Heathrow Airport.

The flight proved uneventful and they touched down at the airport.

Instead of going through customs like normal, a man met them as they got off the plane. He held a sign up with their names on it. "Your luggage will picked up. I am to escort you through customs. You need not wait in line."

As they approached the customs area, the man showed the attendants some sort of identification. They conversed in their native language and then the attendant ushered them forward, and stamped their papers.

"Please follow me."

He led them to a waiting car. Their luggage followed soon after. Once it was stowed safely, the driver turned to them. "I am Talib. I will be your driver and escort. I will take you to the king's palace where he will receive you. Welcome to Wakanda."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Wakanda

The driver wound his way expertly through the streets. Zara half-heartedly looked out the window. The city held no fascination for her until she saw shepherds goading on their livestock to an open-air market. She looked until it went out of sight.

In the front seat, the driver half smiled. "Once you are settled, I will take you to the marketplace, if you wish. If you need anything before then, I will introduce you to Rayenne, and she can get whatever it is you require. You are guests of the king."

The palace was nothing like either of them imagined. It seemed very ordinary for a king, but it was hardly that inside.

They pulled up to the gates and a brief conversation took place. The gates opened and the driver moved the car forward to a space right in front of the doorway. He jumped out and opened the door for them. As they got out an older woman with wisps of grey peeking from the dark strands of her hair joined them.

"This is Rayenne. She will be in charge of any necessities you may require. She will show you to your rooms. If you will follow her, please."

She led the way into the building and that's when the impression changed. Inside, the building held a much more eye-pleasing format. Warm colors, ornate floor tiles, huge exotic potted plants, gentle lighting, and busy people all said this was a place fit for a king.

She pushed the call button for the elevator, and then turned to them. "In each of your rooms, I have left a directory to aid you in navigating the building."

The elevator door opened, and they stepped in "If you are uncertain, the floor numbers are marked on the door frame." She pointed to the frame of the elevator door. She followed them inside and the door closed. She pushed the correct button and when the reached the appropriate floor, the doors parted and Rayenne let them out first.

They followed her down to their rooms. She indicated the first room and opened the door. "Commander Adama, this will be your room while you are our guest. Ms. Smith, you will be here, right across the hall."

"You can just call her Zara; the Smith part was added by default."

"As you wish."

She indicated little pockets attached to the wall. "If you need anything, please write down what you are in need of, and insert it here. I will pick it up and make sure you are accommodated. I will have your luggage delivered and let you freshen up. I will return in one hour and escort you to the king."

Zara went into her room and looked around. _'This can't be my room! There must be some mistake.'_

She looked around at the lush plants adorning either side of a sliding glass door that led out to a balcony. Rich colored, red and brown linens covered the bed and matched the drapes that hung floor to ceiling. A full-sized sofa sat in front of the side wall and faced a deeply hued wooden desk on the other. She ran a finger over the desk; not the tiniest bit of dust flawed the perfect finish.

She peeked into the bathroom. She couldn't believe her eyes in there either. A deep sink with a large marble counterspace, a glass-walled stand up shower with tiny tiles in reds and browns, a tall toilet, and a deep bathtub. Upon further inspection, she noticed holes in the tub walls. _'Funny-looking drains.'_

A knock at the door stopped any further musings. She opened the door and her luggage was waiting with a porter. "Where would you like me to put your luggage?" She pointed to a spot just inside the door. "As you wish." He left with a small bow from the waist and closed the door behind him.

' _Now I know I'm dreaming.'_ She slapped her own hand, but the room did not vanish. She looked wistfully at the room, wondering when they would realize their mistake and kick her out. She went to her luggage and pulled out the wash cloth from Harrod's and used it on her face. The cool water felt good. She hurried herself along and wiped any droplets of spilt water; except for the cloth hanging to dry, you'd never know she'd even been there.

Rayenne knocked softly and Zara opened the door. Adama was already waiting. Zara joined them and closed her door. She had played with it just a few moments earlier to make sure she understood how to lock it and unlock it. She left it unlocked and then she followed along behind their escort. It was an old habit. She had never had a locked door when she was a slave girl, and she never figured out how to lock her door on Atlantis. Stargate Command doors were much simpler. She'd been trained to leave any door unlocked unless explicitly directed.

"King T'Challa is mostly informal unless it is a Head of State meeting or a diplomatic meeting, so you need not worry too much about etiquette. If you have any questions, the king requests that you ask them. Here we are." She guided them inside.

The room was large and T'Challa sat at a desk; behind him stood several fierce-looking women. They were all devoid of hair on their heads. When he saw them enter, he stood up and directed them to a more comfortable seating area. He held out his hand. The women all followed in precise synchrony and stood a respectful distance from the king.

Adama shook the offered hand.

"Commander Adama, how nice it is to meet you."

"And you as well. This is Zara. I'm afraid she's still quite shy."

"That is all right, please, be seated." Once they were settled, he clasped his hands together. "So, you are both from another planet, please tell me all about it. I am eager to hear your stories."

For the next two hours T'Challa sat attentively as he listened to the tale of the escaping refugees, their flight, and their time in Atlantis.

"My people mostly stick to themselves, but since the death of my father, this is something I am trying to change. Wakanda needs to be brought into the affairs of the world, not an easy feat, but I do my best." He went on to relate a brief history of Wakanda. "Most of what you might find on the internet is there for tourist purposes, it is not all inclusive. We still like our privacy."

"Of course. As fleet commander and a Council member, I often found myself at odds at meetings. Military strategy and diplomacy do not naturally go hand in hand, but it sometimes speeds things along."

T'Challa laughed. "How right you are! Now, what about your companion? Has she nothing to add to our conversation?"

"She doesn't speak."

"I've been told. How does she communicate?"

"Colonel Sheppard from Atlantis actually taught her the alphabet in American Sign Language."

"Interesting. Tell me more about her."

Zara's gaze wandered about. With the men talking, she was just as invisible as before. She looked at the fierce women with their large earrings, and serious expressions just for a moment. They made her feel uncomfortable. She supposed that was the point. If they looked like they meant business, you'd think twice about approaching the king.

As Adama spoke, T'Challa couldn't help his thoughts turning to another of his guests; a man whose life had been spent enslaved to HYDRA. The descriptions Adama gave of Zara's behavior and mannerisms were almost a mirror image of James Buchanan Barnes. In his head, he knew he would need to bring in Steve Rogers to meet them somehow. He filed it away for later use.

"Let me ask you a question. Has she spent any time signing with a counselor?"

"We tried. She is so afraid of doctors; I can barely keep her calm enough for them to check her. When she was first brought to the Galactica, it took 4 med-techs to restrain her while the doctor administered a sedative. She tried to bite him. We cannot be completely sure, but we are reasonably sure one of the doctors who treated Zara abused her and she's been terrified ever since."

"I am proud to say we have the most excellent doctors and medicine in the world. If either of you are in need, our doctors are here at your disposal."

"Thank you, you're very kind." He glanced at her with a frown. "She has a bad habit of hiding her pain. Even when she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle, she hardly shed a tear. It wasn't until later I was told, she started crying when Ronon brought her to the sickbay. Excuse me, the infirmary."

"Sickbay?"

"Colonel Sheppard showed her some television called 'Star Trek', and she's called the infirmary 'sickbay' ever since. He even taught her to refer to Dr. Beckett as Dr. McCoy." Adama chuckled. "I personally don't see the resemblance, but it makes her smile."

T'Challa nodded.

"If I could find someone she trusted, like she trusted her friend Ronon, I'm sure she'd make more progress. I make sure she does her schoolwork, has books to read, and puzzle books to keep her mind occupied, but I'm not Ronon."

"And just who is Ronon?"

"The best description I can give you is the one given to me. Ronon is considered the 'biggest badass' of Atlantis, whatever that means."

T'Challa tilted his head back and roared with laughter. "She was not afraid of him?"

"Absolutely not. He stands…" Adama offered his hand and showed T'Challa the width. "About this much taller than I, about a hundred years younger, and has long hair in large braids. He's faster with a blaster than anyone I've ever seen, and he fears nothing. He's very protective of Zara. It broke her heart to leave him behind."

"He is a warrior."

"Indeed he is." He glanced back at her. "She's been a bit withdrawn ever since we left Atlantis. She made so much progress there and she misses her friends."

"Has nothing she has seen made her smile?"

"There were a few places that she enjoyed; Scotland was one of them. She did like Edinburgh, and loved Loch Lomond. I am concerned for her health. She needs specific medical care."

"May I inquire as to her needs?"

"She has…" Adama groped for the correct word. He leaned over to her. "Zara let me see your bracelet."

Obediently, she held out her left wrist for him to read. "Coronary Stents." Adama finished.

"That is quite serious. I can see why you are concerned. Our infirmary is open 24 hours and a doctor is available at all times."

"Thank you. I am not anticipating anything serious to happen, but it's good to know there is care available."

"You are my honored guests, and you are to be taken care of."

"Actually, I do have a couple of requests, if it isn't too much trouble."

Just then another attendant entered the room and whispered into the kings' ear.

"I'm sorry, but I will have to delay the rest of our meeting until later. I will have someone give you a complete tour in the meantime. Any requests, please, put into the bins, and they will be taken care of." T'Challa stood up.

Adama stood up, and then Zara followed suit.

"You are invited to join me for dinner later. I will have Rayenne call upon you; until then." The men shook hands once again, and the king disappeared into a private room.

"I will take you on a tour and show you all there is to see; much better than a map, yes?"

"Yes, thank you."

* * *

After the tour, Adama and Zara worked on a list of things, and put it in the bin outside Zara's door. "There! Now, you'll have whatever you need and I won't have to worry."

Zara looked doubtful. She thought the list of things was too long. Six things! _'What if they get mad at me? I'm not special. Why should I get special treatment? What if they kick us out for being too greedy?'_

She kept her fears to herself, but she decided she wouldn't place anything else in the bin. On the list were bottled water and snacks to keep in her room, access to her electronics, movies to keep her occupied, daytime activities, and someone to keep an eye on her if Adama couldn't.

Zara folded her arms in protest about the last one. She didn't need a baby-sitter. She could remember to take her own medicine and knew what each pill was for. She was confined to the palace in any case, unless someone took her out.

The king did not return, so they spent the rest of the day exploring the palace, with Rayenne escorting and explaining the art pieces that adorned the halls. She showed them the pool on the lower level, and the heated Jacuzzi. Zara stood mesmerized by the swirling water. Next to that, there was a full gym. Massages were also offered if they were requested ahead of time.

At 6 pm, they had a light meal. Zara picked at it, but it was too spicy for her liking, and she played with her food.

Rayenne noticed and inquired about Zara not eating. She avoided looking up and fidgeted nervously. She didn't want to complain. Everyone had been so nice that Zara felt it was rude to say anything bad.

When she got back to her room, she found the snacks and water and filled her growling stomach before they headed to the lounge for the evening movie.

"I was not sure what kind of movies would be acceptable, so I brought you a variety." Rayenne showed them the selections, and Adama picked out an animated film. Atlantis had so few to choose from, so this seemed like a bonus. They were shown how to operate the DVD player, and then they settled back to watch the film titled "Brave". Over his shoulder, Adama whispered a thank you to Rayenne.

Zara was enthralled as usual by the "magic" of television. A silver disc inserted into a machine that could produce pictures was still new and exciting to her.

She seemed to enjoy the film, and Adama swore he'd heard her giggle once. He looked over, but of course, she'd stifled the sound. When it was over, she smiled.

"Time for sleeping now." Adama decided.

They were escorted back to their rooms.

"Breakfast will be served starting at 7."

"Thank you."

Zara waved goodnight and closed the door to her room. But now she wondered what to do.

She opened her luggage and withdrew her pajamas. She changed in the bathroom and placed her day clothes on top of the suitcase. She stared at the room. It made her feel uneasy. She closed all the drapes and then stared at the bed. She couldn't bring herself to believe it was for her use. She checked the closets and found extra pillows and blankets. She took out what she needed and snuggled onto the sofa.

After 30 minutes of silence, she got up and figured out how to turn the fan on, got back under the covers and aided by the whirr, promptly fell asleep.

In the morning, she showered and got dressed. She carefully folded up the dirty clothes and placed them in the growing pile. Then she folded up the blanket and left it neatly on the end of the sofa.

They joined the king for breakfast.

Zara took her medicine without prompting. Adama fussed over what she could have.

"Is there a problem?" T'Challa asked.

"She can't have any milk, except soymilk, she's allergic, so I'm making sure she only eats what she's supposed to."

"If you write down a list, I'll make sure the chef stocks up on things she can eat."

"Thank you. I don't mean to be a problem."

T'Challa waved his hand dismissively. "It is my pleasure, truly."

Once Zara was settled, Adama started his meal.

"Would you like to visit the marketplace today? Talib mentioned she took an interest in it. Afterwards, we can have lunch and then go sightseeing.''

"That sounds wonderful."

Zara was exhausted by days' end, and even the king could see her struggling part way through the day. Zara became embarrassed after picking out fruits and nuts from a farm stand only to find out the driver had the tab paid for by the king's orders. She felt guilty because if she knew he was paying, she would have made a smaller purchase.

She held the bag of precious bananas, plums, and peaches in her lap. On the seat between them a bag of assorted nuts and a cracker to open them sat idly by.

It was a beautiful city, combining old world charm and high tech buildings. Adama enjoyed it a lot too and suggested perhaps another day the driver could drop them off and pick them back up later. "I understand you have a country to run, so we wouldn't want to take you away from your responsibilities."

T'Challa smiled. He took an instant liking to this man. Yes, he decided. Steve Rogers must meet these two.

* * *

By the weekend, Adama and Zara had seen a lot of the marketplace, exchanged their money for local currency, and had gone sightseeing with the king. He was very proud of his country and it showed.

There were only a couple of hitches. Zara did not feel comfortable with any of those presented for "baby-sitting". All the women were intimidating, and Zara would stare at the floor and fidget.

"We will keep trying." T'Challa promised, as they took their leave.

Rayenne remained.

"Yes?"

"I do not wish to create a problem where they may not be, but…"

"But what?"

"The attendants assigned to house-keeping have reported to me that Zara has not slept in her bed. It appears she is sleeping on the sofa."

"I wonder why."

"That I cannot answer."

"I'm curious to know the answer, but if she finds it to her liking, there's no harm in it."

"Of course, my king." Rayenne gave a small bow and retreated.

T'Challa motioned to one of his ever-present guards. "Prepare my jet, it's time I go see a friend."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Steve Rogers

Steve watched through the window as the king's jet approached the landing zone and set down.

His female guards followed behind as he disembarked.

Steve and the others, except Bucky, had been summoned by the king. Bucky was in cold stasis on one of the lower levels, having actually asked for it.

Steve still missed his friend sorely, and visited Bucky every day. It had been 4 months since Bucky went under.

Steve filled the time with physical activities in the gym with the other 4 members of their outlaw team and practiced maneuvers with Wanda.

He waited every day to see if the cell phone would ring. The counterpart to it he'd sent to Tony. It remained stubbornly silent.

Steve moved from the window and strode down the hall. He was very curious. T'Challa checked in on them now and again, but until now, had never commanded a meeting.

The conference room door was open. One of the female guards stood at the entrance silently. He smiled and nodded as he went in. Only the subtle change in her eyes told him that he had been acknowledged.

He was the last to arrive.

The guard closed the door and waited outside of the room.

From the other end, T'Challa made his entrance and took his seat.

"Thank you all for coming."

"I have to admit, I'm a little curious." Steve offered. He exchanged glances with the others.

"I'm sure you are. Let me tell you about two people I've invited to be my guests."

They all listened intently as the king explained about the two newcomers, and when he had finished, there was an eerie silence.

"It seems like SHIELD wasn't the only thing kept in secrecy." Clint commented.

"So, Captain Rogers, does this woman sound like someone we know?"

"Yeah, sounds a lot like Bucky."

"That was my thoughts exactly. I think you should meet her, but I haven't figured out quite how to make that happen yet. I wanted to hear any ideas."

"Well, she can't be allowed to see our faces." Clint warned.

"And we sure can't tell her our names." Sam added.

"Masks?" Scott offered.

"We could use something similar to what Bucky wore as the Winter Soldier, something that leaves eyes uncovered." It was the first thing Steve thought of, and he blurted it out without really thinking it over.

"We would have to think of more than that; we'd need uniforms." Wanda suggested.

"And a cover story."

"Let's hammer something out." Steve said.

"I think we have a lot to learn from this woman." T'Challa concluded.

So, they worked out a plan with some flexibility for future needs and/or changes. T'Challa had them meet with tailors who fitted them with suits. The masks were the most difficult to manufacture; they had to be able to breathe and speak properly while wearing them.

While this all went on, T'Challa returned to the palace and spent more time with his newest guests.

* * *

About a month had now gone by since the kings' meeting with Steve; six weeks since the arrival of Adama and Zara. The king summoned them to his office.

"Please sit." He gestured to them. Zara was wracking her brain. Had she done something wrong? The request to see the king seemed more a command than a request. _Maybe they figured out that I'm in the wrong room!_ She couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Rayenne said it was urgent." Adama began. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes, there is a problem." T'Challa stood up and walked about a little bit. "We still have not found someone that Zara finds acceptable."

"I've been looking after her…"

"Yes, yes, I know, but I'm afraid it is not going to be good enough going forward."

"I don't understand. Are you asking us to leave?"

A tear started to form in Zara's eye, and she felt responsible somehow. She didn't even know what she had done wrong.

T'Challa leaned against his desk and faced them. "I'm not asking you to leave; in fact, I wish to offer you a job, Commander Adama, and full citizenship for both of you."

Silence. It was a contest to see who was more shocked; Adama or Zara.

T'Challa smiled. "I could use a man of your knowledge and talent. You're a diplomat, and a pilot. I assume you are as capable with a weapon as you are words. The problem lies with Zara; as your new position will require you to travel with me. I have some people to introduce her to. Perhaps she will find one of them acceptable. You requested a 'baby-sitter' in case you were not available and now we have an urgent need of one. I wish that you start your new job right away; today in fact. I have a jet I would like you to begin training in."

"Today?"

"Yes, today. Time waits for no man, or woman. Before you answer, let me tell you what I am offering. You will have a generous salary, food and housing, medical care, retirement benefits. Zara will receive supervision, medical care, food and housing, and a safe place to blossom and grow. I have another facility where she will live. It is in the country where it is surrounded by all the beauty our country offers. She will live there, learn there, and be protected as if she is my family. I have a squad already in place there. She may choose her own guardian from them. You will have regular contact, so you can be reassured that she is being well taken care of."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say yes."

"I'd like to speak to Zara alone first."

"Of course, of course."

Adama took Zara's hand, and he stood up; she followed suit. "I'll let you know shortly."

T'Challa nodded, and watched them leave.

* * *

They were back in less than an hour, much to the surprise of the king.

"I have one request." Adama asked.

"Yes?"

"I want her to meet this squad of yours, the ones who are to protect her. If Zara is comfortable, I will accept your offer."

"Come then, we will fly out there right now."

He led them to the jet pad, where there was a jet fueled and ready. "Buckle in." The king himself took the pilot seat and prepared for lift-off. "We're lifting off."

Zara felt the jet lift straight up underneath her. She couldn't help but grab for something to steady herself with. Then her stomach lurched as the jet tilted and it moved forward. She gave Adama a helpless look and grabbed his arm. This definitely wasn't a shuttle or a puddle-jumper, and it wasn't like any of the aircraft she'd previously been on. She could feel the power of the engines rumbling right through the seat and the floor. She took a deep breath, and held on tight.

Adama patted her arm. "It'll be fine, you'll see."

The flight wasn't long, not because it was a short distance, but that the jet moved fast. The king announced their arrival, and it wasn't soon enough for Zara.

The landing was almost imperceptible; with only the slightest bump.

When the tailgate opened Zara made haste in leaving; she didn't wait for Adama at all, she wanted off!

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" T'Challa chided her.

Even Adama chuckled a bit. "You lost her when we tilted forward."

"Come, we are safely on Wakandan soil, there is nothing to fear now."

He led them into the building. It was it the middle of nowhere! As far as Zara could see there was nothing but green forest. She strained to see, but even the horizon was forest. _'Where are we?'_

He brought them to a lounge area. It had a couple of sofas, some stuffed chairs, a couple of table and chair sets for card-playing, a large television, a refrigerator, a microwave, a small corner library and a collection of DVD's.

As soon as they shuffled in, several people stood up in a line.

T'Challa went to the first person in line. "I would like to introduce you to Captain Nomad and his team." He then turned. "This is Commander Adama and Zara."

Steve stepped forward and offered his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you sir." He introduced the rest by letter designation; Agent S was Sam, Agent C was Clint, Agent L was Scott Lang, and Agent W was for Wanda.

Zara stared at them wide eyed, and mouth hanging open. When Adama gestured her forward, she shook her head no, and backed up a step.

"Miss Zara." The king started. "They are a very special group of people. They are under strict orders to protect you while Commander Adama is away. They also protect me. Do you see their masks?"

Zara nodded dumbly.

"Do you know why they wear them?"

She shook her head.

"I will tell you why. Their identities must not be revealed to the outside public. If they were recognized as one of my guards, they could be placing themselves in unnecessary danger. We protect their faces so no one can compromise this facility. Do you know what compromise means?"

She stared at the king for a brief moment and then her eyes darted left and right as she thought about the question. She bit her lower lip and her eyes slowly returned to the king's face. She shook her head uncertain of the answer.

"To compromise the facility would mean for someone not authorized to be here to gain entry, and we don't want that. Do you understand?"

She nodded slowly and started to tilt. If it weren't for the kings' quick reflexes, she would have hit the floor in a dead faint.

They sat her on the nearest sofa and people scattered. One went for a damp cloth to wipe her face; another got her a glass of water to drink, Adama sat next to her and bolstered her up.

She never actually passed out, but her eyes were glazed over and there was a blank expression on her face that looked like she really didn't know where she was.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm here to protect you. I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise." Adama kept repeating himself while she squirmed. He stroked her hair out of her eyes, and kept talking to her softly until her body went limp. "Give her some room, let her catch her breath."

"Should we call for a medic?" Someone in the back asked.

"She got caught by surprise, and I'm sure we're kinda scary looking to her, but she's strong, she'll bounce back. Look, she's better already."

She stared at Steve for a moment as the color came back to her face. She blinked several times and tried to get her eyes to focus clearly. Finally, she averted her gaze and stared at her hands in her lap.

"She didn't like the flight and I think she just feels a little overwhelmed."

"Perhaps I over-estimated her tolerance." T'Challa said.

"Well, a lot has been thrown at her in a very short period of time, and now it's changing again. Zara, I want to know you are going to be okay if I take the job. If you don't want me to, I won't take it."

She looked up at him. She had mixed emotions churning in her. She'd rarely been given any chances to make her own decisions, and she didn't know what to do. She sensed how he wanted to take the job. He needed it; they needed it. They needed a place to call home. They were the only ones left who had not settled in a place. She couldn't make him miserable by telling him no, but she didn't want to continue going on the way they had. She felt uneasy about traveling, and not knowing what to expect. She just wanted some normalcy, some routine, and staying here would hopefully give her that.

She took a deep breath and looked at the man they called Captain Nomad. He looked imposing and she glanced away.

He knelt down in front of her. "Is this better?"

She looked back at him. She took in his dark blond hair and cloudy, troubled blue eyes. She sucked in her lower lip and chewed on it. She knew what she had to do.

" _Take the job."_ She signed to Adama and nodded. Somehow, she would get by, but she couldn't stand in the way of their needs.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he knew her well enough to see through it.

"Zara, I want you to think this over. Don't do it because you think it's what I want. I want you to be happy."

She looked at the Captain and all the others in turn. She took another deep breath.

" _We need a place to call home."_ She signed. _"If not here, then where? We've traveled all over, and I'm tired. Let's just stay here. The king needs you and…."_ She faltered for a moment. _"And I think they might need me too."_

"Then you need to pick a guardian for when I'm gone. Do you think you can do that?"

She nodded.

Adama pulled her up and let he hand go. He turned to the king. "She can choose anyone?"

"Yes. They have all volunteered."

" _But how do I choose when I cannot see their faces?"_ She signed.

"Use your other senses."

She gave him a look that clearly meant, "Really?" After she stared at him for a bit, she turned her attention to the team.

"If you can't choose who you want, I could choose for you, or you can eliminate who you don't want and work it from there."

She scrutinized them thoroughly. She asked if they could speak so she could hear their voices. She asked that they stand still, and she sniffed them, which caused a bit of giggles. In the end, it was the eyes. She looked in each pair to determine who needed her the most.

" _I have chosen."_ She signed. _"This one."_ She pointed to Steve Rogers. In her mind, she hoped she was making the right choice. All their eyes showed troubled souls, but there was something deeper – guilt. A terrible guilt lay behind his eyes, and she knew he needed her help.

In the line, Steve stood and hoped he could be worthy of her trust.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Getting to know Zara

The first thing that had to happen was moving all their belongings to their new rooms. For him, it was easy; all his things were moved into employee quarters of the palace. For her, it was more difficult; she was being moved to the new building; something she was not happy about.

The king assured her that Adama needed time to focus and train, and once all that was done, he would join her. They would visit on weekends until then. She pouted, but nodded.

Since they were being separated, the first thing Steve had to do was learn how to communicate with her. He and Wanda looked up American Sign Language and practiced together. He was surprised to discover she only knew a few actual signs; mostly it was just letters and some she customized to her own liking. She turned the letter "k" on its side which confused Steve at first before he understood what she meant.

Once that was out of the way, he asked her why she didn't write things on paper. She shook her head.

When he pointed out her schoolwork on paper, she signed, _"That's different."_ No further explanation was given.

Trying to figure her out was more complicated than trying to figure out women in general Steve discovered. Zara gave little away in words or signs. So Steve resorted to his innate abilities. He watched her body language.

He figured out pretty quickly when she was mad, happy, or scared. Those were easy. Not so easy were deciphering her restlessness, anxiety or suspicions, and particularly why she felt that way.

When she caught him scrutinizing her too much, she shut down, folded her arms across her chest and sat with her head down. She wasn't going to make this easy and Steve wondered what was going through her mind.

Steve talked to a couple of the doctors assigned to the building in hopes he could glean some bit of insight to encourage her to open up. They referred him to mental health doctors, and he talked with them at length. He had meetings with Adama to further his knowledge base, whose best advice to him was to be honest with her. Trust was the most critical thing to her, if she couldn't trust you, you'd never get anywhere with her. The other thing he was able to tell Steve was to never shout or raise his voice to her. It made her afraid. Hitting her was never an option, and Steve took umbrage at the implication.

"How did you get to know her?" Steve asked flat out.

Adama laughed. "She'll get to know you if she wants to and on her own schedule. Try telling her about yourself. It may be a one-sided conversation for a while, but it might work out in the end. I must admit something to you. I have been having regrets about bringing her here, I mean, to Earth. She had gotten so settled and was happy on Atlantis. It broke her heart to leave. She misses her friend Ronon a lot."

"Can we bring him here?"

"I'll see what I can do, but don't say anything to her."

"I won't."

So, in the meantime, Steve set up a little routine for her to give her some structure; breakfast, school, lunch, gym, break, and "play time". Play time was reserved for arts and crafts or playing educational games on the laptop.

Steve tried engaging her with the others, but that didn't seem to go over well. She could tell Wanda was younger than she was and they really didn't have anything in common. She tolerated Scott for the most part, but again, no connection. She frowned at Sam whenever she caught him whispering to Steve, and she shut down whenever he came too close. Clint fared the best, but even then it was at arm's length.

She just wouldn't open up.

* * *

Thanksgiving came and Zara was invited to spend the day with the team just to hang out. She couldn't eat with them as they couldn't remove their masks, but she was brought to the buffet to pick out whatever she wanted to eat. She picked out her food and put it on her plate, but she didn't look happy. She still didn't know how to reconcile "holidays" in her mind. Adama had to work, so he wasn't there. It was a long and sad day for her.

That night she had trouble sleeping. Her sour stomach acted up and she got up in the dead of night and prowled the halls. She'd run out of snacks in her room, and she couldn't take the medicine on an empty stomach. She tried all the doors, but they were locked. She was desperate to find something to eat. She hadn't finished her meal and what she did eat wasn't agreeing with her.

She went down one floor and repeated the process, without any luck.

She got back in the stairwell and headed further down. Nothing on that floor either.

One more floor down, and as she touched the landing, she heard voices speaking in Wakandan. She peeked around and watched as they went through the doorway. She hustled down and caught the door with her fingertips just before it closed. She slowly pulled it open and looked around the corner. Two people walked away and disappeared around the next intersection.

Zara opened the door and slipped out of the stairwell. She never noticed the keypad on the stairwell wall.

This floor felt different right from the start and Zara was curious, so she began exploring. _'Maybe it's for the staff.'_ She thought. _'Then there must be some food down here!'_

She found a small lounge. It was boring, but she found a couple of bananas. She scooped them up and peeled one. She was eating the first one when she came to a strange looking room. It reminded her of Atlantis.

There were a lot of buttons, dials, and blinking lights. She didn't understand any of it. She looked at the large consoles, and kept wandering. She came upon this strange looking console. It stuck out of the floor at an odd angle. When she came around to the other side, her jaw dropped open. There was a glass door and inside the console was a man!

He was sleeping in there!

She knocked on the glass but he didn't wake up. It felt cold to her, and she wondered why it was cold.

Then she walked around a little further and saw that his left arm was missing!

She jumped back!

He was dressed all in white.

Something in her mind clicked at that moment, a memory, several memories all rose up and converged on her at once. _'He's an ANGEL!'_

She patted the door but couldn't figure out how to open it. _'Why are they keeping him prisoner in here? Why would they do such a thing?'_ She thought to herself.

She heard the voices from the stairwell and they were coming closer. Panicking, she fled as quickly and as quietly as possible. She found the stairwell and struggled her way back up to her floor. She didn't stop until she got to her room and closed the door. She ate the second banana and took two pills to settle her stomach using the water from the bathroom sink. She climbed into bed, but sleep did not come easily.

* * *

When Adama came to visit on Saturday, she asked him if he believed in angels.

"Of course I do. Apollo, Sheba, Starbuck and Boomer all saw angels while they were out on a mission. I believe it led us on the path that brought us here."

' _I saw an angel a couple of days ago.'_

"You did? Good for you!"

' _He was beautiful.'_

"All angels are beautiful."

' _Radek showed me a story on his laptop that told all about angels, but there was so much, I didn't get to read it all. I just read parts of it.'_

"Perhaps the Captain can incorporate a lesson on angels into your studies." He called Steve over.

"Yes?"

"Zara says she saw an angel. Someone from Atlantis was talking to her about angels, perhaps you can further her along with a lesson?"

"I'd be happy to. I'll look up some stuff and we'll talk about it. Has she had any particular lessons on religion?"

Adama raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't go too deep into any religious studies unless she asks a specific question."

"No problem."

* * *

Later that day, Steve looked online for anything related to angels. He found a lot. He was deciding how best to pare it down when Sam walked in. He did a double take as he passed by the monitor. "Angels?"

Sam took a seat. "Why the interest?"

"Oh, Zara apparently had a dream and thought she saw an angel. She was asking about angels and the commander asked if I could incorporate angels into a lesson."

"Good luck on that one."

"I know. He said not to get into any religious studies though, which I thought odd since they often go hand in hand."

"Maybe he doesn't want any one particular religion swaying her views on the world."

"Maybe, but I think I should mention something about it."

"Yeah, I guess, especially with Christmas coming up. She might ask questions."

"I'm not sure I'm the best person for this job, Sam. I mean, she does the work as best she can, but teaching her beyond reading, writing and arithmetic is not something I'm sure I can do."

"She doesn't appear to like anyone else, just do the best you can."

* * *

Zara slammed her hand on the table in anger _. 'But I did see an angel! Why don't you believe me?'_

"Ok, I believe you." Steve conceded.

' _No, you don't! You're just saying that!'_ She got up and walked out of the lounge. She ignored Steve's calls, and when he stood up to walk after her, she fled in fear. So ended the lessons for the day. She closed herself in her room and didn't come out.

When Steve knocked on her door for lunch, she didn't answer. He tried the door and to his surprise it was unlocked! He cracked the door open, and called her. When she didn't answer, Steve shook his head. _'Of course she's not going to answer me, she doesn't speak. Idiot!_ ' He pushed open the door further and leaned in. "Zara?"

She leapt up from the bed and made pushing away gestures. _'Go away!'_

Steve ducked back out and she closed the door. She refused to come for lunch.

Steve felt bad. His first real failure with Zara.

She did come to dinner, but refused to look Steve in the eye for more than a microsecond. She wasn't happy, but Steve wasn't sure what she was feeling. He pondered whether or not he should say something to her. Sam's advice was to let it drop.

* * *

The next morning, Steve met her for breakfast as their usual routine. She just ate her bowl of cereal with her soymilk, took her pills, and sat there expectantly.

"Are you ready for your lessons?" Steve asked.

She glanced at him briefly and nodded, but her head was down and she twiddled her hands nervously.

"Ok, we have reading comprehension on today's schedule." He slid her bowl out of the way, and put her reading workbook in front of her. "Let's pick up at the page I've marked. "

She opened the book and stared at it patiently. Her head was down and her shoulders were slumped. She looked sad. She found her fingernails unusually interesting and rubbed one thumbnail over the other, something Steve noticed she had a habit of when she was anxious.

He took a deep breath, and slid the book to the side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She reached for the book, and brought it back. She grabbed the pen, and read the directions at the top of the page. She put a little check mark to show she'd read the directions.

Her eyes moved to the story and she read the whole thing without asking a single question. She held her pen over the lines at the bottom that had been provided for the answers. She twiddled with the pen as she thought and began printing. Her printing was getting better, but she still took a long time for her to write down her answers. She put a lot of thought into what she wanted to say before she wrote anything. It was if she wanted to be as brief as possible. She never gave more than asked.

When she was done, she turned the book around so Steve could review her work and give her a grade on it. She placed the pen down and folded her hands in her lap and just waited.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. You're right; I should have been more understanding. I'm sorry that didn't happen. I'm willing to listen."

The only response Steve got was that her incessant thumbnail rubbing picked up speed.

"I really am sorry. I always try to be honest. I find that honesty really is the best policy. I didn't give you a chance to express yourself, and that was wrong."

She grabbed the book back and began printing in the free spaces. When she filled up all the space, she flipped the book back around. She wrote over and over and over the same sentence. _"I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything."_

Steve sighed heavily. He knew things had just changed between them. As he began checking her work, he wondered if it could be fixed.

* * *

It was now just a week away from Christmas, and as a special treat, he presented Zara with a surprise. He said they could knock off lessons early, and she could have extra free time. She just nodded a dismal acknowledgement.

She had been withdrawn and agitated since that day. She just said she was tired whenever Steve asked her about her sloppy work.

The truth was that she was tired because she'd been getting up in the middle of the night and kept trying to go back downstairs.

When the door wouldn't open, she'd noticed the keypad. She tried pushing odd buttons, but nothing she did would let the door open. So she began staking out the door from the level up, and waited for someone to happen by, but no one did. She had to get back there, she just had to. She had to set the angel free. She thought maybe he was the one that was going to save her, to rescue her, after all that's what it said in the song. She thought if she could save him, he could save her. The song described him very clearly as the angel without a wing. She knew from Dr. Beckett an arm could be referred to as a wing. When Zara put all the pieces together, the man had to be an angel. In her mind, it made perfect sense.

Steve told her that they were all going to have a holiday the following week called Christmas. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head no. She'd already been through this last year, and just wanted to be left alone.

"It's customary to give presents, so I'm asking you what you want for Christmas."

She shook her head again.

"Surely there's something you've seen at the marketplace that you would like."

Another head shake.

"Well, I'm going to give you something anyway. I'd prefer it be something you'd like rather than something you don't."

With a huff, she looked up at him and signed. _'I don't want anything. I have everything I need.'_

Steve persisted, and finally she signed again. _'You can't give me what I want. No one can.'_

"I'll try."

Her hands slapped the table in anger, and she stared at him for the longest time. Then the tears started.

She signed. _'I want to feel safe.'_ And she got up and walked away.

Steve sat there speechless.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Bucky

Steve was still sitting there when Clint walked in. "Everything all right?"

"No, it's not."

"I just saw Zara leave. She looked upset."

"You've got kids Clint, how do you deal with them?"

"I let my wife handle the kids."

"No, seriously."

"Are you asking how I would handle Zara?"

Steve nodded.

"Well, first of all, she's not a kid, so don't treat her like she's stupid."

"I don't!" Steve said firmly. "Do I?"

"We can talk about this later; the king wants to see you."

"He's here?"

"He's in his office. I was coming to relieve you, but I guess that's not an issue right now."

"If she comes back, which I doubt, keep her occupied."

"Don't worry. I have a way with women."

Steve grimaced as he left; thinking maybe Zara should have picked Clint to be her teacher.

* * *

He found T'Challa working on some paperwork as he knocked on the door.

"One moment, Captain." He signed something and handed it off to his aide, who carried it off. "Come. Sit. We have much to talk about."

Steve settled in the opposite chair. "Are you looking for a report on Zara's progress?"

"She is half of the reason I requested to speak with you."

"The other half being…?"

"Mr. Barnes."

Steve took a deep breath and nodded.

"I've had all my best scientists and engineers working on a new Vibranium arm for him, and they tell me that they have created three different designs and they are ready to connect one of his choosing. My doctors are also telling me that they believe they have a plan to de-program Mr. Barnes. When I mentioned Miss Zara and her unique situation, they took her into account. They feel that any progress she makes might give them insight into how to help Mr. Barnes. You've noticed the extra staff that has been circulating around."

"Yes, I have."

"They've been watching her interactions with you and…"

"And it's not going very well, I know."

"Captain Rogers, she has been put into a situation she knows nothing about. You cannot force her into seeing the world from our perspective. You must therefore, see the world from hers."

Steve sat stunned. Why didn't he think of that?

"Furthermore, since the holidays are coming, perhaps you should give her a few days off from studies to re-energize herself. I hear she is looking rather tired."

"We had another….disagreement. I just wanted to do something nice for her for Christmas and I was trying to push her into picking out a gift. She's been upset with me for a while, and this pushed her over the edge."

"Perhaps she misunderstood your intentions."

"I don't know. I told her that Christmas for a lot of people has little or nothing to do with religious beliefs, and that it was okay just to give presents…"

"Stop right there. Perhaps she feels she has nothing to give in exchange. Offer to her a field trip to the marketplace, and I'll arrange transport with Rayenne."

"Okay."

"It also might help you to put yourself into the same shoes when you interact with your friend. He too, is having a hard time seeing the world from our point of view, and that is why he chose stasis. It was not to protect himself, but to protect you from him."

"It's too bad we can't have them meet."

"Perhaps someday, when all this mess is sorted out."

"So, what now?"

"Now, we wake up Mr. Barnes."

* * *

The next morning Zara reported for breakfast as usual, but paused when the Captain was not there; in his place, sat Agent C. (Clint)

She got her bowl of cereal and cautiously sat down.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm here and not your usual babysitter."

She shoveled a spoonful of Life cereal into her mouth and chewed.

"Well I've got good news and bad news. The good news is you're off the hook for school for the rest of the week; the captain has been called away for another assignment. The bad news is you're stuck with me, but I'm an easy-going guy, you can do pretty much whatever you want, you're on vacation."

She stopped chewing and swallowed her mouthful. She started signing, but Clint stopped her. "I don't know the letters, so you'll have to think of something else."

She replied by shoveling another spoonful of cereal in her mouth, but Clint could see the gears in her mind twirling.

"You don't know this, but I have three kids; two girls and a boy. I haven't been able to see them for 7 months, and I won't get to see them for Christmas. It breaks my heart, but to keep them safe I had to make a choice. And I'd do the same thing today all over again if I had to choose. But they won't get to see their dad for Christmas, and the youngest is too young to understand that. The thing is, we all have to make choices, some not so nice ones, but you have a choice whether you know it or not. I know you didn't have much choice in your life, and I wouldn't want my daughters to have to live lives like you did, but someday, when they grow up, I'd like to think that I did the very best I could and that someday they will have jobs that can help people. I wish I could see them, just for a minute; that would be the best present I could wish for…for Christmas. I don't know what you believe in, but give the captain a little credit. He's doing the best he can under the circumstances. Do you understand what I mean?'

She looked at him for a moment and then nodded.

"Rayenne is going to go with you on a trip to the marketplace, just so you can get out of here for a while. Enjoy every minute of it, I mean that, even if you just go out and eat lunch, make sure you don't waste a minute, life is too short to go around feeling sad."

She chomped down on another mouthful, put down her spoon, and began writing with her finger on the table; upside down and backwards to her, but right side up for Clint. _"I'm sorry about your kids. They deserve to have their dad with them. I wish I could do something nice for them."_

Clint was amazed! It showed him just how smart she was.

"You finish up your breakfast. Rayenne will come here when she's ready for you, ok?"

She nodded.

"I've got to take care of something." He got up and went to look for Steve.

* * *

The king and Steve were down in the stasis room when Clint caught up to them. "What's going on?"

"We're waking Bucky up."

"Should I call the team down?"

"I already sent word."

The rest of Steve's team arrived shortly. "Well, here we are, getting the band back together." Sam quipped.

The glass door had retracted and the medical staff began working on Bucky. He was still strapped in, but not conscious. They were all braced for a possible bad reaction from the moment he opened his eyes.

"Cap, you're not going to believe what just happened upstairs with Zara."

"Oh?"

"Well, you know that I can't read the sign language, and I gave her a little talk."

"And?"

"She started writing on the table with her finger, and it was so I could read it, which meant she had to write upside down and backwards."

"She did?" Steve said.

"Be sure to mention that to the doctors." T'Challa added.

"Is she going on the field trip?"

"I told her to wait for Rayenne, so I hope so."

"Mr. Barnes is coming around; I suggest all our focus remain here."

Conversation stopped as Bucky neared closer and closer to consciousness.

* * *

Zara got on the jet only after a lot of coaxing. "It is the only transportation back to the palace where we can get a car."

She buckled herself in, and held on tight. Thankfully, the flight was as short as it had on the way in.

She got to visit with Adama for a little while before the car took them to the marketplace.

Rayenne let her wander as much as she wanted, and followed along behind. She also noticed how distracted she seemed. Finally, she stopped and bought some yarns. Then she moved to the fruit stand and bought some fresh fruits. Rayenne offered to help carry her purchases, and reluctantly, Zara handed off a parcel.

They wandered a bit more and Zara pointed to a restaurant that offered tables outside and pointed.

"You would like to sit down there?"

Zara nodded.

They were escorted to a table and the women sat down. Zara indicated that it was her treat and pushed a menu towards Rayenne. They settled on some icy drinks to refresh themselves with. Rayenne smiled as she watched Zara take in the hustle and bustle around them. Her eyes came alive as she people-watched. She blushed when her eyes met Rayenne's.

Zara refocused on her drink, and twirled the straw around the glass. When her eyes came up, they looked sad and wistful. It disturbed Rayenne to see Zara so. "Are you okay?"

Zara nodded, but her expression wasn't very convincing.

"Now that we are away from the men, would you like to talk about anything?"

Zara shook her head no.

"Do you have any questions that need answering?"

Zara squinted her eyes and pulled in her lower lip to chew on. She thought it over, and couldn't come up with anything, so she just shook her head.

The women finished their drinks; Zara read the bill, pulled out some cash and "asked" Rayenne if this would cover the expense. Once confirmed, she waited for her change and they continued shopping.

When Zara thought Rayenne wasn't looking, she paused to catch her breath. She limped a couple of steps to a support beam and pretended to look around as if deciding where to go next. When she felt a correct amount of time had passed, she strolled over to a magazine rack. She chose two puzzle books and added them to her purchases. She turned to Rayenne and indicated she was done shopping, so they walked down to the corner and the car picked them up.

At the palace, she showed Adama her bounty. He seemed pleased. When she tried to share some of her fruit, he declined. "You eat it. I want you to eat healthy food and I know you get hungry at night."

She didn't fight him on it and was sad that it was soon time to get back on the jet.

She stared at the offending piece of machinery with a scowl, but got on board and buckled in.

She held her breath as they lifted off. It was getting better, but she didn't have to like it.

Once they touched down and the gate dropped, she headed right for her room, after thanking Rayenne, of course, and deposited her goodies.

She pulled out her bag of crafts and put the new yarn in it. She snuggled up on the bed and pulled her crafting supplies towards her and began her needlework. It was a nightly ritual. She'd learned how to make things on Atlantis from one of the women and had come to enjoy it. The only thing wrong was that she only had a limited amount of patterns. Even worse, they were called Christmas ornaments. These things, once completed, were to be hung on the branches of a Christmas tree. But she had nothing else to fill up the time with, so she kept making them.

In her luggage, she had about 30 of the little things; little blue and silver drums, green Christmas trees, snow white polar bears, snowmen, pairs of little blue mittens, and red and white ice skates. The woman had called the stitching material plastic canvas. Zara was shown how to work the needle and yarn to create images from the blank cutouts. She loved the feeling she got when she finished one, but up until now, she really had no use for them. She decided to surprise the captain and the others by giving each of them the ornaments.

She still didn't understand all the fuss; holidays were not something she "celebrated"; they were something she dreaded. If the others took some joy in it, who was she to take that away from them.

She stitched until she was sleepy, and went to bed. She set the alarm for 3AM, so she could stake out the stairwell again.

* * *

She barely made it to breakfast on time. Her eyes were dry and red, from lack of sleep. Her excursion into the stairwell produced no results again.

Agent C was there and she yawned between bites. She wrote that she was really tired and asked if it was okay for her to go back to her room. She half-smiled when he okayed her question, and dragged herself back to bed.

She arrived for lunch and dinner on time, and slept in between. This time she was going to stake out the stairwell longer.

* * *

"So, how do you feel Buck?" Steve asked him after dinner.

"Not bad, considering…"

"Good."

"How long was I out?"

"Seven months."

"It feels like I only saw you yesterday."

Steve shook his head. Of course it did, but he wasn't going to say that. He gave him the updates on all the work T'Challa's people had done on a new cybernetic arm, and the plan to de-program him. He couldn't give him any specifics because he was neither an engineer nor a doctor.

Bucky took the news calmly.

"It's nearly Christmas, thought you might like to know that. The Wakandans imported a real live Christmas tree for us. I'll show it to you once you're on your feet."

"Do I get a pass out of here and get my own room?"

"Yes, you're going to be at the end of the hall, and I'm next door to you."

Bucky just nodded.

"There's more…." Steve began telling Bucky all about the people from outer space, and how they got to Earth.

"They're real?"

"Yeah, and they're really nice too. Zara is… well…different." He explained about Zara.

"So, she doesn't talk at all?" Bucky asked.

"Not so far. She doesn't trust people, and well, I can't blame her really. I have to wear a mask over my face to hide my identity. When the king heard about them from the United Nations meeting, he invited them to visit. Then he hired Adama who was the Commander for their entire military fleet and gave them both of them citizenship. They were supposed to live in the US, but there's a new president and he kicked them out. That's how they wound up here. She's really kind of nice. You'd like her."

"It's a moot point, don't you think?"

Steve sighed. "I suppose."

"So, when does all this start?"

"They want to run a few more tests, and let you get on your feet…so, maybe right after Christmas."

Bucky nodded again. He wasn't big on conversation yet, but it was getting better.

* * *

When the alarm bell rang, she jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. She snuck out and sat in her spot, but nothing happened. Discouraged, she went back to bed until breakfast.

Steve was heading down the hall to meet up with her when Rayenne stopped him. "I wanted to inform you of the trip yesterday."

"How did it go? Did she enjoy it?"

"I think she enjoyed some of it. We sat and had some fruity drinks at one of the bistros, and she paid for them. She's gotten pretty good at understanding the currency system, and she bought a few things…"

"I hear a 'but' coming."

"When she thought I wasn't looking she limped over to a column and rested. She appeared to be short of breath."

"Did you ask her about it?"

"She pretended to be fine, and we continued shopping, but she wouldn't admit to anything."

"No, of course she wouldn't; that would mean a trip to the infirmary, and she's terrified of going there."

"I wanted to let you know so you can keep an eye on her."

"Thanks. I won't say anything, but I will watch her closer."

* * *

Steve found her in her usual spot, but Clint was leaning up against the coffee bar, staring at the coffee pot.

"I really need a cup."

"Go ahead. How is Miss Zara this morning?"

"She's got her earphones plugged in and us tuned out."

Steve scowled.

"Well, you did give her the week off."

"Yeah, I did."

Clint got his coffee and disappeared.

Steve wandered over. Zara's head was tilting side to side in time with the music. Her eyes were open but she was just staring at the wall. For one heart-wrenching moment Steve froze. He'd seen that look before. He'd seen it in the eyes of men back in the days of the war. They called it the thousand yard stare. When the minds of men could no longer handle the horrors of battle, they divorced themselves from all emotion, all reality in order to defend what little sanity they had left.

She still had not seen him. He didn't know what to do. He watched as her lips formed an errant word or two of the song lyrics and then stilled. The song ended and she came out of her trance-like state. Her eyes finally saw him and she flinched.

He pointed to his ears, and she pulled the buds from her ears to hear him.

"I'm sorry; I didn't want to startle you. I just wanted to know if you had a good time at the marketplace yesterday."

She shrugged and pulled one of her puzzle books out of her pocket – Sudoku – and showed him.

"You solve Sudoku puzzles?"

She nodded.

"I didn't know that. Do you enjoy it?"

Another nod.

"Ok, good. I'm glad. Um, enjoy your day." Steve left her to spend her free time any way she wished.

She spent most of the day in bed, only coming out for meals. She set the alarm and it woke her at 3 am.

She crept down the stairs and waited.

As she was dozing off, voices talking startled her awake. It was the captain! And…..Agent S, at least she thought it was. She concentrated. She thought there might have been a third voice, but she couldn't be sure. She heard soft beeps and the door open. She peeked around the corner and then bolted for the door as it closed. She was going to make it! Her fingertips caught it at the last second, and she held her breath.

She paused for what seemed like an eternity and then slowly peeked through. There was no one in sight in the hallway. She slipped out of the stairwell, and headed to the right. The sound of voices behind her turned her around. She crept up to the doorway and listened. It definitely was the captain and Agent S. The third voice she'd never heard before, so she edged her head past the door frame to look in.

She was so startled at what she saw, she made the smallest gasp. It was her angel! He was sitting there in his white clothing. His long dark brown hair framed his face so beautifully and she was mesmerized by him.

He glanced up and did a classic double-take. "Who's that?"

When Steve looked up and their eyes met, he swore. "Dammit!"

Zara turned and bolted down the hall.

The three men jumped up and ran after her. She ran as fast as she could, not caring about anything except getting away. She had already gone past the stairwell door and it was too late to turn, so she poured on the speed. The corner came up and she slipped on the waxed floor. She crashed into the wall and went down hard.

She was keening from the pain, half-dazed, half-conscious lying on the floor with her back to the wall.

Steve got there first and knelt down. "Zara! Are you okay? What hurts?"

She flinched at his touch of fingers on her shoulder, and she drew back with a cry. She pulled her limbs as close to her body as she could, still emitting cries of pain.

Sam was on the other side of Bucky, who was frozen in place, and shaking from the sounds of her cries.

"She's not supposed to be down here!" Sam said.

"I know that!" Steve replied.

They were speaking in loud voices to be heard over Zara's cries, and it only seemed to make things worse.

Steve tried to calm her, but every time he tried to touch her she pulled away.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to make sure you didn't break anything. You hit really hard, and I know you're in pain. Let me help you."

He could do little until her cries subsided, and then he tried to encourage her to sit up. Every movement caused her to gasp, but she was finally able to sit up. She began rocking her upper body out of pain and stress in an effort to calm herself. She still hadn't really looked up at all. She was afraid. She expected any moment to feel someone back-handing her.

When some of the pain seemed to have dissipated, Steve and Sam tried to stand her up by hooking their hands under her arms. As they began to pull her up, she let out a blood-curdling scream. The men eased her back down. Both of her shoulders were in pain.

Poor Bucky had a flashback as he watched her cowering on the floor. He began shaking again as he remembered himself in a cell doing the very same.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do Zara. How can I help you to stand up? Do you think you can stand up on your own? Is anything broken?"

She shook her head and tapped one hand to her chest to let him know she had to do it.

"Tell me what I can do to help you."

She held up a finger to ask for time. She stretched and flexed her body parts, and very slowly, painfully, she managed to get to her knees. She seemed confused and looked around her. She patted the air as if she was expecting something to be there.

She looked at Steve, who was kneeling down nearby.

"Do you need something to brace against?"

She nodded yes.

"Use me." He crawled on hands and knees close enough to her so she could use his back to brace herself with and she struggled up to a standing position.

Then Steve stood up. He started to evaluate her immediately. She was in pain. She was unsteady, but on her feet. Nothing seemed to be broken.

"How did you get down here?" He asked softly.

"This is not good." Sam added.

Her gaze went from Steve's face and then to Sam's. She was still trying to catch her breath when her eyes met Bucky's.

Steve stood to her right, and Sam to her left; Bucky was in the middle.

She did a sharp intake of breath as she looked him in the eye. She stared at him and didn't move.

Then she croaked out one whispered word in a tiny voice. "Angel!"

Bucky looked confused, and looked at Steve. "Wait. What?"


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Angel

Sam and Steve exchanged startled glances. "Did she just talk?" Sam asked. "Or am I hallucinating?"

"If you're hallucinating then I am too."

"What did you say?" Sam asked her again.

She looked at him, and struggled out the same word. "Angel." She cleared her throat, and repeated it. "Angel, angel." She looked at Steve. "Angel."

"Oh boy!" Steve didn't know what she meant by that. "Zara, you have to give me more than just one word. I have no idea what you're talking about."

She started signing, but Sam stopped her. "Oh no, no more of that. We all know you can talk."

She looked at Sam and sighed. She turned and looked at Steve. In a small voice, she tried to explain. "I told you I saw an angel, but no one believed me."

"Wait a minute. You think I'm an angel?" Bucky shook his head. "I'm not an angel."

"You fit all the descriptions. I don't know what other word to use." And before anyone could say another word, she went straight up to Bucky and carefully wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She was careful not to bump the remaining bit of metal that was still fused to his shoulder.

Bucky's eyes went wide and he looked to Steve for help. He was so shocked he couldn't move. He felt her warm breath on his skin, and felt her lips press a small kiss on his chest.

Bucky struggled to swallow this huge lump that had mysteriously appeared in his throat. Steve and Sam were both stunned by her behavior. She'd never done anything like this before.

"Um, Zara." Steve tucked in fingers to separate her from Bucky. She let go and stood looking at Steve while chewing on her lip.

"Are you going to be mad at me now?" Her eyes were sad. It was clear she expected him to punish her.

"I'm not mad." He sighed, and scratched his head. "How did you even get down here? You do know you're not supposed to be down here?"

She made a couple false starts at an explanation as she thought of what she wanted to say. "But I had to come. I had to."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't figure out how to open the door before."

"Before?" Steve was afraid to ask. "Before when?"

"When I…" Suddenly fear showed in her eyes, and she backed up from Steve. Her head went down and her body braced for a strike.

"When what, Zara? Please tell me. Remember when I told you honesty was a good thing?"

She nodded. "But if I tell you that I did something bad, is that going to make you mad?"

"I promise that I won't be mad, but you have to tell me the truth."

"Ok." She gathered her thoughts before speaking. "When I was down here before I tried to get the door open. I had to come back and set him free."

Steve closed his eyes. It was the answer he dreaded. "How many times have you been down here?"

"Before today?"

"Yes."

"Just one time."

"And what did you see? Please look at me."

Her head came up. She looked at Bucky first and then Steve. "He was in the machine. I thought you were holding him prisoner here. I came to save him. I came to save him because he's the angel who is supposed to rescue me."

Well, you could have knocked any one of the three men over with a feather. They were so stunned at her words; nobody could come up with anything to say.

For want of anything better Sam announced he needed coffee. Steve went one better. "I need a drink."

"She's giving me a headache." Sam declared, and rubbed his fingers over his forehead.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's not your fault. Let's go get some coffee and maybe some breakfast. Have you eaten?"

Zara shook her head.

Steve led them all back down the hall and they sat down at a table. Coffee had been brewed and was waiting.

"Do you even drink coffee?" Sam asked. He'd never seen her with a cup before.

"Only sometimes." She selected a cup, spooned some sugar in, and then poured cream into the cup. She stood there stirring it a long time, first one direction and then in the other. Then she poured some coffee in, sniffed it, poured a little more in, and then filled up the cup the rest of the way with hot water.

Sam exchanged puzzled glances with Steve, who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you always this fussy with coffee?" Sam wanted to know.

"It depends on who makes it. I don't like it if it's mud."

Steve hid a chuckle. She was so innocently, yet brutally honest.

"I have to tell King T'Challa that you've been down here."

"NO!" She cried. "Why?"

"This is a restricted floor. You are not supposed to be here."

"But I won't tell anyone! I don't have anyone to tell! No one knows I even talked except you three. I don't even know what I'm not supposed to know."

"Zara, I can't keep this from him."

"He's going to be so mad at me! Is he going to put me in the brig?"

"We don't have a brig here, and I wouldn't let him anyway."

Zara's eyes moved left and right as she thought. Suddenly, her eyes met Steve's. "He's going to put me in the machine thing?" There was fear behind her green eyes.

"He's not going to put you in stasis. He has no reason to."

"Can I go to my room after breakfast?"

"No, you have to stay here."

"Hey guys, what's up?" A voice called out as its' owner strolled in.

"Oh brother!" Steve exclaimed. He jumped up and began walking towards Clint. "We have to do something! Can you wait on coffee, we have a problem."

Clint looked over. A puzzled look came over him as he took in the unexpected figure sitting at the table. "Is that Zara?"

"Yes." Steve ushered him out into the hall. "What did you talk to Zara about the other day?"

"Nothing! Are you asking me if I put her up to this?"

"No. I just want to make sure she didn't misinterpret something."

"I talked about missing my wife and kids for Christmas, and to not give you such a hard time."

Just then Wanda entered behind them. "Good Morning."

Zara turned around by habit, and Wanda froze.

"Um, somebody want to tell me what's going on?"

"Morning all." Scott bumbled along behind her half asleep.

"Great!" Steve's voice floated in. "Does anyone else want to ruin my day?" He grabbed Clint and pulled him in. "Well, you might as well meet everyone now." Steve shook his head.

"I'm sorry." She said in a very small child-like voice. Steve noticed she was wringing her hands nervously.

Steve sat back down. "Why did you even come down here? Didn't you see the keypad?"

Zara started crying. "I woke up because my stomach was burning. It got all the way up into my throat and it choked me. I didn't have any more snacks to take with my pills. I was just looking for some food, but everything was locked upstairs." Her words were accentuated with sniffles and small sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Clint handed her a napkin to wipe her nose.

"It sounds like acid reflux." Sam said.

"I get a sour stomach real bad. Dr. Beckett says I have to be careful because of the medicines I take. I have to take this one pill every morning, but sometimes it isn't enough. When it gets real bad, I have to take two or three at night. It feels like my stomach is on fire."

"What medicines do you take? Do you know the names?" Sam's medical training kicked in.

"I think they are the aspirin and the Plavix."

"You take both?"

"Dr. Beckett says I have to take them. I have no choice."

"Both of those could cause her stomach to become ulcerated. Keeping the acid production down brings her risk factor down, but I'm very concerned that this is happening too often."

"It doesn't happen a lot. Sometimes I go a long time with no trouble, and then other times, it happens two or three times in one week."

"When it happens, had you been upset earlier in the day; you know, scared or mad?"

"Um, not always."

"It could be that she's eating too late, and her food isn't digested enough before she goes to bed, so the acid refluxes back up the esophagus while she is lying down. There's nothing to stop it."

"Have you told this to the doctors here?"

Her eyes went wide, and she shook her head. "No! Don't make me go there! Please!" Tears started up again. "I hate that place. I hate doctors. Doctors are bad!"

Her eyes started to dart around as if she were looking for an escape route.

All this time, Bucky watched her reactions and memories floated back to him. He saw himself in her, felt the fear and uncertainty well up inside him. He closed his eyes as he tried to hold himself together.

"How old were you?" He asked her quietly.

Her eyes met his, and she stopped fidgeting. "You mean when I was taken?"

He nodded.

"I was seven, I think."

"You called me an angel. Why?"

"Well, Radek on Atlantis became my friend when he began playing music for me on his laptop. One of the songs we found talked about an angel without wings rescuing someone. When I asked Radek about angels, he showed me this whole writing about them. I remember different descriptions. The article said angels were often shown as males, and they wore white clothes, and that they were beautiful. And I had heard that people sometimes refer to their….their arms as wings, and when I looked at you and you were missing… and well, it was the first thing I thought of. It all just made sense. I am supposed to help you, and you are supposed to help me. If you listen to the song, you'll understand, you'll see. I can go get my player, and you can listen. Should I go get it?"

"I'll go get it; I'm faster. Give me your key."

"What key?"

"The key to your room."

"It's not locked."

"Why not?"

"I never lock it."

"You don't lock your door…ever?"

She shook her head.

"Should I ask why not?"

"If someone wanted to come in and hurt me, do you really think one lock is going to stop them? I'm no safer locked or unlocked."

Steve blew out his breath.

"Besides that, why is everything locked up at night? The king says he trusts everyone here and we're in the middle of nowhere. Who is going to break in and steal all the food? If I could have found some food, I wouldn't have had to come down here looking for some."

Steve looked at Sam. There was that innocently brutally honest insight of hers.

"She has a point." Sam conceded.

"Where is your mp3 player? I'll go get it."

"It's on top of my laptop. You should bring that too. I'll show you the article I read about angels."

Steve went up and retrieved both.

While they listened with the earbuds, Zara pulled up the article. She pointed out the wording used in the various descriptions according to Wikipedia.

"This one even says angels are sometimes guardians. A guardian is someone who protects someone else, right?"

"Well, yes." Steve agreed.

"Commander Adama has been looking for someone to be my guardian when he can't be. Can't you see how it all fits? Doesn't it make sense?"

"I understand now why you see things this way." Steve began, but Zara's face fell, and he stopped.

"You still don't believe me."

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to." Her head went down and her shoulders sagged. Inside, she felt all her hopes evaporate. "The king should be awake now. You should go up and talk to him before he gets too busy. Maybe he won't be too mad."

"Talk to her while I'm gone. Maybe someone else has some ideas."

* * *

When Steve told T'Challa the news, he wasn't happy to hear about it. They decided it would be best for the king to come over in person, even though it was going to delay some of his work.

Adama was told there had been an incident involving Zara, and that he was to accompany the king, but no details on what had happened.

When they arrived, Steve met them in his masked uniform and explained everything, even taking some of the blame himself. He asked the king not to be too hard on Zara. She already felt horrible, but in her innocent way, she still had a good and caring heart.

"I have to think." T'Challa asked for some time alone.

Adama was not allowed to see Zara or speak with her. He'd been told about her talking and spent the time pacing and worrying until the king had made a decision.

"I would like to speak with Zara alone." T'Challa had Steve go get her.

She was scared and started to cry as soon as she was seated.

Outside the room, Steve assured Adama that T'Challa was a fair man, and would listen to what explanation Zara had to give.

Inside, T'Challa patiently waited while Zara told him her version of everything. She took all the blame and told him she would accept whatever punishment was handed down. She begged him not to punish Adama, or the captain and his friends. She would take their punishment too if he felt that way. She tried not to cry, but sniffles and sobs interrupted their conversation. T'Challa could see the terror and pleading in her eyes, but also her bravery. Not once did she try to run or shift the blame. She was protecting her friends.

The king offered her the bathroom so she could wash the tears from her face while he digested all the information.

He called the leading doctor that was to handle Mr. Barnes mental rehabilitation, posed his questions and waited for the answers.

Zara returned and sat back in the chair, head down and awaited her fate. She brought wet paper towels with her to swipe at her face. She couldn't stop crying.

Finally, the king put down the phone. The sound of the silence was broken only by Zara crying softly.

"Why are you willing to accept the punishment of the others?" T'Challa asked simply.

"It was all my fault. I was bad. I deserve it. They don't deserve to be punished for something I did."

"Is that the only reason?"

"It would hurt me more to know they got in trouble for me. They didn't do anything wrong. They are my friends. I could never ask a friend to lie for me."

T'Challa thought it over. He called the captain in.

Steve stood next to Zara.

"Zara." The king began. "Do you understand why we have rules?"

She nodded.

"I want to hear what your explanation, excuse me, your understanding of what that is."

"It's to keep you out of trouble."

"What happens if you break the rules?"

"You get punished."

"What is the absolute worst thing you can think of for punishment?"

Her eyes reflected her terror. She began to shake uncontrollably. Her arms drew themselves up to her chest. After a moment, she began rocking in fear. She couldn't utter a word. Tears were running down her face, but she didn't make a sound. She stopped rocking after a few minutes and sat there waiting for the punishment to begin.

"This is what I have decided." He began. "You will remain confined to this building until further notice. Captain, you will continue your duties as far as Zara is concerned. Commander Adama may not speak to or visit with her until further notice. I will explain my decision to him after. Zara, your things will be moved down to the same floor as the captain; put her across the hall from Mr. Barnes. Zara, I want to ask you a question. Could you please look up at me?"

Her eyes and head came up in increments. Shame colored her face, and her eyes flicked away, and came to rest on the edge of the desk.

"Do you want to know a secret?"

Her eyes flicked back in surprise, and then darted away. She shook her head no.

"I'm going to tell you anyway. I believe you Zara. The captain told me you thought Mr. Barnes was an angel and why. From your point of view, he could be seen by you as one. Do you like Mr. Barnes?"

"I don't know his name."

"Captain?"

"In for a penny, in for a pound, sir?"

T'Challa nodded.

Steve knelt down beside her. "The man you saw; his name is Bucky, Bucky Barnes. He's my friend, but he's very sick. He's sick in much the same way you are. He's been enslaved and mistreated for a long time. He gets scared just like you do, the only thing is, he's very strong and he could accidentally injure someone. We are going to attempt to help him heal, but it's going to take a lot of effort."

"Miss Zara, if you believe in him, would you like to help Mr. Barnes?"

Her heart leapt into her throat. "Yes!" She cried. "I will do anything! Just tell me what you want me to do."

"That I cannot tell you; for that is something you must discover for yourself. I will warn you, that the road will not be easy. Are you strong enough? Are you brave enough? Will you finish what you start?"

"I helped Gaion when he was sad. I helped Adama too. I made Ronon smile and laugh again when no one else could. I don't know how or why, but I believe I'm here to help him. He's so sad. I want to make him smile again."

She looked down at her arms and pointed out different scars. She pushed a sleeve up and pointed out some more. "I got these because I didn't cook the food right, and master threw the hot grease at me. These are from a knife. This one from a piece of glass."

She stood up and turned her back to the two men. She pulled up her shirt to reveal the scars from the whippings she endured. Steve's face turned red and his eyes threatened to tear up. T'Challa closed his eyes against the scene. "Gaion had started to have doctors remove some of these, but I stopped him. Every line is a reminder that I survived another day."

She lowered the shirt and turned around. "I was seven years old. They whipped me until I was too weak to cry, but I survived. If I can help him to learn what I've learned, I think these lines are proof of how strong I am."

"I…." T'Challa clenched his jaw to cover his emotions. "I cannot allow you to reveal the identities of the people you have seen, so you must remain confined here. There is so much at stake, and so much you do not yet understand. I cannot imagine what went through your mind when I asked you about punishments, but I saw the horror on your face. Nothing like that will ever happen to you here. You are a citizen of Wakanda now, under my protection. I will work to fix the situation we find ourselves in, but it cannot be fixed overnight. You help Mr. Barnes. Listen to your heart and it will show you the right path to follow. The road may be scary for you, but I believe you can handle it. I will give you one last opportunity to say no. There will be no punishment if you decline."

She stood her ground. "I want to help."

"Captain, she is your responsibility, and now if you'll excuse me, I have a country to run."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Bucky's new arm

It was still a couple days away from Christmas.

All Zara's things were moved down to the team's level, and she was placed across the hall from Bucky. It meant booting out the current occupant, but they re-arranged everyone with little trouble.

Zara was shown where her new room was, and she checked over all her stuff to make sure everything was accounted for. She scribbled her name on a piece of paper and taped it to her door, and then cut out an arrow. She taped this to the wall, and pointed it at her room.

She was still excused from school, so she asked for computer time instead. Steve told her any internet time had to be supervised, but she already knew that. Internet access was limited in the building, and she was always supervised when she went online.

She booted up her laptop, and Steve was surprised when she typed the word "Christmas" in the search bar. He said nothing.

When she got tired of that, she played games.

Steve glanced at the screen and was again surprised at the online games she picked; mahjongg, pool, skee-ball, and a lot of word games. When Steve asked about the word games she just shrugged. "Radek thought he was getting me to play games, but I knew it was more than that."

Steve couldn't help but smile. She wasn't easily fooled, but had sense enough to play along.

Finally, she closed the laptop and sighed at Steve. "Are you all going to the palace for Christmas celebrations?" She wondered if she was going to be left here all alone.

"No, we're going to be here. After breakfast we're going to open presents."

"Mmmm…" She digested this piece of news.

"Bucky is going to the infirmary to have his new cybernetic arm attached, and hopefully, by Christmas morning, he'll be out in time to join us."

"What does cyber…cybet…what does that mean?"

Steve smiled. "He's getting a new metal arm attached to the piece already there."

From across the room Sam and Bucky looked up from their boring magazines.

"Why didn't you just say that to start with?"

"Well, because it's more than just metal. I don't understand the engineering that goes into it, but it has to move when Bucky's brain tells it."

She thought about this, and then looked at both her hands. She flexed her fingers and tried to imagine metal fingers. She failed. She had no idea what it would or should look like.

Steve smiled at her obvious struggle. He decided to tease her. "I guess you'll just have to wait, and if you're good, maybe Bucky will let you see it up close."

She stared at Steve, and tried to figure out if he was just saying that or not. She couldn't make up her mind and pouted at him. "Is he your brother?" She changed the subject.

"No, we're not related. We're best friends."

"You have the same eyes. Are you sure? You could be cousins then."

"It's just coincidence that we have the same color eyes."

She thought for a long time. "Did you know blue eyes are very rare?"

"They aren't rare. A lot of people have them."

"I don't think so. In one of the classes they made us take, they showed us all the people of the planet. They called it….oh, I forget. But they told us that there are four different skin colors, and they…it's better if I show you."

She got a piece of paper and a pen. She drew a circle.

Sam and Bucky came over, curious about what she was doing.

She explained that the circle was the planet. She divided it into quarters. In each of the sections she wrote the four skin colors. "If we pretend that each have 25% of the whole population, we can do some math."

She checked off three of the sections. "Most people in these three sections have brown hair and dark eyes. Blue eyes are extremely rare, but it happens."

She divided the last part into two. "Now, if you only have 25% to start and cut it in half that leaves you with about…" She did the math. "12.5% of people, either boys or girls."

She further divided the sections into three smaller sections. "Now, pretend we have only brown hair, red hair or blonde hair." She did another calculation. "12.5 divided by three equals 4.1. Now, let's pretend that there are four different color eyes' brown, green, blue and hazel. So, if we divided that… we are left with a 1% chance that you could have blonde hair and blue eyes. Or that I could have blonde hair and green eyes. And if you think of all the people on this planet, 1% makes blue eyes rare."

"Damn girl, where'd you learn this?" Sam asked.

"They thought it was necessary to teach people who came from another planet that there are different people here on this planet. They already had all different people where they came from. It didn't make sense to me why I needed to know this, especially since I lived with Gaion, and he was a lizard! There are all kinds of living creatures out there." She pointed to the sky.

Sam started to chuckle and Steve asked what was so funny.

"Remember when you told me you longed for the days when you were the weirdest thing."

"And then Loki showed me otherwise, and the Chitauri showed up."

"Who is Loki?"

"That's a story for another day. It's time to call it a day. Remember to take your medicine before you go to bed."

She got up and went to the fridge and poured herself some soymilk and promptly took her pills. "Goodnight."

A chorus of 'goodnights' echoed back.

After she left, Steve chatted with Bucky about the procedure to attach the new arm.

"Which one did you pick?" Sam asked.

"Why?"

"Because me, Clint, and Scott got a bet going about which one you picked. We heard they made three different ones."

Steve gave Sam a look. "Are you serious?"

"We gotta have some excitement around here that doesn't involve getting shot at."

"I'm not going to tell you." Bucky said flatly.

"Huh!" Sam was disappointed.

The next morning, Bucky reported to the infirmary with Sam and Steve beside him. The doctors and engineers went over the technical procedure, and told Bucky he'd be sedated while they worked on him. They didn't want him getting jumpy.

As soon as Sam saw the arm, he knew he'd lost the bet, and now he owed Clint and Scott five dollars each. He wasn't a happy man.

Bucky got examined by both doctors and the engineers and was pronounced fit to undergo the procedure. It was simply a technicality since Bucky had super soldier serum in his body.

He changed clothes and had to wear hospital pajama pants. He lay on the table, shirtless. He felt jumpy for sure. He tried to shake off memories of Zola and his crew, and the longer it went on, the more uncomfortable he felt.

The IV was hooked up and Bucky felt his heart rate skyrocket just before the sedative hit. He tried to get up, but the doctors kept calmly talking to him. They called him by name and tried to focus his mind on the here and now.

The sedative took hold and they began the procedure.

It took all day for them to get to complete the operation.

Steve paced all day and drove Sam nuts.

"I think they should have saved some of that sedative for you."

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Buck. I can't help it."

"Hey, it's me. I know what the guy means to you. T'Challa's people are the best. If they couldn't do it successfully, they wouldn't do it at all."

"I know. I'm just worried about how he's going to feel about it."

"He had one before, it's not like it's a new thing."

"It's not that. I'm afraid it'll remind him of…"

"You're afraid it might trigger some old bad memories."

"Yeah."

"The doctors are there to help him adjust."

"I…."

One of the doctors came into the waiting room and cut further conversation.

"And…?" Steve asked.

"He did very well. The sedative should wear off shortly. You can see him soon."

"Thank you…for everything."

The doctor just nodded.

A nurse came by shortly after and Steve and Sam went in to chat with Bucky.

* * *

Zara spent the day finishing up the Christmas ornaments she had been working on. She got her box of coins that Adama had given her and counted out one for each of the team, including Bucky.

She divided up the ornaments into 6 piles and added a coin to each pile. She had read that Christmas presents were wrapped up in brightly colored paper. And she had seen examples of it on Atlantis.

She still didn't understand all the fuss and nonsense, but she had to admit it looked really pretty with the blinking lights on the tree.

She took out her coloring book and colored up some pictures, but she didn't have anything to keep the paper secure. Rayenne was no longer at her disposal, so she wandered around in search of help.

She found a kitchen staff member who gave her some cellophane tape, and swore to keep her secret. Zara ran back to her room and bundled up her gifts. They were crooked and misshapen, and all Zara could do was cry. She wanted it to be a surprise, and now all she could think was how ugly her attempt was. She didn't have any other ideas, but she tried her best to make them look better.

* * *

On Christmas morning, she got up really early, and ran down to make coffee. The smell greeted the team as they walked in. Zara already had a cup in front of her and was seated.

She tried to keep the smile off her face, but failed, so she kept her head down. She was surprised to see Bucky take a seat across from her. She couldn't help staring.

"What?" He said.

"Look at you! You're all fixed up!" She sat up straighter. "Can I see it?" Amazement crossed her face.

"If you want."

She jumped up out of her chair, and bounced past Steve.

Bucky turned his chair to face her and held out his hand. She took it with both of hers and began looking it over. She folded his fingers and unfolded them. She turned his hand over to examine the other side. She ran one hand up the arm and then her other. She gently bent the elbow and turned his arm every which way. She refocused back on his hand. "This is amazing." She gave it a little squeeze. She was delighted when he gently squeezed hers back and gave him a smile.

"Watch." He instructed her. He pulled his arm away and made the plates close up with a clack. She jumped back. "How'd you do that?" Her eyes opened wide. "Do it again!" Her smile was pure joy, as Bucky moved the plates back open. "Wow, I've never seen anything like that before."

Her fingers traced their way up to his shoulder. "How far does it go?"

"All the way up." He pulled his collar out of the way to expose the metal fused to his body.

"Does it…does it hurt?"

Bucky shook his head.

"Can I touch?"

Bucky looked uncomfortable at the request so she quickly withdrew it. "Would you stand up for me?"

He briefly looked at Steve, who shrugged. Bucky allowed her to pull him to his feet. She held his hands in hers. "Can I give you a hug?" She whispered.

"Sure."

She smiled and gently wrapped her arms around him. She stood on her tiptoes and rested her head on his left shoulder and sighed contentedly. Bucky curled his arms around her gently.

Steve couldn't hide his smile, and neither could the team.

Bucky broke off the hug, and she reluctantly let go and went back to her seat.

"When…" She started. "When they kept us locked up…" Her voice was cracking. "All of us girls…" She took off her glasses and wiped at her eyes. "When we were afraid, we would take our mattresses and pile them on the floor, and we'd all get on them and snuggle up with one another." Some sniffles…

"If we could hug each other we felt safer. Of course, we really weren't, but for those few moments we would pretend we were all sisters and that we were safe." The tears started running faster as she revealed this. "Sometimes the master would come in during the night, and drag one of us off. None of us slept after that. We were all afraid he'd come back and grab someone else."

Steve wanted to ask if this happened a lot, but he couldn't get the words out.

"I guess since it's made of metal, there's no way you can feel things with it."

"Actually, they figured out how to make it so that I can feel pressure, so I could sort of feel it in a way when you squeezed my hand, and I squeezed yours back."

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, as she thought something over. "I like your arm." She nodded. "I never let anyone touch my back, but I will let you." She stood up and raised the back of her shirt to reveal the crisscrossed scars.

It was a good thing her back was to everyone and she didn't see the horrified expressions on everyone's faces. She lowered the shirt and sat back down. It took every bit of reserve they all had, to mask their emotions.

She looked at Bucky. "You are the only one who understands me, and I'm the only one who understands you."

"Well, that was…" Steve was at a loss for words.

"And now I have a surprise."

"Oh?"

The kitchen staff rolled in a cart. "I made everyone French toast." Zara said.

The staff encouraged everyone to fill their plates and enjoy Zara's cooking. She had worked it out with the staff to make her special breakfast for everyone.

As they dug into their meals, delighted expressions went round the table.

"These are better than my wife makes!" Clint said around a mouthful. "Don't tell her I said that!"

"Oh my, these are really good." Wanda said.

Mumbles of agreement echoed her statement.

"What's your secret?" Steve asked.

"I use vanilla extract, cinnamon and nutmeg mixed in with the egg, and pure maple syrup on top."

"Delicious!"

"Well, I had to do something nice, because these didn't turn out so good." And in front of each of them, she placed her ugly little gifts.

"Zara, I'm… I'm overwhelmed. You didn't have to go to all this trouble. I know Christmas isn't a holiday you participate in. You were not under any obligation." Steve said.

"I know, but Clint…" She started to tear up again. "Clint said the best thing he could think of for Christmas was to be home. I couldn't make that happen, so I brought home here, and up until now, I really never had a home."

Steve turned red and got up from his seat. "My turn to ask for a hug."

She jumped up and threw her arms around him. He picked her up off the floor and held her tightly. When he put her down, everyone else gave her a hug. There were lots of tears and smiles.

After breakfast had been cleared, they opened their presents. They exchanged puzzled, shocked looks.

"I made these." Zara announced. "For you to hang on the tree."

"What is this?" Clint asked her.

"It's a cubit. The Colonists use them as money. Commander Adama gave me a whole bunch of them to exchange for local money. It's very common on their planets. On the ship called the Rising Star they gamble them away like water."

Clint hefted it in his hand, and gauged the weight. "Is this gold?"

"I guess."

"And you say they gamble them away like water?"

Zara nodded.

"These coins must weigh an ounce each! Do you know what the price of gold goes for? It must be up to like 1300.00 an ounce! Are you sure you want to give these away?"

"Is that a lot of money?"

"That's a fortune."

"It's for your kids. Should I have given you more?"

"No, no, no. I…..how many of these do you have?"

"How many do I have left? Um…about 20."

"In your room?"

She nodded.

"Holy Cow!" Steve exclaimed. "We have to put them in a safe place Zara."

"And this is a common coin, you say?" Clint asked for re-assurance.

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Not to change the subject, but we have some things for you. We didn't know how you'd feel, but you have presents to open too."

Steve went and got all her presents and put them in front of her. She began very carefully unwrapping everything, but Clint encouraged her to shred the paper and fling it. She looked at him incredulously, but a smile crept across her face as the paper started flying.

She got a book to encourage her to write stories, another to write poems in, a photo album, some new pens, some hair scrunchies, a tiny bottle of perfume, and a keepsake box.

Someone dug out a cell phone and took pictures of the silliness, with a promise that they would be printed out so Zara could put them in her new album.

It was one of the best days they'd all had in a very long time.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Trust

After Christmas, Steve arranged for Zara to make a short video to send to Commander Adama so she could let him know she was doing fine and no harm had come to her. This way they could always edit out anything.

She was fidgety, but honest, and told Adama about how she was doing, all about Christmas, and that she'd made breakfast for everyone. She was proud to show off her skills, and happy that she was able to make the team pleased.

She said there was a new team member and that he was her new friend. She absolutely glowed when she spoke about him.

They wrapped up the video, and after reviews, T'Challa deemed it fine to send. A few days later, Adama sent a reply and caught her up to date. He told her he was leaving the country for a while with the king on a matter, and he would let her know when he returned.

Steve managed to incorporate Bucky's presence into Zara's life. He was supervising her out loud reading, and helping her with unfamiliar words. It was something they both found comfortable. Steve had a suspicion Zara enjoyed Bucky's company more than she did learning. It was also evident in the lounge. She sat next to him on the sofa while they watched movies. She began to lean on him as the evenings progressed, and even dozed off once or twice. Bucky didn't complain, but Steve noticed his doubts.

The next couple of days Zara found herself having to stop in the hallways to catch her breath. If anyone walked by, she knelt down and retied her shoelaces. She never let on anything was wrong and she ignored the feeling. She just lied to herself that it was because she was tired.

By Sunday, she had a tickle cough in her throat that lasted all day. She went to bed and the cough got worse and worse.

She woke up coughing and choking at 3 AM. She could barely breathe. It felt someone was sitting on her chest and she could barely get any wind.

Panicking, she put on her robe and beat on Bucky's door until he opened it. He was in pajama bottoms and a sleeveless undershirt. His hair was rumpled and feet bare.

"Help me, please!" She croaked out. "I can't breathe! Sickbay…" Her breath was ragged. She grabbed onto Bucky like her life depended on it. He scooped her up in his arms and went to Steve's door. He kicked it a few times and yelled Steve's name. Bucky was halfway down the hall when Steve opened the door. "Sickbay, now!" Bucky yelled and kept going.

Steve bolted down the hall after them and they got to sickbay together.

Bucky kept her in his arms until they showed him where to go. She started freaking out when she saw the table, and pleaded to stay in Bucky's arms. In the end, she sat on his lap and he sat down on the chair.

The doctor asked her some questions, and ordered some tests. She wouldn't let Bucky go, and cried all over his shoulder. "I'm scared, I'm scared." She kept repeating.

They got her into x-ray and the technician discovered pneumonia in her right lung. She was prescribed some antibiotics, and something to help calm her.

They asked her if she wanted to stay in the infirmary, and she shook her head no. She wanted to go back to her room.

"It would be better if you stayed here. We will have staff to watch over you."

She considered this for the briefest moment and begged Bucky to take her back. "Don't leave me here. Please. Adama left me, he left me!"

"If we take her back to her room, and take shifts to watch her, will that be okay?" Steve asked.

The doctor nodded. "The moment anything changes, she must return immediately. This is nothing to fool with."

Bucky knew that first hand. From the moment he heard her cough, he knew what it was. He had pneumonia while he was in the HYDRA factory, and that led him to be turned over to Dr. Zola and…. Bucky shivered from the flashback.

Zara's kiss pressed to his temple brought him back. "Don't leave me, don't leave me." She pleaded.

That lump in Bucky's throat mysteriously reappeared and he fought it down. "I will never leave you, I promise."

He carried her back to her room, and set her in bed. "I'll take the first watch."

Steve nodded and looked at the clock. "I'll see you at 8."

Bucky got her propped up with pillows because she coughed violently every time she put her head down, and after a fitful time, she nodded off. Her fingers were still clasped around Bucky's hand.

When Steve poked his head in at 8AM, he brought Sam with him. Sam stayed by the door.

"How is she?" Steve asked.

"It's bad. She coughed a lot and didn't sleep too well."

"Go get some sleep. I brought Sam to run errands."

Bucky nodded and toddled off to catch a nap while he could.

When Zara woke up, she bolted for the bathroom. Steve heard a horrendous cough from his side of the door. She emerged red-faced and weak.

"Breakfast?" He asked.

She shook her head no and touched her fingertips to her throat. Steve pressed his fingers to the same spots. Her neck seemed swollen and he doubted she could swallow much.

"Chamomile tea and hot watery oatmeal." Steve ordered from Sam.

"You got it." Sam ducked out to go get Zara some food.

Steve instructed Zara not to speak and she had no complaints with that. She asked about Bucky, and Steve told her he was sleeping. A tear slipped down. She signed about how it was all her fault.

"You can't hold yourself responsible for being sick. It happens."

" _I'll feel terrible if I make you and Bucky sick."_ She signed.

"Bucky and I can't get sick." Steve said and started to give her the simplest explanation of how that couldn't happen.

She thought about this new concept, but in the end, she just accepted the explanation.

Sam arrived with the tea and oatmeal. She gulped down the tea and burned her tongue, but her throat felt better. More tea went down, and she felt good enough to attempt the oatmeal.

She ate half and left the rest. She leaned back and coughed. She scrambled off the bed and ran for the bathroom. She just got back on the bed, and the coughing started again; another run for the bathroom.

"Good luck." Sam said and took away the dishes.

The rest of the day went about as well. She tried to refuse the drinks, but Steve implored her to try. She complained about always having to run to the toilet. She was afraid she wouldn't make it. She asked Steve for potato chips for her scratchy throat.

The overnight shift went worse. She was afraid to close her eyes. She held Bucky's hand again, but she couldn't get comfortable. The only thing that comforted her was leaning up against his body and dozing off on his shoulder. It made the shift change near impossible. She woke up and the coughing and fear took over again. Bucky left to get some sleep while Steve held her.

She spent the days and nights in a daze from lack of sleep. The doctors upped the dosage when they saw the infection getting worse. They also addressed her concerns about having an accident. (She'd whispered in the nurse's ear and told them she was having trouble holding her water against the coughing.)

Two nights later, she felt better, and was able to sleep for longer periods, and Bucky was finally able to doze off. When she slept, he slept. By now, he was practically laying on the bed with her, much to Steve's concern. Zara was not distressed in the least, considering what abuse she'd been through.

More concerning was that she wasn't eating anything beyond, oatmeal, and chicken noodle soup. Drinks were just as difficult. Anything cold to drink caused her to start coughing and she'd bolt for the bathroom.

She couldn't concentrate on schoolwork and she still napped at all hours. Bucky carried her to the infirmary for a follow-up x-ray, and the film showed something disturbing; there was an unidentifiable mass in her neck that was large enough to be seen pushing her windpipe to one side. They showed the images to Steve and Bucky.

Steve traced his finger along the one side. "It looks like it's cutting off her airway a bit."

"Indeed it is." The doctor confirmed.

"What is it?"

"We need a CT scan to get a better picture. Do you think you can get her to lie still long enough for one?"

"How much do we tell her?" Steve asked. "This isn't my decision, it's Adama's. He's her legal guardian."

"He must be contacted."

"He's out of the country. I don't know for how long."

"Then it falls to you. You must decide. We cannot wait."

Steve didn't want to scare Zara, but he didn't want to lie to her. He told the doctor to explain it to her in the simplest terms. Steve held one of her hands and Bucky the other while the doctor explained. She was scared as expected, but reacted better than Steve had feared.

"Obviously, we cannot make you consent, but the final decision is yours." The doctor explained.

Zara wanted to see the machine and wanted to know what she had to do. It was open enough for her not to feel claustrophobic and all she had to do was lie there and be still for a very brief amount of time.

"Will you be close by?" She asked Bucky.

"I'm going to stand right next to the technician."

"Ok, I trust you. I'll do it."

The doctors did the CT scan, and Zara was amazingly calm. If they only knew how she felt inside; that was a different story.

That night was the first night she came to the lounge in almost two weeks. They had a new movie to show called Inside Out. It was a children's movie, but they thought Zara might like it. Little characters represented the emotions of a little girl; joy, sadness, anger, disgust, and fear. Zara watched it and saw herself in the little girl. It really made an impact on her.

Steve watched her. Zara was snuggled up to Bucky. He had his metal arm around her and his head was resting on hers. Her body language was relaxed and at peace. She looked 'safe' at last.

He wondered what would happen once Bucky started therapy, and he began dredging up all the bad memories of the Winter Soldier. How would Zara feel then? Bucky's treatment had been postponed, due to Zara's illness. Her future was now clouded with this new development.

He and Bucky had been talking, and Bucky had expressed his concerns about the trust she had in him. He'd told her that he wasn't deserving of her trust; that he couldn't trust himself. Steve knew how he felt, but had no answers for him.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Bucky's therapy

Now that Zara was recuperating from the pneumonia, Steve and Bucky went to speak with the team of doctors that would be helping Bucky.

When they got there, they got a surprise. The doctor asked if Zara was to be excluded.

"We haven't given Zara a full explanation of why we're here, let alone told her about the Winter Soldier." Steve explained.

"She deserves something, does she not? After all, I hear that she has become quite attached to Mr. Barnes. There is a possibility that Mr. Barnes' personality will undergo some changes, and she will, no doubt, be mystified as to the cause."

Steve looked at Bucky. "It's your call."

Bucky shook his head. "Honestly, maybe it's better that I stay away from her once we start this. How can I tell her what I am? She looks at me like I really am some sort of angel, when I'm not. She's not going to want to have anything to do with me when she finds out about who…what I am."

"Mr. Barnes, any reasonable person, once told all the facts, can hardly hold you responsible for the things that have been done while your mind was under the control of HYDRA."

"I hold myself responsible!" Bucky came up out of his chair; but Steve rose as well and put a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Buck, the man I knew as James Buchanan Barnes is speaking those words. The Bucky I knew could never let bad things happen if he saw it, but he…you weren't given a choice. You aren't responsible."

"But I did it. I pulled the trigger. All those people are dead because of me. How can I tell her I killed people?" He sat down in defeat.

"We can give her a simple explanation without…" Steve started to say, but Bucky cut him off.

"Without what? Without telling her I killed people? I thought you were the honest one. If we don't tell her the whole story it'll be like we lied to her. How can she trust us if we lie to her? How will she ever trust me knowing what I did? I don't deserve her trust Steve. I can't tell her. I can't bear to see the look of disgust and fear in her eyes; the disappointment…" Bucky hung his head.

Steve opened his mouth but was at a loss of what to say.

The doctor saved him. "Mr. Barnes, staff members have been watching her since we learned of her background. The king consulted with me, and it was decided that by observing her behavior and interactions with others, we could learn something that might help you. She has been away from her captors for 5 or 6 years now and it stands to reason that she has developed new behaviors, new habits, and even new attitudes towards the world around her. Every person she meets is a new opportunity for her to learn. She has certainly changed since she met you. Can you not see it?"

"What could I possibly teach her?"

"Patience, trust, team work, friendship, courage, and possibly even love."

"What?' Bucky's jaw dropped.

"Hah! I see you were paying attention after all. Yes, I said love. Steve is your friend, but do you not love him like a brother? Can you not teach her what it means to have family?"

"I told Steve when we left for Siberia that I wasn't worth all this."

"Apparently, T'Challa, Steve, Sam, Clint, Scott, and Wanda thought you were, and if you give Zara a chance, I believe she will too. I think, we think, that she will teach you some things as well Mr. Barnes, but you must remain open to this. The therapy will work better if you want it to work. You do want to get better?"

"Yes, but how can I do that when I feel so…ashamed." Bucky put his head down so the doctor could not see the pain on his face.

"It will not be easy. I will not lie to you. You are strong Mr. Barnes, but you will have setbacks. The trick is being able to reach out your hand and ask for a hand up, and then get up. Are you willing to do that?"

Bucky nodded his head.

"Then look up at me and say that."

Bucky collected his resolve, and looked at the doctor. "Yes."

"Then you have taken the first step."

* * *

Zara joined them all for dinner. Since she was kind of used to American food, Steve asked that some more dishes be added to give Zara more choices. He wanted her to eat more vegetables, so they had been adding salad to the menu. Tonight they had a baby spinach salad.

Zara took hers without complaining, and put on the dressing she favored. She began eating it and stopped mid-chew. Steve noticed and asked her what was wrong.

"There's something wrong with this salad." She said.

"Looks just like mine."

"It's got sticks in it!" She held up a spinach leaf and showed them the stem on the leaf and scowled.

Sam burst into laughter. Zara turned her scowl on Sam.

Steve hid his smile. "It's baby spinach. It's supposed to have stems."

Zara gave Steve a pout. "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm not laughing." Steve was turning beet red trying not to laugh.

She squinted her eyes at him. "You're thinking about it."

Steve chuckled, unable to hold it back any longer.

"Zara, sometimes you just come up with the funniest things. To us, it's just perfectly normal, but you have this very innocent and very honest way of just stating the obvious."

She looked at Steve and tried to decide if what he said was a good thing or if was making fun of her.

"I don't like this salad."

"Eat it; it's good for you."

Zara turned her scowl on the salad, as if blaming it for all her problems. "It needs something." She finally decided, and went to see what she could find in the fridge. There was a single tomato, and she grabbed it. She cut it up with her knife and tossed the pieces in her salad. She added more dressing and ate her salad in peace after that.

Once dinner was over, Steve pushed his plate aside. "Zara, I'd like to speak with you privately about a very serious matter."

All kinds of things went through her mind. "Did I do something bad?"

"No, you didn't do anything bad."

"Okay."

"You want to take a walk with me?"

She stood up. "Where are we going?"

"Just someplace we can talk without interruption."

There weren't any real places they could go to have a private conversation, so as they were walking, Steve asked if she'd feel comfortable if they talked in her room, or in his room.

Although she'd been alone with Bucky and alone with Steve in her room, somehow this seemed different, and she balked at the idea.

"Let's see if the king's office is open." It wasn't. Steve tried a couple of doors, but they were all locked.

"I told you everything gets locked up at night."

"Yes you did."

"Is this about me? I mean, what you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, sort of." Steve found a little spot and ushered her over. "I guess we can talk here."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, why do you think that?"

"Every time you want to talk, it seems like you're mad at me."

"No, this is about Bucky. I have a lot to explain and I want you to listen until I get finished, and then you can ask questions, ok?"

"Um, ok."

So Steve started on the whole explanation regarding Bucky. It took a long time, and Steve kept his explanations as simple as possible so Zara could understand. He sat back when he was done, and asked her if she had any questions for him.

"No."

"Really? I would think you'd have something to say."

"Sometimes I think that you think that I am really stupid. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm stupid. I may not know everything that I should and I may never know everything there is to know about the whole world, but I do know some things."

Steve sighed. "I try to make things as easy for you to understand as possible. I don't mean to belittle you. I know what that feels like. I felt like that my whole life until the serum."

"What about Bucky? Did he feel like that too?"

"No, Bucky was the guy who stood up for me. He pulled the bullies off me when they tried to beat me up. Bucky was confident and strong and protected me. But now, I'm protecting him."

"And he doesn't like it?'

"He….What did you say?"

"I said he doesn't like it."

"Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. How would you feel?"

Steve thought a moment. "I'd probably feel pretty worthless. You know Zara, I think you really are going to be needed in Bucky's recovery."

"I told you I could help him."

"Are you willing to talk to the doctors?"

"About what?"

"About your past."

"Why do I have to do that?"

"If you can open up about your past, maybe it'll help Bucky open up."

"I don't know…" She trailed off, and avoided Steve's gaze.

"One day at a time, one step at a time."

"Okay."

"Will you help me then? Will you help Bucky?"

"I'll try."

"Okay, let's go back now."

Zara was quiet as they walked back. Steve wondered what she really thought about all this; if it was going to affect her relationship with Bucky. He would know in a moment; they were about to meet back up.

Steve let her go in first. Only Bucky and Sam sat at the table. Bucky met Steve's eyes briefly and dropped his eyes back to the table.

Zara went up to Bucky and stood there until he acknowledged her. He took a deep breath and turned toward her slightly. "Well, you know the truth now…"

"Can I hug you? I'm asking because Steve says you don't like to be surprised."

"Zara…" Bucky didn't know where to begin.

She dipped down to her knees in front of him and placed her forehead against his knees.

"What?" He was surprised, even more so when she put her arms around his calves.

"Zara, stand up. Zara." Bucky sighed and came out of the chair to kneel down with her.

"Hug?" She asked again. She had her arms wide open, and an innocent look on her face.

Bucky could barely meet her gaze. "I'm not who you think I am."

"I think you're my friend, my Bucky."

"I'm not a very good friend."

"Bucky." She tilted his chin up to meet her eyes. They were full of shame. "You are the only one who understands how I feel, and I'm the only one who understands how you feel. When I was scared it always helped me to hug someone, then I felt better, safer, and not so alone."

Bucky was conflicted for a moment, but in the end, he just nodded. He felt her arms slide around his body, and she rested her face on his chest. The warmth of her body felt…good? He could feel her breath through his shirt. It had been a very long time since he'd felt anything like this.

She had surprised him when she was first down here; caught him off-guard and hugged him. He'd been still trying to comprehend her calling him an angel that when she hugged him, he froze. Steve had separated them rather quickly, but not quick enough.

Now, Bucky felt confused. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel. Tentatively, he put his arms around her. When she felt it, she squeezed him a little tighter, and then relaxed her embrace. She pressed a tiny kiss on his chest.

Bucky broke off the hug. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You…you kissed me. Why do you do that?"

She blushed a pale pink. "You needed it."

"I…how do you know what I need?"

"I guess it's because…well, okay, I needed it."

"Are you expecting me to kiss you back?"

"No. I think I remember my mom saying kiss it and make it better when I was little."

"I don't think you have enough kisses to make me better."

She smiled impishly. "That won't stop me from trying!" And she leaned forwards and pressed another tiny kiss on his chest.

"Please don't do that. I'm not worth it."

"I know how you feel."

"No, you don't."

She sighed. "Do you think I'm a bad person?'

"No."

"What if I do something bad?"

"You're not a bad person."

"Master always told me I was worthless so I must be worthless. I was dying when Gaion found me. The only thing I was good for was for the amusement of the kids who would poke at me with sticks. My heart is broken and it's held together with this little tiny piece of wire. My hip doesn't bend right since the doctors cut me. I am damaged. I've had so many broken bones I can't count them. When the sun comes out and makes my skin brown, you'll see all the scars on my arms. Look at my fingers." She pointed out several crooked ones. "All broken, and when I fell down the stairs, I damaged this one; it doesn't even straighten anymore."

She grabbed his flesh hand and pressed it to her forearm. "Wait, let me find it." She fished around. "Here it is, feel here." She pressed one of his fingers into her muscle tissue.

Bucky focused his attention and felt something just under the skin. "What is it?"

"If you slide your finger back and forth it'll move."

Bucky peered at her arm but didn't see anything.

"You can't see it, but it's one of the little metal balls master shot me with. Doctors dug all the rest out, but this one was too deep. It's worked its way to the surface over the years, but it is still in there. If I was a good person, master wouldn't have had to punish me, so I'm a bad person. I understand why you wouldn't like a bad person like me."

"Zara, listen to me. You are not a bad person."

"Yes, I am. I'm a terrible person. I'm broken, and damaged and worthless."

Bucky opened his mouth to argue but stopped. These were all the things he was feeling himself.

"I read this saying somewhere. I'm not sure if I remember all of it, but I want to tell it to you, ok?"

Bucky nodded.

"Why do I have eyes, if it's not to see the best in people? Why do I have a heart if it's not to forgive others? Why do I have a mind if it's not to forget the bad things and remember the good? Why do I have a soul if it's not to have hope for the future?"

She felt a hand on her shoulder from behind her. Steve. "That's a wonderful saying Zara."

"Don't you see Bucky? I can't do this without you. You need me and I need you, and I need you to help me up because I don't think I can get up now."

Bucky moved his hands under her arms, but she shook him off. "No, my shoulders will hurt." She moved his hands to her ribcage. "Just go carefully."

He stood up and brought her with him.

"I can't do this without you Bucky. I will teach you what I've learned, and I want you to teach me how to defend myself. I don't want…." Her face crumpled up in pain. "I don't want anyone to hurt me ever again. Please teach me. I can't do this, not without you."

Bucky inhaled a breath quickly. He had a flashback of Steve on the decking in the Krausberg factory, explosions spitting out fireballs, and Steve had just told him to leave. Bucky remembered yelling across to him. "Not without you!"

Behind Zara, Steve saw Bucky's eyes disappear into the past. Zara must have seen it too because she pulled his head down to her and kissed him on the lobe of his ear and whispered something.

"Buck? You still with us?" Steve asked him.

"Yeah." Bucky looked at Steve. "Yeah, I'm here." He looked down at Zara. "I was wrong. You really do understand how I feel, even if I don't understand it myself."

"We will learn together, one step at a time."

"I think you just took your first step Buck. Welcome back buddy."

A half smile crossed Bucky's face, and he nodded.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Bucky and Zara

The doctors sat in chairs and faced Bucky and Zara. One was a woman and one was a man. They did this deliberately to see how the two patients would react.

Bucky was nervous and folded his hands together with his elbows on his thighs. Zara, on the other hand, looked around for the nearest escape route and sat on the very edge of the sofa.

It was an introductory meeting, very informal, to just lay some groundwork.

Introductions had been made; Dr. Diya was the male doctor and Dr. Buhari was the woman.

Dr. Diya took the lead. "We are here to day just on an informal basis. We'd like to get to know the both of you a little better, and to generate a bit of chemistry. This is an unusual situation because Dr. Buhari and I have never counseled as a team before while working with two patients simultaneously. It was originally going to be the both of us working with Mr. Barnes. Now that we have you here, Zara, we have had to re-think our treatment."

"I'm sorry." Zara whispered.

"Don't be sorry. What do you think you have to be sorry about?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "I always have to say it."

"There must be a reason. Please tell us why you feel you always have to say sorry."

"I'm always in trouble, or causing trouble."

"In this case, you do not have to say it. You are not in trouble, nor are you causing trouble. We just needed a way to bring you into the conversation. That is why we are here. Anything you say can help us in treating Mr. Barnes. So, please would you like to say something?"

"I don't know what to say."

"Why don't we start with something simple? Please tell us a little bit about you."

"Like what?"

"How long have you been on Earth now?"

She chewed on her lip, fiddled with one fingernail, and flexed her ankle while she thought. A loud crack sounded from her ankle joint and she winced.

Bucky instantly leaned forward. "Did that hurt?" He was glad to have something to focus on besides his hands.

"Sometimes it hurts, but not that time. It sounds worse than is really is, but since I broke it, it cracks and pops a lot."

"It certainly was loud." Dr. Diya said.

"Everything goes pop; all my joints." She demonstrated by cracking a knuckle or two.

"I see. So, you were about to tell us how long you've been on Earth…"

"Um, since…" There was a long pause. "I forget." She admitted.

"No matter; tell us then about things you like, anything at all."

"Um, I like watching movies, and doing my crafts. I like reading to Bucky. He helps me when there's a word I don't know. I like music, and I'm good with plants. I helped Katie Brown in the…in the department where they kept plants. I'd water them and take care of them. I like cats. Rodney's cat kept escaping and he would find me wherever I was so I could pet him. I don't like daggits though."

"Daggits?"

"Um, you call them dogs, I think. They bite."

The doctors smiled. "What are things you don't like?"

"I don't like thunder and lightning. I get really scared. I don't like people shouting at me. The rain makes me sad."

"Why does the rain make you sad, Zara?" Dr. Buhari was curious.

"I don't know; I just don't like it. I can't go out. I have bad memories."

"So, you associate the rain with a bad memory in your life? Can you tell us what this bad memory is?"

She fidgeted nervously, and her eyes sort of became unfocused. "Master used to lock me up outside, alone, in the rain to punish me. It was cold and lonely. No one was allowed to bring me any food, and the thunder and lightning would scare me, and I would cry…"

Bucky took her hand in his metal one, and gave it a little squeeze. She let go of his hand and twisted her body around and slid her arms around him and closed her eyes against the memory. She just wanted him to hold her and never let go.

When he finally did let go, Zara rubbed her eye. "Did I forget to mention that I also like Bucky?"

Both doctors smiled. "We noticed."

They asked several more questions and Zara answered as best she could. They asked about her education and what schoolwork she was doing. She complained it was boring and unnecessary. All the while, she was leaned up against Bucky.

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"I don't think so."

"All right, now we are going to try something different. Bucky, we want you to ask Zara a question, any question."

Bucky was taken off guard. He wasn't expecting this. "Um….." He was at a momentary loss. He shook his head. "I can't think of anything."

"Zara, is there anything you'd like to ask Bucky?"

"Is Bucky short for something, like Starbuck?"

"Um, it's short for Buchanan. My whole name used to be James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky for short."

"You got a lot of names. I only go by Zara. Gaion gave me that name. I'm supposed to pick a last name, but I never did. The Stargate people assigned me Smith until I picked one myself."

"Sorry for interrupting, Zara, but you said Gaion gave you that name?"

"Yeah, most masters either gave you a name or a number to call you by. Some didn't though."

"How many names have you been called by?"

She sucked in her lower lip and the gears started whirring in her head. "I'm not sure."

"Can you tell us some of them?"

"My last master called me 'useless', and before that I was called 'nine', 'green eyes', 'trixzy', …"

"I see. You needn't go through all of them, but let me ask you this. If you could pick out any name you wished, what would it be?"

"Oh I can't answer that."

"Why not?" Dr. Buhari asked.

"Because I don't know them all!"

"You don't know all of what?"

"I don't know all the names there are to choose from."

"I see. So then, of the names you do know, which would you choose?"

"I think I'll stick with Zara."

"Very well. Now, I have some pictures I want you to look at, Zara. Please tell me if you like the picture and how you feel about it?"

The first few pictures were nature scenes, and Zara found them to be pretty. Then she was shown an abstract of swirling colors. She frowned.

"You do not like it?"

"What is it supposed to be?"

"What do you see?"

"Different colors."

"Do you see an image?"

Zara stared at it really hard, and finally shook her head. "It's just a bunch of colors."

"How does it make you feel?"

"I don't feel anything. What am I supposed to feel?"

"There is no right or wrong, it is just the feeling you get when you look at it."

"I still don't feel anything."

They showed her another abstract, and she looked back at them with a puzzled look.

"What do you feel Zara?"

"Confused, I guess."

"So, the picture makes you feel confused?"

"No, you make me feel confused. If you tell me what I'm supposed to say, then I'll say it."

"We are not supposed to influence you."

"I don't feel anything!" Zara was getting angry. "The pictures aren't even pictures! They are just globs of color, like somebody spilled something."

They showed her a couple more, but she shut down with her arms crossed and sat in silence.

The doctors decided to switch to Bucky. "Bucky, tell us some of the things you did after your escape from Washington DC."

"Um, mostly I just kept moving until I got to New York. I got onboard an ocean freight liner and sailed to Europe. Then I kept moving until I got to Romania and I just stayed there ever since. There's lots of work for cash. People pass through all the time, nobody pays much attention."

"I see, and you worked there?'

"I loaded and unloaded freight on the passing trains."

"You had an apartment?"

"It was really just one room, a kitchen on one side, a table, a couple of pots, and a place for a mattress on the floor. I had my own bathroom too."

"Did you have any particular routine to fill the time when you weren't working?"

"There were a couple of food carts I stopped at to pick up things; pastries, fruit, hot foods, you know."

"Captain Rogers said you kept a journal. He said he found it in your apartment. Can you tell us what you would write about?"

"I had several different books that I wrote in; one was for family, one was for the army, one for Steve, and I also kept one for daily things."

"Zara, do you have a journal?" Dr. Buhari asked.

She shook her head.

"I will get one for you, and you can write about your experiences."

"I don't write."

"I'm confused. I was told you can write."

"I write my school work, but I don't write in a book like Bucky does."

"Have you written in either of the books Steve got you for Christmas?" Bucky asked.

Zara shook her head. "I don't know how to write poems or stories."

"It will be a requirement to write down your memories, Zara. It will help you in your recovery."

"I don't want to remember the past. I lived through it, now I just want to forget it."

"I write things down so I don't forget." Bucky told her. "Not everything I write down is pleasant."

"I don't write things down." Zara stated flatly.

"Please do not get upset. We are trying to help you. Sometimes when we cannot speak of things, it helps to write down our thoughts. We get the benefits of expressing our pain, our grief, and our sadness so we no longer have to carry that burden around in our hearts."

"No one said I would have to write stuff down." Zara said quietly.

"It is part of your therapy, as it will be for Mr. Barnes."

"You are going to let them have your books?" She asked Bucky.

He nodded.

Zara's eyes left Bucky's and slowly scanned the room. The expression on her face was unreadable. Both doctors leaned forward in concern. "What are you thinking Zara?" Dr. Buhari asked.

Zara looked up at the doctor and met her eyes. Zara's expression changed to one of betrayal. Tears threatened, but did not fall, and finally Zara looked away. She couldn't speak. Her throat felt swollen. _'How can they ask this of me?'_ She thought. _'They don't know, they don't know…'_

"Zara?" Dr. Buhari prompted her.

It took a long time, but when Zara looked back up there was a thousand years' worth of sadness and defeat in her eyes. Inside, Zara felt like the child she had been all those years ago when she had been beaten into submission. She slowly closed her eyes against the world _. 'It's not me, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me…'_ She chanted over and over in her head. It was one of the few things she had that saved her sanity.

Dr. Buhari got up and walked to Zara. It was not one of her usual techniques to offer physical touch, but she felt moved to give Zara the option. "Would you like a hug?" She asked.

Zara just shook her head silently and sat there fidgeting with her nails.

Dr. Buhari knelt down and went to clasp Zara's hands, but Zara pulled them away. She still couldn't speak, and she didn't want anyone to touch her.

"I know you are upset right now, and you are confused and afraid, but in time you will see how this can help you."

Zara stared at her fingers. The tears willed from falling, poised at the corners of her eyes. The doctor didn't understand what she was asking of her.

"Perhaps Bucky can help you begin writing. Just start with little things and it will get easier."

When she felt Bucky's hand on her shoulder, she drew away. She didn't want to be comforted. It was like she was all alone all over again.

Dr. Buhari stood up. "I think we are done for today. She needs time to process all this." She told the other doctor. He nodded and the meeting broke up.

Zara walked alongside Bucky in silence. She couldn't trust her voice, and even if she did, she didn't know what to say. When they got close enough to their rooms, Zara finally forced her voice to work. "I want to go to my room."

"Okay."

Bucky let her close the door and went into his own room. He needed time to "process" his thoughts and feelings too.

He pulled out his journal and began writing. He had a new book.

Zara just curled up on her bed and cried.

* * *

Bucky sat down near Steve. He had a troubled look on his face.

"So, how did your first session go?"

"It wasn't a session really, more of a get to know you meeting."

"And?"

"It's not going to be easy."

"We knew that."

"I know I have to face up to the things in my past, but I'm worried about Zara. She doesn't want to remember the past. The doctor told her she'd have to write stuff down."

"How did that go over?"

"It didn't. She clammed up."

Steve sighed. He had been expecting this. "I know she needs to confront the past. She needs to do it on her own terms. I hope the doctors know this. What am I saying? They're professionals, of course they know this."

The rest of the team walked in. "What's on tonight's menu, anybody know?" Scott asked.

"Whatever it is, it sure smells good." Sam added.

Dinner was delivered out of the kitchen, and the team waited until the staff was ready. Once they got the signal, the team all dug in.

Steve noticed Zara's absence. "I'll give her a few more minutes."

When she did not appear, Steve went to get her.

He knocked on her door. No answer. He knocked again. No answer. He tried the knob – unlocked, so he poked his head in. "Zara? Are you coming down for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry Steve."

"Can I come in?"

He heard her rustle as she got off the bed. "I'm not hungry. I'm just going to stay in my room." Her eyes never met his.

"Bucky told me about the meeting. You know if you don't eat something, your stomach will get sour and then it'll be a bad situation."

She sighed softly. "Okay, I'll be down in a bit."

"See you soon." Steve backed out and closed the door.

Zara washed her face and removed all traces of her crying. She took a deep breath and went to dinner.

She walked in and went right to the buffet setup. She stared at the food. Normally, she scanned everything and chose something right away, but tonight, her spirit wasn't there. She felt hopeless. She felt like a slave girl all over again, being forced to do something she didn't want to. Her throat felt acidy already and she had a hard time swallowing.

She felt eyes staring at her back, and she knew they were watching her. If she didn't pick something, Steve or Bucky might come over and draw more attention to her. She didn't want that, she dreaded that.

Reluctantly, she put something on her plate and sat down. Every time she thought of the food in her mouth, she felt sick. She played with the food instead, and pushed it all over her plate.

Finally, she put her fork down. "I'll save it for later." She got up and wrapped it and put it in the fridge. She took her roll, wrapped it in a napkin, stuffed it in her pocket and went back to her room.

Zara climbed into bed after putting on her pajamas, and tried to get some sleep, but sleep would not come. She tossed and turned fitfully until she gave up and turned the light on.

She opened the book she had been reading, and resumed where she left off. She kept reading until her eyes could no longer focus on the print. She looked at the clock. It was 2.30 in the morning.

She closed the book, and went back to bed.

Sleep finally claimed her, but she dreamt of the past.

She woke up screaming and sweating. She didn't know where she was. It was dark and she was alone. She scrambled out of bed and struggled to the door. She flung it open and ran.

Her eyes were open, but in her mind she was someplace else. _ESCAPE! RUN!_ _RUN!_

She never saw the wall. She crashed right into it and collapsed unconscious into a heap on the floor.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Confronting the past

Zara opened her eyes and immediately closed them. It was too bright! She moaned softly.

Steve, Bucky and Sam sat up at the sound. They stared at her to see if she was coming round or just moaning in her sleep.

She had a bruise on her forehead that spilled out from under a yard of gauze and split down her face and encircled both eyes. She had multiple cuts on her face and ugly bruises on her forearms.

She opened her eyes again, and tried to focus. She had a concussion and her head felt heavy with pain.

Steve's face came into view, but she didn't acknowledge him. "Zara?"

She moaned and slipped back into unconsciousness.

* * *

The doctor had called Steve into her office. Bucky and Sam walked him to the door and stood there uncomfortably. The doctor asked if they wanted to be present.

"Is this a guardian only thing?" Sam asked. "I mean, we're very concerned about her…"

"Please come in. I'm sure Steve will tell you anyway."

They settled themselves into the comfy chairs, but neither one felt comfy.

"I am very concerned about her concussion. The cuts and bruises will heal. Thankfully, she has no broken bones. I wish I had more of her medical history. Do you know of any way to get it?"

"I suppose the king could contact the Stargate personnel and see what they have."

"I am also thinking that." Dr. Azikiwe was a matronly sort of doctor. She had a round face and a ready smile. Her wide brown eyes sparkled with compassion. She truly enjoyed being a doctor and it showed.

"Commander Adama is on his way back, as we speak. Maybe he knows something we don't."

"Do you know what happened exactly?"

Steve shook his head. "Sam found her when he went out for his morning run and banged on my door. I didn't want to move her, so I got the medics to transport her."

"Mr. Barnes, you were together in the therapy session. How did she seem?"

"Nervous at first, but she got angry over some pictures."

"Why would she be angry at pictures?"

"I don't know. They were these abstract things, swirls of color. Zara was asked what she felt, but she kept saying she didn't feel anything, and got mad when they kept asking her."

"Is there anything else you'd like to share?"

"She…um…she got quiet and withdrawn when she was told she'd have to write stuff down."

"She was unusually quiet at dinner and didn't eat. She just played with her food and put it away in the fridge."

"I have spoken with Dr. Diya, and Dr. Buhari. We are all very concerned about her mental state. Did she give you any reason that she might harm herself?"

"Are you asking me whether I think she did this on purpose?"

"I must ask questions for every possibility."

"No, I don't think she did this on purpose! I think she's stronger than that. She just needed time to adjust to everything. She's been through a lot."

"Please do not get angry Captain Rogers. They are difficult questions, I agree, but once they are answered we can move on."

Sam put his hand on Steve's shoulder, and was about to tell him the doctor was right, but he got interrupted by a knock on the doctors' door.

"Yes?"

The door cracked open and one of the nurses was standing there. "Commander Adama has arrived."

"Please let him in."

Due to the nature of the emergency, it was deemed necessary for Adama to be let in on the secret, and was allowed to meet Steve, Sam and Bucky face to face. Introductions were made briefly without any fanfare.

Steve gave up his chair and leaned up against the wall while Dr. Azikiwe brought him up to date.

Adama rubbed his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I had hoped we were past this."

"Past what?"

"She has nightmares; most of the time she just wakes up and goes back to sleep without any problem. She hasn't had any nightmares since we've been on Earth, but on the Galactica, she had a severe nightmare and she ran into the wall. She didn't get hurt, just jarred back to waking. It was like she was still dreaming, but her eyes were open."

"I see, and did she tell you what she was dreaming of?"

He shook his head. "She didn't even remember how she got out of bed, at least that's what she told me. She's not a very good liar. I know when she's being truthful. I also know when she's lied to me, and she has, but she doesn't lie to be hurtful, she's just scared."

"Do you have copies of her medical history?"

"No on me, but I have a phone number I can call. I'll have it sent over. May I see her?"

"Yes, of course."

Steve waited while Adama made the phone call he needed to get Zara's medical files and then led them to her room. She was still out.

Adama sat close and took her hand in his. "What am I going to do with you? I can't watch you every micron. I couldn't even look after my own children."

Zara stirred fitfully, but did not waken.

Steve, Bucky and Sam were standing in the hall feeling very uncomfortable, and decided to go get some coffee.

* * *

Zara's file arrived within the hour and looked over by all three doctors. It was helpful in a non-helpful sort of way. They called Adama back and spoke to him again briefly, but he was unable to provide further assistance. He scoffed at the idea that Zara had done this on purpose.

On his way back to Zara's room, he stopped to talk with Steve.

"I know she looks up to you, and probably even considers you her friend, but I can't figure out how to keep her safe and work for King T'Challa too. I'm going to have to give him my resignation."

"This is a freak one-time thing. If anything, I should be apologizing to you, for not looking after her better."

"You've done a good job of it, I just….the truth is, I was never there when my wife or my children needed me. I need to be there for her."

"Look, don't make any decisions until she's awake and past this. If her future is involved, doesn't she deserve to have a say in it?"

"Thank you. You're right, she does."

* * *

Zara woke up the next day, and the first thing she saw was Steve. "You got the second shift again?"

"Yeah, you know Bucky likes to take the first shift." He pulled the chair up by her bed. "Before I go alert the nurse, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Like what?"

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"When?"

"You ran into the wall, Zara. You knocked yourself out."

She looked around and finally realized where she was. "I've been here so much I didn't even notice it until now. How did I get here?"

"You don't remember anything?"

She felt her head and all the gauze wrapping. "My head hurts." She tried to stretch and was rewarded with a loud pop. "Ow."

"Lie still, please; I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"How long have I been here?"

"Overnight."

She tried sitting up, and immediately turned pale. "I'm dizzy, I'm dizzy."

"Lay back down, I'm going to get the doctor." Steve made sure she was stable and ran out calling for the doctor.

They ran back to check on Zara.

"I'm fine now." She insisted. "It passed."

"I would like to make my own assessment, if you please." She fussed over Zara, who kept insisting she was fine and that it was only the initial shock that had her dizzy.

"I'm going to keep you here until I am satisfied with your recovery."

Zara put her head down and went silent. She complied with all the doctors' pokes and prods without a single word.

Dr. Azikiwe sighed. "I should like to keep you here one more day."

Zara's eyes never quite met the doctors' but she nodded.

"If you will give us a moment Captain Rogers."

"Oh…sure." Steve stepped out, and Dr. Azikiwe closed the door.

"I wanted to ask you something in private. Now that we are alone, I will tell you what I found."

The doctor reached to move Zara's hair aside, but Zara swatted her hand away.

"You know what I found, don't you?"

While Zara was unconscious, Dr. Azikiwe had examined Zara, and discovered that she had been attacking her own skin behind her ears where no one could see. It was a symptom of the severe stress and anxiety that she'd been under. Having no one to trust, Zara had turned on herself in her attempt to cope with all the changes and new emotions rising up within her.

"How long have this been going on, my child?"

Zara just shrugged. Her face burned with shame and tears began to slide down.

"Oh my dear child, it is not your fault. We have pushed you too hard. We've been trying to force you into our world and we never gave you a chance to catch your breath. That will change starting now."

Dr. Azikiwe caressed Zara's face. "Come here." She gently pulled her into a warm, motherly embrace. Zara's silent tears became sobs of anguish. "Let it out Zara, let all the pain out."

Outside the room, Steve heard Zara's cries. The super soldier serum had enhanced his hearing and he was unable to tune out her pain. Tears came to his eyes, and after unsuccessful attempts at discretion, he had to walk away. Even after he was out of earshot, Zara's crying haunted him.

When Zara had exhausted herself, Dr. Azikiwe extricated herself. She sat down in a chair she had pulled over. "Do you remember your mother Zara?"

"Not really."

"What do you remember about her?"

"She was sickly, and I didn't understand why."

"What about your father?"

Zara thought for a long time before answering. "He punished me when I was bad."

"What did he do?"

"He spanked me with my hairbrush."

"And for what things did he punish you for?"

"I don't remember. I was a bad girl. I did things I wasn't supposed to."

"Like what?"

"I remember my mother telling me not to go near the road, but I did anyway. Daddy had taken all our stuff and was leaving with it. I watched him take away our belongings until he went out of sight."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I thought he was leaving us and never coming back. I thought he was abandoning us."

"How old were you?'

"I was three."

"And you remember this clearly?"

"I remember like it was yesterday."

"What about the day your parents died?"

"I just remember them there, sleeping, but there was blood everywhere. I remember being pulled away. I tried fighting back, but he was too strong. He hit me when I couldn't keep up, but I was going as fast as I could, I swear! He put me in a dirty cage and put my wrists in chains, and then the biting started. I screamed and screamed, but no one came to help me. When I couldn't scream anymore he stopped."

"What is this biting?"

"He hit my back with this rope and it bit into me."

' _A whip….'_ Dr. Azikiwe thought. "And how old were you then?"

"Seven."

"You've never even had a childhood! The man who took you away, did he kill your parents?"

"I don't remember."

"No wonder you are in so much pain. I am going to help you, and my friends Dr. Diya and Dr. Buhari will too. I am going to give you some medicine that will help the anxiety to go away. I am going to exempt you from school for a little while. I want you to spend time with your friend Bucky. I will talk to him and tell him…"

"NO! Don't tell him anything!" Zara blurted out.

"May I finish?"

Zara looked at her and nodded.

"I will tell him you need some time to relax and engage in some fun. What do you think about that?"

"Are you telling Bucky or asking Bucky? What if he says no?"

"It is not an order, and I will give him the option of saying no, but I think he will say yes. Now, do not worry about that. Let's get you cleaned up and then I will have your friends come in to see you."

Dr. Azikiwe helped Zara get washed discreetly. In most medical facilities, doctors handed this chore over to one of the nurses, but this wasn't one of them, it was Dr. Azikiwe's.

"I still can't pronounce your name right." Zara admitted.

The doctor just smiled. "Just call me Oko."

For the first time, Zara smiled. "On Atlantis, Jennifer…Dr. Keller…gave me some stuff to make my hair prettier…brighter. Can you get some for me? I want to make my hair pretty for Bucky."

Puzzled, Oko asked her the name of the "stuff".

Zara's eyes narrowed in deep thought. "Colorsilk?"

"Hair color! You want hair color. Do you remember anything about the box?"

Zara shook her head. "If I see it, I'll know it."

"I'll come back with a laptop and we'll look together. Let me go find your friends. I am sure they are worried about you."

Zara closed her eyes and rested her head back on the pillow.

* * *

Dr. Azikiwe found the men in the waiting room. As she was about to open her mouth, her eyes fell upon her king. She stopped and acknowledged him with a deep nod. "My King!"

"So, how is our patient?"

"She has made a breakthrough. I think she will begin to show progress going forward."

"That is excellent news."

"I'm glad you are here my King. I have a request."

"Oh?"

"I am prescribing rest and relaxation for Zara and Mr. Barnes. They need some normal, fun things to do. I was wondering what you might suggest."

Bucky's head popped up at the mention of his name. _'Me?'_

"As a matter of fact, an idea did come to me. It was suggested by Shuri. Do you remember the village by the lake where we spent some time as children? Shuri has rebuilt all the dwellings, and it is royal lands, so no one can go there but family."

"That's a wonderful idea. Come, let us go tell her."

Oko led them all back to Zara's room. Her head was still back and her eyes were still closed.

"She's sleeping, maybe we shouldn't wake her." Adama said.

Without opening her eyes, Zara smiled. "I heard you coming from down the hall. I recognize Bucky's footsteps." She opened her eyes and got a surprise. "Oh! I didn't know you were coming. I've been good. I didn't give the doctor a hard time…..well not too much anyway."

"I'm glad to hear that." T'Challa smiled.

"Zara, I am going to retire, so I can spend more time with you. I want to keep an eye on you." Adama informed her.

"What? No, don't! I have so many people here doing that already, and you like working with the king, don't you? I don't want to make you sad being stuck here with me all the time."

"This should never have happened."

"And what are you going to do? Lock me in my room? Tie me down to my bed? You couldn't have stopped it even if you were here."

"Commander Adama, please listen to Zara in this case. I try not to stick my nose in where it does not belong, but you must realize she must grow up sometime. She is trying to do that. You must let go a little." Oko pleaded.

"She needs a guardian, a real guardian, when I'm not here."

"Can I choose my own guardian?"

"I… I never thought to ask you."

"I know. I have also chosen a second name, for my official name."

"Oh? When did this happen?"

"I just thought of it, but it's what I want."

"I see." Adama looked at Oko with raised eyebrows. Oko just smiled back at him with a 'that's my girl' expression.

"What have you decided, child?"

"For my last name I want 'Barnes', and I want Bucky to be my guardian."

Bucky's jaw dropped. "What?" He was stunned. "I can't even take care of myself! What if I injure you or, or…?" He was at a loss for words.

She held up her hand and began ticking off fingers. "All the doctors will be having us spend time together anyway. We both need some fun. We need each other. I trust you. And I'm going to need your help with my book."

"You're going to write stuff down?"

She nodded. "I need your help."

"Zara, how many times can I tell you that you shouldn't trust me?"

"You can't be trusted unless you're given something to be trusted with, so I trust you with me.'

"You cannot argue with that kind of logic, Mr. Barnes." Oko pointed out.

"Steve and Sam, and Clint and Scott and Wanda will be close by. And besides that, I will take care of you! We will look after each other. When I was on Atlantis, they were kind enough to give us quarters that had two bedrooms. Is there a room like that here?" She sat up. "If not, I have coins and I can buy a bigger bed."

Everybody's jaw dropped.

"What? What did I say?" Her innocent face looked up at them.

Oko broke the uncomfortable silence. "We can talk about that at a later time, for now, you get better. You and all your friends are going on a trip."

"We are?"

"Yes, King T'Challa is sending you to a beautiful village by a lake, where you can get some sun, go swimming, fishing, and have lots of fun. While the arrangements are being made Captain Rogers, may I suggest a rousing game of hide and seek?"

"I want Bucky on my team!" She practically bounced in the bed with excitement. "I used to play hide and seek with Zhuli."

"Looks like you two are going to be competing against each other Cap." Sam elbowed him, and smiled.

"Once you're on your feet, we'll pick teams." Steve and Bucky exchanged glances. "It's just like old times, Buck."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Hide and Seek

Zara was released from Oko's care the next day and she went back to her room. No mention was made of changing her room or getting her a bigger bed. Steve couldn't even imagine what she had been thinking, but he just assumed her innocent nature just blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.

Sam would give Steve this "look" every once in a while, and then glance at Bucky with a grin. Steve would just hide the smile. He knew Zara had a crush on Bucky, but he didn't think it went much further than that.

Shuri was informed of the "vacation plan" and was brought in to meet everyone. Sam smiled at her a lot. He took an instant liking to the sassy young woman.

The folks all gathered to pick teammates. Since Zara had already picked Bucky, it was Steve's turn.

"I choose Wanda, this way we have a girl on each team."

Bucky whispered to Zara and she whispered back. "Clint." She said.

Steve chose Sam, which left Scott as the odd man out. "We need another person." Steve pointed out.

"I could play, if you tell me the rules." Adama offered.

Bucky and Zara whispered again, but a longer conversation. "We'll tell you the rules, but we're trying to decide whether you should be on our team or not." Zara said. More whispering. Zara nodded. "Since Steve and Bucky are on opposite teams, so should you and I, so I choose Scott."

"Why should they have all the fun? T'Challa you and I should play too. Remember how much fun we had?"

"Ok, ok, I will play at least one game."

Steve thought a moment. "I'll take T'Challa."

So Shuri joined Bucky, Zara Clint and Scott.

"Ok, rules are that we can make up any rules, but the main rule is that one team hides and the other team has to find them." Zara told Adama. She looked at T'Challa. "Should we confine it to just this floor or use the whole building?"

"I think we should keep it confined to this floor for now."

"Ok, should we make up a time limit, Bucky?"

"How about an hour?"

"That's good; so each team has a time limit of one hour. You must find all the other members of the other team within that time. The team that finds the most hiders in the least amount of time wins. At the end of the hour, everyone comes back here. If you found someone, you must escort them back here to this room to be counted, and then you can continue playing. Everyone must play solo, no teaming up. Any place you fit into can be used to hide, and you can't change hiding places."

Everyone checked their watches. "How will we determine who hides first?" Adama asked.

"Hmmm…" Zara thought.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Sam suggested.

"Sounds good to me. Bucky?" Steve looked at him.

Bucky and Steve stepped forward and did the old hand game. Steve won. "OK, give us ten minutes to go hide, and then you can start."

Bucky nodded and Steve and his team disappeared.

"Ok, we have ten minutes, let's get our strategy straight. Zara, you're with me. We'll go right at the door here, you three go left. We'll go out as far as we can and work our way back this way. We'll all split up and cover both sides of the halls at once, and then the crossing hallways. Sound like a plan?"

Everyone nodded.

When 10 minutes had elapsed, they bolted out the doors. Zara followed Bucky until they could go no further. He pointed to the side he wanted her to check and then went about hunting down his side of the hall.

As he searched, a faint whisper tickled in the back of his mind. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and focus. He glanced over at Zara. She was holding her own. The tickle came back and he had to pause and take a deep breath. He watched Zara methodically searching. He had a flashback, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight. He shook it off and took a couple of deep breaths. _'Focus Barnes!'_ He chided himself.

When Zara finished her side, she paused to look back, but she didn't see Bucky. She looked up ahead to see if he had gotten done already, but he wasn't there either. She looked down the hall off to the side, but no Bucky _. 'How did he disappear so quickly?'_ She thought.

Two rooms back, Bucky had his back against the wall. Images of training flashed through his mind, of hunting down liabilities. He was losing his control over his breathing. _'STOP!'_ He held his breath until his lungs felt right _. 'Not now! Focus Barnes, FOCUS!'_

"Bucky?"

Bucky's head came up so fast he banged it against the wall. Zara was calling him. _'ZARA! Focus on Zara.'_

He pictured her in his mind, recalled minute details of her appearance and smell; long blonde hair, green eyes and smelled of cinnamon. Another memory flashed though his mind; Thanksgiving. He saw images of his parents and siblings around the dining room table, and Steve.

"Bucky? Are you in here?"

"Zara?"

"Yeah, it's me. Are you okay? Are we still playing hide and seek?"

"Yeah, yeah, I needed to catch my breath. Let's go."

They exited the room and Bucky started to check what he'd missed, but Zara stopped him. "I checked them already looking for you."

"Good girl, good thinking. Let's work the hall on the right, same as last time." He said and they methodically worked their way down the hall.

He let her go into the first room before he slipped into his. Once out of view, he shook his head again. _'Dammit Barnes, keep it together.'_

When they found no one, they back-tracked and searched the other hall and were rewarded with success! They found Sam.

"Damn, I thought I had a good place too." Sam complained.

"You found him Zara, you walk him back."

A smile spread across her face as she led Sam away.

When she got back to "base", she discovered Adama was already waiting. He'd already been found.

"I'll be back." Zara said and left smiling.

Bucky was checking both sides in her absence, and waited when he heard her approach. They finished the hall together.

They turned the corner and Bucky pointed. "You take that section; I'm going to work this one. I'll meet you up this way."

Zara's hall was short, so she had to work both sides, while Bucky took the longer one.

She went down one side and worked her way up the other. She peeked around the corner and waited for Bucky to emerge from one of the rooms. She went to catch up.

At the sudden sound of her footsteps, he turned. When he saw her face, he let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Are you okay Bucky?"

His first instinct was to go with the stock answer of "I'm fine", but she had such a concerned look on her face, that he felt compelled to tell the truth. "I'm having a little bit of memory flashes."

"It's okay, I have them too."

"What do you do when you have them?"

"If I'm alone, I just huddle into a corner, but if someone I trust is near, I hug them. Do you want me to hug you?"

Bucky pressed his lips together subconsciously and then his tongue came out to moisten his lips. "How do you know you can trust me?"

Zara just smiled up at him. "I can see it in your eyes." She reached up to touch his face. Every nerve wanted to flinch, but Bucky forced himself to stand still. Her hand gently stroked his scruffy cheek, and her thumb glided lightly over his lips. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bucky. You're my angel."

His eyes closed as she slipped her hands around his waist. He felt the warmth of her body against his. It did feel good. It was good to feel warm. His watch beeped, and broke up the hug.

"We've only got 30 minutes left, we have to move."

On the other side of the building, Wanda, and T'Challa joined Sam and Adama at "base", leaving only Steve left to be found.

Bucky directed Zara with precision, and he carried out his remaining search without further Winter Soldier mental flashbacks. His body, however, moved with all the fluidity of the Soldier.

Around the next corner, they encountered the rest of their team. Shakes of their heads told Bucky someone was still on the "playing field."

As they tightened the noose, Bucky opened the next door and peeked inside. He worked his way around the room to another door. As he reached for the knob, his senses spiked; he had a gut feeling. He passed the entranceway and braced himself. He turned the knob and flung open the door ready for anything. Steve stumbled out. "Aw, you got me."

"Let's go, time's running out." He pushed Steve out of the room.

"You did it!" Zara bounced on her toes.

Clint checked his watch. "We gotta get him checked in quick."

They all hustled back to "base", and got Steve checked in under the time limit.

Everyone shook hands and murmurs of "Good game", echoed around the room.

"I knew it was you." Bucky said to Steve. "Somehow I just knew."

"You always had good instincts, Buck."

"May I suggest a 15 minute break for bathroom and refreshments?" T'Challa asked.

Everyone was in agreement and scattered off in whatever direction they needed.

When the 15 minutes had elapsed, they gathered in their respective teams, and checked watches. When Steve gave the nod, Bucky's team vanished. Steve huddled his team around to work out a game plan.

Zara grabbed Bucky's sleeve and tugged him along with her. "I know where there is a good hiding place, but I need your help." When they got there, she had Bucky help her get into her spot.

"This really is a good spot. I doubt anyone will find you here."

She smiled. "I hid on the Galactica for three days, but then they used Muffy to find me, darn daggit!"

"You settled in okay?"

"Yup, hurry, go hide!"

Bucky closed her in, and set off to find his own spot with the time he had remaining. As he looked, the Soldier evaluated the possibilities. He shook his head. _'Dammit, leave me alone!'_ Bucky was getting annoyed at the interference.

He found a good spot and settled in to wait…..

Steve counted down the last few seconds and his team was out the door after waiting the allotted 10 minutes.

T'Challa knew the building and he knew Shuri did too, so he went to the likeliest places one might use to hide. He told the Captain where he was off to and where he'd meet up.

Sam followed him partway and started from there.

Wanda and Adama followed Steve and then broke off down separate halls…

Zara leaned back. It was almost like playing with Gaion and Zhuli she thought, except Zhuli almost always gave them away. She smiled sadly and wondered how Zhuli was doing with a new step-mom. She hoped Gaion was happy with his new mate.

The sound of faint footsteps stopped Zara's musings someone was going by. She held her breath and listened. The steps started to fade. Zara assumed they were using the same kind of plan Bucky had. It made a lot of sense to her. She wondered if Steve would find Bucky.

She heard doors closing and knew the searcher was close. She froze in place, barely breathing. The door closest to her opened, and Zara waited. It closed and the searcher moved on. Zara wasn't discovered! She waited until they moved before she exhaled in relief.

T'Challa found Shuri and she pouted all the way back to base. Scott followed soon after and then Clint. Only Bucky and Zara remained.

With 10 minutes left, Steve found Bucky and walked him back. The hunt resumed.

When Steve left, Bucky smiled.

"Why are you smiling? You have been discovered." Shuri said.

"I don't care if they have another hour, they'll never find Zara."

"I know this building very well, they will find her."

"Not where I stashed her. She found the perfect place. It would have been the perfect place for me, but I wouldn't fit."

"We will see."

Eleven minutes later, Steve and his team returned empty handed.

Clint smiled. "Couldn't find Zara? The five of you couldn't find her?"

"Okay, we didn't find her, you win Bucky. Where is she?"

Bucky led them down to where he put Zara. As he reached for the door, Sam shook his head. "I already looked there."

"Yeah, but did you look there?" Bucky pointed up.

Zara waved her fingers at Sam after she emerged from hiding. Sam looked put out.

Steve chuckled. "How in the world did she get up there?"

"I gave her a boost. Help me get her down Steve."

Zara had to turn and come down feet first. "I can't see!" She cried.

"Don't worry, we're right here. Just let go."

With a deep breath, Zara let go and was caught by Steve and Bucky. They put her on her feet.

Steve shook his head. "How did you ever think of that spot?"

"What do you think I do when you're not bossing me around all day? I explore."

Adama started to laugh. "The next time she suggests hide and seek, I'll remind you to decline. I had the whole ship on alert looking for her when she ran off. She evaded trained warriors for three time cycles."

"Did she just sass you Steve? I think she just sassed you." Sam chuckled.

Steve smiled. Yeah, she did just sass him, but in a way he was glad. It showed how much progress she was making and how comfortable she felt around them.

"So, old buddy, are you buying the beers?" Bucky clapped Steve on the shoulder.

"It looks like I am." He clapped Bucky back.

Just like old times…


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

The Vacation

Before they took off for the village that Shuri was taking them to, they had to get checked out one last time. Zara was uneasy, but with Bucky beside her, she managed to get through her exam.

New medication was prescribed to try and reduce the thyroid swelling, and hopefully it would do the trick.

Adama and T'Challa went back to business as usual; they weren't coming on the trip.

Zara wasn't sure what to bring, so she packed her crafts, her laptop, her MP3 Player, (fully charged), her Kindle, and enough clothes. She packed up toiletries and her medicine reminder, which held two weeks' worth of medicine, and joined Steve and Bucky in the hall.

"How long are we going to be gone?" She asked.

"I don't know." Steve replied.

"Should I pack more?"

Steve looked down. "I think you're fine."

"I only have two weeks of medicine."

"We'd better bring all of it."

She went back and packed all the bottles of medicine. "Ok, I have everything."

* * *

They met Shuri down at the quin-jet. Zara took a deep breath and hesitated.

Steve hadn't noticed until he was inside. He came back down the ramp. "You need help with your suitcase?"

"No. I don't like this thing. My stomach feels funny when we take off."

"It'll go quick."

She grimaced, but got on board. She went right to Bucky and grabbed his arm while Steve stowed her suitcase. Bucky made sure she was buckled in and nodded to Steve.

He sat down quickly. "We're all set back here." He yelled up to the pilot.

Either the lift-off was smoother, or Zara felt she was getting used to it, but it didn't seem to bother her as much this time. She wasn't sure which of those two options suited her better.

When they landed, it was almost as smooth. Still, Steve had to smile when he saw the grimace on her face.

The village rested in a protected valley; not protected in the sense of the terrain, although that certainly helped. It was also protected because it belonged to the royal family of Wakanda. Hidden electronic devices shielded them overhead from prying satellites and made the terrain appear as barren and worthless.

Zara saw the lake as soon as she got down the ramp. It sparkled brightly in the rays of the sun. "Ooh, we can go fishing!" She grabbed Bucky's left hand and pulled him forward. He wasn't expecting that and he stumbled.

She led him down the path that had been worn away by numerous feet over time. The wild grasses that grew on either side were about two feet high. Zara extended her left arm and swept the very tops of the grass as she made her way down to the water line.

She let Bucky's hand go and knelt to touch the water. The rest of the team off-loaded their luggage and moved away from the jet. It lifted off as soon as they were clear. Steve shielded his eyes, as he watched it vanish.

Steve started down to the water, and he was close enough that when Zara giggled, he heard it. Bucky stood looking around when he got pelted with droplets of water.

Zara shook water off her hands at him in an attempt to get him wet. Steve froze as Bucky looked squarely at her. She dipped her hands in the water and sprayed him again. The expression on his face never changed, and for one heart-attack inducing moment, Steve thought Bucky was going to yell at her.

Bucky took a couple of steps towards the water and knelt down. He felt the water with his flesh hand, and rubbed his thumb over his fingers. In a flash, he spun and kicked up a handful of water and splashed Zara.

She squealed and back-pedaled. Then she rushed up and splashed water at Bucky. She caught him right in the face. He responded by shaking the water off and flinging more at her. She stepped in and used both hands to kick up water.

Steve held up his hands in mock surrender and stayed away from the dueling pair.

Bucky countered her move and doused her. The metal hand churned up water quickly.

She squealed and ran away. Bucky chased her and they played tag with Steve caught in the middle.

Of course he caught her easily. "Up! Up!" She commanded.

Bucky picked her up and spun her around. She let out cries of joy until he put her down. Both of them were smiling.

Steve just looked at the pair of them dripping water like a couple of kids. He was glad they felt they could be carefree. Steve clapped Bucky on his shoulder. "So, who won?" He looked at the amount of water dripping off them.

"I think I did, she's completely soaked." Bucky said.

Zara blushed and smiled as a droplet of water ran down her nose.

"Well, let's get you both into dry clothes. Come on." Steve led the way back up the slight hill. Zara tried to hide her struggles, but Bucky saw and he scooped her up and carried her.

Shuri was at the top shaking her head and clucking her tongue. "You are worse than the children." She admonished. "Come, I will show you to your huts."

The luggage was already inside when Bucky stepped into his hut.

* * *

Zara found her luggage near her bed. She looked around. It was a far cry from the antiseptic feel of the building they had just left. It was primitive, but kind of cozy in a camping in the rough sort of way. She looked for the toilet, but didn't find one. She stepped outside to ask Shuri.

"Ah, yes, the big hut in the middle has the bathrooms and showers. It has internet access and a kitchen too. It is the village community center."

Nodding, Zara thanked Shuri and went back inside to change out of her wet clothes. The rest of the team had already learned this.

Zara felt ill at ease in her hut. The door wasn't even a door; it was a heavy flap that could be buttoned down along the edges. It reminded Zara of her slave girl days and she didn't like it. But Bucky was right next door to her, and that was a plus.

Once changed, she joined the others as they sat around in a circle with a few of the villagers. Zara frowned when she saw Bucky had been taken over by the local children curious about his arm. She sat down quietly and listened to Shuri explain about the history of the village, and the customs of the people who still lived there.

Zara tried to pay attention, but she felt her mind drifting away….

" _Where is that girl? I sent her for water and she still has not returned!"_

 _She ran up and knelt down just then, offering the water to her master with her head bowed._

 _He grabbed the cup from her, spilling the contents. "What took you so long?" He threw the cup down. "Look what you've made me do!" He back-handed the girl across the face, and she hit the ground. "Go get more and hurry up about it; I'm thirsty!"_

 _She grabbed the cup and scurried away; the stings from her face still hurting._

 _When she returned, her master took the cup from her and drained it. "More!" He threw the cup so she had to go scrambling after it._

 _Twice more he sent her after water, just to make her run. "You're the new one, aren't you? I guess the rules haven't yet sunk in. When I say I want water, you run and get it. You were late with the first cup, and you felt the back of my hand. If you're late again, you'll pay for it! Now, get out of my sight!"_

 _He went to hit her again, but she flinched and he only grazed her. Infuriated, he grabbed her hair and yanked hard on it. He threw her to the ground and kicked her. "Get out of my sight!"_

 _She scrambled away on hands and knees…_

"Zara?" Scott was sitting next to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

She suddenly came back to the present; her face a mix of confusion and shame that she had not paid attention properly.

"Shuri wants to know if you have any questions."

Zara blushed furiously and shook her head.

Shuri concluded the meeting. "Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers, would you be kind enough to stay so that I may speak with you?"

"Sure."

Zara went back to her hut, but she stood at her door and watched the conversation that took place until they drifted out of her sight. Huffing, Zara moved aside the flap and went inside to check on her things.

She had this very weird sensation in her stomach and it bothered her. She had been excited about the trip, but now, it didn't seem like it was going to be a lot of fun.

* * *

After a couple of days, Zara decided she didn't like being there or Shuri. The others didn't seem to share her opinion. Something was going on, and Zara was not in the loop about things. It made her feel isolated from the rest; more so because Bucky was spending a lot of time with Steve and Shuri.

Zara sat and sulked. It was Clint who seemed to enjoy being there the most. He milked goats and felt right at home. Wanda laughed at his antics. Scott sparred with Sam and they practiced hand to hand combat moves.

When Steve finally noticed Zara all alone, he asked her to join him, but she declined. She was going to go fishing.

She hunted for a suitable stick, and tied some string to the end and went out to fish. She neglected to bring any bait on purpose, and so she sat there and pretended to fish. From her perch, she could see Shuri laughing, and Zara stewed in silence.

When Zara gave up and walked back, Clint asked her what she caught. "I threw them back. I can't eat fish." She didn't linger for further questioning, and went into her hut to read.

Meals were hell. Zara was polite and gave little smiles, but her heart felt heavy. She didn't like the feeling. She didn't like it at all.

Shuri arranged for some horses to be brought in, and organized a group ride. Zara pretended to look horrified, and said she'd rather go fishing.

"If you bring back enough, we'll have fish for dinner." Shuri said over her shoulder as they left camp.

Zara frowned at their backs. She watched as they left and threw down her pole _. 'No fishing today! Catch your own fish!'_ Zara thought. She went back in her hut and sulked.

Her excuse for no fish was that she'd caught a big one on the line and her pole broke. "Aw, that's too bad." Steve said. "We're going to go swimming, would you like to come with us?"

"I'm going to work on a new pole."

Zara sat in silence as she watched them frolic in the water. She wanted to go swimming, but she hated her swimsuit. It had taken her forever to pick one out. She wanted one that didn't show too much skin. She suddenly felt ashamed to show her legs. Even with the one she finally settled on, she felt uncomfortable in it. It reminded her too much of the past.

 _As a child she'd been dressed in skimpy clothes to serve drinks at the slave auctions to the drunkards who came to buy. As a young girl of nine, she knew enough of how to avoid most of the pawing and pinching, but once in a while someone would grab her butt or boob and cop a feel._

 _The clothes barely covered anything, and her bottom was half exposed. Her blouse was low cut, but she didn't have much to generate cleavage yet, so the master had specially made bras that the girls were forced to wear that boosted up their still developing breasts. Zara hated them. The costumes were tight fitting and uncomfortable to wear._

 _Once she'd been sold, she wore whatever her master told her to wear. Most of them seemed to prefer the girls in as little as possible._

 _Zara never developed big enough breasts to satisfy her masters, so she was often forced to wear the cleavage enhancing bras. One master went so far as to force her to wear thick inserts that made Zara feel self-conscious. Her natural breasts would be forced upwards and spill out at the top of the tight contraption. When her master got tired of that, he padded them further still and gave Zara a skimpy top to wear and made her serve drinks to all his guests as her chest bulged out unnaturally. The men delighted in looking down her blouse while they squeezed her rump._

 _And then, of course, were some of the scars from being whipped. They were not confined to her back, and a few crossed her buttocks and the backs of her thighs. These were the ones Gaion had removed first, but faint lines still remained. Most people might not notice them, but Zara knew they were there._

 _Zara was always shy about exposing skin, and when Gaion realized why, he was appalled. It was so hot and humid aboard his ship, Zara had little choice but to wear next to nothing; it was just too hot for heavy clothes._

Zara looked down at herself in her swimsuit and twisted side to side. The little skirt swirled with her. The bottom covered her rear end completely and the top covered her breasts modestly. She sighed. She'd had to take in the cups as it seemed whoever designed swimsuits always seemed to make the tops too big.

She took off the suit and put her regular clothes back on; a tee shirt and long pants. She rarely wore shorts, and never wore dresses. Her night wear were the only exceptions; short pajamas, and knee length night gowns. That was okay, because almost nobody saw them. She sighed again. She decided to wait until everyone else was gone tomorrow and go swimming herself.

Her plans got trashed when Shuri presented her with a real fishing pole and a few of the team joined her for fishing _. 'UGH!'_ Zara fidgeted and fussed as much as she could and did as little real fishing as possible, but with the others there, they managed to catch enough fish for dinner.

Poor Zara couldn't even eat the fish.

She'd developed an allergic reaction whenever she ate seafood, so she could only eat the side dishes. Shuri apologized, but it was the straw that pushed Zara over the edge.

After everyone went to bed, Zara crept out of her hut and left the village. She walked as far as she could and sat down and cried half the night.

Bleary-eyed the next morning, she overslept and was awakened by knocking at her doorway. "I don't feel good." She skipped breakfast and went back to sleep.

She was quiet at lunch, and had to endure Shuri telling Bucky and Steve about the advances she'd made in her technology and how it could help Bucky even more than straight and simple counseling.

In the end, he decided he wanted to try it, provided that the doctors approved.

For the rest of the vacation, that's all Zara heard about. Bucky spent a lot of time with Shuri, and Zara felt invisible.

Every night Zara slipped out and went to her little safe zone to cry. She'd barely make it to breakfast, and began to look tired, much to Steve's consternation. Zara just kept saying she wasn't sleeping well and it was catching up to her.

Just before they were scheduled to be picked up, Shuri informed them of some bad news. Apparently, there was some State Business going on and she had to leave urgently. They were all going to stay there for a little while longer.

Zara felt relief at Shuri's departure, but it was very short lived. That night a thunder storm rolled in, and had Zara scared half to death. She ran to Bucky's hut and banged on the door frame. He pulled her in and she locked her arms around him. She begged to stay in his hut. She was soaked to the bone in her short run. He got her back to her hut when the rain let up a bit.

She changed clothes, and he tucked her in bed. The thunder boomed and drove poor Zara to tears. She begged Bucky to stay, and after a lot of begging, he agreed.

He stripped off his wet clothes until he was in nothing but his boxers. He hung up his things to dry and settled into bed next to her. She was under the covers; he was on top of them.

The lightning lit up the sky outside and the thunder continued to boom. One particularly nasty boom shook the hut and Zara screamed.

When the storm let up some, and the storm passed, she was able to doze off.

* * *

In the morning, Bucky plucked down his almost dry clothes and slipped back to his hut without detection. It wasn't as if he were trying to hide anything, he just didn't want any questions.

Breakfast went smoothly enough, but the rain continued to fall…all day and for the next two days after that, but no thunder.

Shuri came back and picked them up. Luggage was loaded and they flew back to their home.

The State Business was never discussed, but Shuri seemed to be more protective of her brother, who was there to greet them.

"I hear that Shuri has talked you into trying her new technique." T'Challa said to Bucky.

"As long as the doctors say it's okay, yeah, it sounds promising."

"Shuri has never let me down."

"Good to know."

Zara lagged behind as she watched Bucky disappear into the building. She had a funny feeling in her stomach.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Old Friends

"Powering up the shield now." Colonel John Sheppard spoke into his communicator.

In OPS, the crew of Atlantis watched as the energy force field rose higher and higher until it peaked overhead and completely surrounded Atlantis.

"Firing up the engines."

The city began to tremble and hum. People grabbed onto whatever they could to keep their feet. The floors on every level began to vibrate as the city lifted off from the ocean. Sea water fell like waterfalls.

John guided the city upwards from the command chair, through the atmosphere and into the blackness of space.

Mr. Woolsey stood and watched the crew manning the stations. "Please send a message to Earth, that we're coming home."

"Yes sir!"

Now that they were beyond the reaches of gravity, the city settled into an easy thrum from the quaking and shaking of liftoff.

"We'll be home soon." Richard Woolsey muttered under his breath. It was a satisfying feeling and long in coming.

* * *

Bucky and Shuri sat with Dr. Diya and Dr. Buhari.

After an intensive questioning session, they gave the all clear for Bucky to go with Shuri for the new treatment option she had come up with. She'd been working on it ever since Bucky had arrived with Steve.

Zara wasn't happy when she was told that Bucky was leaving to go to another facility, she was more like shocked. The blank look on her face at least kept the sad expression at bay.

As she watched Shuri lead Bucky away, she felt the sting of abandonment in her heart. She was supposed to be helping! But they didn't even ask her how she felt about all this. Shuri took Bucky away without even considering her. She felt Bucky slipping away. She didn't even stay to watch the jet take off; she turned and went back into the building so she could cry in her room.

Zara emerged from her room for supper, but had little appetite. She pushed the food around her plate until it looked as unappetizing as it could get.

"Cheer up; Bucky is not going to be gone forever."

She looked at Steve with sad eyes. He didn't understand. The king had promised that Zara would be helping Bucky, and now that promise had been broken. She couldn't trust anyone anymore. All people did was lie to her. As nice as Steve seemed, she decided she couldn't trust him either. He had also given her a promise.

"I'm going to bring you to the infirmary tomorrow. The doctor wants to follow up on your throat to see if the swelling has gone down."

"I feel fine, and I'm breathing better." She lied. Well, it wasn't totally a lie. Since the pneumonia was gone, she was breathing better.

"I'm sure you are, but they want to check anyway."

She scowled at him. If she had her way, she wasn't going. She said nothing further with the hope Steve would take that as acquiescence. It seemed to placate him. In the morning, she'd fight him over it, but not now.

"I'm going to my room to read."

"No computer tonight?"

She thought a second and then shook her head. "I'm at a good spot in my book and I want to find out what happens next." Again, it was partly the truth, at least enough truth that Steve believed her.

"Okay, see you in the morning."

Zara made her exit. _'That's what you think.'_

* * *

Steve knocked on her door when she hadn't shown up for breakfast. When she didn't answer, he peeked in; no Zara.

Zara had gotten up early and eaten before anyone else had arrived, and now she was hiding out. She had grabbed snacks so she didn't have to leave her hiding spot for lunch.

When Steve got frustrated enough, he enlisted the help of the team to look for her.

"Don't worry, she'll show up for lunch." Sam assured him.

When she didn't turn up, Steve glared at Sam. "Okay, okay, I was wrong; I'll help you look for her."

"Wanda? Do you think you can get a bead on her?"

Wanda nodded. "Do you want me to find her now?"

"Will it take long?"

"No." Wanda got up and zeroed in on Zara's hiding place. When they played hide and seek, Wanda refrained from using her powers, but they weren't playing and Steve was annoyed.

Zara was pouting when she sat down next to Steve. He gave her a few choice words of admonishment and said after lunch they were going to the infirmary.

Zara got her plate, but told Steve she wasn't going.

Suddenly, Steve knew what his mom had felt like when she had admonished a young, rebellious Steven G. Rogers…

 _Sarah Rogers dabbed gently at the cut above his left eye. "How many times do I have to tell you that you have nothing to prove to those boys? They are just bullies picking on smaller kids. You don't have to take on the whole world baby."_

" _Aw, mom." Steve tilted his head away from her ministrations._

 _Sarah turned her attention to a very young and also rebellious James Buchanan Barnes. "And you told me you'd look out for him, what am I going to do with the both of you?"_

 _Young Bucky shuffled his feet, feeling very uncomfortable. He opened his mouth to say something in his defense, but Sarah cut him off._

" _Don't you go and give me your usual song and dance, young man, I'm on to you."_

"You said it was my choice and that you couldn't force me to go."

"Zara, this is very important."

"I don't want to."

Steve sighed. He could pick her up and carry her, but he had a feeling she would kick and scream all the way there, and it would accomplish nothing except to foster bad feelings.

"I am very much against your decision, but for now, I'll abide by it. Don't forget that I am your new guardian. "

Before Adama had left, he signed legal papers giving Steve full guardianship over Zara. She wanted Bucky but compromised in the end with Steve being her guardian, but she insisted on Barnes for her surname. Her papers and passport were still being processed with her new name on them.

"Yes, but you said you'd listen to what I had to say."

"I did, but this is a medical issue, and I'll only let you put this off for now."

Zara crossed her arms in defiance. _'We'll see.'_ If Bucky wasn't there, she wasn't going…

* * *

John Sheppard took turns with Dr. Carson Beckett flying the city-ship to Earth, but now that they were here, he took the reins for landing.

The area skirting Camp Pendleton in San Diego had been cleared of all traffic and John set the city down in the bay. Marines took up positions to secure a perimeter and keep nosy people away. All the Atlantis crew disembarked and Stargate Command took over with the help of the U.S. military.

Everyone boarded large planes that took them to SGC headquarters where the crew were debriefed and processed through before being released back to their families and friends. Some, like John, had no one, so he planned to hang around on the base. Likewise, Teyla and Ronon.

When they ran into Dr. Daniel Jackson, he caught them all up to date on Commander Adama and Zara.

"Wakanda, you say? I've never heard of that one. Where is it exactly?" Sheppard asked.

"It's located in North Central Africa. I have Adama's cell phone number, do you want it?"

"Sure."

After Daniel left, Sheppard dialed the number and promptly woke up Adama.

"Oh, I'm sorry. This is John Sheppard from Atlantis. We're all on Earth and we wanted to visit with you and Zara. I forgot about the time difference."

Adama shook off his sleep. "That's all right. Let me talk with the king in the morning and I'll call you back."

"Okay, good night Commander." John hung up the cell. "He's gonna call me back. He has to talk to the king."

* * *

"How many people are we talking about?" T'Challa asked.

Adama ticked off his fingers. "Sheppard, Ronon, Carson, maybe Radek. I needed to speak with you first."

"It's fine, but limited to 6, and all of the Captain's team will be masked. No manner of identity must be revealed."

"Thank you." Adama got up to leave.

"One more thing…."

"Yes?"

"Take a couple of days off to visit with Zara's friends properly."

"Yes, thank you."

Adama worked in coordination with palace staff and security and contacted Sheppard to finalize the trip. He would meet them at the airport, but he had to know who exactly was coming.

"Just me, Ronon, Teyla, and her son Torin, Beckett and Zelenka."

"Six? Perfect. I'll see you at the airport."

Adama reported back to the king and then went to tell Zara the good news.

* * *

"Welcome back, Bucky." Steve embraced his old friend.

It had been two weeks since Bucky left. He seemed much more relaxed than when he had left. The team all gathered around to welcome him home. Zara wanted to be up front until she saw Shuri. The excited smile faded and she hung back. _'He has a princess now, why would he pay any mind to a slave girl?'_

"Hey Zara." He gave her a hug, which she returned, but her heart wasn't in it. She made herself smile.

"So, let's hear all about it." Clint said and they all began walking back to the building. The sound of another jet got their attention. It set down right next to the first one. Adama was flying his own jets these days and he disembarked down the ramp.

"I heard you were gone for a while and were just now returning. How do you feel?" He asked Bucky.

"Good, I feel good. Thanks for asking." Bucky said.

"I actually came here to give Zara good news in person. Apparently, Atlantis has been flown to Earth and her friends are coming to visit, so all of you will get to meet the famous Ronon."

"After everything she's told us about this guy, I just gotta meet him." Sam affirmed.

They began walking. "They will be here at the beginning of next week."

They all gathered in the big lounge and swapped stories. Shuri was quite excited about Bucky's progress and recovery. Adama recounted tales of the work he was doing, and they brought him up to date of all the news in return. Zara tried to pay attention to everything, but she got lost in the din of conversations. Finally, she gave up trying to concentrate and tuned everyone out.

Her eyes flickered up at Bucky now and again. He was very different; more open and chatty than he had been. His eyes no longer held the haunted look in them, but there was something that hadn't been there before. Zara couldn't pin it down. He looked like Bucky, but he wasn't the Bucky she knew. He had been "fixed" without her help. They were supposed to do this together; she wondered what was going to happen to her now that she no longer was of any use.

* * *

Zara moped around for the next couple of days, being careful not to get caught moping. Adama noticed how quiet she had become.

Zara shook it off. "As hard as it is to believe, I am quiet sometimes. I can't listen to all the stories if I'm talking all the time."

Adama narrowed his eyes at her. "You'll forgive me if I worry about you."

"I'm fine."

He tried to determine whether she was telling him the truth or not. He nodded, but vowed to himself to keep an eye on her just the same.

* * *

Everyone lined up, suited up and masked, even Bucky, as they waited to meet Zara's friends.

The quin jet touched down and the ramp opened. It was the moment of truth.

Zara walked forward and the team fell in step behind her.

Adama and the Lanteans emerged. Ronon stood a head taller than everyone else.

Steve cast a glance at Sam, who returned it with raised eyebrows.

Zara ran the last few yards right to Ronon, arms open wide. He picked her up and spun her around, and was rewarded with her squeals of glee. It was the happiest she'd been in some time.

Something flashed in Bucky's eyes momentarily, but he set his jaw under his mask and kept himself tightly controlled.

Zara made brief introductions.

Steve stepped forward and put out his hand to Colonel Sheppard. "Welcome to Wakanda. I trust your flight in was good."

"Yeah, yeah, I wish I could've been flying this baby. I didn't get a real good look at it, but I'd love to get a chance at it."

"John can fly anything, or so he says." Zara added. "Where's my chocolate?"

John laughed. "You know me too well." He pulled something out of his duffel bag. "Only the best for you kiddo." He handed her some chocolate.

"Yay!" She gave him a hug and then moved down the line.

She stopped briefly at Dr. Beckett. "Are you Dr. Beckett or Carson today?"

"I'm whichever one you want me to be love."

"Just be Carson, please."

"Okay. I have something for you."

"You do?" Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

He pulled out 2 big bottles of Ribena, a syrup concentrate made of black currants, favored in England, Ireland and Scotland.

Her eyes got big. "Oh, you remembered!"

Carson had introduced it to her on Atlantis and she loved it. Now, she had her own bottles.

She gave him a hug.

"Shall we go inside?" Adama asked. "Let's get you all settled and then we can talk."

* * *

The Lanteans had lots of stories to tell about Zara, and delighted in telling them. When Ronon mentioned how Zara made herself a private hiding space, it made Steve nod and smile. He, in turn, told them about the adventures of playing hide and seek, and how Zara found the craziest places to hide.

Zara blushed a lot and spoke only a little, preferring to listen to all the news from the Pegasus galaxy.

Teyla excused herself and walked around with a fussy Torin. She apologized for his crankiness, but nobody seemed to mind. John took him off Teyla's hands after a while and he quieted down. He seemed to like John.

Sam broached the subject. "Is he yours?"

"Oh, no, he's not. He just likes me, which is weird because I don't have any kids. Torin's father is back in the Pegasus galaxy."

"So, he didn't come?"

"No, he is on New Athos. That's where he lives." John glanced at Teyla, wondering how much she wanted to reveal. She smiled back and continued the conversation.

"It is not uncommon for parents to be separated from one another or for children to be raised by non-family members. It is a matter of survival; this way it prevents whole families from being exterminated by the Wraith."

"It is that dangerous there?" Steve said.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"Most find a way to survive in spite of the Wraith. It has gotten better since the Lanteans send help and supplies."

There was a somber silence until Zara spoke up. "The village we went to Captain reminded me a lot of New Athos, but they don't have computers or anything like that there."

"We are a simple people." Teyla added. "We live simply and work together. We grow our own crops, and harvest by hand. We have excellent artisans who make things to trade, and use what we get in return to improve our village."

As the conversations continued, Zara would discreetly flick her eyes on Bucky and Shuri. They sat next to one another, and Zara didn't like it.

* * *

The next day Zara took Ronon for a walk and showed him the view of the waterfall and the huge Black Panther carving. He was impressed by the craftsmanship and smiled appreciatively at the sight of the falls.

"I don't think I've even seen anything quite like this place." Ronon remarked.

"I've been to many planets, but I was never allowed to go too far. I didn't get to see much."

"How much of Earth have you seen?'

"Some." She shrugged.

They sat down across from each other.

"So, what was your favorite part?" He asked her.

"Seeing you." She smiled.

Ronon gave her a half smile. "You know I can't stay long. When Atlantis is ready, we'll be heading back."

"I know." Her smile faded. "Will I ever see you again?"

"I don't know; maybe. I've traveled to Earth before using the stargate, so it's possible."

"Are you ever going back to Sateda?"

"I might. A group has started to rebuild in the capital city. When I'm done on Atlantis, I might go back. A couple of retired Stargate people moved there and they are helping out."

"Could I ever come visit you there?"

"Maybe."

"Are you still with your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, we're still together."

"Does she make you happy?"

He nodded.

"Good."

"Have you found someone?"

She wasn't expecting that question. She averted her eyes, but not before Ronon caught the sadness in them.

"I take it that it didn't work out?"

"He….he…likes someone else, someone better."

"What is she like?"

"She's very smart, young, pretty, all the things I'm not. And she has money too."

"You're smart and pretty, and money isn't everything. You've got a good heart. You care about people, and that's what makes a big difference."

"I'm barely getting through my school books, and she's building computers."

"And?"

"Don't you understand? She's everything I'm not."

"I don't see it that way."

"But he does." She sniffed and swallowed a lump in her throat. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"He must be someone really special."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why do you say that?"

"Because he's the one that got you talking."

"I would've talked on Atlantis, but…."

"But what?"

"I would have been pelted with questions; questions I can't answer…" Her voice softened to a near whisper. "…questions I don't want to answer."

"What made him special, Zara?"

Before she could answer, the sound of footsteps interrupted them.

Zara had her back to the approaching individuals, and when she turned around, it was Shuri and Bucky.

"I'm sorry. Did we interrupt something?" Shuri had her arm entwined with Bucky's.

Zara stood up. "No, we were just leaving." She took Ronon's hand and led him down the hall, away from them.

When they got far enough away, Zara excused herself to go to her room.

* * *

Dinner conversation was filled with more stories from everyone; everyone except Zara. She was sad and quiet. She put on a brave face and smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

She avoided as much direct eye contact as she could, and preferred to stare at her plate or fuss with her water glass. It didn't help that Shuri sat right across from her.

After dinner, Zara went on the computer with Radek tutoring her. People sat in assorted groups in the lounge and talked until bedtime.

The next few days went by all too quickly. Ronon kept an eye on Zara, Bucky, and Shuri. He only knew Bucky as Agent B, but he had figured out pretty quickly that he was the one to whom Zara's heart belonged.

On the last day, he asked Bucky and Shuri if they were a couple, seeing as how he always saw them together.

"She's helping me through a difficult transition."

"Agent B has had some advanced therapy that I developed just for him."

Ronon nodded.

The rest of the Lanteans met up with Ronon on the flight deck, and stopped further questioning.

Zara was crying as she hugged Ronon goodbye. "I'm losing you all over again!"

Steve felt a lump in his throat as he watched Zara's heartbreak.

"I'll see you again." Ronon assured her, but she wasn't having it.

"Can't I come to Sateda with you? Please?"

John Sheppard came over. "Even we don't know when we're going back, it could be months."

"I don't care!"

"What about all your friends here? They would miss you."

She put her head down in defeat.

They all hugged her and said their goodbyes.

Zara watched until the ramp closed, and then turned away. She couldn't bear to see anymore.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

The Return of the Slave Girl

Zara was fidgety and anxious. She couldn't concentrate on her school work, and she was barely talking.

Shuri had taken Bucky back to the village for some more rehabilitation. This time the two counselors went as well. How long they'd be gone, Zara didn't know.

Steve checked Zara's school work, and was not pleased. "Zara you've made a lot of errors."

She just nodded. _'I know.'_

"You want to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

She shook her head no.

"I need you to focus on your school work."

"Okay." But her heart wasn't in it.

"Try again; fix the ones you made mistakes on."

Zara took her book back and laboriously did her math calculations again.

Scott came in and handed Steve a packet. "This came today."

Steve opened it while Scott helped himself to a cup of coffee. It was Zara's passport and updated papers.

"Your passport is here, and official I.D." He handed them to her for inspection.

She opened the passport with her photo on the page. She hated her photo being taken. She hated to see images of herself. There below was her new name. _'Zara Barnes'_

When she had insisted on it being her name she didn't know then how heart-broken she'd be over it, now that Shuri had taken Bucky away from her. It would serve as a constant reminder of her pain now.

She looked at her government issued I.D. The same picture from her passport was here too _. 'UGH! It doesn't matter; I'll never have any need for them. I'll never leave this place ever again.'_

She quietly handed them back to Steve and resumed her studies. "Check my work, please."

Steve looked over her answers. "These two are still wrong."

"I give up." She dropped her pencil in defeat.

"We will resume tomorrow. You need to step away and clear your head. Do you want to go to the gym?"

"No, I need some quiet time." She left to go back to her room.

* * *

She declined computer time after supper and went back to her room to stitch. It was the only thing keeping her sane these days. She worked hard making more Christmas ornaments. She had no idea what to do with them, but it filled the time. It was either this or rip at her skin. She still did and she felt her anxiety getting worse, so the scratching got worse.

Oko was the only one who knew, and Zara was determined to keep it her shameful secret. To let Steve know how much pain she felt was like giving in to tears in front of her master; it was the mark that she'd broken.

* * *

Bucky and Shuri returned two weeks later. Shuri beamed and glowed about having "fixed" Bucky. He smiled at Shuri and said how he felt so much better. Both doctors gave Steve progress reports with excellent news about his state of health.

Zara did not even glance up to watch the hearty reunion. She was forcing herself to keep her mind on her stitching and poked the needle through the holes with more force than necessary. So she was a little surprised when Dr. Buhari said hello to her.

"Hello." Zara replied in a child-like monotone.

"I wanted to schedule your next appointment. When would be a good time?" She sat down across from Zara.

"I don't think I need to come back for any more appointments."

Dr. Buhari raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Are you all better now?"

"I'm fine."

"Did Shuri apply her therapy to you as well?"

Before Zara could explain that she had not undergone any treatments, Shuri came over. "I can certainly adjust the treatments to help you with your trauma. Perhaps it is a good idea."

Steve joined in. "Maybe it would do you some good Zara. I think we should look into this."

Zara was horrified at the thought. She saw the change in Bucky and although he seemed calmer and more at peace, she wasn't convinced that this "treatment" was for her.

"I think I'll be fine without it." She insisted. There was no telling what this treatment involved and she didn't trust anyone meddling with her.

"I think you should go and see what Shuri can do for you."

"We can go tomorrow." Shuri assured the doctor.

"I'll make sure we're ready by 9 AM." Steve said.

' _NO! What about me? What about what I want?'_ Zara screamed in her head. "No, thank you."

"Zara, I think it's worth checking it out. We'll go over in the morning, and that's my final word on the matter."

* * *

Steve escorted Zara onto the jet and Shuri and Bucky followed.

King T'Challa met them and Shuri took them on a tour of the facility.

Zara felt scared stiff and it showed. Bucky tried to calm her, but she refused to take his hand. Shuri had poisoned him against her, she couldn't trust him anymore.

Zara's eyes were glued to the table in the middle of the room. If they expected her to calmly submit to this new torture, they had another thing coming. She wasn't having it.

After Shuri explained it all, she waited for questions.

Steve asked a lot, and Shuri answered, but to Zara's ears, everything Shuri said was gibberish.

Steve finally turned to Zara. "So, what do you think?"

Zara shook her head. "I can't do this."

Bucky reached out, but Zara backed away from him; a look of fear in her eyes. She didn't know him anymore. The fear didn't go unnoticed by Bucky and he felt a stab of hurt. She'd never been afraid of him before, even though he had insisted that she should be. Now that she was afraid, Bucky was at a loss. "I'm better. I feel good."

Anger flashed through Zara's eyes as she looked at Shuri. "I am not going to let you touch me! You will not! I will not let you take everything away from me. I stopped Gaion from removing all my scars and I will stop you too. I am stronger because of my scars. All my pain, all my suffering has made me who I am. You take away all that and you change me into nothing, less than nothing. Leave me alone; don't touch me! I am not going to let you "fix" me." Zara hissed at Shuri.

Zara backed up and stood as if ready to defend herself. She knew she had no strength, but they were not taking her without a fight.

T'Challa barked at Zara. "You will not raise your voice to Princess Shuri. She is trying to help you. You will apologize immediately. She is my sister and I am the king. I command that you have respect."

Zara was stunned. She looked at Steve, who nodded. "You don't have to have the procedure if you don't want it, but you shouldn't disrespect her."

Zara's anger faded into betrayal. This was worse than a whipping. Her heart beating fast, and every step feeling like it was another step closer to her doom, Zara faced Shuri.

Willing her tears not to fall, she looked up. In a voice even and steady in spite of her turbulent feelings Zara spoke. "By order of the King, I am commanded to apologize for my disrespect. I should not have raised my voice. I have overstepped my boundaries. I know my place and forgot who I am. It will not happen again. I beg your forgiveness."

Zara stood there and awaited a reply; whether it would come in the form of words or a hand across her face, Zara vowed to herself that she would not flinch.

"You don't have to have the treatment, and I accept your apology." Shuri said simply.

' _No, you don't understand. No one understands, not anymore. You took Bucky away from me!'_ Zara stood obediently with her head down. She dipped her head a little lower to show acknowledgement to the princess, and then Zara backed up.

Slave girls did not stand in the way of princesses!

When they got back from the facility, Zara walked with her head down. She lagged a bit behind Steve, not daring to walk beside him as an equal. Clearly, she was not an equal. That had been proven to her; she'd been shown her place.

"May I be dismissed to my room?" She quietly asked Steve.

"You're free to go." He replied.

Zara snorted as soon as she was far enough away. _'Free? Hah. You don't realize how funny that sounds. I've never been free and I never will.'_

When supper time came Zara didn't know what she should do. She didn't have any appetite, but she knew she had to try.

She was the last to arrive, and when she walked in, everyone suddenly got quiet. Zara made her selections and took her plate and a glass of water over to the table furthest from the team and sat down. Slave girls did not eat at the same table as masters.

She looked at her plate. She'd only put as little as possible on it. _Why waste resources on worthless slave girls?_ She'd been told this so many times and now the words came back to her like it was yesterday.

Over at the team table, which now included Shuri, Steve sighed. He left his plate and came over to sit with Zara. "Why are you over here?"

"I don't want to be in the way."

"You're not in the way. Come and sit with us."

"No, thank you. My place is here now."

"Your place is next to me."

"Slave girls do not sit with masters or royalty." She glanced up briefly. "Unless we are the evening's entertainment." She emphasized the last word.

"I am not your master, and you are not entertainment. Come on, come sit with me."

"I cannot. I have no place there."

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you have a place there. You are not a slave girl. You're a free woman."

"The size of the cage is larger, but it is still a cage. I will give you all my coins to buy my freedom, if you wish to accept them, but I am not a free woman. I never have been."

"I am not going to take your money."

"Release me from guardianship and I will look after myself."

"You know I can't do that."

"Then you are master. Slave girls do not eat at the same table as masters or royalty."

"I'm too tired to argue with you, do as you please." Steve got up and went back to his seat.

From where Zara was sitting, she could hear low mumbles of conversation, but not the actual words. She didn't care what they said. Her stomach disliked the feel of food in it and it rumbled ominously.

Without any emotion, Zara forced the food down, dropped off her empty plate and quietly slipped out.

Steve sighed. "What the hell am I supposed to do Sam?"

"I got nothing. Talk to the two doctors, maybe they have some ideas."

* * *

Steve sat with both doctors the next day after Zara's schooling. She did poorly; big surprise. Steve wondered if she were doing it on purpose or not.

After the school fiasco, Steve explained the whole bad situation to the two doctors and Zara's reaction to it.

"I suspect she is retreating to this persona to protect herself. It was the only life she knew for a very long time."

"I know she only reacted badly because she was afraid. She's made so much progress that she raised her voice in protest against the procedure. She didn't understand what this could do for her."

"Are you sure? Maybe she didn't understand fully."

"I don't know. She's been acting weird for a while and…"

"When did you first notice this?" Dr. Buhari sat forward.

"I'm not sure."

"Why has no one brought it to our attention?"

"We've been so busy focusing on Bucky that she slipped through the cracks."

"What does she think of Bucky now that he has undergone treatment?"

"I don't know."

"No one has sat down and talked to her about it?"

Steve looked ashamed. "No."

"Bring her here and we shall talk to her."

"Right now?"

"Yes please."

* * *

Zara scratched at her skin until she bled. She'd started at her ears and moved down to her navel and scratched it raw too.

When someone knocked on her door, she arranged her hair over her ears and opened the door a crack. "Yes?" She asked; her head down.

"Come with me please."

She obeyed without a word and followed Steve to the office. She hesitated only briefly at the door as she looked in on who was there.

She sat in the chair and looked at the floor.

"Zara, do you know why you're here?" Dr. Buhari began.

She shook her head no. She entwined her fingers and sat perfectly still.

"Steve told us about what happened. We'd like to hear what you feel about it."

"I don't feel anything."

"Did you understand everything as it was explained to you?"

Zara shrugged. "I forget now what was said."

"Did you ask any questions?"

She shook her head.

"What do you think of Bucky?"

"What about him?"

"Do you see how much he has calmed down?"

Another shrug.

"Have you talked to Bucky about the procedure?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Would you like to talk to Bucky about it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why do you say that?"

"It won't make any difference; it's already been done."

"Did anyone ask you how you felt about it beforehand?"

She shook her head.

"How do you think Bucky feels now?"

"I don't know; you'd have to ask Bucky."

"If Bucky felt better, would that make you happy?"

"It only matters to Bucky."

"I thought you were friends."

Zara did not reply; she only rubbed at her thumbnail.

The doctors exchanged dubious glances.

"So, you are no longer friends?"

Zara remained silent.

"Tell us then, what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Barnes."

"There is nothing to tell. May I be dismissed, please?"

"You may go."

Zara left the room without another word. Once she had gone out of sight, Steve came in.

"This is disturbing. I never even saw the expression on her face change, not even once. It was like she was a robot. Did no one ask her how she felt about any of this?"

Steve sighed. "We were so focused on Bucky that no one thought to ask her. I should've though; it's my fault."

"She is in a lot of pain, and she's shut herself down emotionally to protect herself."

"I agree. She has returned to the slave girl persona because right now I believe that's where she feels safe, as hard as it may be to hear."

"What am I supposed to do?" Steve asked them.

"She will only be helped if she wants help; this no longer appears to be the case. Only she can decide when to reach out. Support her as best you can, perhaps time will win out."

"What do I tell Bucky?"

"I think Mr. Barnes already knows of her pain."

* * *

Zara couldn't sleep. The session with the doctors kept running through her mind. At 3 AM, she gave up trying to sleep. She took her laptop and went to the lounge.

She stared at it for the longest time, and then opened the music file. Her eyes raked over the list of songs. Her eyes flickered hesitantly over the angel song, and she kept going down the list. She couldn't bear to listen to it anymore. Bucky wasn't her angel anymore. Shuri had taken him away from her. It wasn't fair! And now her talking was all for nothing. Even that had been taken from her too.

She shook her head. Steve couldn't understand why Zara would not write in a journal. If it had been him that had been abused…but wait…Bucky wrote. Why? If he wrote stuff down and someone came and stole it from him, it was just one more thing to be taken away.

All Zara had were her memories, and she wouldn't write them down, she wouldn't let them steal that away from her too. It would be that last straw.

The thought of someone holding her precious memories and taunting her with the journal was more than Zara could deal with. So, she refused to write; refused to give them the satisfaction of holding it over her.

She shook off the tears that threatened to undo her and went back to the list. "Jealous" by Josh Daniel stood out, and she hit the button.

"…Cause I wished you the best of all this world could give, and I told you when you left me there's nothing to forgive. But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery. It's hard for me to say I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me…"

The tears finally started, and once they did, there was no stopping them. She exhausted herself until she had no tears left. She closed the file, shut down the laptop and went back to her room.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Showdown

Zara looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were still red and puffy from before. She ran the water as cold as she could and splashed it on her face. She reasoned that if her whole face was red, it would blend in and detract from her eyes. _'It's hopeless. I just won't go to breakfast.'_

30 minutes later, she heard the knock on her door. "Zara, are you coming to eat?" It was Steve.

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't sleep good."

He poked his head in. She was bundled up on the sofa in the little living area each room had. She'd been sleeping on it instead of the bed for some time now. "Maybe if you slept in your bed, it would be more comfortable for you."

"I'm fine here. I'll come for lunch."

"What about your school work?"

"I'll do it after lunch."

"I have a meeting today after lunch."

"Ok, I'll be down soon." She sighed.

She heard the door close and flung off the blankets. It wasn't like she was really going to be able to sleep anyway.

She got dressed and checked her appearance once more in the mirror. It was if a stranger looked back; the girl that she used to be was gone. She turned in disgust from the offending image and headed out.

As usual, she was the last to arrive. She grabbed a bowl of cold cereal and marched over to her table in the corner.

People finished up their breakfast and toddled off to wherever. Steve remained with Bucky and Shuri at the end of their table. Steve sighed. "I'll meet up with you two at lunch and we can go to our meeting after."

They nodded and excused themselves, which left Steve dealing with Zara.

* * *

"Ok, this is the last page." Zara pushed her school book towards Steve. She'd had a dismal day as far as school was concerned.

Steve looked over her work. Her math had a lot of mistakes, so Steve had changed over to grammar. He knew Zara was good at words, but her work was less than he'd come to expect. With a sigh, he closed the book.

"Zara." Steve began. "I know there's been something on your mind, something that is distressing to you. It's affecting your school work, your sleep, your feelings; if you don't tell someone about what's bothering you, it's going to slowly eat away at you from the inside. It's going to make you sick. If you don't want to talk to the doctors, or me, choose someone else. Talk about whatever it is, and let it out."

"I have nothing to say." Zara replied quietly.

Steve shook his head sadly. He didn't know what to say or how to get through to her. "Class is over until tomorrow. I have to get to my meeting." He stood up.

Zara just nodded silently, and stared at her fingers as Steve left the room.

After a few minutes, she pulled a chair over to the window and sat down. She stared out the window. There wasn't much to look at, but she didn't care. She would sit and wait.

That's how Steve and company found her in the late afternoon; just sitting and waiting, and staring out the window. Clint was the first one there.

He watched her for a couple of minutes curiously. Finally, he went over and looked out the window, over her shoulder. There was nothing but trees in sight; not even a bird flew past. "What are you looking at?" He asked.

"The sky."

"Birds?"

"Just the sky."

"I don't see anything."

She was silent for the longest time before she spoke again. "I know, neither do I."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Waiting."

"What are you waiting for?"

She didn't answer.

"How long have you sat here?"

Finally her gaze left the window. "What time is it?"

"It's almost supper time."

"Then I've been here since Steve checked my school work."

Clint blinked. That was 6 hours ago! Clint knelt down near her and steadied himself on the arm of her chair. "You know, Steve is doing the best he can; we all are. I know you're in a situation not entirely of your own making. You didn't have a choice to come here to Earth, but now that you're here, you're missing out on so much. It would benefit you if you took advantage of every opportunity you could, instead of sulking here."

"I'm not sulking, I'm waiting."

"What are you waiting for?"

Bucky and Shuri entered the room, followed by Steve.

Zara's gaze fell onto the floor, unfocused. Her only movement was her left thumb and forefinger rubbing together. "I'm waiting for what all slave girls wait for." She whispered, and then her gaze returned to the window.

Clint sighed. "If you think the only one you're hurting is yourself, you're wrong. This is also hurting Steve; think about that." Clint whispered back. He got up and joined the group at the table.

As he sat down, he noticed Zara looking at the floor once more. He caught Steve's glance and gestured towards Zara.

Steve watched as she stood up and began returning the chair to its former spot. The grimace on her face was the only indicator of the pain and stiffness she felt in her body. She uttered not a single sound. She limped over to her new supper seat and sat down.

"She just told me that she's been there all afternoon." Clint informed Steve.

"What would you like me to do about it? I can't get through to her."

"Somebody needs to; she can't continue on like this."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

"When I got something bugging me I go to the gym and beat the crap out of the punching bags until I feel better or my hands hurt. Maybe you need some time in there, maybe it'll help you think of something."

"I make her go to the gym every day, even if it's just to walk the treadmill."

"Maybe she needs to vent her frustrations."

"Are you suggesting I put boxing gloves on her?"

"Maybe if she had the right target…" Clint eyed Steve.

Steve opened his mouth to retort, but fell quiet as a thought hit him. "Maybe."

* * *

After supper, Steve went over to Zara. "I need you to follow me, please."

She dropped off her plate and obediently followed Steve to the gym. Her face showed her confusion when she saw everyone else was already there.

Steve pulled something off the bench. "Let me see your hand."

The confusion on her face increased.

"I'm going to put some protective tape on it."

Her heart started beating faster, but she put her hand out, and watched as Steve wound tape around her hand. Then he did the other one.

She stared at it and wiggled her fingers.

"Put your hand inside the glove, please."

He slipped the glove on her hand and tied it up. Then he repeated the procedure with her other hand.

He guided her over to a thick mat on the floor, but she hesitated to step on it. Steve picked up two funny looking things and held them in front of himself. "I want you to punch into the pads." He braced himself.

She just looked at him.

"C'mom, punch right in the middle of the pad." He patted the one pad with the other. "Right here."

"I can't."

Steve stood up straight. "Why not?"

"My shoulders will hurt."

Behind her, everyone else was putting on gloves.

"You don't have to punch hard, just tap your hand into the mitt."

Zara narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"Just try it once. Please?"

She rolled her eyes at him, but gave a small effort. Steve hardly felt it.

"Try again."

She tried again. Same results.

Steve waved Bucky over and tied his gloves for him. "Watch."

Bucky threw a right punch and Steve's left mitt caught it perfectly.

"Now, you try again."

"I can't!"

Bucky stepped up and threw a left punch. The Vibranium arm plates clicked closed at impact, and shuddered Steve's right arm and shoulder.

"Whew! You pack a wallop."

"Sorry."

"Show her a combination Bucky."

Bucky demonstrated a right, right, left combination.

"C'mon Zara, just try it." Steve encouraged her.

She tapped her glove to the mitt.

"Again."

She did, but there was no strength behind it.

"Let's try the bag." Steve brought her to the punching bag, but she had little success there.

Finally, Steve had everyone line up, and showed Zara what he expected her to do. This time instead of punching into the mitt, he wanted her to cross punch into the opposite person's glove. Then go to the next person and do the same.

Zara sighed and shook her head in dismay.

"Humor me, just do it."

Zara tapped her way down the line until she got to Shuri. Zara thought if she actually punched Shuri's gloves, she would be getting herself in trouble, so she put down her hands and refused to go on. The only person after Shuri was Bucky.

"What's wrong Zara? You didn't finish."

"My shoulder hurts." She lied unconvincingly.

"Zara….you haven't punched anyone hard enough for that yet." Steve walked over. "Give me one good wallop."

She shook her head.

"I'm going to nag you until you do. Now, give me a good one."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'll only get in trouble if I do."

"No you won't. I'm giving you permission."

"Then I choose not to."

Steve stepped forward. "Put your hands up, and I'll tap yours." Steve figured if he got her angry enough, she'd let loose on him. "Put them up." He gave a mid-air punch bare handed.

Zara backed up and put up her hands to deflect Steve's attempts. He kept it up as she back-pedaled. He tapped her gloves a little harder, and she felt it. Tiny bells of alarm went off in her head. "Stop it."

But Steve didn't stop. He feinted and caught her off-guard. Suddenly, she felt afraid.

"Come on, Zara, push back. You wanted to be trained on defending yourself, consider this lesson one." Show me what you've got." Steve risked a little bit more power in his next punch. Zara countered, but still back-pedaled.

Steve punched faster. Zara was running out of room behind her, and started to panic.

Steve let loose with a right, left, right combination, and Zara swung wildly with her left and clocked Steve on his right temple with a lucky blow. He stopped and shook his head. She'd put everything she had behind it and Steve really got that wallop he was looking for.

Zara looked horrified. With wide eyes, and adrenaline pumping into her veins, she bolted around Steve for the door.

Bucky caught her in his arms. Terrified that she'd be punished, she fought back, and landed a blow on the left side of his face. He blinked. She just wanted to get away. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but reason had all but left her. Panic ensued and she struggled with all the strength she had left.

Steve caught up and took hold of her, since all Bucky could do was encircle his arms around her, as he had boxing gloves on too.

"Zara, stop! Zara!" Steve said. His plan had back-fired; instead of making her angry, she'd become scared.

Zara yanked and twisted to get out of his grip. When that didn't work, she tried to bite him. Then she twisted herself and suddenly screamed in pain. She'd hurt herself trying to get away. Steve loosened his grip and she kicked him in the kneecap. "Ow!"

But the damage was done; Zara crumpled to the floor in obvious distress. Every time Steve tried to touch her, she let out a pained cry.

"This is not what I wanted." Steve was at a loss.

Zara would not let anyone touch her or come near.

"Let me get your gloves off for you at least, please." But she drew her arms in, away from Steve. "Zara, please let me help you! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Zara extended the arm that did not get twisted and she finally let Steve untie the laces and remove the tape. Once freed, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. The tears kept dripping, but her wails had stopped. She put out the other arm part-way, and Steve freed that one up.

Steve had knelt down on both knees. His face was red, and guilt was in his eyes. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I'm so sorry. Will you let me take you to the infirmary?"

"Leave me alone." She whimpered.

"You're hurt, please, let me help you."

"No. Just go away, leave me alone. I've had enough. No more promises broken, no more lies. Send me back to Commander Adama."

Steve looked stunned. "What lies, Zara?"

"All of you have lied to me!" She hissed. "You make promises, and then you go ahead and do just the opposite. You all treat me like I don't exist. You talk about me behind my back, sometimes right in front of me, like I'm just a piece of garbage, like I am something you find amusing. You laugh at me, but you never think that I might have feelings. You never think that it hurts me."

Steve's face turned even redder. "What do you want me to do Zara?"

"What do I want?" Her eyes got big. "I want you to just shut up and listen to me without interrupting. I want to know that I'm needed here. I want to know that I'm useful. I want to know that you all want me to be here, instead of being the burden you're stuck with. I want what you want; to feel safe, to have a friend, maybe find someone to fall in love with…" Her voice faltered. She took a moment to marshal her resolve.

"No one thinks I know how it feels to fall in love, but I do, because I have the broken heart to prove it. Slave girls aren't supposed to have feelings or have their own ideas and thoughts; it's beaten out of us, until all we have left is fear. I know what it's like to live in constant fear. I can live with fear. I had no choice. But what you've done, what all of you have done….on Atlantis….from that very first moment Radek played music for me…for ME! From the people that were kind to me, and shared whatever they could spare…the people who gave me clothes, offered friendship…and then coming here. You all gave me a taste of another life, of…..of….. of hope, and that was the worst thing that anyone gave me. I hoped for the first time in my life since I was seven. I knew it was too good to be true. Commander Adama should have listened to Dr. Salik and stuck me in the brig. It would have been kinder." Her shoulders slumped in utter defeat. "Do you know what it's like to have nothing left? I climbed up on the dining room table and tied the table cloth on the chandelier and the other end around my neck and I jumped off. Do you know what happened?"

Steve shook his head.

"The thing came crashing down on top of me. I hit my head on the table and knocked myself out. Glass flew everywhere. I couldn't even kill myself! That's how useless I'd become. I caught a beating for wrecking the chandelier, another beating for getting blood all over the carpet and tablecloth, and a third beating for attempting to escape from the hell that was my life."

Her calm demeanor in telling the story chilled Steve to the bone.

"I wished I were dead so many times, but my body refused to give up. One girl jumped out the window and landed splat four stories below. She died instantly, and when I looked out and saw her body, I wished it had been me. When master was in a bad mood and he grabbed my hair and dragged me down the hall, I wished it was one of the other girls. Why was it me? What did I do? Why was I going to be punished? Why couldn't it have been someone else?"

Bucky closed his eyes, and remembered the pain Zola put him through, and guilt washed over him. He knew exactly how she felt.

Zara struggled to her feet. "May I be dismissed?" She asked quietly.

Steve got up. His throat was so closed up with emotion he couldn't speak, so he just waved his hand.

She walked calmly and quietly out of the gym.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Shuri

When Zara got to her room she laid herself down and cried quietly. The pain in her shoulder ached and burned, but she was resolved not to go to the infirmary.

Back in the gym, Steve was too stunned to speak. Clint had apologized for his boxing suggestion, but no one had expected the revelations Zara had revealed.

Shuri thought that they should all have a meeting and discuss the situation. Clearly, it was worse than anyone could have guessed.

She ran the meeting and they decided that it was best to wait until morning to talk things over with Zara. She needed desperately to get help, but the question was how to get it for her.

Zara walked into the cafeteria the next morning like nothing had happened. She went to the cupboard and pulled out her bowl and spoon for her regular breakfast of cold cereal. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw King T'Challa sitting there.

Steve stood up and sighed. "We would like to address the concerns you expressed yesterday. We all agreed that things need to change and we've all failed you, and we'd like to make things right. Are you willing to talk to us? I'd like to start with the issue you most seemed distressed by and that's the lies you said we told you. Is there any specific incident you'd like to talk about?"

Her eyes looked at each of their faces, and of that of the king's. Zara felt a stab of fear pierce her heart. If she voiced any complaint about Shuri or the king himself, she was sure that there would be repercussions. He would force her to apologize again, maybe even throw her in the brig! Or worse!

"I lied to you yesterday. Everything I said…I made it all up. After breakfast I'll go to my room, and stay there until you decide what my punishment should be. I won't argue or fight it. I deserve to be punished."

She calmly walked to her table and sat down alone. She ate her breakfast, returned her bowl, and walked right back to her room.

"Well, make do you make of that?" Sam commented.

"She wasn't lying yesterday, that was the truth. She just lied now when she said she made it all up. Why would she do that?" Steve replied.

"More importantly, what has changed?" T'Challa added.

"Maybe she thinks we're ganging up on her?" Sam asked.

"Are you sure she won't talk to one of our doctors?" Shuri asked.

Steve shook his head. "She just shuts down."

"Maybe that's what she's doing now." Clint threw in. "Just saying…"

"There's something more to this. We confronted her and she recanted her story. Maybe she thinks we're going to punish her for speaking out; clearly she thinks we're going to punish her for lying."

"It's almost like she wants us to punish her."

"That's exactly what she expects." Steve concluded. "It'll give her proof that we only think of her as a slave girl."

"Perhaps if you go talk to her alone." Shuri suggested. "It's apparent that she sees you as the one in charge."

Steve nodded and went to talk to Zara.

* * *

When the knock on her door finally came, Zara braced herself. She knew this moment was coming; it was unavoidable.

She opened the door and with her head hung down, she backed up to allow Steve admittance. She let go the knob and let the door slam shut with a resounding thud.

She tried to remain calm, but the fear rippled through her. She balled up her fists to stop her hands from shaking. Steve was sure to be furious with her. She'd crossed the line; she'd struck him, and Bucky. An apology wasn't going to be enough this time. He was going to hurt her. He was going to rip at her clothes, and force himself on her. She forced herself to stand still, and began her inner chant… _'It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me.'_

She closed her eyes and….waited. _'I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. It's not me. I will not cry.'_

"I'm sorry Zara." Steve began.

' _I know.'_ She remained still and stiff.

"If I only knew…" His words faltered.

' _Maybe if I don't fight him, he'll go easy on me…'_ With shaking hands, Zara gripped her shirt hem and pulled her shirt off, much to Steve's surprise.

She dropped it and put her hands behind her back to unhook her bra.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

His question was answered when the tension loosened around her bra. As it fell off, Steve bent to grab her shirt and cover her up. "Stop Zara! What are you doing?"

"You're going to punish me. I was bad. I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be hurt." Her voice cracked, and those dreadful tears betrayed her.

"No, Zara, no."

She grasped the waist of her pants and attempted to pull them down, but Steve stopped her. He walked her over to the sofa and sat her down.

When he let go, she managed to get the pants down to her knees.

"No, Zara, don't do this! I'm not going to hurt you."

"But I deserve it! I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be hurt! I'm bad, I'm bad." Her voice was so choked with emotion that she barely got the words out.

Steve pulled her to him and held her while she cried.

When he rubbed her back to comfort her, he could feel the scars that disfigured her body. It broke his heart.

"I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. Do you hear me? Never again. I didn't come here to punish you. I came to ask you why you said you made up everything you told us last night. I know you were telling me the truth last night. Why would you lie and say that it wasn't real?"

Zara just sobbed.

"Did you not want to talk in front of everyone? Would you rather just talk to me?"

"It doesn't matter; you just would tell them anyway."

"I'm here now, so tell me. I promise there will be no punishment for speaking out."

Slowly, Zara's sobs subsided. "It's Shuri. And you, and Sam, and the doctors, and the king; you all told me you would let me help Bucky. But Shuri came along with some magic cure and took him away! No one asked me anything, no one let me help. You promised me I'd help, and then you went back on your word. You all lied to me. You gave me hope that I'd be useful, that I'd be helpful, and then you wrenched it all away from me. Then you wanted me to consider treatment too. Shuri can cure me too, like I'm some disease! How do you think I felt? I'm not some disease. I'm not a sickness. You can't wave your magic stick or give me some magic serum and I'd be all fixed. I'm a person, not pond-scum to be eradicated. Why do you think I refuse to write anything down? Do you know what would have happened to me, to us, if we got caught writing? We would have been whipped to death. Everything I have is because someone gave it to me. All I have that's mine are my thoughts and feelings, and my memories. Everything else has been stripped away from me. I won't let anyone have the satisfaction of stripping me of my memories. I lock them up in here." She pointed to her head.

"I wore rags, dirty, stinking, filthy rags. Master would loan me out to be taunted and teased, and hurt. And they laughed at me!"

Steve's eyes began to glisten with moisture.

"Do you know I have never earned a single bit of money on my own? Mr. Woolsey in Atlantis bought me some school books, and pencils, and pens, and coloring books. Adama said I had to earn them. So, Mr. Woolsey said I could clean his office as payment. His office was spotless. SPOTLESS! He messed things up on purpose so I'd feel like I'd earned the gifts, but I knew what he did. I didn't say anything. I just did what he told me and accepted the books. I would have made him feel bad if I'd said something. I've never gone into a store by myself and bought something with money that I earned. Adama wanted me to know the value of earning the things I received, but I knew. But it doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore; it was all for nothing."

"Why do you say that? You were thought of so much that they wanted to do something nice for you."

Zara sniffled. "I still have nothing to show for all my efforts. I don't deserve all the clothes in my closet. I don't deserve anything nice."

"You certainly do deserve nice things."

"It doesn't matter Steve, I can't have what I want."

"What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter."

"If it doesn't matter then you can tell me."

"Bucky. I wanted Bucky, but Shuri took him away from me."

Steve tried to think of something to say, but Zara continued on.

"I see the way that they look at each other and smile. She's young, and pretty, and smart. She's a princess, with power and respect, and money. I am still learning how to spell. I'm just a slave girl that has nothing. I won't fight her, because the king will only get mad at me again, and this time he'll send me away, maybe to some place even more lonely than here. I want Bucky to be happy, even if it hurts me." She sniffled some more.

"I had no idea…" He kissed Zara on her forehead. "You get dressed, and stay here. You are not going to be punished by me or the king. I've got some work to do, but I'll be back soon."

Zara tugged up her pants, got disgusted, and kicked them off. She put on her pajama set and went through her closet. She took things off the hangers and folded each item very neatly. She left a mere handful of clothes hanging. Next, she ransacked her dresser and did the same thing.

She put everything she'd culled into trash bags, and put them on the floor outside her door. She didn't deserve all those clothes.

She looked at her memory box, the one she'd gotten for Christmas. She sat on the sofa and peeked into it. Her two writing books were secure inside, never to be written in. Photographs that had been printed up waited for her to relive the memories that connected her to the past; happier days that now felt bitter. She fingered through them and placed them carefully back inside. She fingered a few other objects that she had placed in there. More painful reminders of a life she didn't deserve and couldn't have.

She wiped a stray tear away and put the lid back on top. She put it on top of the trash bag outside her door. She wasn't worthy of it.

She gathered up as much as she could and put it all outside in careful piles of trash bags. When she turned around and saw a bare room devoid of all happiness, she felt satisfied that this was what she deserved. She crawled under the covers on the sofa and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

"She thought what?" Shuri exclaimed, after hearing Steve's explanation.

"Yep, she thinks the two of you are having a relationship."

Bucky shook his head. "I'm forever grateful, grateful beyond words, for what you did for me, freeing me of the Winter Soldier trigger, helping me with my memories. I've remembered so much and there are new memories every day. How in the world did Zara get the idea that we were, that we were…you know."

"She said it was the way you looked at each other, not only that but she said she wanted you to be happy, even if the cost was letting you go to be with Shuri."

"She said that?" Bucky asked.

Steve nodded. "I knew she had a crush on you, well, ok, maybe more than a crush. She looked up to you."

Bucky shook his head. "A crush is one thing, but she saw me as some sort of… angel; like I swoop in and save people. That describes Sam, not me. You know what I've done. I'm still trying to figure out a way to make amends for the things I've done, for the pain I caused. I was never an angel, Steve, and you know that."

"All I know is that she's heart-broken and hurting. I'm sure she's confused about all these emotions. She never had to deal with any of this before. The more she learns about the world, the more she's overwhelmed with feelings she doesn't understand."

"How can I help?" Bucky asked.

"Well, I suppose you could talk to her.."

"But would she believe me?"

"Perhaps I should speak to her." Shuri offered.

"I don't know if that would be good or bad. She sees you as a rival, and the winner is this situation."

"Perhaps then we should talk to the doctors."

* * *

Steve, Shuri and Bucky sat with Dr. Buhari and Dr. Diya and Steve explained what had happened. The doctors exchanged glances.

Dr. Buhari sighed. "I cannot say that I am surprised. In her world she must have had to fight for everything, food, security, even for a kind word. I understand now that in her mind Shuri became a rival of sorts for Mr. Barnes attention and affections. When you told me about her outburst and subsequent apology to Shuri, it must have felt like a dressing down to her."

"I guess with everything happening so fast, I didn't see it."

"No one is blaming you, Steven, it is just unfortunate that it happened this way. I wish she trusted me more, and was able to express herself freely, rather than have these emotional outbursts. It is a symptom of her bottling up her feelings, feelings she has yet to begin to understand herself."

"She's been bounced around a lot and we've thrown a lot at her."

"I'm not surprised to hear she is overwhelmed. I am going to tell you something told to me in confidence, but it is for your ears only Steven."

"Uh, if you whisper it in here, I'm probably going to be able to hear you." Bucky warned.

"I see. Is it because of the enhanced quality you possess?"

Bucky nodded.

"Then Captain Rogers and I shall have a private discussion later."

"Does this have something to do with Zara's health?" Steve asked.

"Yes."

"Her mental health or physical health?"

The doctor looked at him seriously, and tried to decide how much to say in front of the others.

"Look, if this is really serious, we all might need to be aware of the situation; should something come up or go wrong."

"Are you giving me permission to disclose this information?"

"Yes."

"Very well." She reached over and grabbed a piece of paper from a file. She handed it to Steve. "It is just a formality, but as a doctor, I am required to obtain certain permissions before disclosing vital patient information."

Steve read it over quickly, signed the form on the bottom and handed it back. "I understand."

Dr. Buhari cleared her throat. "Dr. Azikiwe has informed me that Zara's stress level has risen to the point she is injuring herself."

"If you're talking about her running into the wall, we straightened that all out. She didn't do it on purpose." Steve informed them.

"I am not talking about that. She is ripping up her skin."

"What?" Alarmed, Steve sat forward.

"When that incident occurred, Oko examined her and discovered Zara's mental stress was manifesting itself in a physical way. She is ripping at the skin around her ears and she is bleeding. Had I known this before, I could have prescribed some medicine to help keep her calm. I think her outbursts are also a result of her inner emotional turmoil."

"She told me she didn't want to accuse Shuri or King T'Challa of anything, because she feared that the king would send her away, and to use her words…'more lonely than here'."

"She must be suffering from a terrible feeling of isolation."

"I think she's doing part of it to herself; isolating herself I mean."

"I agree, because she feels she has no one to confide in, and only told you because she was at her breaking point."

Bucky closed his eyes. He felt responsible. "It's my fault." He said quietly.

Steve shook his head. "It's not your fault. She's my responsibility. It's my fault if anyone's to blame."

"Gentlemen! There is no blame here. This is not going to help Zara. We need to move forward. She is exhibiting classic signs of depression, anxiety, abuse, and isolationism. She needs to be reassured that she is welcome here and part of the group. We need to rebuild trust. Mr. Barnes, prior to your treatment, she seemed to have identified with you the most. Are you willing to help build trust back up between you?"

Bucky nodded his head. "I'll try anything. What do you want me to do first?"

"The first thing we all need to do is to be completely honest with her. If there is something going on that is of a confidential nature, we must explain why she cannot be party to it. The worst thing we can do is shut her out. She needs to be a part of everything. Mr. Barnes, do you think you can be completely open to talking with her?"

"She already knows the worst side of me, so yeah, I think I can handle that."

"She must get to know you all over again. Please plan on spending as much time with her as possible, even if there is no talking. Your presence must feel natural to her. Once we find out whether or not she will accept your companionship, then we will move forward from there."

Dr. Buhari looked at Shuri and Steve. "I will ask of you to allow her space. Let Mr. Barnes take the lead. I think it is best if he does the explaining about his relationship with Shuri."

"What if she doesn't believe me?"

"Explain in simple terms and back it up with facts; be sincere and honest, be relaxed, open. She will pick up on your tension. If you repeat yourself in a calm, consistent manner, she will eventually accept your explanation."

Bucky took on a cynical look, but nodded. "I'll do my best."

"Are there any questions before we end the meeting?"

Everyone shook their heads, but Shuri put up her hand. "I am not mad at her for refusing treatment. It was my hope that she wanted to feel better; instead I have made things worse. I hoped I could help her."

"It is not your fault Shuri. There is no one to blame. Zara reacts to things the only way she knows how. The life she has lived has been very different from ours. Time and trust will win the day, I assure you."

"I would like it if she and I could become friends."

"I think she does need a friend or two."

"She's had Wanda available, but hasn't connected with her so far."

"She perhaps does not see her as a peer."

"And she does see Bucky as a peer."

"I would think more like a kindred spirit."

"How do you think she sees me?" Steve asked.

Shuri spoke up first. "I think she sees you as the one in charge."

"I agree, to a point. You told us that she fears the king will send her away if she does something bad."

"Yeah."

"Perhaps then she fears the king will harm you or Mr. Barnes, if she misbehaves."

"She hasn't said anything to that effect yet."

"But she fears him. I will need to talk to the king."

"Please, let me go with you." Shuri asked. "I wish to speak to my brother on behalf of Zara. She deserves that much."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Coming together

"Zara?"

She stirred a little.

"Zara?

Bucky peeked around the corner of her door. Zara was in her usual spot on the sofa, buried under blankets. He came in and quietly closed the door.

He sat down on the very edge of the sofa. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I had to come."

Zara peered up at him for a moment and then scooted back from him. She couldn't go far, but far enough that he noticed. His face fell. "I don't blame you for being afraid of me. Every time I told you that you should be, you kept insisting that you weren't. Now, that I'm feeling stable, you're afraid of me."

They stayed still for a while in silence. Neither one knew what to say. Maybe nothing needed to be said…

Finally, in a sad, little voice, Zara spoke up. "Are you here to tell me that the king is sending me away?"

"No. The king is not sending you away. Why would you think that?"

"I did something bad." Her voice was a mere whisper. "I deserve to be sent away."

"No, you don't." He paused for a moment. "What is all that stuff in the hallway?"

"Stuff that can be thrown away."

"Was that your memory box on the top of the pile?"

"I don't need it. Give it to someone who will use it."

"You need it."

"I don't want it. It just holds bad memories, and I already have enough of those."

"Am I a bad memory too?"

Zara's throat closed up. She shook her head no. She had no voice to tell him how much she loved him or how much her heart ached with sorrow.

She knew he didn't feel the same way about her, but she wouldn't make him feel bad about it. Gaion loved her, and sent her away. Adama followed suit. _Would Steve do the same?_ She wondered. She was in the way now; standing between Bucky and Shuri. She wouldn't do that to them. If Bucky chose Shuri, then she would let herself be sent away. She knew when she wasn't wanted, and she had learned that lesson the hard way. She didn't want to be there. Being sent away was the best thing to be done, the kindest thing.

She had been preparing herself since Steve left her, rejected her. She felt unworthy. He didn't even think she was worth hurting! _What kind of beast am I?_

One of the movies that were screened for them on the big TV was Beauty and the Beast and she had watched it, and all the while she thought of herself as the unlovable beast. Little did she know that Bucky thought the same of himself.

Zara swallowed the lump in her throat at last. "You should go and do whatever you were doing. I'm sure you have better things to do than be here."

"The truth is, I don't have anything better to do. I came here to talk to you."

"Is the king sending me away?"

"No. I already told you that."

"Steve is sending me away?"

"No, he's not."

"But….but…I…I hit him. That's not allowed."

"Zara…Steve thought you would feel better if you took your frustrations out on him. You didn't hurt him, or me, for that matter. The serum enhances us. You aren't strong enough to hurt us."

"It doesn't matter. It was wrong. I did something bad."

"How did you think you would learn how to defend yourself, if you didn't practice hitting?"

"I don't know….maybe I was never meant to learn."

"If you want, I will teach you."

She shook her head. "It's a lost cause. I don't want you to waste your time." Mentally, she added, _on me._

"It's getting late, you should go to sleep, Bucky."

"Are you going to be all right?"

"Don't worry about me, I'll get by."

In his head, Bucky heard similar words coming from Steve after the funeral of his mother.

Bucky half smiled at the memory. "The thing is….you don't have to."

"I'll be fine."

He still had his reservations as he got up to leave. "I'll see you in the morning."

An hour after Bucky left, Zara got up and fished her duffel bag out and packed it up. She changed clothes and crept out of her room. She hit the cafeteria and stuffed bottled water and snacks, and fruit in the remaining space. She headed outside to the quin jet landing pad and sneaked past the silent machines. She would head down to the base of the waterfalls and follow the river. It had to lead somewhere.

There was a full moon overhead and it lit up the Wakandan forest in an eerie way. Zara did not stop to think about what she was doing, she just wanted to stop always being in the way.

It took her most of the night to pick her way down, but she made it. Exhausted, sweaty, and hungry, she sat on the rocks and munched on some of her food while she watched the sun come up.

She began to hum the old song she had kept in her head from childhood. As the sun rose, it glistened off the tears running down her face.

She swiped at them and refilled the water bottle from the river. Packing it back in, she hoisted it on her back, and started walking.

* * *

Bucky knocked on her door about 8.30 in the morning.

When she didn't answer, he let himself in.

The more he looked around, the more confused he got. She usually showed up for breakfast promptly at 8, so when she didn't show, he went looking for her.

Frowning, and thinking he'd just missed her, he went back to the cafeteria.

As he entered the room, he scanned it and didn't see her.

"I thought you were bringing Zara to breakfast, Bucky."

"She wasn't there. I thought we crossed paths somewhere. She isn't here?"

"No, she isn't here." Steve sighed. "Wanda, Zara must be hiding again. Can you search the building?"

Wanda closed her eyes, and mentally scanned the building. Her eyes popped open. "I don't sense her in the building Captain."

"What?" Steve stood up. "Check again."

Wanda shook her head. "She's not in the building."

Steve motioned for them to follow him.

He led them to the quin jet and began warming up the engines. Bucky jumped into the co-pilot seat.

"How far do you think she could have gotten on foot, Steve?"

"How determined do you think she is?"

Bucky grimaced.

"Wanda, any idea which way she went?"

Wanda closed her eyes as the jet lifted off. "Go down to the river."

Steve pointed the jet in the correct direction and swooped down the mountain.

Down on the ground, Zara picked her way along the banks of the river. She managed to get a few miles away, and had stopped once again to rest.

When she heard the jet engines, she jumped up and hid in some bushes.

As there was no clear spot to land, they opened the ramp, and Bucky slid down a rope. He used his left hand to control the speed with which he descended.

Steve maneuvered the craft away from Bucky's landing site so he didn't have to shout over the engine noise.

"ZARA!"

In the bushes, Zara sighed. "Wanda…." She knew she'd been found, and slowly crept out of her hiding spot.

Bucky rushed over and enveloped her in a hug. "What were you thinking going out at night? What if you fell and got hurt? Let's get you back."

Without a word, she let him lead her to the rope that now dangled close by. Bucky made a loop around her body and let those above hoist her up.

Once she was securely in a seat, they dropped the rope back down for Bucky and pulled him up. Steve returned them to the landing zone.

Steve gave her bag to Bucky with instructions to take it back to her room. He took Zara down to the gym and had a "talk" with her. Then he escorted her to her room.

She was in tears the whole time, not because Steve had yelled at her, but because he had denied her request to be transferred away.

Later on, Bucky came to check on her. It was like a repeat of the day before; he sat on the edge of the sofa and she was huddled under the blankets.

He didn't say much, in fact, they barely spoke at all. He moved close enough to her to gently stroke the hair on her head. Zara barely stirred.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her at last.

"I don't know."

"Did Steve yell at you?"

"No."

"Then why were you crying?"

"I asked him to send me away, but he said no."

"Why do you want to be sent away?"

"Because nobody wants me here, and I'm nothing but trouble."

"That's not true. I want you here."

"You don't have to say that just to try and make me feel better. I know the truth."

"And what is the truth?"

She shrugged.

"That doesn't tell me anything, Zara. What is the truth?"

"That I'm in the way."

"In the way of what exactly?"

"Of everyone."

"You need to be more specific."

"I'm in your way, in Steve's way. No one wants me to be here."

Bucky sighed. "Don't you remember the fun we had playing hide and seek or splashing water out in the village? If I didn't want you around, I certainly wouldn't have participated in either of those things."

"But it's different now."

"How? How is it different?"

Zara pulled her legs up closer to her body. She mumbled something unintelligible.

"I didn't get that."

"Oh, it doesn't matter."

"I want to know. I want you to tell me what has changed, what's different."

"You belong to Shuri now! That's what's different. You're different."

"There's nothing going on between me and Shuri."

Zara said nothing.

"Shuri figured out a treatment for me so I couldn't be turned into the Winter Soldier. All the stuff they put inside me….. I couldn't control my own mind, couldn't trust my own mind. Shuri deprogrammed me so no one could ever use me again. I'm still not 100%, but I'm a lot better now. I feel stable. I am more conscious of my surroundings, I'm surer of myself, that I won't hurt anyone by accident…that I won't accidentally hurt you."

"I never really worried about that; there were always people around."

"We're alone in your room right now. Are you afraid of me?"

Zara chewed on her lip. "I don't know."

"Are we still friends?"

"I can't be in the way."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Are you still with Shuri?"

"I was never with Shuri."

"But you are friends."

"Are you saying you won't be my friend if I'm friends with Shuri?"

"She's…she's…she'd be a better friend than me."

"Why?"

"Because she's a princess."

"And you're just a slave girl?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"The only relationship Shuri and I have is that she's continually babysitting me for research purposes, to make sure the treatment she gave me sticks. She's not my girlfriend. Do you even know what a girlfriend is?"

"Ronon has a girlfriend."

"Yeah, I met Ronon. You're still friends with him, even though he has a girlfriend. So, why can't you be friends with me then?"

"I didn't say that exactly."

"So, what are you saying?"

"You should be with Shuri."

"Because you think she's better than you?"

Zara nodded.

"Well, I'm not exactly prince material, and I don't know how T'Challa would like to see his little sister with a half crazed ex-soldier. Shuri is nice enough, but I doubt I'm in her class. You, however, are really kind of more my speed. Shuri is my….handler, but you're my friend."

Zara stared at Bucky, her green eyes scrutinized every detail of his face until at long last she sighed. "Do you really want to be my friend?"

"Yes, I really want you as my friend. Now, sit up, and give me a hug."

Bucky assisted as Zara extricated herself from the bed linens and sat on the edge next to him. She stared at him again, and looked deep into his eyes. She took so long Bucky began to feel self-conscious, and a pale blush rose up to color his cheeks.

Then, without a word, she wrapped her arms around him and held him.

He returned the embrace and smiled.

* * *

A/N: Now that Infinity War has been released, I feel that it will have an ongoing impact on my fic. I hope to work in some details from the film in the next chapter and future chapters. I've also have some ideas for a part 2 of the story. As always, comments and suggestions are welcome. Thank you for reading!


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Bucky's bliss

When Bucky and Zara arrived at mealtime, they were hand in hand. Sam "cleared his throat" to get Steve's attention. When Sam wiggled his eyebrows and tilted his head in their direction, Steve swung his head around to see what was going on.

He couldn't help but smile. Zara had a firm grasp on Bucky's left hand, and was reluctant to let go, even when he needed both hands to load up his dinner plate at the buffet table.

Shuri had her usual seat, and only when Zara's eyes fell upon her, did her smile fade. She head went down, and Zara redirected her attention elsewhere. Bucky waited, but Zara kept fussing.

"Are you ready yet?" He asked her.

As all her options to stall ran out, she slowly looked up at Bucky. "I'm going to eat in my room." And she turned away, determined to slink out and not be forced to smile and sit at the table with Shuri.

"Hey, wait!" Bucky caught her before she could leave. "Come and sit with us. Your seat is open."

"I don't think it's a good idea. She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, come on. Everything is worked out."

After a bit more fussing, Zara allowed herself to be escorted to the table and seated. Bucky went around to his seat and plopped down.

Steve cleared his throat. "We have strawberry ice cream for dessert tonight. I was just told that, in case anybody wanted to know."

It was Zara's favorite, but even at the mention, her head was down and her eyes were totally focused on her plate.

Shuri looked at Bucky questioningly, wondering if she should say something. Bucky frowned. "I'm working on it."

Normal conversation picked up after that. Zara just kept her head down while she ate.

"Shuri." Steve asked. "Is the meeting still on in the morning?"

"Yes. The king has you on his calendar for 9."

Steve nodded. "Zara, it looks like you are going to have a free day tomorrow; no school."

Finally, she looked up at Steve. "Everyone is going?" Her face had a sad expression.

"Uh, um, well, if you want to come to the palace with us that would be okay. Maybe we can find someone to take you to the market. How about that?"

Zara sucked in her lower lip and began chewing it. She thought about her choices; stay here alone or go to the palace and be alone. _Would he trust me after the other day?_

"I'll just stay here."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. She didn't deserve a trip to the market, and she wasn't sure Steve would trust her, so she made the decision to stay and save Steve the trouble. "I don't need anything from the market right now."

"Women don't have to need something to go to the marketplace. It's okay just to look, you know."

Zara frowned. "That would be a waste of time if you went to all that trouble and didn't buy anything."

Steve smiled. "There might be something new, you never know."

"It's okay; it's all good." Zara tried to look cheerful, but failed miserably.

"It's your choice. You can still change your mind in the morning. Or you could use the time to put all that stuff back in your room from the hall."

"I put it out because I don't need it anymore."

"Zara. I looked in your closet. You have kept exactly three pairs of pants and maybe 6 blouses. Why…"

"I have an idea!" Bucky cut off Steve. "I don't need to be at the meeting tomorrow. I'll help you go through everything and we can work on it together. It'll go faster that way."

Zara shrugged.

"That is a good idea, Buck. Now, how about some ice cream?"

"I'll get you some Zara." Bucky jumped up and went after a dish of ice cream for her. She jumped up and ran after him.

"I can get it myself, but I don't really want any tonight."

Bucky looked at the ice cream he had in the bowl already. He dipped the spoon in and held it out to her. "Just have one spoonful. Open your mouth and I'll feed it to you."

She shook her head no.

"Just one spoon… for me."

She gave him a pout, and took the spoon from him. She popped the sweet treat into her mouth. She could taste the bits of strawberry as the ice cream melted. _It does taste good_. But she wasn't about to admit it.

She handed the spoon back. "I should go work on some stuff before bedtime."

Bucky sighed. "Well, I'm going to have some ice cream. If you have some, I'll carry you to your room. Maybe I'll do "UP!" for you."

She started to smile in spite of herself. As soon as she realized it, she stopped herself.

Bucky bent down to whisper in her ear. "How about we take two bowls to your room and we can eat it there?"

She nodded; the half smile started to show again, and she quickly looked away.

"We're going to take ours to go." Bucky hollered over at Steve, before filling up the bowls and grabbing another spoon.

* * *

Bucky licked the last of the melted ice cream off the spoon and sighed. "I have to admit it; they have good ice cream here."

"Mmmmm…." Zara agreed.

They sat on her sofa with backs pressed up against the wall, legs stretched out in front of them.

"Why do you sleep on the sofa?"

"Ever since I got sick, I've slept out here."

"You mean since you had the pneumonia?"

"Yeah. I don't feel as closed in out here."

"Are you getting enough sleep?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes."

"You do some things that leave the doctors puzzled."

"I do? Like what?"

He frowned. "I don't remember anything specific, but you've left Steve, and Sam, and me scratching our heads too."

"Really?"

"Remember when you hugged me and called me an angel? You had no idea who I was or how I was going to react. Why did you hug me?"

"I…wanted to."

"Why do you kiss my bad shoulder?"

"I've already answered that one."

"Come here." He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I don't deserve someone like you; you're sweet, and kind, and gentle. I'm a bad person."

"No! You're not bad!" She threw her arms around him and smothered him in an embrace. "You're my Bucky, and I love you."

Bucky's head came up as he heard the words, and his breath caught in his lungs. She felt it and pulled her head away from him to look him in the eyes.

"I do love you. I know you don't feel the same way. I understand."

"Zara…" His words were cut off as she pressed a finger to his lips.

"Shhhh. Just hold me Bucky. Be my friend. Make all the bad memories go away. Let me feel safe, even if it's only for a moment."

He couldn't resist the sadness in her eyes and pulled her head to his chest.

They stayed that way for a long time. He just held her gently. She sighed and listened to his heart beating. They were both at peace.

When he finally had to adjust his position, she moaned softly. He realized she had fallen asleep. He tried to move her head without waking her, but she yawned and stirred. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." She yawned again.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you felt safe enough to doze off, but we need to get you into bed. Go get changed."

"What time is it?"

"It's late."

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure."

"Go get into your pajamas and come back."

Bucky got up and went to his room to change. He padded back over in his bare feet. "You decent?" He hollered from the door way.

"Yes." She sat on the edge of the sofa, and only swung her legs around when he ushered her under the covers.

He pulled them up and kissed her on the forehead. "Get some sleep."

"I'd sleep better if you would snuggle with me."

"You'll sleep just fine."

"Okay."

"Goodnight." He flipped off the light as he exited her room. In the hallway he shook his head, and took a deep breath. An emotion he hadn't felt in a long time stirred to life deep within him. He couldn't place it just yet, but her innocent suggestion had caused a swarm of butterflies to take flight in his stomach. He exhaled heavily and forced himself to his room.

* * *

The next morning, they had the place to themselves pretty much. Steve and everyone else jetted off for the palace. Zara didn't know what the meeting was about, but she was worried nonetheless.

Bucky made her go through all her clothes, and even though she still culled some from the pile, Bucky decided he wasn't going to have them tossed. He hid them in his room in case she changed her mind later on.

After that they took a walk around the building. They talked very little; they didn't need to. There was this bond between them, a feeling they shared that took them beyond words. For this precious time, Zara felt safe. She kept a good hold on his hand as they walked.

They ended their walk back in the lounge. They sat side by side, and Zara snuggled into Bucky's shoulder.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable on my right?"

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Well, the other one is a little softer."

"Okay, if you insist." She got up and sat on his right side. "Can you make the metal pieces move again for me?"

"You never get tired of that, do you?"

She shook her head and smiled in anticipation.

Bucky put his left arm forward and made the metallic plates move and click into place. Zara's smile got bigger. "Do it again!" She whispered.

Bucky chuckled and moved the plates back. Zara bounced a little with joy. Bucky shook his head slightly. He marveled that such a mundane thing to him could bring her such happiness.

Satisfied, she snuggled into his shoulder and sighed contentedly. Bucky thought about how little he had to do to make her happy. He wondered after everything he'd been through, could he ever be like that? Would James Buchanan Barnes ever find such peace and joy ever again? _Maybe I'm over-thinking this. Maybe all I have to do is stop thinking. Maybe Zara is right after all. Maybe all I have to do is…nothing!_

He snuggled with her, and let his body relax. He focused on feeling her warmth, and just listened to her breathing…. And dozed off.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

There's no good in goodbyes

Steve and Sam walked into the lounge. Their talking woke up the dozing pair. "Well, I see that all is right again with the two of you. I'm sorry if we woke you up." Steve apologized.

Zara yawned and stretched; her stiff joints made cracking sounds. Sam cringed at the loud pop of her neck. "I hate when you do that! Doesn't that hurt?"

She smiled and shrugged. "It sounds worse than it is, but yeah, sometimes it does."

Bucky looked almost embarrassed, like he'd been caught doing something wrong, and avoided Steve's eyes. Steve frowned at his friends' odd behavior, but said nothing. He wouldn't call out Bucky like that, and he'd seen them dozing; what could possibly be the problem?

"How'd the meeting go?" Bucky finally asked.

"Well, thanks to King T'Challa, better than expected. There will still be some concessions, but at least no one is going to jail."

"JAIL? Who's not going to jail?" Zara exclaimed.

Steve sat down with a sigh. "Tonight will be the last night Scott and Clint will be with us. The king negotiated a settlement with the U.S. government on their behalf. They both have families, and it's been a difficult road to navigate for those left behind. I got them into this mess, and T'Challa helped me to get them out of it. They can go home and see their children now."

While this news sank into Zara's head, Bucky asked "the" question with his eyes. Steve responded in kind. It wasn't going to be the best of circumstances, but they wouldn't serve any jail time.

"What's going to happen to them, Steve?" Zara continued.

"Well, they will serve house arrest with ankle monitors. Clint can do the renovations on his home his wife has asked for, and be with his kids on their farm. Scott will have supervised visits with his ex and daughter. No jail for breaking the rules of the Accords, or helping me."

"So, they are leaving in the morning?"

Steve nodded.

"Can we have some special dessert for them before they leave…as a goodbye?"

"I'll see about it."

"I like Clint, but I never really got to be friends as much with Scott."

"That's okay; sometimes we can't be friends with everyone. But I'm sure he'll never forget you."

"Why do you say that?"

"I say that because you're unforgettable." Steve reached out and tapped her playfully on her nose. She smiled and blushed.

Bucky leaned forward and put his arm around her. With a wink, he admonished Steve. "Hey, pal, go find your own girl; this one's taken."

Steve held up his hands in mock surrender. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to make a pass. I'm still her guardian, you know."

"Yeah, well, she already has my name, the poor thing. You got Sharon. Is she going to be able to visit with you any time soon?"

"I don't know; there's a lot of bureaucracy to wade through."

"What's that?" Zara wanted to know.

"Bureaucracy is a fancy way of saying that there's going to be a lot of trouble to get her here. She risked herself for me too."

"Is she going to go to jail?"

"That's a good question. I just wish I knew the answer, but I don't know what's going to happen."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Is there anything I can do, Steve?"

"Not at the moment, but thanks for offering."

Steve excused himself to go and ask the kitchen about a cake. Sam sat down and picked up a magazine. There was a strained silence. Sam hadn't quite yet forgiven Bucky for trying to kill him three times, but for Steve's sake, he tolerated him. He understood in his head about the brain-washing, but some part of his heart was still wary.

Zara had zero reservations about Bucky's past. In her world, everybody had either died or had to kill someone to survive. It was just a part of life. She understood that. She grieved for those lost and forgave those that lived, like Ronon, like Bucky.

She smiled at Bucky, and then shyly looked away. Her hope shone in her eyes for a brief moment before she reined it in. Bucky didn't love her, and she couldn't help letting her hope show that maybe someday he might. Bucky saw the brief flash in her eyes, but said nothing. He understood that he was something she needed. There was no harm in letting her do as she pleased. Maybe she was something he needed too.

"Why don't we get ready for supper?" He suggested. "I know it's a little early, but you might want to freshen up, I know I do."

"Okay."

He walked her to her room before disappearing into his.

* * *

Dinner seemed to go by way too quick, and bedtime came even quicker.

Bucky tucked her in again, kissed her on her forehead, and walked back to his room.

That night he dreamt of her and woke up with a start. It hadn't been an unpleasant dream, but it left him feeling uneasy. He drifted back off to sleep still thinking about it.

In the morning, they gathered one last time for breakfast.

The king even joined them.

Zara was unusually quiet, Steve noticed. Whether it was because Shuri and T'Challa were there, the knowledge that Clint and Scott were leaving, or something else, Steve didn't know for sure. Maybe it was a combination of everything.

Zara hugged them both goodbye, and slipped something to each of them with whispered instructions.

She had very sad eyes. "Why is "good" part of goodbye? It doesn't feel very good." She told Clint.

"I know." He kissed her on top of her head. "You take really good care of Bucky, okay? And do your best on your school work, promise?"

"I promise."

"And don't give Steve too much of a tough time." He winked at her.

"Okay." She gave him a half-hearted smile.

And just like that…they were gone.

A couple of weeks later Wanda made an exit overnight. Zara didn't think much about it at the time. An overnight trip wasn't unusual….at first.

Zara began to notice little things; Steve working out more in the gym, for example. He'd give her an assignment, and check it when he got back. He'd take Sam or Bucky with him for sparring.

Shuri went back to her lab to work on whatever it is that she worked on.

The king made infrequent appearances, but often called them for meetings.

Zara found herself alone during much of the day time hours, but at night, she had her Bucky.

He kept her company and spent time watching movies with her. He and Steve introduced her to Abbott and Costello, and Lewis and Martin movies. They watched the Wizard of Oz. She liked some of the old movies they watched. She liked the sci-fi movies of the 1950's and 60's, especially cult classics like Godzilla and other "monster" movies. She thought they were funny. Steve just smiled and shook his head. He never once complained, even when she would put on the same DVD's on the weekends. They had a limited supply to choose from after all.

She enjoyed the quiet evenings with Bucky too. He didn't complain when she hugged him, or needed a snuggle. He just let her do as she pleased. If it made her happy and kept her smiling, who was he to take that away from her?

Wanda continued to disappear for a night, or two, or three. Sam began taking overnight trips to the palace. He talked about one of the Dora women, the kings' guards, in particular. He liked her, and was hoping she liked him back.

Then a funny thing happened.

Zara got a request to come to the palace for the weekend. Adama wanted to see her. Steve and Bucky saw her off at the landing area, and waved goodbye.

When she arrived, Adama was there to greet her. She gave him a hug, and they walked around the palace. "If there's time, we can go to the marketplace. In the meantime, I want you to meet someone."

He walked Zara to a lounge area. In the lounge sat an older woman. She was Wakandan, and sported traditional Wakandan dress. She stood up as they entered.

"Zara, I would like you to meet Eshe."

Zara smiled politely, uncertain of who the woman was.

"I am most pleased to meet you. Adama has spoken very highly of you."

"Hi." Zara shyly said.

Eshe was pretty. She had some wrinkles, and her hair was mostly grey. She had a sincere smile, and seemed to be nice. Zara looked at Adama expectantly.

"Do you know why I asked you to come here?" He asked Zara.

Zara shook her head no. Adama smiled her in a strange way. He looked up at Eshe and smiled again.

Suddenly, Zara felt a cold, hard lump in her throat, and she "knew".

"Zara, I've been seeing Eshe for some time now. Her children are grown and her husband has died. My children are scattered across the planet. Neither of us have much in the way of family…"

"You're going to get sealed." Zara cut him off. In the Colonies, getting sealed meant getting married. Zara took a breath. She knew this day would come. She had helped Adama to heal and now he was ready to take a new wife.

"Well, yes." He admitted simply. "I wanted you to meet her and ask for your blessing."

Zara kind of stared at him blankly for a moment. "You don't need my permission, you're the commander."

"A blessing isn't permission as such, it's more like approval."

"Oh." Zara thought about things in this new light. "Does she make you happy?"

"Yes, she does."

"Then that is all that matters." She stated.

Adama smiled. "I'm really glad you feel that way. We are all going to get to know each other a little bit over the weekend, if that's all right with you."

Zara nodded.

"She likes the marketplace."

"I didn't bring any money."

"I've got some, it's fine. If there's something you want, you let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

All three decided to go to the marketplace. Zara felt a little uncomfortable as Eshe was a total stranger, but she saw the gentle way Adama smiled at her and she felt a little better. _Who am I to stand in the way of his happiness?_

They had lunch at a street-side restaurant; a small place that had outside seating. They had to wait a bit for a table, but it was such a nice day and the canopy overhead shielded them from the sun. It also gave them a great view of the market.

"So, Adama tells me you like working at crafts. Have you ever thought of setting up a table here in the marketplace?"

"I don't have enough made yet."

"Do you know how to sew? I make my own clothes."

Zara shrugged. "I've made some things, but I don't do much more than fixing clothes now."

"Would you like to join me at our sewing class?"

"No, I don't really sew anymore."

"You may bring your crafts. There's no need to sew. We do as much talking as we do sewing, and we have refreshments. We love to tell stories and just enjoy our time together."

Not wanting to be rude, but not wanting to offend her, Zara shifted the conversation away. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course! Take your time."

"I think I might need to buy more supplies anyway."

"After we eat, I'll pay for whatever you think you need, okay?" Adama informed her.

Zara nodded, and was saved from further discomfiture by the waiter coming to take their orders. Once they had ordered Zara fell quiet and listened to the conversations around her. She looked at the colorful clothes some of the Wakandans wore. If there was any rhyme or reason Zara couldn't figure it out.

Their food came and attentions were focused on their meal.

Afterwards, Zara led them through the market maze and picked up some of the supplies she needed. "I can pay you back."

"Absolutely not; I'm happy you've found something to interest yourself with."

They wandered around some more until they tired, and caught a car back to the palace. Eshe wanted to see Zara's craft work, so Zara brought out her box of stuff to the lounge. Adama put on a movie and Zara stitched while they all enjoyed some down time.

* * *

Steve introduced Bucky to the Star Wars films. He made a big bowl of popcorn to share, and set out cokes. Bucky peppered Steve with questions about the film until Steve threw some popcorn at him. "Just watch the movie, will ya? You're getting as inquisitive as Zara."

At the mention of Zara's name Bucky felt a sense of longing. He missed her, and his face fell.

"What's the matter? Are you okay, Bucky?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just…" He gathered his thoughts. "I miss Zara being here."

Steve looked at him wide-eyed. "You miss her?"

"Yeah, I kinda do. She's always here, you know."

"And you were the one trying to discourage her all this time, and now you're missing her?"

"I wanted to keep her safe. I wasn't stable, you know that. I couldn't trust my own mind. I didn't want to have a flashback and accidentally kill her."

"I think now that you are stable, she's been a good influence on you."

"Are you still trying to bring back the Bucky you knew? Good luck with that."

"Hey! I have my memories of the old days, but I'm very happy having the you that's here now. In time, you'll grow and become yet another Bucky. Don't forget that I'm not the same Steve you remember either."

"Honestly, I don't remember all that much of the old days, just bits and pieces."

"You've got to give it time; something might remind you of an old memory."

Not wanting to disappoint Steve any more than he had to, he redirected their attention to the movie. He didn't want to keep talking about things like the old days, and he wanted to get his mind off Zara. He was missing her far more than he let on; far more than he was comfortable with.

* * *

The weekend flew by quickly, and Zara was flown back to her "home". Steve and Bucky met her at the landing zone.

"Hey, kiddo! We missed you." Steve held out his arms, and Zara gave him a hug. "How was your weekend?"

"It was okay." She left Steve for Bucky.

He bent low and scooped her up in a huge embrace. He lifted her completely off the ground. "I missed you." He whispered in her ear. "But don't tell Steve I said that."

"I heard that you know." Steve told him. "Super soldier serum gives me good hearing."

Bucky laughed. "That's why I said it." He put Zara down. "You don't look happy, what's wrong?"

"Can we go inside?" Zara asked instead of answering.

"Sure." Steve took her bag and they went inside where Zara explained everything.

Steve had his serious face on when she was done. "So, is this upsetting you?"

Zara fidgeted in her seat, clearly struggling with this development. "I…I don't think upset is the word I would use. I knew this was coming." She fidgeted some more. "I just have to get used to the idea of it, that's all. You'd be surprised what you can get used to."

Upon hearing those words, Bucky closed his eyes. A distant memory clouded his mind. He remembered how much pain HYDRA put him through until he got used to it; how much killing he did until he got used to it. He briefly wondered how much pain Zara had gone through until she got used to it.

"Buck?"

Bucky's head snapped up.

"You okay, pal?"

"Yeah." Bucky gave a half smile. "I was just thinking we should do something nice for them."

Zara leaned over and gave him a hug, but she hadn't seen the expression that had crossed his face; Steve did though.

Steve cleared his throat. "That's a great idea, Bucky. What did you have in mind?"

"Um, I didn't have anything specific in mind. Maybe Zara could think of something."

"Why don't the two of you talk it over, and get back to me."

"I'm sure we can come up with something, Steve."

"That's great. I'm going to go and check on some things." Steve gave Bucky a pat on the shoulder with a 'I will talk to you later' look. He had to go check on Wanda. Her disappearances were getting more frequent and it had Steve worried.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Complications

The thunderstorm woke Zara in the middle of the night with a start. She ran across the hall to Bucky's room and rapped until he opened the door.

He pulled her to him as another thunderclap boomed. She wrapped her arms around him as if her very life depended on him. When the echoes died and he calmed her down, he walked her back to her room and tucked her in.

"Please don't leave me!" She begged him. "Please don't leave me! Everybody leaves me."

He pushed her over and climbed into the makeshift bed on top of the covers. "You stay covered and I'll stay right here."

When the thunderstorm finally passed, she dozed off and before Bucky knew what hit him, he dozed off too. The sound of her steady breathing was like a soothing tonic to his soul.

When the sky brightened at dawn, Bucky opened his eyes. Blinking them to adjust to the daylight pouring in, he saw a bright and beautiful blue sky. It was going to be a glorious day.

He removed his arm from its resting place on Zara's body. _How'd that get there?_ He hoped to make an exit before she woke and in case Steve strolled by and knocked on his door.

Zara moaned gently in her sleep and sighed contentedly. Bucky froze. He held his breath for a moment. When she settled down, he resumed his getaway. Just when he thought he was in the clear, she rolled into him and put her arm around his waist. He stopped his efforts again, but she yawned and snuggled into him. He was in a worse predicament than before! Now, if he moved, she'd be sure to wake up. _Where was the Winter Soldier's stealth when I need it?_ He settled back down in defeat.

Her face was buried practically into his chest. _How can she breathe?_ Worried, he tried to tilt her head a bit. She stretched and resettled herself against him. "Mmmmmmm…." She mumbled. "You're so nice and warm."

Biting his tongue, he didn't reply, and hoped she wouldn't notice. She did. She picked her head up and squinted at him. "What time is it?"

"I don't know."

She cast a glance at the windows. "It's too early, go back to sleep." She re-positioned herself against him and pressed a small kiss to his chest sleepily.

Bucky remained still, and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now. Her breath was warm on his chest, and it stirred up echoes of long forgotten memories; slow dancing to Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade" and the anticipation of a kiss afterwards. He could almost feel the dance sway of her body against his. Then something really unexpected happened! _OH SHIT!_ His breath turned erratic. He closed his eyes and was really glad he was on top of the covers.

"Are you okay?" Zara asked.

"What? Yes! I'm fine! I'm just fine! Why?" He struggled to get his breathing under control.

"I don't know, you just…it felt like…"

"It felt like what?"

"All the muscles in your back just tensed up. Do you have a cramp in your back? I could massage it."

"What? NO! I mean, it's fine; I just had a twitch, that's all. It's gone now."

"I get those all the time, mostly in my calf muscles, especially when I stretch too hard." She stretched as if to demonstrate. "Can you get up? I gotta pee."

Panicking, he struggled upright, shifted to a seated position and covered himself with the corner of the blanket. His pajama bottoms did nothing to conceal his predicament. He didn't want to freak Zara out, and he certainly didn't want to have to explain ANYTHING to her.

She wormed her way off the sofa bed and padded to the bathroom, completely unaware of Bucky's situation.

He looked down at his lap and frowned. _Why now? Why do you have to do this to me now? I have to think of something!_ He threw off the blanket and at the bathroom door told her he was going to his room to go pee as well. He peeked out of the door into the hallway; all clear. _Thank goodness!_ And he bolted across the hallway and into his room.

With a sigh of relief, he turned on the shower. He used the toilet and then stepped into the spray. The shock of the cool water had the effect he was expecting. He threw water droplets everywhere as he shook his head. He let the water run over his face and drip off his beard and hair. He felt the heat that colored his cheeks dissipate at last.

The last thing he wanted was for Zara to see him aroused, especially after all she'd been through. He didn't want her to think that all he wanted was to hurt her like those other men had.

He rushed through his shower and got dressed. Then he ran down to the cafeteria for coffee and was finishing off his second cup when Steve and Sam came in.

"You're early." Steve observed as he poured coffee into his cup.

"I was up early." Bucky commented as casually as he could.

Steve sat down followed shortly by Sam.

"So, how did your date go Sam?" Steve asked him.

"It wasn't a date, technically, but dinner was nice." The woman he'd been mooning over finally said yes to a dinner. "We went to this place she knows, and apparently everyone knows her, so I was on my best behavior. What about Sharon? How are things with her?"

"Well, she still has to account for giving our stuff back, and there's lot of details to be worked out but I think she'll be alright in the end."

Bucky was really interested in his coffee until Zara showed up, and his head snapped up.

Sam looked at his watch. "She's really early."

"She is." Steve said. "I wonder why."

 _Please don't say anything Zara. Please don't say anything Zara._ Bucky mentally pleaded in his head. _Of all the times you blurt stuff out, please let this not be one of those times._

Zara sat down with a sleepy smile and her bowl of cereal.

"Why are you all sunshine and roses this morning?" Sam asked her.

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"You're all smiles; how come?"

Bucky braced himself for the worst.

"I slept good last night."

"Really?" Steve asked. "The thunder didn't wake you up?"

"Oh, it did, and I was scared, but when it went away, it was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

Sam and Steve exchanged raised eyebrow expressions.

"Wow, that's great Zara! Does this mean you are getting over your fear of the thunder?"

"No, not really. I knocked on Bucky's door and he tucked me back in. He waited until the thunder went away, and then I went back to sleep. I knew Bucky was close by, and I knew the thunder was over, so I slept really good after that."

"I'm glad to hear that. Good job, Buck." Steve leaned over and clapped Bucky on his left arm.

Bucky smiled at Steve when he really felt like swallowing his tongue. _What the hell is going on with me?_

"Thank you Bucky." Zara said with a shy little smile.

Bucky nearly choked on his mouthful of coffee, but he forced it down. "Um, you're welcome Zara."

Thankfully, conversation changed topics back to Sam after that, much to Bucky's relief.

* * *

After dinner, Zara pleaded with Bucky for "Up!" He obliged and swung her around until she begged him to stop. She wobbled and grabbed Bucky around his waist to steady herself. She panted in between leftover giggles.

"Come on, I'll carry you to your room."

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure."

Of course, she managed to keep him there for 15 minutes begging and pleading with him to stay. "But I slept really really good. I felt safe. You make me feel safe."

"Zara…"

"Just for a little while? Please?"

He'd been telling her no for so long, it sounded like an old song.

"Please, Bucky, just for a little while, and then you can go. You can sleep on the covers." The wistful, hopeful look in her eyes was getting to him.

"I shouldn't be here, Zara, you know that, but…" He cleared his throat. "Just for a little while."

When he opened his eyes and it was dawn, he knew he was sunk. Those innocent eyes lured him in, but even he had to admit he had had a good night's sleep. _Why? Why had he slept so well?_ That question stayed on his mind all day.

* * *

Zara got her first inkling that something wasn't right when she walked in on Steve and Wanda discussing something. When they saw her, they grew silent.

Zara felt as if she had done something wrong, and quickly left.

"We'll talk some more later." Steve said, and left Wanda alone in the room.

At dinner, Zara felt a tension in the room that hadn't been there before. She kept quiet and focused on her dinner. The usual chatter had been cast aside.

Bucky walked her to her room. He changed and came back over to tuck her in.

"Did I do something wrong, Bucky?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Steve and Wanda were talking and when I came along, they got quiet. Was I not supposed to be there?"

"It's complicated."

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure." He didn't fight with her this time.

He ushered her to get under the covers while he flipped off the light. His enhanced eyesight got him back across the room with no problems. He slipped under the covers and they settled in.

And this set up a routine. If he woke up in the middle of the night and could slip away, he did, otherwise, he stayed until dawn and crossed back to his room.

He began to notice a pattern. If he slipped away earlier, he slept restlessly back in his room, but if he stayed he felt calmer.

Steve's words came back to him. _'She'll be a good influence on you Bucky.'_ Steve was right; being around Zara made him feel…human.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, things got more tense with Wanda and Steve. Zara didn't know why Steve was so angry at Wanda; all she knew was that she didn't want that anger to spill over onto her. She stayed on her best behavior and avoided direct eye contact as much as possible. As a result, she clung to Bucky even more so.

One Sunday morning as they lay snuggled together Bucky kissed her on the top of her head. She responded by pressing a kiss to his chest. She looked up at him and smiled. "You don't have to do that if you don't want to." She cautioned him.

"I want to." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Is that okay?"

She nodded.

Then he kissed her nose, and she giggled. "I take it that kissing your nose is okay too. Am I right?"

"It's okay."

"Good. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She pulled his head closer and kissed his earlobe.

"You like my ear, huh?"

She giggled. "That's because your face is all scratchy." She ran a single finger across his cheek and then pulled his head closer again to plant a tiny kiss to his lips. "See? Scratchy."

Bucky was surprised that she kissed him on the mouth. "No, I don't see." He bent his head down and returned her tiny kiss. "But if you help me, I might." They kissed again, Bucky letting her control the situation. They kissed several times more.

"Do you see it yet?"

"I'm beginning to." And he smiled.

"You're just pretending!"

He laughed. "But I got the kiss, didn't I?"

"That's because I let you."

They fell silent for a moment, and then Zara's face got serious. "What is the purpose of kissing?"

"What is the purpose?"

"Yeah."

Bucky was speechless. He wracked his brain for a way to answer her. "Um, well, I guess, it is to show how much you like someone."

He'd never thought about it before. He'd kissed plenty of women, at least he thought he had, but as to why he kissed them, even he wasn't sure. It was just something you did. 1940's sex education wasn't always informative or complete, and you got what little there was from the "birds and the bees" talk from your folks. You learned stuff from watching your parents interact; you learned stuff from older siblings if you had them, but mostly you learned by trial and error.

"Hmm."

"Did you not like the kiss? I mean, I haven't kissed anyone in a long time, so I'm probably out of practice."

"It was okay, but can I ask you something else?"

 _Okay?_ "Um, sure." He braced for the worst.

"Please don't stick your tongue in my mouth. I don't like it, and it brings back bad memories."

Bucky breathed out in relief subconsciously. "I won't do something you don't like, you just let me know if I do something wrong, okay?"

"Okay." Life was so simple for Zara; she accepted things in a straightforward manner.

Bucky gave her another kiss. "Was that better?"

She smiled. "All your kisses have been good. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm just not very good at it."

"If it feels right, then you're doing fine. You kiss me the way you want to; the way that feels most comfortable to you."

"Okay."

This led to an exploratory kissing session; her tentative kisses found all sorts of places to land; his earlobe, his nose, his cheek, his chest, and his lips.

When she stopped and looked up at him questioningly, Bucky felt prompted to ask her what was wrong.

She fidgeted and looked uncomfortable. "There's something I've always wondered, but I've been too afraid to ask."

"Oh?" All sorts of thoughts ran through Bucky's mind. "What did you want to know?"

"You won't laugh at me?"

"No laughing, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I have to hear the question."

"When you…when you put on your under…clothes…what do you do with it?"

"Huh?" Bucky's mind whirled in confusion.

"You know…" Her hand moved down to his hip.

Suddenly, it hit Bucky. "Oh…um…um, well…" Bucky was in a predicament he'd never faced before. He'd rather be gut-punched than try to explain this. He took a deep breath in, uncertain of how to begin. "Um…well, um…" Then his brain latched onto something. "Well, I suppose it would sort of be like when you put on your bra. Clothes are made to…um, fit the person wearing them."

She blinked several times. "I don't think that answers my question."

Bucky's stomach flipped over. She wanted some kind of answer. The last thing he ever expected to have to do was explain sex education.

"Did I ask a bad question?"

"No, it's just that…" He struggled for words.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I?"

"No, Zara, you didn't say anything wrong. It's a natural question to ask. I just never thought about it before, let alone try to explain it. My parents just taught me how to get dressed; it's just that simple. Boxers…that's what I wear, have a…." His mind groped for the right word, or one that she could understand. "They have something like a pocket, like your bra has, and everything fits in there."

"Oh. Okay."

There was a long silence.

"So, you understood that?"

'It kinda makes sense now."

Bucky let out a breath in relief. _I'm glad that's over with_. "You're not going to mention this conversation to Steve, are you?"

"Would you rather I didn't?"

"Yeah, I'd rather we kept it between us."

"Are you going to tell Steve?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Are you going to tell Steve you sleep in here?"

"No, I'm not going to tell him that either."

"Why not? We're not doing anything wrong."

"Steve is your guardian; he might not understand why I'm here."

"But I would explain everything."

Bucky paused. "What you think is okay where you come from, has a totally different meaning here. It doesn't matter what you explain, people still might take it the wrong way. As long as you and I agree, and there is no harm done, no one needs to know that I'm sleeping in here. Please, I'm asking you not to say anything. Can you promise me that?"

"I promise Bucky. I won't say anything to Steve or anyone, unless you tell me it's okay. I don't want Steve to be mad at you because of me. I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you too, Zara. I love you too."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

The beginning…

Every time Zara looked at Bucky and smiled, Bucky glanced at Steve and felt guilty. He wanted to protect Zara, but how? Someday, he figured on his past catching up to him. He thought about the people he had killed as the Winter Soldier. How could he pay for his sins? Everyone kept telling him that he wasn't responsible, but his hand pulled the trigger. He could still see their faces. Then he would look at Zara. She would smile at him and it was like the past melted away.

He filled his time with as much as he possibly could; if he didn't have time to think, the better it was. He sparred in the gym with Steve. Sam also sparred with Steve. Sam wasn't all that keen on sparring with Bucky, and Bucky couldn't blame him. He did try to kill Sam two or three times. But again, that was under the influence of the Winter Soldier. It didn't matter to Bucky, it was still him.

There was only one place Bucky didn't think…while he was in Zara's room.

She was insatiable as far as snuggling went. She couldn't get enough. When Bucky asked her about it, her answer made him feel bad he brought it up. While he was brain-washed into believing affection was a weakness, a bad thing, she'd been starved of affection. Most of the time whenever either of them had any contact was when they were being hurt.

Bucky understood that, had even come to expect the pain. At least she had companions she could snuggle with at night, when she was afforded that luxury, Bucky had no one.

He couldn't help but wonder if she wanted the snuggling for herself or because she sensed he needed it.

Maybe someday he could answer that, but for now, he began to anticipate it.

* * *

Zara re-positioned herself again; for like the thousandth time. She just couldn't get comfortable tonight. Bucky patiently waited for her to adjust herself yet again. She flung the covers up and let them resettle on them both. She snuggled into him.

That lasted five minutes.

She flung the covers off. In the darkness, Bucky heard her sigh in exasperation.

"Do you want to change places?" He asked her.

"I don't think it'll help. I fell asleep earlier and now I'm wide awake."

"Do you want to sit up and put the lights back on?"

"No, not yet. I'm sorry if I'm keeping you awake."

"I can go a long time without sleep if I need to."

"It isn't fair that I'm keeping you up. If you want to go back to your room, I'd understand."

"I'm staying right here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She shifted around again and pulled the covers back up. Then she stuck one foot out. She sighed. She kicked out until one whole leg was uncovered. Another sigh. She pulled the covers back over her. "I can't get comfortable."

"Do you want to try this side?" Bucky flung the covers down.

"Ok."

Bucky hoisted his body up and over her to switch places. She settled down and Bucky groped for the blankets. "I can't feel them."

"I got them." Zara pulled up the blankets, covered him, and left herself partially uncovered.

Bucky started counting in his head. When she moved again, he smiled. "No more naps for you."

"UGH! I'm sorry. I couldn't stay awake earlier. I was so tired."

"It's okay; I'm just teasing you."

"Remember when we went to the village and I splashed you with water?"

"I thought Steve was going to have a heart attack."

"Why?"

"He thought I was going to snap."

"I did get totally soaked."

"You started it."

"I wanted you to play, not drown me."

"Steve got wet too."

She laughed. "Yeah, he did."

"He wasn't too happy."

"He dried out."

"I used to get him to do really stupid things with me."

"Like what?"

"I made him ride the roller coaster at Coney Island and when he got off he threw up."

"What's a roller coaster?"

"Remind me and I'll look it up on the computer for you."

"You made him get sick?"

"It wasn't like that. We did a lot of stupid stuff as kids."

"What else did you do?"

"We stole laundry off clotheslines, pies off windowsills; we'd grab apples from the fruit market and run like hell. Steve had asthma, so it was hard for him to keep up."

"What's that?"

"It was hard for him to breathe."

"But he doesn't have it anymore?"

"No, the serum he took cured him of that."

"I see." Zara grew quiet. "Have you ever thought about what would have happened if things had turned out differently? I sometimes wonder what would have happened if my parents never died. What would have happened to me?"

"I never told anyone this, but I do wonder what would have happened if I had died. What would Steve have done with his life?"

"What if there hadn't been a war? What were you and Steve doing before then?"

"Steve wanted to be an artist. He was going to school for it."

"What would you have done?"

"I guess I would eventually have gotten married, settled down, had kids. That's what you did. You got a job, a house, a wife, kids, and you lived your life."

"Was there anyone you wanted to marry?"

"I hadn't really found that one girl that made me feel…" Bucky stopped. The words were just coming out of his mouth without any actual thought behind them.

"Made you feel what, Bucky?"

He changed the subject. "What about you? Do you think you'll ever get married?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Do you know what being married means?"

"Commander Adama is getting married."

"I know, you told us. We still have to think of something nice to do for him."

"I know."

"So, what does getting married mean, Zara?"

"It means you have someone to love, and to snuggle with, and take care of, and they take care of you, and love you back. You have a home, and you do stupid things, and fun things, but mostly you have someone who will be by your side no matter what happens."

"That's a big part of it."

"You protect them, and they protect you. You take care of each other when you're sick, make them happy when they are sad, and they make you feel safe, and you trust each other."

"I feel safe with you, Zara. I sleep better too."

"I sleep better, well, mostly…when you're here."

"Zara, I've been trying to think of a way I can protect you, not only today, but in the days to come."

"I won't let anyone hurt you either, Bucky, I promise."

"I'm pretty good at defending myself; it's just that I'm so tired of fighting. Just for once, I'd like to live simply. When I lived in Romania for two years, I found a job where no one asked too many questions, I had an apartment; no one bothered me, and I didn't hurt anyone. Then everything fell apart." He sighed.

"Would they let you live in the village? I could teach you how to fish."

"I'd love to live there. I'd love it even more if you came with me. Would you come with me?"

"If Steve says I can."

"Zara, I'm going to tell Steve about our arrangement."

"What if he gets mad at you?"

"He might."

"He might not let me go to the village, if he's mad at you."

"Zara, I'm going to ask Steve if I can marry you; that is, if you consent to marry me."

"Of course I will marry you! I love you, Bucky!"

She hugged him tight.

"We can live in the village, and I will show you how to fish, and we can go swimming. I am good with plants and I can grow things in a garden for us to eat, and I will keep you warm at night and snuggle with you, and wash your clothes, and everything."

"I promise I will take care of you and protect you. Hell, you already have my name, why not all the rest of me?"

"I love you, Bucky. I even love the metal arm, because it's part of you, and you can do so many things with it, good things."

"I know you're not ready now, but maybe someday, you'll let me show you that making love doesn't hurt."

Zara was quiet for a long time.

"Zara?"

She sighed. "If you are patient with me, I promise I'll try, but you have to go slow."

"I will. Now, maybe we can get some sleep."

She kissed his chest and snuggled into him.

Of course, she kept him awake for another hour with fidgeting, but they both finally got to sleep.

* * *

In the morning, Zara fidgeted at the table more than usual, and kept looking at Bucky expectantly.

He noticed.

Steve and Sam noticed.

"Ok, what's with you two?" Steve asked.

"I need to talk to you, privately." Bucky told him.

They excused themselves, and left Zara sitting with Sam.

"Do you know what's going on?"

She nodded.

"Soooooo, what's going on?"

Before Zara could open her mouth, Steve could be heard yelling from the hallway. "WHAT? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? HOW COULD YOU?"

"Uh oh." Zara bit her lower lip and her shoulders drooped. "He's mad."

Steve came back into the room. "Is this true?"

Bucky followed him back in. "Steve."

Steve whirled around. "I want to hear this from her."

"Nothing happened Steve. Bucky and I….it was my doing. I asked him to watch over me."

"OH, I bet he did!" And Steve spun and punched Bucky in the face.

Sam stood up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on?"

"Bucky and I want to get married Steve."

Steve had hauled back to punch Bucky again, but stopped short. "What?"

"Bucky said he was going to ask you if we could get married."

"And why would you two need to get married?"

Zara stood up. "Because we love each other."

Steve stood there, open-mouthed.

"Steve, that guy you knew back in the day…I'm not him anymore, but with Zara's help I want to find out who I am now. I'm asking your permission, and your blessing."

Steve's blue eyes flashed with all sorts of emotions. He looked from Bucky to Zara and back to Bucky. "How long? How long has this been going on?"

Zara moved between Steve and Bucky. She faced Steve and used her body to protect Bucky. "Bucky has been nothing but kind to me. He makes me feel safe. I sleep better, and Bucky has been smiling more and being more talkative. This is a good thing, and I know what it all means. We just want to have a life together, a simple life. Is that too much to ask for?"

Steve took a deep breath, and relaxed his stance. "No, no, it isn't. But you swear to me that he has done nothing to hurt you or force you into this decision."

"Steve, if Bucky had hurt me, you'd know in your heart. Please don't hit him again." Tears started to fall and she turned to embrace Bucky.

Bucky wiped at a small trickle of blood from his nose.

Sam just stood there.

Steve let out a breath. "I give you my blessing."

* * *

"I knew this day would come. I'm very proud of you Zara." Commander Adama fussed over her Wakandan outfit once more. "You look absolutely beautiful!" He kissed her on the top of her head.

He wore his dark blue Galactica dress uniform, complete with the matching cape. The silver embellishments on his uniform and cape complimented his ceremonial Kobol medallion he wore that represented his royal lineage of his family tree.

He was resplendent in his attire and Zara admired his official garb.

"Shall we?" He held out his elbow. Zara took it as she'd been taught and together, they walked outside to the tented area, where Bucky, Steve, Sam waited with the Wakandans.

Zara blushed a deep pink as her eyes caught Bucky's. She smiled at his clothes; traditional Wakandan wedding clothes. His right arm was bare to the shoulder, while his left was mostly covered due to the notching of his overlay robe.

Adama handed her over to Bucky, and then assumed his position to wait for his bride.

Eshe was escorted by her oldest child, her son, her three daughters followed behind, leaving a trail of good luck tokens on the ground.

Eshe took Adama's arm and all four faced King T'Challa.

Steve was best man for Bucky, and Apollo was best man for his father.

"It is one of my greatest pleasures in life to stand here today." T'Challa began. "Not only am I uniting two people in love, but two couples who have found each other, despite hardships and heartaches. It is truly the will of the Goddess Bast that has brought these people together here in Wakanda."

T'Challa recited a traditional Wakandan ceremonial speech, with the couples facing each other. He had them repeat marriage vows, pledging their commitment to each other.

Then he had Adama and Eshe say a few words of their own to each other.

Bucky and Zara did the same. While Bucky's words were solemn, Zara, in her innocent way, made everyone giggle.

"Now, before I complete the ceremony, does anyone wish to challenge the wishes of these four people to unite under Bast?"

No one said a word.

"Commander Adama, I believe you have brought with you a token from your culture, if you would please."

Apollo stepped forward. First, he passed out the rings both would wear as symbols of Wakandan marriage. They each slipped one on the other, then with hands clasped, Apollo wound a traditional chain around both their clasped hands. "By the Lords of Kobol, I seal your love for one another and make you whole." Then he stepped back.

To balance out the ceremony, Steve stepped forward and draped a large necklace over both Zara and Bucky's neck as they stood close. "May the Lords of Kobol, and Goddess Bast bless this union with happiness." Steve smiled and stepped back.

T'Challa spread his hands wide. "By the powers of Bast, you are one. Gentlemen, you may kiss your brides."

Adama and Bucky bent down to kiss their women and everyone cheered.

Handshakes and hugs went around all around as the newly wedded couples greeted people and accepted their blessings.

Steve gave Bucky a huge bear hug that made Bucky's ribs groan. He slapped Bucky on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you pal."

"Thanks."

"You better take care of my girl." Steve teased him.

"I will. If I don't I'll have a line of people ready to beat me up." He joked and they laughed over it.

Wakandan women were placing necklaces over Zara's head and giving blessings to her. Zara looked embarrassed to have such a fuss made over her, but smiled politely through it all.

Finally, they all sat down to feast and enjoy some entertainment of Wakandan dancers and acrobats.

At the end of the festivities, Steve got up and made a toast to Bucky and Zara. "When I met Bucky, I was 9 years old. I had just moved with my mom, and it was my second day at my new school. As we were going in, some older, bigger kids were trying to beat me up for my lunch money. Bucky came to my rescue and pulled those kids off me. I had a bloody nose and a split lip. He was a dusty mess and we were both late to class. We both wound up in detention for our lateness, but we became best friends that day. We both vowed to be there for each other til the end of the line. Today, Bucky is starting a new line, and knowing Zara like I do, she'll make sure he stays in line." That got a few chuckles. "But seriously, if you want an example of strength and hope, just look at Zara. I'm proud to have been entrusted with her guardianship, and now, she's embarking on a new life once again, with courage, and hope, and all the snuggles she can get out of Bucky." That caused another round of giggles. "Here's to the happy couple!"

Steve raised his glass with everyone else and they cheered loudly.

T'Challa stood up. "I would like to say a few words, and I mean just a few, because no one likes long speeches at a wedding, especially the bride and groom. I just wanted to let Mr. and Mrs. Barnes know that on behalf of my family, they are being gifted with 2 cows, 4 goats, and 6 chickens to start off their new homestead. Good luck chasing those chickens Mr. Barnes."

Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder and Sam snort laughed as he envisioned Bucky running around like crazy. Everyone clapped and cheered. Bucky blushed, but smiled.

Apollo toasted his father and his new step-mom, and announced his own wedding plans with Sheba! Boxey, who had no clue, jumped up and down with all the enthusiasm of a spunky 8 year old and everyone laughed. All of the rest of Blue Squadron was there to give congratulations.

When Zara started to lean on Bucky's shoulder, he knew it was time to get her out of there. They said their goodbyes and thanks to as many as they could before heading to Zara's room. They had decided to stay one more night instead of traveling to their new homestead, figuring on Zara being wiped out; she was. She fell asleep almost as soon as Bucky tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.

They still had tomorrow.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

…of the end

Bucky stood on top of the wagon that had brought supplies. He had already unloaded some stuff and now he was forking the hay out of the back.

Zara came by with a glass of cold water.

Bucky jumped down and gratefully took it. After a few gulps, he looked back at the wagon. "I just have to finish here and then I can help you in the garden, if you want."

"No, let's go swimming to cool off. We can work on the garden in the morning."

He leaned down to kiss her. "Whatever you want."

They had been at the village for about a week now. Zara was still arranging their house to her liking. Bucky was agreeable to whatever she proposed; if it made her happy, he was happy.

He gulped down the rest of the water and got back to work. She went back to finish up chores.

After getting the hay down, Bucky waved to get the attention of the driver and he climbed back aboard the cart and started driving away.

"I'll see you in a couple of days and help you out." Bucky called after him. The driver waved goodbye and went on his way.

Bucky went inside the house to see if Zara was ready. He snuck up behind her and circled her waist with both arms. He nibbled on her ear. She laughed and turned around. "Are you ready for swimming?" He asked.

"I just have to change."

"Why? We can go just like this." He scooped her up and swept her out the doorway, with her squealing all the way to the lakefront.

Bucky kicked off his sandals and waded in fully dressed.

She kicked and squirmed, but Bucky held her fast. He sunk down and she got soaked, splashing up water.

"Oh yeah?" Bucky cried. "Two can play this game." He let her go and started splashing water at her with both hands.

She screamed and tried to fend off the attack at first, but then she splashed back. Of course she was no match for Bucky. He started laughing and that just made her more determined. She pummeled him with water. He held up his hands in mock surrender. "You win, you win! He conceded.

They stood there laughing, breathless, like two little kids. A passerby just shook his head at them; that started a new round of chuckles.

Zara dipped herself lower in the water, and pushed her hair back from her face with one hand. Bucky was slightly better off. His long hair had been partially pulled back in a style some called a "man-bun". It kept his hair from sticking to his face when he got sweaty or the wind blew it.

He'd threatened to cut it, but Zara pleaded with him not to; she liked it this way. So, he just had it trimmed, beard too, and pulled it back. Zara loved to tie it up for him, leaving some locks free for her own enjoyment. She loved running her fingers through his hair, and twirling bits around her finger. She told him how jealous she was that his hair felt softer than hers. He had chuckled at that.

"Don't go in too deep, Zara."

"I know. I don't swim too well."

Satisfied she was going to be safe, he plunged in headfirst and went under. Zara couldn't help but feel some anxiety when he vanished from sight. She knew he could swim, but that little piece of her couldn't be controlled.

Bucky emerged and waved. She smiled and waved back. He went back under.

Zara walked towards the shallow water and removed the outer layers of her Wakandan dress and tossed them up on the bank. She would need to do extra work to clean their clothes, but she didn't mind. She sat down on the shore edge and waited for Bucky to come back.

It didn't take long. He came to join her, and with a squishy plop, he discarded the outer layers of his clothes. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. "This was a good idea."

She smoothed back an errant strand of hair from his face and kissed him. "I just want to make you happy."

"I am happy."

"I'll love you forever."

* * *

Bucky helped the neighbor who had brought the hay for the cows and goats. He was patching up the roof and Bucky was helping him in exchange. Life was simple in these parts of Wakanda; everybody helped one another when they needed it. They traded goods and services and haggled over prices.

Bucky had time and two hands to bargain with, along with his enhancement. Zara had some money set up for her from Commander Adama. The king had given them some livestock to start out with.

Bucky usually got up first and fed the animals and came back to bed until Zara stirred, and then they went to the community room for coffee and breakfast, if they wished. The women took turns cooking and setting out the food. The men jabbered until they were called. Once everyone ate, the men were expected to help clean up.

Zara joined Bucky and another man discussing Bucky's two cows.

"So, if I bring my bull over you agree that I get one of the calves and some milk?"

Bucky nodded.

The man smiled and held out his hand. Bucky shook it.

"My cousin has a rooster; I'll talk to him for you, if you wish."

"Yes, same deal, half of the eggs or chicks. Does he have a goat?"

"No, but I think I know someone who does."

"Are they willing to deal?"

"I'm sure something can be arranged."

"Thank you."

Zara tugged on Bucky's sleeve. "The garden needs work."

"Do you know anyone who can help Zara with the gardening?"

"I will ask around for you and send them by."

"That would be great."

The man smiled and left.

"I made some deals so we can start expanding our herd."

"I see that. I want to start getting the garden going before it starts getting too hot."

Bucky followed her back home and he grabbed the tools he needed, and together they began planting the vegetable plants and seeds.

Because of the abuse Zara had suffered for many years, she tired quickly and began to sweat profusely in the sun. Still, she pushed herself until she called out to Bucky for a break.

Her face was beet red and she stumbled alarmingly. Bucky picked her up and brought her inside. He ran back out and called for help.

Several women came running. They entered the home and shooed Bucky out. "We will take care of her."

They got Zara some water to drink, and cooled her down with compresses. "You know you are not used to the heat, you need to drink and rest." They admonished her.

She nodded weakly. "I just wanted to…"

"Hush now. Do not speak. Let us help you to change into something cooler."

Bucky paced outside and scrubbed his face with his palms until he was called for. He came to sit near her. "Is she okay?"

"She is not used to the heat. Keep her inside and make sure she drinks water."

"I will."

The women left and Bucky looked at her sternly. "Why do you push yourself so hard?"

"I want to do a good job."

"You don't have to do everything! The thing about the village is that we all help each other."

She nodded.

"You promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

Later that night as they snuggled in bed, they quietly talked about how Zara felt about deepening their intimacy and trust. She agreed that trust would only come with time, patience and comfort levels.

Bucky usually wore a sleeveless undershirt and pajama bottoms to bed, but tonight he removed the undershirt. When that went over okay, he used his hand to explore her body, and encouraged her to do the same with his.

They enjoyed several nights getting "used to" one another and getting comfortable with touching and being touched.

In the dark, Bucky smiled. For the first time, he didn't feel rushed, pushed or had expectations placed on him. He felt….relieved.

Back in the '40's, the girl mostly determined how far you could go; handholding, cuddling, kissing, etc. There were always those girls who wanted more; late night frantic episodes in the alley or in at least one case in the army, one WAC let him go all the way. He wondered what her name was as the memory faded from his mind.

Zara wasn't any of these girls, and he wasn't a playboy. He was a man married to a woman who had been as abused as he had been. He wasn't going to make her regret marrying him.

* * *

"The plants look good Zara." Bucky said. "You did a good job."

Zara smiled. It had been a month since she and some of the women had planted the seeds. Everything had come up and the starter plants that had been put in had taken off and growing well.

Today, Zara and Bucky were putting in stakes to help keep the young plants from falling over once they got taller. "That's the last one!" Zara beamed. "We did it."

Zara kept the plants watered and had gotten help with the weeding.

Both of their cows were expecting calves, and several goats were expecting kids. Bucky had built a chicken coop, with some guidance, and the chickens were laying eggs. All was going well.

Zara took her turns in the community center kitchen and Bucky provided labor to his neighbors.

After they had completed their work, they both washed up and got into clean clothes. There was going to be a campfire gathering at dusk.

They sat side by side, watched the fire, and swayed gently to the music, arms wrapped about each other. They listened to the singing; that they didn't know the words made no difference, they just enjoyed the togetherness.

That night they made love for the first time. Bucky went slow and careful. He wanted her to feel as special as she made him feel.

She still had some anxiety, but he kept talking to her in the dim light of a single candle, and encouraged her to speak up if she felt scared.

Bucky had gotten some lubricant from the doctors after they had married, and now explained its' purpose to Zara. He applied it to himself when she declined. "It's okay." He told her gently.

He kissed her all over and spent a lot of time nuzzling and getting her comfortable and relaxed. He also made sure she focused on him and stayed in the present by talking and asking questions.

At every stage, he would make sure she was okay before he moved onto something else.

Finally, she gave him permission, and he very gently made love to her.

He didn't want to go too long the first time, so he kept it brief.

They snuggled in each other's arms afterwards.

"How do you feel? Are you okay? Do you feel scared?" He asked her.

"No, not scared."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No."

"But…?" He felt there was more she wanted to say.

"I'm okay, I guess. In my head, I keep wondering what the right thing is to say or what I'm supposed to do next."

"There is no right or wrong thing to say. You say what you feel. What you do next is up to you."

"Can I put my pajamas back on?"

Bucky laughed softly. "Yes, of course."

She put her panties back on, and her pajamas. She handed Bucky his boxers.

"Do you want to see how I put them on, so I can answer your question?" He teased.

"No, I think I got the idea."

While he put them on, she blew out the candle and climbed back into bed to snuggle.

* * *

The mooing of the cows woke them in the morning. Bucky had overslept! He pulled on his robes quickly and went out to feed the animals.

He pulled up short when he saw Steve and T'Challa sitting at their outside table. Both men rose with grim expressions on their faces. Steve was in a darker version of his Captain America uniform and T'Challa had on his Black Panther suit.

Bucky heaved a deep breath. "Where's the fight?"

"I'm sorry to do this to you pal…" Steve could see the muscles of Bucky's jaw clench.

Bucky turned. **"ZARA!"**

Inside the hut Zara jumped up, alarmed. She quickly got dressed and ran outside. "What?" The last echo died on her lips when she saw who was there. Her heart seized.

Steve walked over and explained the dire situation.

Zara's hands were shaking. "Please don't take him!"

"We need him. We need everyone."

Bucky looked at the king and then at Zara.

"She will be safer here." T'Challa said.

"I don't want to be alone! Please don't leave me here! Let me come too." She begged Bucky.

"Will she be safe in the palace?"

"Give me a staff and I will fight." Zara pleaded.

"These are aliens with alien weapons…"

"Then give me a weapon."

Bucky looked at Zara. "This is the ugly side of my life, I am trained to fight, and you aren't. I don't want this side of me to taint you. You can come, but you are going to the palace where you will be safe."

"If we lose this battle Bucky, no place will be safe."

"Then I'm coming." Zara stated flatly.

* * *

Zara was brought to the palace. Shuri gave her something to defend herself with, if it came to that, and left to work on Vision.

Bucky suited up, and stood with T'Challa, Steve, Natasha, Banner, War Machine, Falcon, and a whole lot of Wakandans, including the Dore Milaje.

Outside of the protective dome, alien creatures squirmed their way in through the barrier, even though it meant almost certain death.

"Oh my God!" Okoye exclaimed. "They are killing themselves."

Horrified, they watched the aliens sacrifice themselves by the thousands before they started to spread out.

"If they get behind us we won't have enough manpower to stop them." Steve warned.

"Then we must find a way to keep them in front of us."

"How are we going to do that?" Okoye asked, almost afraid of his answer.

"We are going to open the barrier." He spoke into his communicator.

"What was that?" The stunned Wakandan replied.

"Open the barrier."

They watched as a slit opened in the barrier and the creatures surged forward in a mindless fury of death.

The king crossed his arms over his chest. "WAKANDA FOREVER!" He shouted to his army.

They echoed the words back to him.

The king charged forwards and the fighters followed.

There was a huge clash of warriors and creatures mid-way; everyone found an opponent and so began the battle for Earth.

Meanwhile, Thanos, sent his people to where he sensed the Mindstone was.

Shuri had defensive weapons at her disposal, including Wanda, who was pacing frantically. "How much longer?"

"I have to separate two trillion connections, it's isn't going to be quick."

The longer the battle went on, the closer Thanos got to the stone, until it was obvious that they weren't going to make it in time. Vision and Wanda joined the defensive line, but while Wanda was strong, Vision was very weak.

Wanda demolished an entire alien vessel before Okoye's eyes. "And we had her in the back? She should have done this first."

Falcon and War Machine flew over the fields and shot at the enemy from the edges of the barrier in an effort to minimize those getting through.

Thor arrived with Rocket and Groot.

Banner yelled through the comms. "You guys are so screwed now!"

Thor sent bolts of lightning through the aliens, and they died instantly.

Rocket aimed his weapon and shot down as many as he could find. Bucky was close by and shot those Rocket missed. Rocket's eyes widened, and his ears perked up. "How much for the gun? I'll give you a good price."

"It's not for sale." Bucky clamed replied.

Rocket looked at Bucky's metal arm jealously. "How much for the arm? I'll take the arm."

Bucky gave him a dirty look, but didn't bother to validate Rocket's second offer.

Thanos and his minions caught Wanda and Vision in a bad place. Vision begged Wanda to destroy the stone. "It's the only way."

Tears streaming down her face, and a wail coming from her throat, she focused her power on the stone until it exploded. Anyone nearby went flying from the concussive force.

A grimace formed on Thanos' face. He extended his hand and using the time stone, rewound the last few minutes and time moved backwards. The stone pieced back together, to Wanda's horror.

Thanos grabbed Vision and ripped the stone from Vision's forehead. Wanda screamed as vision's lifeless body fell to the ground.

The Avengers converged on Thanos, but Thor got there first and slammed his new weapon into Thanos' chest.

Thanos looked at Thor calmly. "You should have gone for the head." Thanos snapped his fingers and vanished, leaving only Thor's axe hitting the ground with a thud.

"Steve!" Bucky called out, and then disappeared in a cloud of ashes before Steve's eyes. He'd lost Bucky… AGAIN!

Wanda crumbled to ash, and the pieces began floating away. Sam vanished while Rhodey searched for him. T'Challa vanished before Okoye's horrified eyes. "My KING!"

Steve slumped to the ground in utter defeat. In his hand were Bucky's ashes; they trickled out and floated away.

Rocket cried out as Groot turned to ash as well.

All around the Earth, people turned to dust and vanished. In Wakanda, Commander Adama vanished before the eyes of his new bride.

Maria Hill and Nick Fury got into a car accident. When they went to check the driver of the other car, it was empty. Behind them, a helicopter spiraled out of control and crashed into an office building.

Maria began to disappear. Fury ran to the SUV he'd been riding in and grabbed a beeper. He pushed the button, just before he turned to ash. The beeper hit the asphalt. On the tiny screen, an "M" appeared.

"Mother-…" was all he managed to say.

* * *

In the palace, Zara sat in the corner of her room, the Wakandan stun gun given to her by Shuri aimed at the door steadied by both hands.

What was left of the Wakandans and the Avengers, picked themselves up, and dusted themselves off. The battle was lost; the war had just begun. They had suffered a terrible defeat, and now they had to collect themselves and mourn.

They convened at the palace. Shuri and Steve went to break the news to Zara.

Steve knocked on the door, and called out.

Hearing Steve's voice, Zara jumped up and flung open the door. Confusion flashed across her face as she saw Shuri instead of Bucky.

"Where's Bucky? Where's my Bucky?" She asked.

"I'm sorry Zara, he's gone."

Zara stood there stunned.

"So are Wanda and Sam, and T'Challa."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO BUCKY?" She cried loudly.

"He's gone Zara, he's dead."

"No. NO! You're lying to me, you're lying. You….he…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" What followed was the most heart-wrenching wail of anguish Steve had ever heard in his life.

She fell into him and beat her fists into his chest, all the while crying and screaming until she collapsed into his arms.

He carried her to bed, and they sat there crying together.

When they sat down for supper, Zara was absent. She was lying in her bed crying her heart out. The food brought to her room went untouched except for the packet of saltine crackers and the bottle of water.

Three days later, she still refused to eat, except for the crackers and water.

Four more days…

Zara hadn't touched her meals.

She was losing weight fast; 15 pounds in one week.

Another week went by and another 15 pounds gone. If Zara didn't eat, she was going to die.

Steve, Shuri, and the doctors met to weigh their options; put her in stasis, which did nothing really, restrain her and surgically insert a feeding tube to force feed her, but what kind of life was that? The last option was for Shuri to use a modification of the procedure she had used to erase the trigger words from Bucky's memories. In this procedure Shuri would erase her memories of Bucky, because letting her starve herself to death was not an option.

Zara was barely conscious when they brought her to the lab. They sedated her anyway.

Shuri worked on Zara for hours and hours, trying to target memories and make adjustments to the procedure as she went.

When she told Steve she had completed the procedure, they waited until she regained consciousness.

As soon as she began to stir, a light meal of scrambled eggs, tea and toast were ordered, with the hope she would eat.

Zara opened her eyes and saw Steve.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

In a tiny, meek voice, she answered… "Sleepy."

"I'm not surprised. Do you know who I am?"

She stared at him with cloudy eyes for a long time. "You're….." Her mind searched for his name. "Steve."

He smiled. "Yes, that's right." He felt relieved a bit, but his heart sank with her next words.

"What did I do? Was I bad?" She broke into tears. "I…I can't remember what I did, but I promise I won't do it again, I promise. Please don't hurt me." She shrank back and curled herself into a ball, terrified out of her mind.

The hollow, haunted look in her eyes made Steve's stomach clench.

Steve exchanged glances with Shuri. "What have I done?" He whispered to her.

* * *

Author's notes: This ends part one of the story. I will be working on the next section immediately. There will be two storylines interwoven as we continue to follow Zara in the aftermath of the battle with Thanos. Thank you for reading!


	41. Chapter 41

The Soul Stone

Prologue

Awakening

With great reluctance, Bucky forced one eye to open. He groaned and tried to roll over. Every part of his body ached; all except the metal arm.

He forced open the other eye when his confused brain refused to comprehend what his eye saw.

He groaned again as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "What the hell?" He spoke it aloud even though there was no one to hear him say it, or answer him.

Bucky found himself on the ground, looking out at a desolate landscape….of orange. The sky was orange as well, just paler in color.

He grabbed a handful of dirt and let it trickle out of his metal hand. Then he tried it with the hand made from flesh. It felt…weird. It looked like sand, trickled out of his hand like sand, but felt more like ashes.

 _Where the hell am I?_

The distant horizon had a lumpy looking set of hills. He saw no people, no sun, no clouds, no vegetation, no water; just a flat, barren plain.

He got to his feet and assessed his position relative to the hills and scanned the horizon in every direction. The one set of hills was all he saw. He needed high ground to get a better view of his surroundings and set off in the direction that held that most promise. But before he left, he scraped the toe of his boot into the sandy soil and scratched out a large arrow pointing towards the hills. Should anyone come looking for him, he wanted them to find him. Then he scratched out his name: Bucky Barnes, along the length of it.

Satisfied with the results, he took a deep breath and started walking.

After an hour, he stopped to rest for a moment. Well, maybe not so much rest as to just get his bearings. Nothing had changed. The hills seemed as far away as ever. He had stopped periodically to mark more arrows in the soil and now added one more.

"HELLO!" He shouted. No answer, not even an echo. He wasn't surprised, but he had to try. Why? Why did he have to try? He shook his head to clear it. Some little thought niggled at the back of his mind, but he couldn't pin it down. No matter; it would come to him later.

He scanned the terrain once more and then continued on his way towards the hills. High ground, get to the high ground. The thought pushed him forward.

* * *

Author's Notes: Welcome to part two of the Slave Girl. Sorry for the delay in posting, as I have been debating where I wanted to take this. This is a teaser to the second part of the story.

Since Bucky and Zara are now separated, you'll see two storylines. Also some other characters that should be familiar will be added as this section progresses.

As always, feedback is welcomed.


	42. Chapter 42

Part Two

Chapter 1

Aftermath

Steve watched helplessly.

The woman that had begun to blossom had vanished, and instead, was replaced by a fearful child.

"What the hell happened?" He asked.

He, Shuri, and Zara's doctors sat around to discuss what went so very wrong.

Dr. Buhari offered the most plausible explanation after weeks of observation. "It appears her personality has changed due to the memories of Bucky being removed. Without an anchor, without the struggles of living and growing emotionally, she has returned to an earlier self."

Dr. Diya took up the slack. "It appears that by removing her pain, we have forever altered her mind."

Steve shook his head, and cast a glance at the woman who sat on the other side of the glass. Her head was mostly down, with only an occasional fearful glance at the door. It was if she expected someone to come in at any moment to punish her.

"Can we fix this? Can we put the memories back?"

Shuri shook her head doubtfully. "Even if I tried, there's no guarantee that she would be the same. She could end up worse."

"What have I done?" Steve buried his face in his hands.

"What else could you have done? She was starving herself to death. All her hope was lost when Bucky died. She wanted to be with him."

"I couldn't stand by and watch her kill herself. She's survived so much; she was strong enough to survive this. I could have…" Steve trailed off. He wanted to say that he could have helped her past this, but he didn't know how.

"What have you told her?" Oko wanted to know. Although she was a medical doctor in the physical sense, psychology was not her field. Still, many mental health issues manifested themselves in physical ways.

"The kindest thing we could tell her was that she'd been in a bad accident, and her memory was being affected." Shuri supplied.

"And how did she take that news?" Dr. Buhari asked.

"She seemed to accept it at first, but as time has gone by, she acts more and more uncertain of herself."

"She waits for 'orders', or asks if I need her to do something. She even asks permission to go to the bathroom. If I tell her to sit down, she'll wait until I tell her it's okay to get up." Steve added.

"Like what we are seeing now?" Dr. Buhari indicated.

"Yeah; she's waiting for me to come back, and give her something to do."

"So, it is like she has no mind of her own."

"Well, she does remember Steve, and myself, and the others, and she remembers her school work, but there have been times she stops in the middle of a sentence and blanks out. Then she apologizes for not being able to express herself."

"So, some memory is triggered, but she hits a wall, as the memory of Bucky is nothing more than a hole in her mind."

"That's one way of putting it." Steve agreed.

"We must begin again to teach her the things she needs to learn. It falls to you, Captain Rogers. As her guardian, she will follow your lead, and learn by watching you. She will once again show progress if you show her kindness, and teach her to trust you."

"I've been working with her, but we haven't made much progress."

"She needs time, Captain. She needs time to process the trauma to her emotions and mind. Keep smiling at her, keep lifting her spirits, keep praising her for accomplishments and she will settle."

"But will she be the Zara we knew?"

"She will develop a new personality."

"So, the answer is no?"

"The answer is no; she will not be exactly like the Zara you knew. New experiences will shape her future and the new woman she is to be."

Steve sighed. _This is all my fault._

* * *

Zara scratched away at her school book. She paused to re-read the paragraph above. She wrote down her answer and handed it over to Steve. As he graded it, she chewed on her lower lip, nervous and anxious that she had made a mistake.

"You did very well, Zara." Steve began. "I just want to point out the answer to number 8. I think this is only part of the answer. Do you want to look at it again?"

She hastily took the book back to scour her work. _What did I miss? What did I miss?_ She thought frantically. She went over all her answers. When she finally looked up at Steve, tears were forming. She hadn't found the answer, and she was afraid to tell him. "I'll find it, I'll keep looking. I promise; I'll find it."

"Zara, it's fine. You don't have to get upset over it. I understand why you wrote what you did. You got most of the answer and I'm not going to mark it wrong. I just want to know that you understand everything."

She nodded wordlessly, her gaze focused on the book.

"Are you sure?" The old Zara would have argued her point and defended her answer more. The new Zara put an incredible amount of pressure on herself to get the answers correct to please Steve.

"Yes." She squeaked out. _I understand that I'm stupid and I'll never get this right_. She swiped at the tears, and tried on a brave expression.

Steve wasn't fooled for a minute, but he pretended to be. "Good girl. In fact, you've done really well this week and I have a surprise for you. Let me go get it."

Steve went a retrieved a puzzle book for her. "There are all sorts of puzzles in there. I want you to promise you'll try some of the ones you think are hard. It doesn't matter if you complete them or not, but just to try. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded.

Steve's eyes flicked up. Shuri walked in with a surprise of her own.

"Sharon?" Steve nearly knocked the table over getting to his feet. "Holy cow! How did you make this happen?" He asked Shuri as he hugged Sharon.

"I am to be queen tomorrow after the challenge. No one would say no to me. I did have some help from Agent Ross. It seems he owed me a favor." She winked.

Steve had heard about the bullet Ross took and how Shuri had saved his life after the fact. He owed her big time.

"Sharon, I want you to meet Zara. Zara, this is Sharon."

Zara gave her a sad little smile, and looked away quickly. She knew this was Steve's girlfriend, and that they would want time to catch up, so she asked if she was dismissed.

"School's over for today. You can go and have the rest of the day to yourself."

Zara, made the briefest glance up, and gave a nearly imperceptible nod before exiting the room.

"So, that's her?"

"Yeah…..or what's left of her."

"I am hoping a woman's touch around here will brighten Steve's mood, and help Zara feel more comfortable." Shuri said. "Now, I have to prepare for tomorrow."

"Thank you." It was such a small gesture for all the accomplishments Shuri and her late brother, T'Challa, had given to Steve. Would it ever be enough?

After a quiet dinner, Zara made a hasty retreat as soon as she was dismissed. She felt uncomfortable hanging around. She went to her room to stitch.

She wandered out later, but when she heard Steve and Sharon laughing over some silly TV program in the lounge, she retreated back to the silence and solitude of her room.

She felt sad and lonely and she didn't know why. She had holes in her memory and felt inadequate. She couldn't remember the accident, but told that since it was a terrible trauma it was normal not to remember it.

She felt uncertain. Sometimes Steve would say something and there would be this wisp of a memory. She couldn't quite reach it, and the harder she tried, the more it floated beyond her. But that wasn't the worse part!

The frustration ate away at her for sure, but it was the way she felt inside; like there was something more missing than just a memory. She tried thinking as hard as she could, but it was no use. Whatever it was just left her feeling isolated, and alone.

She kept pushing herself to stitch. She clung to the puzzle books, and reading and filling the time so she didn't have time to think or to feel. She set up DVD's in the lounge and watched the same movies over and over again while she stitched. Steve often sat in the lounge with her. He never complained when she put on these same old corny Godzilla movies. She discovered King Kong movies and watched them in rotation with Harry Potter, and Star Wars, and Star Trek.

Steve would ask her if she ever saw creatures like Godzilla in her travels through space, or about other things that cropped up in these fantastical science fiction films.

She would answer hesitantly, pausing between words or sentences, as if struggling to put together her thoughts.

Steve questioned himself, if he were really helping her or not, but the doctors told him to be patient, to let her struggle. It was hard to watch her struggle, as he knew he had caused it, but he bit back the guilt and soldiered on.

* * *

After a couple of days, Shuri returned successful in her challenge to rule Wakanda. She told them that it been agreed that M'Baku would take a seat on the council and be an additional advisor.

She also told them about a possible plan to repatriate Steve Rogers with his homeland, which surprised Steve.

"I have spoken at great length with the new Secretary of State. While he is not completely on board with the idea, he is willing to let you go home to New York with some stipulations."

Steve took a deep breath. "What stipulations?"

Shuri laid out the conditions.

"Uh huh." Steve expected as much.

"But, if you are willing to abide by these restrictions for now, in time they can be lessened or lifted entirely."

"And what about Sharon?"

"I've got my own deal in place." She assured him. "I'll be fine."

"So, what about Zara?"

Shuri made a face. "Even though you are her guardian, you cannot take her with you. As she is a citizen of Wakanda, I will make sure she is taken care of."

Steve started to protest, but Shuri cut him off.

"You must show you are willing to work within the guidelines before they will consider it. She does not currently qualify under the rules set forth by the present administration, but might overlook it if a charitable donation were to be made on her behalf. You could not bring her over until you are off your probationary status, in any case."

"How long will that take?"

"I don't know."

"Great."

"I am presenting provisions and amendments to the Accords to make them less restrictive and give you back more say. Tony Stark is missing and the Avengers have no leader. The world has no defender. They are willing to give you another chance, and this is your only hope of going home legally."

"I can't leave her, I can't."

"Yes you can."

Three heads whipped around.

Zara stood at the doorway. She looked guilty at overhearing them talk. "Go home Steve. If this is your only chance, take it. Don't worry about me. I want you to be happy. I'll get by."

Steve closed his eyes briefly. The memory of him saying those same words to Bucky rushed into his mind. "Zara, come here, please."

She walked forward slowly and stopped just out of Steve's reach. "If you have a chance to go home, please take it. They don't want me there; that's why they kicked us out. The king said we could live here, and this could be our home, but Commander Adama is gone, so it's just my home now. Go and make a home with Sharon. You deserve it."

Steve pressed his lips together. This was the most she had talked since Bucky's memories had been removed. "I want to take you with me. It wouldn't be fair to leave you behind."

"I'll be all right. How much trouble could I get into out here? There's nothing here. I'll do my school work, and wait for you."

Before Steve could protest, Shuri stepped in. "If you got a foot in the door, you will eventually be able to reunite at a later time. I will make sure she is taken care of."

"I still have to think about this."


	43. Chapter 43

Part Two

Chapter 2

Alone Again

Steve hugged Zara tightly. She couldn't help crying. Steve was leaving with Sharon. The quin jet was waiting. Zara knew it was for the best. Steve had risked a lot, and now might be his only chance to go home. He hated leaving her behind, but for now they had no choice.

Zara released her grip, and hiccupped through her tears.

Steve's face was red from all the emotions he barely held inside. If he didn't leave soon, he might change his mind altogether.

Zara pulled his head down and choked out a few words. "I love you, Steve."

Steve began swiping at his own tears. "I love you too, Zara."

Steve took Sharon's hand and together they walked on board. The ramp closed up and the jet lifted off.

Shuri started to ask Zara a question, but she turned and ran back into the building.

 _Poor Zara! She's lost everyone now_. Shuri thought to herself. She sighed. _She needs time_.

* * *

Shuri gave Zara a week before asking to see her.

Zara shuffled into the room T'Challa once used, and sat down.

"Thank you for coming Zara. I want to ask you something. How would you like to move into the palace with me?"

Zara was surprised, and her lips parted slightly, but she said nothing.

"You will have your own room, and you will be close to the city and the marketplace. You will have more opportunities there."

"I'm fine." She squeaked out.

"Honestly, I am looking for an assistant. Do you think you'd like the job?" Shuri asked, trying a different tactic.

"I'm not smart enough. I'm sure you have a lot of people much smarter than me."

"It is true that I have some smart people to call upon when I need them, but none of them have the qualification I am looking for. You see, I need someone who has been out in space. If Wakanda is to grow and evolve, I need someone who knows about the different people out there. I need to know what to expect."

Zara thought for a minute. "The closest place is where Atlantis was. I don't know if they are still here or if they have gone back, but you should contact Stargate Command and find out. Teyla and Ronon would be your best choices. They can help set up things for you with other planets."

"That would be great! This is why I need you to come help me. Would you be willing to work for me and help me? You'd be earning your own money."

Zara mumbled something that Shuri didn't catch. "Can you speak a little louder? I didn't catch that."

"I haven't finished my school work." Zara repeated.

"We will find time for it, don't worry. So, you think about it and let me know, okay?"

Zara nodded. "Am I dismissed?"

"Unless you have an answer for me already, you are free to go."

Zara hesitated a brief moment before standing up. "When do you need an answer by?"

"Only you can decide that, Zara."

Zara nodded and exited the room.

Once the door shut, M'Baku emerged from the side. "Do you think she will say yes?"

Shuri shrugged. "I have no way of knowing until she tells me."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because I have finally found something I cannot fix."

* * *

Bucky finally made it to the base of the mountain.

He'd walked for days on end, pausing only to go over his plans. He sat and rested, but the funny thing was; he didn't feel tired. He didn't feel hungry or thirsty either. _I must be dead._ He thought at first, but then he looked at his hands. The metal hand was still there. _How can this be?_

Unable to sort it out in his mind, he pushed it aside for now. His priority was to get some altitude and get his bearings.

He hadn't seen another living creature on his journey; no people, no animals, no trees, not even a weed! The color of the soil hadn't changed, nor did the color of the sky. There didn't seem to be any day or night to this place. He couldn't tell how much time had passed, or what time of day it was.

He sat down one more time to ponder the place he now found himself in. _What kind of a place is this?_ He couldn't tell. He peered up at the craggy rock and mentally ticked off hand and foot holds in some of the steeper spots. Other than that, he had no worries about getting high enough to take a look around.

He stood up at last and picked his way along the easiest path.

* * *

In the end, Zara agreed to the move to the palace. While she had no reason to stay, she also had no reason to go. She figured she could be just as miserable here as there.

All her belonging were packed up and shipped out. Zara stared at her barren room one last time trying to recall memories that would not come. She gave up at last, and walked away.

Shuri was waiting on the quin jet for her when she arrived. Zara plodded along and took her seat, but her heart was not in it. She gave a faint smile to Shuri before the jet lifted off. Next to her was one of the female guards. They all looked fierce, so Zara's eyes didn't linger on her for any length of time. To Zara they all looked similar, but then Zara had never studied them that much.

"I have a schedule planned out for you back at the palace, Zara. I hope I have managed to balance everything to your satisfaction."

"It's fine."

"You haven't even seen it."

"You're really smart, so I'm sure you've thought of everything."

"I hope so."

When they arrived at the palace, Shuri led Zara to her new quarters. All her belongings had been put inside already.

"You can start your new schedule tomorrow. I left it on your bed, along with a map of the palace to refresh your memory. Your things have been put away, but if you wish to rearrange it, I can send someone down to help you."

"It's fine for now."

"I'll let you settle in and then I'll see you tomorrow." Shuri gave Zara's shoulder a little squeeze before she left.

Zara stepped into the room. It was much more than she had at the outpost facility, but less than the guest quarters when she had first arrived with Commander Adama. At the thought of his loss, Zara's heart skipped a beat. She was alone, truly alone.

Although she had people all around her, she felt as if no one was there.

After being questioned about how she felt enough times, she learned to hide her feelings better.

Now, she walked around the room, her fingers gently gliding over the furniture, and her eyes taking in the layout. All her stuff was here, but still she had this nagging feeling something was missing.

The feeling started when she'd woken up in the medical treatment area and Steve told her she'd been in an accident. She couldn't remember the accident, or the events leading up to it. She felt…strange.

She had odd feelings she couldn't explain, even to herself! There was this shade of sadness lingering about her and she didn't understand why she felt that way.

She had wanted to ask someone, anyone, but old habits stopped her. Memories of fear and anxiety coursed through her whenever she got close to speaking about those feelings.

In the quiet of the room whispers of the past tickled her mind. Everything felt…wrong somehow. She bit her lower lip and paused. _What is it they are not telling me? It must be something terrible. Did I do something bad?_ She shook off that thought. _If I did something bad they would have punished me for it. No, it must be something else, but what?_

She walked into the bathroom; a toilet, a sink, and a shower. She shrugged. _What else would there be? Stupid girl._ She glanced briefly into the mirror and quickly averted her eyes. The reflection was no one she wanted to see. She hesitated a moment, and her eyes glanced back up. She saw the color of her hair. It looked as faded and tired as she felt inside. _Maybe I should get something to brighten it up with._

Suddenly, she gasped. A wisp of a memory overwhelmed her. A name, a shadow of a face came to her, but just out of reach. "Why are you haunting me? Who are you? What do you want?" She choked the words out to thin air. "Why can't you leave me alone?"

Grief and confusion welled up and her tears poured out. At least here she could cry. She sank to her knees and wedged herself between the toilet and the sink until she had spent all her tears.

She tried so hard not to cry in front of Steve, or Sharon, or Shuri. Sometimes she couldn't help it, and the look it caused in Steve's eyes made her feel worse. She'd made up white lies and told them to Steve so he wouldn't feel so bad. Zara had gotten good at lying and used her innocent expressions to carry them off so Steve didn't question her further.

Honestly, she wasn't too sure about Steve anymore. She didn't know why she felt so skittish around him. She remembered him helping her with school work and other things, that wasn't the problem. The problem was when he'd ask her something, or suggest something, sometimes it made her feel that "something's missing" feeling.

When he asked her to read out loud from her book, she felt it. When he asked her if she wanted him to tuck her in, she had felt it then too.

There was definitely something wrong with Steve too. She noticed after a while that he'd start to say something, and then abruptly go off in another direction. It was if he realized he was about to say something wrong, and stopped himself.

 _So, what is it he's not telling me? It's got to be something bad_. _What did I do?_


	44. Chapter 44

Part Two

Chapter 3

Readjusting

Zara handed the paper to Shuri. Her childish scrawl had nearly vanished by now, but when she tired, her printing got sloppy.

Shuri read over the list Zara had made, while Zara studied the floor. Off to the side M'Baku sat impatiently and fidgeted.

Zara had met him a few days ago. She was scared of him. He looked grumpy all the time to Zara and she remained at a distance from him whenever he was around. She didn't speak to him; in fact, she hardly spoke at all anymore. The only times she really spoke was to answer Shuri or ask permission for dismissal.

"Thank you for the list Zara. It will be very helpful to me. You may go and work on your reading and writing skills now."

Zara nodded vigorously and went to the lounge.

M'Baku scowled. "Are you really going to contact any of these people? They know nothing of Wakanda."

"And we know nothing of them, but it is a place to start."

M'Baku snorted and got up to leave. "I hope you know what you're doing." He left.

"We all are going to have to adapt." She stated, but of course he was already gone by that time. Turning towards Okoye, she realized how profound those words were. She was adapting to life without T'Challa, her new role as queen, and letting go somewhat of the research and development department. It wasn't easy. M'Baku was adapting to his new role, Okoye to her new ruler, and poor Zara to life alone.

"How is she doing?" Shuri asked Okoye.

Okoye shrugged. "She keeps to herself and she avoids the Dora."

"Has she found no one to talk to?"

"No one that I am aware of."

"And what news of Nakia?"

"She sends good news from California; more people are coming to the resource centers."

Shuri smiled. "T'Challa would have liked to hear that."

"Yes, he would."

"But now I must get back to work."

* * *

Zara tapped her Kindle. She ran across a word she didn't understand. The wonderful thing about the Kindle was that it gave explanations if you asked and Zara didn't have to have a baby-sitter. It was a great way to learn on her own.

When she got bored with reading, she pulled out her writing practice papers. She kept printing the alphabet all down the page. On the next page, she worked on her cursive writing.

She sighed sadly and pulled out a blank paper. She began to write a letter.

Dear Steve.

I hope you have settled in. I hope your room is nice.

I am at the palace now. My room is a little bigger than I had before. It's still much bigger than I need.

I am being good. You don't have to worry.

I have someone checking my school work every day, but they are not baby-sitting me like you did.

I am practicing my writing. I hope you think it's good.

Zara stopped and read what she wrote _. It sounds stupid._ She crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. Exasperated, she fished it back out, smoothed out the paper on the table and started writing on the other side.

She wrote pretty much the same thing on that side too. She crumpled it back up. _Who am I fooling? I don't know how to write a letter. Why write when there's nothing to say? I'll ask Shuri tell Steve….what should she tell him? Forget it!_

She packed up her stuff back into the lounge closet that served as her work space and went for a walk. Zara stopped at a window and looked out. She gazed at the front of the palace and remembered the first time she saw it. It was so unlike anything she had seen on Earth before. It seemed like such a strange place. Every piece was divided into separate countries, and each country seemed to have its' own opinion of what stylish was and was proper governing was like. There were so many different rules it made Zara's head hurt just trying to think about it.

 _I wonder what Steve is doing… He's probably having fun now that he doesn't have to babysit me all the time. Maybe he's fishing or swimming…_ Zara ran one fingernail under another one; an absent-minded habit she had when she was lost in thought or nervous. _He's probably much happier._

As much as she tried to convince herself that Steve was happy, she couldn't say the same about herself. Fearing that she might start to cry, Zara moved off from the window. _I have to keep busy. I have to keep busy._

She went to her room and pulled all her pants from the closet and refolded everything. She put them back and as she went to grab a shirt, she stopped. _Didn't I give that away?_ That's when she realized she had too many clothes. _I gave that away too…didn't I?_

She tried to think. She remembered piling up some stuff because she felt she didn't deserve nice things. She remembered going through it all a second time and picking stuff from the discard pile. There was someone else there too. She couldn't see his face. She felt his presence. It definitely was a man.

She sat on the bed and felt a great sadness. She couldn't understand why. She had been having strange memories and stranger feelings ever since her "accident" and she couldn't figure out what was going on. No one would explain anything except to go over the same tired story, so Zara stopped giving people questioning looks. She just kept her head and eyes down. Zara couldn't imagine what really was going on, but she knew they weren't going to tell her anything.

She closed her eyes, and tried to just let a memory, any memory, come to her, but it was if a shadow had cast a net over her. She felt stuck. Then she tried something else. Instead of trying to remember a vision, she closed her eyes and tried to remember a feeling. Nothing came to her.

She stood up and pushed a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "How do I solve a puzzle when I don't even know how to play?" She pushed her thoughts away and began looking through her shirts. "I don't need all these." She pulled a couple of their hangers and flung them on the bed. Her old duffel bag caught her eye, and she pulled it down. "What's in here?" She began pulling out stuff. "Oh, there's where that went. I was looking for…" Her eyes glimpsed something. She pulled out a shirt. "This isn't mine!"

She turned to toss it on the bed, but something stopped her. She dropped the bag and grasped the shirt with both hands. She touched it to her face and inhaled. Shocked by the familiarity, she almost dropped it.

"I know that smell!"

After the "accident" and after she'd gotten to know Steve all over again, every time she hugged him, he smelled…wrong somehow. She had a confused look on her face, but didn't say anything to Steve.

She smelled the shirt again, and feelings of peace and sadness came over her. "This belonged to you, didn't it? I don't know who you are or where you went, but I remember you. I remember this is how you smelled. Who are you?"

She looked at the shirt as she held it up. It was a man's sleeveless undershirt that had somehow gotten mixed up in her clothes. "I don't know why they won't tell me who you are, but I know you are real and that what I'm feeling and remembering isn't just all in my head. You are real. I knew you. I don't know how just yet, but I will find you. I promise."

* * *

"Steve? Did you start the coffee?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"Finally." She came into the kitchen. "I need some this morning."

"So, people have to have two coffee-makers in their houses now?"

Sharon laughed. "What are you talking about?"

He pulled the coffee-maker out from behind him. "This makes coffee too, right?"

"One is for company, and one is for individual cups." She took the Keurig out of his hand and put it back in the cabinet.

"What a waste to make just one cup at a time."

"Everyone has different tastes, so everyone gets what they like."

Steve scowled at the coffee tree on the counter; donut shop, dark roast, breakfast time, French vanilla, the list was endless. "Whatever happened to coffee flavored coffee?"

Sharon laughed again. "Sometimes you're still stuck in 1945."

"Things were so much simpler back then."

"We do have advantages nowadays."

"And disadvantages." He looked down at his ankle monitor. "I feel like a hostage."

"It won't be forever.' She shook her foot. "Don't forget, I've got one too."

Steve peered down at her leg. "I know, I'm sorry that I got you mixed up in all this."

"Steve, we've gone over this already; it was my choice to help you."

"I know, but I feel guilty."

She tapped him on his nose. "Stop it; feeling guilty isn't going to help you or me. I just want my coffee before the car comes to pick me up."

Part of the agreement Sharon made was that she was to be picked up and escorted to work and back. She was to put in her probationary hours of work in lieu of jail time. Steve was under house arrest, with guards stationed outside keeping watch.

If they needed him, they would phone and he'd skype with whoever called and have his meetings that way. With Tony gone missing, Steve was one of the few Avengers left.

She reached up and pulled his head down to hers for a kiss. Steve forgot about the coffee maker and returned her kiss. When Sharon broke it off she whispered to Steve. "Now, see if I had been drinking French Vanilla and you had been drinking chocolate flavored coffee imagine the possibilities."

Steve laughed and blushed red all the way to his ears.

Sharon pinched one of Steve's ears. "I love it when you blush." This made his blush deepen and Sharon giggled.

"Well, I'm sorry to inform you that all we have today is coffee flavored coffee."

"It'll do, I suppose." Sharon gave him an exaggerated pout, which made him smile. "But I have to fill up my mug before it's too late."

She reached for her travel mug and filled it up; then added what she liked in it. "All set for work now."

BEEP BEEP

"And just in time." She kissed him quick and turned to go. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

It was their new routine since moving in. Sharon went to work and Steve was the "house-husband", doing the laundry and such, but it gave him too much time to think.

* * *

Bucky opened his eyes.

He sat on an outcropping he'd found. After climbing up a good distance, he stopped to rest and orient himself. Not that he really felt the need to rest, but it seemed a good idea to close his eyes for a few minutes and let his brain relax.

He felt that he'd actually fallen asleep and was ready to go once again. He stood and stared out at the bleak landscape. "Reminds me of Siberia, except without the snow." His voice sounded a bit scratchy to his ears, but then he wasn't used to talking much. _Probably because of disuse._

He moved to the far side and scanned the horizon. _Nothing._ Just as he was about to turn, something caught his eye; a black dot. Was it his imagination? No, it definitely moved. He sank back into the rock face. Had he been seen? Was the dot moving towards the mountain? What was it?

He looked around for a weapon. He crouched down and piled up loose rocks. The rifle he had arrived with had failed to function and therefore he had discarded it. His expert knowledge of weapons failed to determine why the weapon would not fire. Logic and training told him to move on.

He wasn't sure if he had been seen or not, and now he was debating whether or not to move to a better position while he had time. He looked up. He didn't know the terrain, and the odds of finding what he needed was slim. Down was the only choice. He needed something defensible yet at the same time he needed a place easily escaped from should he need to run.

He was quite certain he could outrun whatever it was coming towards him, but there was no cover at ground level. Should he run now or stay and fight? He looked back up at the dot in the distance. It did not seem to be moving very quickly. Even with his enhanced eyesight, he could not make out what it was. He simply did not know enough to make a decision.

He thought about punching the rock face with his metal hand to eke out a better hiding spot, but if loose rocks fell it would surely give him away.

The only choice he had was to stay put. Maybe he hadn't been spotted. He leaned back into the rock as much as he could and waited.


	45. Chapter 45

Part Two

Chapter 4

Revelations

Zara half smiled at Shuri over her dinner plate. Shuri had been successful in contacting Stargate Command. She had opened the door by wishing to send participants and by promising resources to the program.

Atlantis had somehow already been sent back to the Pegasus galaxy, so if Wakanda wanted to deploy scientists, they would have to either get on the Daedelus or go through the gate bridge. And there was no way to contact them directly, except when the gate was open to connect the base with Atlantis.

It was a start.

Shuri and her council discussed who to send at length until the numbers were pared down and people were chosen. Training would be brief in Wakanda and then there would be more training once they got to Colorado. Ronon would take over their training once they got to Atlantis.

"You did not turn in your school work today, I am told."

"I want to do a good job, so I'm looking it over one more time. It's a big assignment."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Zara forced a smile. "Will there be someone available to babysit me for computer time later?"

"I will make sure there is."

"Thank you."

Zara finished her dinner and scampered off to the lounge to wait for computer time.

Since she was still under guardianship, she still needed an experienced person to oversee that she did not get in trouble online. Tonight, however, she had a plan. She wanted to look into Captain America.

* * *

Sharon sat through another meeting and lecture on proper procedures. She wasn't the only one in the room. Several other agents were present in this mandatory refresher class.

Her back hurt from sitting in the uncomfortable chair and she fidgeted. Behind her, she heard someone yawn. The man next to her scribbled something in his notebook.

Her coffee had gone cold a while ago, but she sipped it anyway, mostly to hide her own yawn.

The senior agent droned on about recognizing and escalating information up the chain of command.

Sharon crossed her feet and tried to scratch an itch with the toe of her shoe on the ankle that had the monitor on it. It was annoying at best, but better than jail.

When the meeting adjourned, Sharon was asked to remain behind. As she watched everyone else leave, she started to get a bad feeling.

The door closed and Sharon braced herself for the worse. Her immediate supervisor came in, sat down and pulled a file out of his briefcase. He opened the file and removed a piece of paper. "I just received this from Immigration. Would you like to elaborate on this petition?"

Sharon took the paper. It was Steve's formal request to have Zara brought to the U.S. to be under his guardianship. She explained as briefly as possible the circumstances Steve found himself in before, during and after the confrontation with Thanos and how Zara had come to Wakanda, and had been given guardianship of her by Commander Adama, who was now deceased..

Her boss looked at her seriously. "You do realize that she is considered a Wakandan citizen and that Steve Rogers has neither the authority nor status to make such a claim at this time."

"He wanted to start the paperwork as soon as possible so that when he is off his probationary period…"

"When and if he comes off of his probationary period, only then will such things be considered, and not before. Is that clear?"

"Zara has no one, and…"

"And that is not my problem. Is that clear?"

"Yes. May I ask a question?"

Her boss sighed. "What is it?"

"What if I petitioned for her?"

"You are not in any position either at this time. The answer is no."

"What about someone who is not in my position? What if I could find someone to accept responsibility for her? Can paperwork be started?"

"You will have to take that up with Immigration, but with the current administration rules, I highly doubt she would qualify."

"I see, so if a sizable donation were to be made…"

"Are we talking about a donation or a pay-off, because I cannot be involved in this, nor can I advise you in this matter. As your supervisor, as your friend, Sharon… let it go. She has citizenship, so someone has to be looking after her."

"But…"

"Let it go." The way he intoned his words were a definite dismissal.

"Yes sir." Sharon stood and left the room.

Her boss picked up the paper and placed it back into the file. He put it back into his briefcase and went to his office to make a phone call.

"Yeah, I spoke to her about it. I told her to let it go. Will she? I don't know. I hope so for her sake. The woman? From what I hear she has the I.Q. of a 10 year old. No, I don't think so. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her. If anything changes, you'll call me, right? Great." He hung up the phone.

He swiveled his chair back and forth, deep in thought. He rested his elbow on the desk and pinched his lower lip between his thumb and his index finger. _I can't wait to see how this turns out…_

* * *

It took Zara a whole week before she was able to do an inquiry on the computer about Steve. After a week of game-playing, her "baby-sitter" got sloppy and bored, and Zara finally typed in "Captain America" in the search box as she'd been taught. Before she hit the "enter" button, she flicked her eyes at her baby-sitter. He was getting a drink from the lounge fridge. Zara opened a second tab and opened her game. If by chance he wandered over, she could switch out the screens.

"Do you want something to drink?" He hollered over.

"No, thank you. I'm all good."

He waved an acknowledgment and sat down.

Zara took a breath and pressed enter.

On the screen, whatever had been declassified popped up. She read through the history, all the while keeping an eye on her "new friend".

She clicked through the photos one by one. She saw images of Steve before the serum, and she smiled at how tiny he was. There were images in his army uniform, and of the soldiers he worked with back in the 1940's. She saw a picture of Howard Stark; one of the men responsible for Steve's transformation, and then Dr. Erskine, the man who came up with the formula.

She clicked faster until finally an image made her freeze. She started to tremble. The image was of a man with long dark hair, water-colored blue eyes, and a metal arm. The caption below called him "The Winter Soldier".

"Also known as Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes, (another image but from 1944 cropped up), presumed dead after falling from a train on a mission, he became HYDRA'S number one assassin. Credited with over two dozen confirmed kills, including the parents of Tony Stark…"

Zara's eyes flicked up. Her guardian yawned and sipped some water from the bottle. She rushed to finish reading the article and sat back, stunned. It was the man from her memory! She was certain about it.

 _My name…Zara Barnes. Barnes….the same as his!_ She filed this information away in her head. As she heard some rustling, she clicked off the tab, and clicked on her game.

Her baby-sitter came around to look at her game. "Are you winning?" He asked.

"It's not a game you win, really. You just keep adding to your score." She pointed to the section of the screen that showed how much coins you had earned, and how many points you had to acquire to get to the next level. "It's kind of boring, but it's simple for me to play. They wanted to teach me how to use the mouse thing, so they figured a game would make it seem fun."

"Ah." He replied. He understood now.

She clicked off of it. "But I'm sure you have better and more important things to do now, so I'll stop playing." She closed her laptop. "The big computers have the mouse things, but I also had to learn to use the little square to play the game." As if he didn't already know.

He just nodded and turned off the internet connection. "Goodnight."

Zara smiled to hide her thoughts. "Thank you." She said as she exited the lounge as casual as she could, carrying her laptop. As soon as she was well down the hall, she picked up her pace and hurried to her room. She swept in and closed the door.

She put the computer down on her settee just in time to sink to the floor in a stunned heap. _James Buchanan Barnes, James Buchanan Barnes. It's you! It's you I've been remembering! But why?_

She was determined to delve into this mystery more with the first chance she could get.

* * *

Steve was relaxing when Sharon got home. He stood up to greet her, and noticed her grim expression. "Bad day?" He asked.

"Your petition has been put on hold for Zara."

"WHAT? Why?"

"Immigration sent the paperwork to my boss, to our boss, and he told me in no uncertain terms that no paperwork can be filed until you are off probation."

"Has that time been determined?"

"He didn't say."

"The way things are going it could be a year or two years, or….and what about Zara? Did you tell him about Zara?"

"I did."

"And what did he say about that?"

"He said it wasn't his problem."

"Sharon, I just can't leave her there. She's depending on me. I can't let her down. I gave her my word."

"Steve, Steve, I know that, it'll just take a bit. Maybe in 6 months you can refile."

"Six months?"

"Six months of good behavior might get your probation period reduced and look better when we refile the petition."

He sat down heavily. "They won't even let me call her. She's going to think I abandoned her. Sharon she's been let down and abandoned by everybody she's ever known. If we had defeated Thanos, at least Commander Adama would still be alive."

"I know."

"Have we heard from anyone else on the team?"

Sharon sat down next to him. Her expression did not bode well.

"Go ahead; let me have the bad news."

"Clint is fine; mostly. He was doing repair work on his barn and fell. He's recuperating at home with broken ribs, a broken leg and a broken arm."

Steve rolled his eyes.

Sharon hesitated.

"What?" Steve sat up straight.

"There was an incident in California. Apparently, Hank Pym and his daughter showed up and the authorities were after them, but they got away. Ant-Man showed up, but Scott's monitor never left his house and every time they've checked, he's been there, so they don't know who was in the suit for sure, it might have been him, but they…well, it's very confusing. There was a lot more going on and…"

"What's the bottom line, Sharon?"

"Scott had his ankle monitor removed, having completed his house arrest, but now Hank Pym, his daughter, Hope and Scott have all vanished. No one has seen them. A bunch of scientific equipment of Pym's was found abandoned along with a van, but no one knows what happened. They are just gone."

"And when were you going to tell me this?"

"I just got that information disclosed to me today, but it seems they all vanished the day Thanos showed up."

Steve was stunned.

"There's more."

"You've got to be kidding?"

"Apparently, Maria Hill and a "mutual friend" vanished the same day. Their vehicle was found abandoned and running in D.C. The only other thing found was a pager. The only thing visible on the screen was an "M". This I got from outside the agency, so keep it to yourself."

"Who else is left?"

"Thor, but he's with his people right now trying to get them all settled in. Rhodes is working out something with Ross, who is pissed, but he has very few choices right now, so he's being forced by the Accords committee to compromise. He hates you and Rhodes."

"Sounds familiar."

"The kid, Spiderman, went missing with Tony, and we have no way of knowing where they are or even if they are still alive. Banner says he met up with this "wizard" named Strange and that he was taken by the ship and that is why Tony and Spiderman went after it. We don't know his status either. Nat is staying with Clint and Laura, and that's all I have."

"It's not much. Any idea about the "M" from the pager?"

"You know your friend as well as I do, he never divulged much."

"That's part of the problem."

"When I joined up, I wanted to keep the world safe, if that meant SHIELD or the CIA, I was game. Now we have "wizards"? This is all like some Harry Potter film gone wrong. How do we train for something like this?"

"You don't; you make it up as you go. THAT is what Ross doesn't understand."

"Which Ross?"

"Either one; in any case, do we have a status on your old boss from Berlin?"

"Everett Ross?"

Steve nodded.

"I don't hear very much, other than he's still stationed there. He's doing some fieldwork as well, I think. I haven't confirmed that yet though."

"I hate sitting and waiting around doing nothing."

"I know. We'll get a plan together soon, I promise."

Steve smiled, but there wasn't much optimism in it. _I hope…_

* * *

The flight or fight instinct in Bucky was becoming insistent. _Just a couple of more minutes…_

The lone figure drew closer, and Bucky kept re-calculating his odds of fleeing successfully if he needed to.

Bucky suddenly recognized the figure. It was Sam! _How in the hell…?_

He waited until he thought Sam was close enough and stood up. He tried waving, but Sam didn't see him. So, he picked up the biggest rock and flung it as hard as he could. It hit some rocks further down and started a slide of rocks.

Sam immediately went into defense mode until he saw Bucky waving.

"Dude, you're freaking me out!" Sam started towards him, as Bucky began his descent. They met up at the bottom.

"Where the hell are we, man?"

"I have no idea."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was calling out for Steve, and then everything went black."

"Yeah, I hear ya. I headed here because it was the only thing in sight."

Bucky nodded.

"What did you see up there?"

"Not a damned thing. This whole place is barren. I was about to head further up and onto the other side when I saw you. I didn't know it was you at the time."

"I'm glad you waited for me. I've been walking for days it seems like."

Bucky nodded. "I know what that feels like. I can't tell day from night."

"Is there a day or a night time? I haven't seen any changes in the sky."

"Me neither. So, should we head on up and find out what's on the other side?"

"Lead the way."

"Your suit? Does it work?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm grounded…again."

"Leave it here then. We'll bury it and come back for it if we can. My rifle didn't work either. I left it."

Sam shrugged off the suit and followed Bucky up the side of the mountain, back to the ledge he had stood on before.

"This is as far as I got. Watch your footing up here, there's a lot of loose rock."

Sam picked his way up, carefully watching where Bucky stepped and keeping a discreet distance in case he lost his footing and fell.

They made it up to the next good outcropping and stopped to rest.

"Do you feel tired?" Bucky asked.

"No, do you?"

"No."

"Do you think we're dead?"

"Do you think both of us would end up in the same place?"

"You got a point there."

"Where else could we be?"

"You're trapped in the Soul Stone, just like I am."

Both men whirled around to see a woman with green skin. How she managed to sneak up on them, neither could answer. They just stared, too stunned to speak.


	46. Chapter 46

Sorry about being late, I really had to think about where I wanted to take the story, and due to some slight conflict, I've relabeled the chapters to coincide. My original plan was to start the second part as a separate story, but thought it would be confusing to anyone reading. I hope I've managed to clear it up.

Part Two

Chapter 46

Gamora

"Who the hell are you?" Bucky said.

"My name is Gamora. Who are you two?"

"I'm Sam, and this is Bucky." Sam Wilson filled in. "Where are we, how did we get here, and how did you get here?"

"You are inside the Soul Stone."

"That's ridiculous!" Sam sputtered before she could utter another word. "How can you be inside a stone?"

Gamora shook her head. "If you don't want my explanation, that's fine. I don't have time to waste; the others will be here shortly."

"Others?" Bucky asked; his back stiffening. "What others?"

"Tell me what you know about the Soul Stone." Gamora insisted.

"Why don't you tell us what you know first?" Sam shot back.

"If you're here that means Thanos acquired all the Infinity Stones." She half mumbled to herself.

"You know about the Infinity Stones?" Sam's radar went off.

"Yes, I tried to keep Thanos from the Soul Stone but he made me tell him." Her voice got raw and hoarse. "He was torturing my sister."

Bucky pressed his lips together subconsciously.

"Maybe you'd better back up and start from the beginning." Sam suggested.

She sat down and began her story. The boys sat down and listened.

"So, we really are inside a stone?" Sam still seemed skeptical.

"The Soul Stone is actually another dimension; one without time or space as we know it. At least now my suspicions are confirmed."

"All I want to know is how we can get out of here."

"Well, the only reason I got trapped here is because Thanos couldn't take the stone unless he gave it a soul in return, a sacrifice of the thing he loved the most."

Sam's eyebrows went up, and then he frowned. "He was in love with you?"

"He took me as his daughter. I thought he could never get the stone because I thought there was nothing he loved. He sacrificed me because his loved his cause more."

"Which is?"

"He watched half the population of his planet die and with the stones he could wipe out half the universe, so the other half could live. He thinks he's doing the universe a favor."

"He's mad crazy!" Sam exploded.

"Not in his mind, he's not."

"Ok, bottom line; can we get out?"

"For that you'd have to either condemn another soul to take your place here or defeat Thanos and reverse what he did."

"How can we beat him? We took him on and lost." Sam went on to explain his side of things.

When he was done, Gamora just nodded. "Thanos cannot be defeated with conventional weapons."

"Where can we find some unconventional weapons?" Bucky interjected.

"We can't; not in here at least. Your friends will have to find a way from outside."

"Can we get a message to them?" Sam asked hopefully.

Gamora shook her head. "It doesn't work like that."

"What happens if they don't beat him and reverse this?"

"Then we stay here for all eternity."

"Are we dead?" Sam finally asked the question he was dreading to ask.

"To all the people on the other side, yes, we are, but here, time never moves."

"So, we're like living dead?"

"That's one way of putting it, but I don't any more time to waste, the others will be here soon."

"You mean to tell me, half of the universe is about to show up here?"

"Yes, so let's get moving."

She stood up and started down the other side of the mountain. Sam and Bucky exchanged questioning glances before getting up and following her.

Once down on the level ground she set a pace any army drill sergeant would have been proud of. The boys quickened their pace to catch up.

"What's the plan?" Bucky finally asked.

Briefly glancing at him, she kept on walking while she answered. "There is no plan beyond telling people where they are and how they got here."

"That's not a plan." Sam huffed.

"That's what I just said."

Sam fumed silently and gave Bucky a scowl.

It took the better part of the day of walking, by Sam's calculations before they ran into another Soul Stone prisoner; Wanda.

She was still sitting where she arrived, crying. She blurted out how Vision's Mind Stone was cruelly ripped out of his head by Thanos, and he died right before her eyes. "I tried to destroy it and I did, but it seems time moved backwards and it was restored."

Sam knelt down beside her and put his arms around her. He whispered comforting things in her ear.

Gamora nodded. She knew nothing would stop Thanos from getting what he wanted.


	47. Chapter 47

Sorry I'm late with this chapter. I had to do some re-organizing of the chaptering. As this was meant to be a sequel, it had it's own numbering system. But FF automatically kept them going in sequence. I change the previous titles, but everything should now be in order. My apologies for the confusion.

Part Two

Chapter 47

Everett Ross

Zara was quietly practicing her cursive in the new book she had been given when M'Baku burst in.

She jumped at the sudden entrance, her adrenaline sky-rocketing up.

M'Baku simply put his finger across his lips as he approached.

"Shuri is escorting a guest around and she wishes you to remain silent. He is being told that you are not speaking, that way you will not have to answer any questions. He is an American government agent named Everett Ross, and he is not very fond of Captain Rogers. Do you understand?"

Zara nodded wordlessly, and put her finger to her lips.

"Your safety may depend on your silence."

M'Baku stood by her and ushered her back to her writing. She finished the page as Shuri walked in with her guest.

"Ah, Zara, there you are!" Shuri smiled briefly at M'Baku.

He nodded respectfully in return. "My Queen."

"Agent Ross, I would like to introduce you to Zara. She is the person I have been speaking of."

Ross smiled politely while Shuri continued to explain Zara's story.

"We were at the cusp of a monumental break through, but then Captain Rogers went back to America. He was the only one she felt comfortable with, and was working with her school studies. Of course she had no idea who he was, and we kept his identity hidden from her. She has been quite sad ever since. When Thanos was not defeated she lost Commander Adama. He had made Captain Rogers her guardian should anything happen to him. Now, he is gone. She has no one Agent Ross; no family, no friends, no one to trust. I have been trying to re-unite her since the captain left, but the administration, and Captain Rogers situation has made things very difficult, to say the least. I was wondering if there was anything you could do?"

"Me?" Ross was taken aback. "I'm not an immigration agent. I work for the CIA."

"I know, but you were very good to my brother, and he saved your life…"

"For which I am very grateful, and in return, I have not told anyone who the Black Panther is…"

"Was; my brother is gone now."

"And I haven't mentioned anything about the Vibranium…"

"I appreciate that."

"By the way, who exactly is the Black Panther now? Not you, I take it."

"Agent Ross, that I'm afraid is a state secret, one I am not at liberty to divulge at the moment, but should you need assistance sometime in the future…" Shuri had a twinkle in her eye.

"I get it, I get it. Okay, I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything."

"Thank you. Your kindness knows no end."

* * *

Over the next week, Ross spent some of his vacation time on the phone with Sharon Carter, Steve Rogers, and immigration, not to mention a whole bunch of other people.

Shuri made sure he was given every courtesy, every perk that was available during his stay.

He made a point of spending time visiting with and observing Zara. He mentally took notes of her behavior and asked to look over her school work.

Zara was nervous. She wanted to make a good impression because she knew what was at stake. She felt knotted up inside as he scrutinized all of her work.

He spoke to her doctors, who had been clued in as to what was going on, but gave honest answers about her level of intelligence, her personality, and her potential. They all believed that Zara was capable of overcoming her lack of education, her fears, and the trauma she had endured if only she were given the chance. She just needed someone to place her trust in.

As his frustrations mounted with every wall he hit, he became more determined to figure out what was going on. All his usual contacts failed him in some way, so he began to feel suspicious about what was really going on behind the scenes. Since he really didn't have any proof there was something going on, he couldn't just go to the queen with it.

One evening as Zara was playing her games on the computer, he strolled into the lounge. At first he just sat down to look over his notes with only the occasional glance her way. He felt distracted; felt like he was missing something. He got up and sat down near Zara's baby-sitter.

"So, why are you here?"

"I am to keep an eye on her while she is using the internet to keep her out of trouble."

"But you are here, and she is over there. How can you see what she's doing?"

"She plays games online. There are only a couple of places she goes to. It is very boring for me, but she gets practice using the games to learn."

"I see." Ross got up and pulled a chair up near Zara so he could see what game she was playing. On the screen he saw trains coming and going. "What's the purpose of this game?"

Zara just gave him a blank look.

The Wakandan got up to look. "Ah, it is easy for her to play, and gives her a sense of accomplishment."

Ross gave a skeptical look.

"Show him the other games, Zara."

Zara switched over to her other website. She had crossword puzzles, memory match puzzles, and all sorts of other kinds of puzzles all designed to sharpen skills.

Ross nodded his understanding. It made sense that they would use games to make the learning fun, without her actually knowing she was learning. He also knew that she'd probably had already figured that part out for herself by now.

He watched her work on the games for a bit, and noted her disappointment and frustration when she played the same game over and could not increase her scores.

The Wakandan patted her shoulder sympathetically. "You are tired, my friend. You know when you are tired you get careless. Play another time when you are rested."

Zara looked at him and nodded. Reluctantly, she signed off, and closed her laptop. She made a gesture like she was sewing.

The guard chuckled. "Go on then, go to your crafts."

She left with her laptop under her arm.

"What is she going to do?" Ross wanted to know.

"Ask her at dinner and perhaps if you ask nicely enough, she will show you."

* * *

So, that night Everett asked about the comment about Zara. Shuri encouraged Zara to go and bring some of her work back to show Agent Ross.

At first she looked uncertain, but nodded. She brought her craft work to show him.

He inspected them closely and was impressed. "These are beautiful Zara. You do very good work!"

"She hopes to make enough to sell." Shuri put in.

"I think she'll do very well."

She smiled for the first time.

Shuri dismissed her, and she gathered up her stuff.

After she left, Shuri asked Agent Ross on how his efforts were going.

"Well, I've hit a lot of road blocks. Captain Rogers hasn't curried any favor since his refusal to sign the Accords or his involvement with Barnes."

"But why punish her for something she had no control over? The poor thing has no one! It isn't fair. How can anyone be so cruel to her?"

Ross held up his hands in mock surrender. "Let me finish. I made a few more phone calls. And this is off the record okay? This stays between you and me. I am getting the feeling Zara is being used as leverage to keep Rogers in line. I have no proof, but even your offers of funding and research support has not swayed them."

Shuri opened her mouth to interrupt, but Ross continued on. "However, I found a loophole. If you send her as a part of the diplomatic envoy, they can't touch her. She will have full diplomatic immunity."

Shuri clapped her hands in sheer delight.

"And she will be able to stay wherever she chooses."

* * *

Shuri told Zara the next day that she could go to stay with Steve for as long as she wanted.

Zara couldn't believe her ears. "Really?"

Shuri then told her what the plan was. "Do you think you can represent Wakanda for me?"

Smiling ear to ear, Zara crossed her arms across her chest, and said, "Wakanda Forever!"

Shuri taught her a crash course over the next week, and arranged a Wakandan jet to transport the diplomatic envoy and Agent Ross to New York. They would check in at the United Nations and register there. Once that was completed, then Zara would have a driver to take her to her choice of accommodations.

Ross informed the UN of the imminent visit and the UN made their preparations in New York. He made no mention of Zara.

The envoy boarded the jet, followed by Ross, but Zara kept shaking her head no. She didn't want to go aboard.

Shuri knew of her fear of flying, and informed Agent Ross.

"Hey Zara! Look what I have." He called.

When she looked she saw him holding out a brand new puzzle book, and a handful of chocolate bars.

"I don't bite Zara. It's okay."

"He has a new book for you. It will make the time pass quickly. He is under my strict instructions to keep you safe, and if he fails, I will send some to kill him."

Ross rolled his eyes. "Really?"

Zara's eyes got big and her mouth dropped open.

"I am kidding. M'Baku will eat him."

Ross smiled. He'd heard this one before.

Zara squinted her eyes and pouted. She knew she had had a joke played on her. She gave Shuri a big hug, and with one final deep breath, Zara stepped onto the jet.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Life in these United States

The moment Zara got off the jet, her life changed. The moment she got checked in through official means, an alert went off.

A knock sounded at the door of Sharon's supervisor. "Come in."

A secretary brought in a document for him to look at. "When did this happen?"

"It just came in a few minutes ago."

"Jesus!" He picked up his jacket and headed for the door. "I'll be out the rest of the day. Call me on my cell if there's anything urgent."

The surprised secretary just stood there with her mouth open. "Yes, sir." But he was long gone.

* * *

Everett Ross escorted Zara and her fellow Diplomats to the newly constructed building that would serve as the Wakandan Embassy.

Wakandan flags flapped in the early afternoon breeze, and Wakandan security stood by at the gates.

The limousine pulled up and the identities of all were verified and then allowed in.

Zara twisted in her seat to look out the back window and watched the gates clang shut. When she turned around, her eyes met with one of fellow Diplomats.

"Do not worry, Zara. It will all be okay."

Zara smiled at the encouraging words, but she wanted desperately to see Steve.

As they got out of the car, workers came to unload their luggage from the trunk compartment. Zara had the biggest suitcase! But then she had brought all her crafts and schoolwork, and only a few clothes. She was promised a shopping trip by Shuri. They would all explore New York City together and go shopping later.

Zara looked around doubtfully. She thought the embassy was to serve as a center of goodwill; instead, it looked like a prison.

Behind her, Steve and Sharon stepped out of the large ornate doorway that served as the entrance. When her eyes spotted them, she squealed and took off running. Steve caught her up in his arms and gave her a spin, which elicited more squeals of joy.

Maybe it was unbecoming for a Diplomat of State to show such a display, but then Zara wasn't an ordinary Diplomat.

Overcome with emotions all hitting her at once, she squealed out a strangled "Steve" in his ear.

"I'm so glad to see you Zara! We're glad you're here."

Sharon lightly touched Zara on her shoulder and smiled at her.

Everett Ross strolled up, and Steve put out his hand. The men shook hands. "Thank you for making this happen, Agent Ross."

"Well, Shuri told me she'd have M'Baku roast me over an open fire and eat me, if I failed." He winked.

Zara rolled her eyes, and shook her head no, and then laughed.

Ross raised his eyebrows. "I didn't realize how much of an impact you'd made on her. I think this is the first time I've ever really seen her smile."

"Well, get used to it, because I intend to make her smile a lot."

"I'll take you shopping Zara. And then we can go to lunch." Sharon added.

The conversation halted when the embassy manager came over and introduced himself. He wanted to remind them that as per Queen Shuri's orders, the limousine would be at Zara's disposal. "Come now, and I will show you to your room."

He led them up to a huge bedroom one floor up. It was filled with Wakandan prints and decorated with culturally appropriate furniture. The large four poster canopy bed sat in the center and caught your eye as the main focal point. An office area was set aside in a nook alongside a cushioned bench seat and window. Zara frowned as she knelt on the bench to look out; the view was only of another building.

In Wakanda, all the windows had some sort of view. She was disappointed, but she also knew Sharon and Steve had made her a room at Sharon's house outside of the city. She had that to look forward to.

The manager pointed out that she had her own computer here for her usage in her work.

Ross had a bit of a skeptical look on his face on how much actual work she'd be doing. Shuri made sure all the bases were covered to get Zara into the country legally. Since she was a Wakandan citizen, and an official Diplomat, the US government couldn't touch her without raising a fuss.

"You have a meeting scheduled tomorrow, Miss Zara at 10am. I left you a note to remind you, on your desk. General Hank Landry from Stargate Command will be arriving later today to discuss future Wakandan involvement in the Stargate program. All the Diplomats will be in attendance. Do you have any questions for me?"

Zara shook her head no.

"Very well, then. I shall be off."

Sharon helped Zara put away her meager belongings while Steve chatted with Ross.

"Just between you and me…" Ross looked around. "I think Zara's presence here is going to set off red flags."

"Why?" Steve immediately became concerned.

"I worked over two weeks and all I found were dead ends. It's like someone doesn't want her here."

"You don't think she's in danger, do you?"

"As an official representative of Wakanda, they can't touch her without an international incident ensuing, but just be careful, and you didn't hear any of this from me, understood?"

Steve nodded.

The girls joining them stopped conversation.

"Well, I've got lots of work to do." Ross put out his hand to Zara. "Good luck in your new job."

Zara's cheeks turned pink, but she shook his hand, and gave him a grateful smile.

Steve and Sharon thanked him once again, said their goodbyes and watched him leave.

"Shall we go shopping or have lunch?"

* * *

Zara roused sleepily the next morning. Shopping had all but worn her out. Lunch was tasty, but she was immensely disappointed in the city. It wasn't like Wakanda at all! It was teeming with people, and very disappointing. Too many cars made Zara nervous and walking down the sidewalks with people trying to hand her tourist brochures, conspiracy theories, and other stuff had made her nervous.

She didn't like any of the clothes they looked at, so Sharon would try again once they got to her house.

The one thing she did like was a street vendor selling Pashmina scarves, and she bought several in bright colors. At lunch she even modeled a couple for Steve and Sharon.

Zara met them for breakfast in the embassy café. Overnight accommodations had been arranged for Steve and Sharon.

After the meeting Zara was required to attend, and then they would drive her home. Officially, she only had to attend a few meetings, with most of the work falling to the others who came with her.

Sharon smiled encouragingly as Zara entered the meeting room. "You'll do fine."

The large wooden doors closed.

Sharon took her seat next to Steve. "She will be fine, won't she?"

"Zara is a strong woman, Sharon. She'll get through it."

General Landry was introduced to everyone. He actually had already met Zara when she and Commander Adama had first arrived. "I'm sorry to have heard about Adama. You have my condolences. We lost a few too; a nasty business this is."

Zara nodded sadly.

"And I see that you've finally picked a last name."

Zara perked up.

"Much better than Smith, let me tell you. Oh! Before I forget, Dr. Jackson sends his regards. I seem to recall that you spoke with him while on base."

"Thank you." Zara squeaked out.

The meeting was called to order and the discussion began.

After two hours things began wrapping up.

Zara mostly just sat and listened. She'd scribbled a few notes to show she was paying attention, but brought the meeting to a stunned silence when she raised her hand to ask a question.

"The board recognizes Miss Zara."

"General Landry, would it be possible for me to travel to Atlantis?"

He stuttered over his words as he really had no answer for her. Technically, as a Diplomat, she had every right to ask to be included. Several Wakandans had already been dispatched there, but they were scientists and soldiers; Zara was neither.

"Well, I'd have to check on that when I get back to base. I'll call you in a few days."

Zara nodded. "Okay." She smiled sweetly, innocently, but inside a plan was already forming in her mind.

* * *

Zara grabbed her things and joined her friends in Sharon's car. She drove them out of the city and to the house where she would be spending most of her time.

She was shown her room, and it was perfect for Zara; not too big or grandiose.

After she had settled herself, Sharon took her shopping at the local stores. Steve stayed at home and checked in with his bosses and told them where he was. They already knew he was home. The ankle monitor showed his every move. He'd had to get special permission to go to the embassy to pick up Zara, but they Okayed it after some fuss.

Strangely enough, the store Zara like most was Wal-Mart. She just wanted jeans and sneakers and tee shirts. They picked up underwear, but Zara didn't like the offerings of bras or socks. She found she liked online and ordered them.

Zara had pre-paid Visa card so she couldn't spend more than was in there. A small direct deposit was loaded onto it regularly, and the rest of her paycheck into an account in her name at the embassy address. She wasn't told the amount; just that she had some money of her own to spend.

* * *

Life was fairly good for Zara. She divided her time between the embassy and Sharon's house.

Steve was amazed and pleased at the progress she had made while they'd been apart. Zara had been forced to rely on herself and others besides Steve. Not that Steve had any doubts about her ability to fend for herself, but he still felt guilty about the decision he had made, even though it seemed the best option at the time.

Steve and Sharon weren't the only ones keeping an eye on Zara. Several government officials kept tabs on her, and from his desk, Agent Ross kept tabs of his own.

The phone rang and Sharon picked it up. It was rare that it rang on Saturdays. After a moment, she handed the phone over. "It's for you. It's SHIELD."

Steve took the phone and had a brief conversation before hanging up. "They want me to report to the Avengers compound."

"Do I need to come with you?"

"Thor and Rocket are there. You can come if you wish."

"May I come?" Zara asked. "I don't want to be alone here."

"Sure."

The guard at the gate gave a bit of a fuss over Zara's presence, but a phone call later, and he waved them in. "Security has changed a bit since the last time I was here." Steve remarked.

Steve introduced Zara to Thor and Rocket. She was totally nonplussed meeting a 1500 year old demi-god and a talking raccoon. _Just another day at the office._ Steve thought to himself.

Zara did marvel at the space pod they had arrived in though, and was even prompted to ask questions about it. She wasn't usually vocal around strangers much, but Steve wrote off her questions as curiosity.

How far could it travel? How fast could it go? Did it have weapons? How many people could it carry? Could she go aboard and see it? Were they planning on leaving soon?

Rocket was annoyed at her. He didn't like anything or anyone that out-talked him. Thor chuckled at her wide-eyed innocent questions. He was also intrigued that she'd actually been in outer space.

After Steve and Sharon had their "official" chat, Thor gave Zara the short tour of the craft. She smiled and seemed fascinated with the operation of the craft itself.

"Gaion let me be on the bridge because he was in charge. Commander Adama only let me once, but that was when we had arrived on Earth. I wasn't supposed to be there at all."

"So, tell me about your adventures in space, Zara."

Thor listened quietly as she gave him a brief run-down on her life. Rocket went off to look for something he could steal.

"That's quite the tale, Zara."

"I have found myself in some pretty nasty situations here and there, but nothing I couldn't handle."

"Except for Thanos…" She said sadly, her head sinking down.

"Yes, well, Rocket and I are going back out there to look for Stark, and whomever else we can find. Then we are going to hunt down Thanos once we have a plan."

Zara's head jerked up. "You are? When?"

"We have a few days left. They are making some modifications to the pod, and stocking us up with as many supplies as the ship will hold."

A plan started forming in Zara's mind. "Will we be able to see you off?"

"I'll make sure of it." Steve re-assured her.

A few days later, Zara secretly stuffed her backpack into the trunk of the car. She'd gotten up in the middle of the night, and snuck out. She needed to be ready before they left for the compound.

They drove over to say goodbye to Thor and Rocket and wish them well.

Zara made her goodbyes, and then excused herself. Dr. Bruce Banner had arrived and it gave Zara the perfect opportunity. She scrambled to the car and retrieved her pack, and left a note on Steve's seat. She hated doing this, but she had to find Thanos. She wanted her Bucky back. And in what she'd learned of Thanos, he was the only one who could do anything about it.

She waited until they were distracted in conversation, and snuck aboard the ship and concealed herself well. All those games of hide and seek were now paying off.

Thor and Rocket got on board and Steve, Sharon and Bruce all waved goodbye.

Steve was curious that Zara hadn't come back to watch them lift off, but she had seemed upset, so he didn't think too much on it.

The ship lifted off and they watched it vanish from sight.

They strolled back inside to catch up. It was over an hour before Steve began to panic. The whole staff went in search of her, and found nothing.

Hours had passed before Steve discovered and read the note she had left. He fell to his knees shaking. Sharon took the note from him.

"Oh my God!" She looked up at the sky. Zara was gone.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Stowaway

It didn't take too long before Zara was discovered, but they had gone too far to turn back. Thor sent a message back and promised to look after her, but it might take time for Earth to receive the message with their "limited" radio equipment.

Rocket was his usual grumpy self, and wanted to see how much he could sell her for. "It's my ship, I'm the captain!" He grumbled, but conceded when Thor promised that she would not be any trouble.

"Besides, we need all the hands we can get."

Zara promised she would clean, and cook, and take care of as much stuff as she could.

Rocket raised an eyebrow. "Ok, you can do all my chores."

 _Perhaps it was a bargain after all_. He thought.

* * *

Zara's life was anything but pleasant, however. Rocket wasn't very nice to her or Thor, and he grumbled a lot. He kept threatening to sell her if all the chores weren't done.

Zara would scramble to complete whatever task he directed her to do. Thor often spoke up for her and countermanded Rocket's "orders".

Thor would make a point of her not being a slave girl, and Rocket would counter back that she was only a guest, an unwanted guest that he had every right to shove out the airlock.

She knew what she was getting into, but the man she had come to know as Bucky, haunted her dreams and occupied her mind. He was a mystery she could not solve, nor could she ignore him.

She had to find him. She had to discover what happened to him. And the only one who seemed to know was this Thanos. Since Thor and Rocket were looking for him, it made sense for her to find him too.

She felt very guilty about leaving without a word to Steve, and it further weighed on her mind. Boy, was she going to be in trouble when she got back! She made up her mind to accept whatever punishment Steve thought was appropriate, even if it meant he never wanted to see her again.

* * *

"Hey! Get up!" Rocket kicked at Zara.

She was startled at the contact, and sat up too quickly. She felt dizzy.

"Thor is in the cockpit, so it's my turn to sleep."

Zara scrambled out of the tiny sleeping area and crawled on hands and knees painfully out of his way.

He plopped down on it. "Well, at least you warmed it up for me."

Zara struggled to the cockpit and curled up on the floor. Her joints hurt and she was unable to get into the second chair.

Thor looked over, but was unable to help her at the moment. He had to keep his eyes on where he was going. "Are you in pain?"

She just nodded.

Thor frowned. He was clearly sympathetic, but could do nothing for her at the moment. His gaze returned to the forward screen and the navigation equipment. They were headed to Knowhere to start tracking down information that they came across. He would let Zara get some rest while they tracked down their informant. Hopefully, it would be useful.

* * *

Rocket was upset about leaving Zara in the ship. _What if she steals it?_ He had argued. But Thor reassured him that Zara did not know how to fly a ship.

Grumbling, Rocket disembarked ahead of Thor. He turned around and gave Zara a wink. She nodded and closed the ramp. Then she went to snuggle down into the makeshift bed to catch up on some desperately needed sleep.

Rocket led Thor to a disreputable tavern and zigzagged his way up to the serving bar and climbed up on the chair. Thor looked around dubiously. There was disreputable and then there was disreputable. He wondered which of these would apply here.

They both ordered something equally dubious to drink and the hunt began. Rocket got referred to a third party, who was currently in the gaming room, so they sauntered into the area that had the reptile races.

Thor eyed the creatures for a brief moment then cast his gaze around the room. They wanted information, not trouble.

Rocket edged his way in and bet on a race. He eyed the guy next to him. "So, I hear you might have something for me."

The stout guy looked at him blandly. "It depends."

"On what?"

"On how deep your pockets run."

The bell rang and the gates opened. Everyone began cheering, and drowned out their conversation.

The creatures leapt and ran and rolled all over the race surface until one remained. The stout guy grunted. He'd lost.

"Why don't we go have a drink, and maybe your luck will change." Rocket suggested.

"I have a table over here." He led them to a table with two females of unknown origin. "Leave!" He commanded. "I'll meet you upstairs. Right now, I got business."

The two females uncrossed their long legs and retreated.

The stout guy lodged himself into a chair built for someone much smaller and tilted his glass towards Rocket.

Rocket sat and motioned for the server. "Get him another of whatever he's drinking."

The server nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

Thor sat across from the big guy. "So, what's the word?"

"Who is this?"

"I am son of Odin…"

"I don't care whose son you are. Why are you here?"

"He's my new partner, temporarily, of course." Rocket assured him. "He's trustworthy."

The big guy snorted. "Ain't no one trustworthy around here." His drink arrived and he tipped his head back and sucked it down before anyone could get out a word. Then he burped, loudly. "I'll have another."

The server looked at Rocket, who nodded. He took off again.

"So, what do you have for me?"

"I want 40 thousand units."

"How do I know that it's worth 40 thousand?"

"You don't, but that's my price."

Rocket hemmed and hawed, and tried to get the price down. He even offered up Zara in lieu of currency, but Thor stopped him.

"Aw, come on!" Rocket cried. "She takes up space and eats our food."

Thor scowled at him menacingly.

"Oh, alright!" He produced his currency transfer device and transferred the requested amount.

The stout guy smiled when he saw the money on his own device. He leaned in close to the table. "There's a guy on Contraxia who saw Thanos ship pass by him while he was hiding…um, waiting in the asteroid belt of Morreale. He'll confirm it. He lives above the Fumari bar."

"I paid 40 thousand for that?" Rocket squeaked. "I should let everyone here know how worthless you really are."

"There's more."

"Oh?" Rocket half-closed his eyes.

"Rumor has it there's been activity near Titan."

"A rumor?"

"Look, I don't go anywhere near Titan, no one does, but, this guy does. He's just crazy enough to."

"And what's his name?"

"I don't know his name. He's the captain of a ship called the Black Hole."

"OK, if this pans out, I won't come back here and pee on you."

The server brought the drink. It went down just as quickly.

Rocket gestured he wanted to pay the bill, transferred the credits, and motioned for Thor to get up.

As they walked back towards the ship they discussed whether to stay the night.

"We'll need supplies." Thor said.

"We wouldn't if we only had two of us. She's costing me a fortune!"

"I'll make sure you get every bit back rabbit."

"Yeah? When? All I see is money bleeding out and nothing coming in. She could make a few units for us if we hired her out for the night."

"No. I made a promise that I'd keep her safe."

"But I didn't!"

"Look, I lost my best friend in the world universe. I watched Groot disappear before my eyes! All because you couldn't hit a Titan in the head!"

"Do you want my help to right this, or not?"

Rocket's shoulders slumped. "I want Groot back, and I want Thanos dead, so if having to put up with you is what I have to do, then yeah, I want your help."

"And the girl?"

"Okay, fine, her too."

They found a place to stay that was reasonable; reasonably priced and reasonable safe.

Rocket wanted his own bed and wouldn't compromise, so if Thor wanted to be a gentleman and sleep on the floor that was his prerogative. Rocket pulled the blanket up and rolled over.

Zara had been in their tiny ship for a while now, and Thor had kept her safe. She quietly told him it was okay to sleep on the other side of the bed.

Zara climbed in and settled down with her back to him, her heart hammering madly in anxiety. But Thor quietly turned out the light and settled down as well.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

Earth

Zara's dreams that night weren't sweet. They were scary. She moaned in her sleep quietly, and then the noises became louder. She started crying softly.

Thor woke up when she began to thrash about.

He woke her up gently, but cupped his hand over her mouth. "It's Thor. Do you remember where you are?"

In the darkness, her head nodded. Thor felt her wet cheeks. "If I take my hand away, will you be quiet?"

Another head nod.

Thor removed his hand. "What bad dreams are making you cry?"

"I'm scared." She said quietly.

"Of what?"

"That I won't find him."

'Thanos? Don't worry, we'll find him."

"No, not him; Bucky."

"Bucky? Was that the man with the metal arm?"

"Yes. I have to find him, I have to!"

Thor started to explain that he was gone, but Zara started to cry louder. He shushed her gently.

"If Thanos made him go away, he can make him come back. Don't you understand? If I find Thanos, I can ask him to let Bucky go."

"Zara, I think you're confused."

"Something bad happened to me. Steve won't tell me anything. He says I had an accident, but I think it's more. No one on Earth will help me, so that's why I snuck on board. I have to find out the truth. I have to find out who he is. Please help me."

"Let's get some sleep. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

* * *

Sharon crept downstairs in the middle of the night as quietly as she could.

She had woken up and found Steve gone.

It wasn't the first time.

She leaned around the post at the bottom of the stairs towards the kitchen. A faint glow and the smell of coffee confirmed her suspicions; Steve was reading Zara's letter again.

Sharon sighed deeply, and paused at the bottom of the stairs.

"I heard you come down, so you might as well come to the kitchen." Steve called out.

When Sharon entered the kitchen and saw Steve, he looked tired; eyes worried and bleary, his mouth tight and his hair a mess.

She gently pushed the letter down to the table. "There was no stopping her, Steve. She had made up her mind about this. Please stop feeling guilty. She had matured to the point of choosing her own destiny. You should be proud of the fact you helped her to grow enough to get to this point."

Steve banged his fist on the table. "Dammit Sharon, she's still a child! She is not mature enough for what's out there. She can't even defend herself…." Steve's voice started to crack.

Sharon came and put her arms around to soothe him. "She lived out there. She's probably seen more than either of us can possibly know. And she's with Thor. He said he'd look out for her."

Somehow that didn't make Steve feel better.

"Ok, spit it out. What else is eating at you?"

Steve sighed and shook his head ruefully. "I should have told her the truth. Now, she's run off in search of Bucky. She thinks he's still alive. She doesn't understand that he's gone." Steve turned towards Sharon and gripped both her upper arms in his hands. "I watched him dissolve to dust right in front of me. I should have left them alone."

"From all accounts, once Thanos snapped his fingers, people dissolved at random. Who is to say whether he would still be here? Maybe Zara would have disappeared. We don't know what would have happened. You can't go around blaming yourself. No one knows what would have happened."

"I keep telling myself that, but it doesn't make me feel any better."

She kissed him on the top of his head. "I know."

* * *

Shuri took the news hard about Zara. Not a day went by that she didn't look up into the night sky and send prayers that Bastet would watch over her.

She had contacted Stargate Command and sent a message to her people through the SGC, to inform Ronon. Shuri felt he would want to know.

She contacted Nakia in California, and asked her to set up a program in Zara's name to help young girls at risk. Nakia said she would work on it and report back once the program was up and running.

A few weeks later Nakia reported back that the Zara Barnes Girls Program was to open soon, and three girls had already applied. The ribbon cutting and opening ceremony would be live streamed on the internet, so Shuri could be part of it.

That made Shuri smile. She was sure that Zara would have approved.

* * *

Everett Ross was concerned about the disappearance of Zara as well. He'd been keeping a low profile for a while, and keeping an eye out for anything unusual. Except for some chatter, everything seemed quiet.

Too quiet. And that was like a red flag in his mind.

Surely she would be missed by some people….. He wasn't counting Steve, Sharon, Shuri et al. But government people. A Diplomat goes missing and there's no one up in arms? She disappeared on U.S. soil. Even if it were her choice, no one had anything to say?

Time to go digging again.

* * *

Meanwhile, SHIELD, or what there was of it, was regrouping and getting themselves reorganized. Phil Coulson had retired, along with Melinda May. The other agents they worked with were struggling to get back on their feet along with other separate cell groups.

Getting them all back together, and putting SHIELD back on the map and in good graces with the public at large were the first priorities.

Everyone had suffered losses. Everyone had been fighting their own battles. Now, was a good time to start over.

Unfortunately, the remnants of HYDRA also saw the same thing…


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Hunting Thanos

The journey to Contraxia was uneventful…thankfully. Zara kept her head down just in case.

She kept a curious, yet watchful eye on Rocket. She had seen raccoons before, but not ones that talked, or thought up goofy plans, or drank as much alcohol as this one. Of all the creatures she had ever met in her lifetime, he ranked in the top five of the most puzzling.

She never asked any questions about him, rather settled for reality. He was what he seemed to be. He could fly the ship and that was more than she could do.

Landing on Contraxia was an eye opener.

Bright lights surrounded the city, and made Zara's eyes hurt. She closed them against the garish glare of the myriad of colors.

As they walked through the town, signs advertised all sorts of merchandise for sale; from trinkets to alcohol to pleasure palaces. Zara shivered. She felt bad for those who were held captive inside those awful places, but she could do nothing to help them.

Rocket led them into the Fumari Bar.

Zara waved her hand in front of her face as the stench of new and stale smoke assaulted her nose. Suddenly, someone grabbed her arm. "How about a dance, sweetie?"

Zara was horrified as he pulled her close. He reeked of alcohol on his breath and it sickened her.

"Maybe later we can go upstairs?" He tugged at her shirt and tried to look down at her bosom.

Thor pushed him away. "She's mine." He pulled Zara along before the scoundrel could react.

Zara stayed close to Thor by grabbing his belt and hanging on for dear life.

She'd been in places like these before. It had not been pleasant. She felt nauseous as they moved further in; with the smoke, the lights, the loud music, and the hungry eyes, Zara was brought back to a time she'd rather not remember. Her stomach threatened to toss the last thing she ate. Her grip on Thor's belt became tighter.

He felt her lagging behind, and partially turned. "We won't be long. Come quickly."

Thor found Rocket at last, but there was bad news. The person they were looking for had gone on a run and wasn't expected back for a few days.

"Well, we got nothing but time on our hands." Rocket proclaimed.

* * *

Rocket groaned again… for the fourth or fifth time. They had checked into lodgings and Zara was huddled in the corner on the floor. She refused to get up.

Her unpleasant experience at the bar had left her shaken and frightened.

"Fine. I'm going out to get something to eat. If you want to stay with her, you can find your own dinner or go hungry." With a final turn, Rocket exited the room.

Thor sat down on the floor a few feet away from her. "If you want to stay here, that is perfectly fine. Would you like me to bring something back for you?"

Zara nodded.

"Isn't it about time you tell me the whole truth of why you are here?"

Zara looked down at her fingernails and sighed. Slowly, she recounted her memories and experiences. She told him about how her mind kept playing tricks on her, her supposed accident that she can't remember, and the man with the metal arm. She told Thor how she looked up Steve on the computer, and saw pictures of that man. They called him the Winter Soldier, but she said she had memories of him too. She couldn't ask Steve because she knew Steve wasn't telling her everything about the accident.

She told Thor how this man was also known as Steve's friend, Bucky. Zara said in her memories she could see him, in her dreams how he would haunt her, when certain things she did or said caused her to remember events, and lastly, how she had to find out the truth.

Thor remembered the man she spoke of, but only in the battle against Thanos. He confessed he knew nothing else of him or how he was connected to her.

"That's why I have to find Thanos."

"Your friend, he vanished to dust. He's gone." Thor told her.

"No, he can't be, he can't be." She pleaded.

"I'm afraid he is."

"You don't understand, no one does. If I find Thanos he can tell me where Bucky is."

Thor sighed sadly. He knew he wasn't getting through to her. He decided to just humor her gently. "We are going to find Thanos."

"I know we are, and then he can tell us what he did with Bucky and bring him back."

Thor nodded. "And then, will you be satisfied?"

"Once Bucky is back and he explains everything to me, then yes, I will be happy."

Thor didn't understand her choice of words, and he never picked up on why she chose to use happy instead of satisfied. He didn't know their history together. He just nodded to placate her.

"I am going to go and bring some food back, and to check on the rabbit. I won't be gone long."

Thor stood up and gave her a little pat on her head before heading out the door.

* * *

Rocket was drinking more than he was eating, but it took his mind off Groot, and Zara, and the million other things that floated their way through his brain.

Thor quietly watched him for a bit, just to make sure he wasn't going to get into any trouble before heading off to search for some food.

He didn't have to go far; food merchants were everywhere. He got two orders of something that looked, and smelled good and headed back.

Thor began to realize Zara's mental state was that of a youngster. She firmly believed Thanos could bring back Bucky, and nothing he said was going to change her mind about it.

Suddenly, Thor stopped in his tracks. _Could Thanos bring back everyone?_

* * *

Gamora, Sam and Bucky stopped to rest. They had found others wandering around, seemingly lost. No one understood where they were or why they were here or how they even got there.

Sam tried to explain only to look helplessly at Gamora, who took over from there.

Hardly anyone really took them seriously. How could that be the truth?

Some stayed with them, but most set off in small groups in search of their own answers.

Eventually they came across Peter Parker. Sam and Bucky remembered him. He remembered them too, and kept a nervous eye on them as they walked.

Peter told them that he and some others had made a small camp, so they set off to join them.

"Them" turned out to be Mantis, Drax, Dr. Strange, Groot, Peter Quill, T'Challa, Wanda, Maria Hill, and Nick Fury. Gamora hugged Quill like crazy. Introductions were made and then they all sat down to have a conversation and swap theories about where they were, what had happened to each of them, and make a plan to get out.

"I don't know if we can get out." Gamora said. She squeezed Quill's hand with a sad smile.

"I can't believe he threw you over the cliff. Now, I'm really going to kill him."

"Only after I kill him for my wife and daughter." Drax tossed into the conversation.

Quill didn't mention that if he killed Thanos first Drax couldn't kill him after that. It didn't seem to matter either way to Drax.

Sam asked if they had found anything they could use as weapons.

All he got were head shakes in answer. "None of our weapons work here. We have to come up with something else."

"Mantis can put him to sleep and I will smash him with my fists if I have to."

No one tried correcting Drax that Thanos wasn't here with them, so he couldn't smash him.

Dr. Strange sat quietly, deep in thought. He had seen the future, all the futures. But now, he wasn't sure if he should tell his new friends anything. Right now, all they had was time.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

The meeting

Zara sat miserably and watched the rain fall. The glare of the neon lights in the distance was only made worse by the puddles that pooled up on the ground.

She had the window open a bit to get some air into the cramped quarters. Through the crack, she could hear the sounds of merriment, only she knew that it was just a mask covering up the sounds of misery.

Rocket snorted in his sleep and twitched his paws. Zara turned from the window and watched him a few moments.

Thor stood up from his side of the bed and wandered over slowly. "Once he sleeps it off, he'll be his normal self again."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Zara replied. "I know he's mad because I snuck on board, but I don't know why he hates me so much. I didn't do anything to hurt him."

"Ah, the rabbit has had a lot of…" Thor trailed off. "Let's just say he hasn't had a nice life."

"Neither did I. It's not good being a slave girl. I don't like getting hurt."

"I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Why, Thor? Why do they make other people, other beings, be their slaves? Why are they so cruel?"

Thor sighed as he pondered how to answer her question. He changed direction. "Do you know how old I am?"

Zara shook her head. "I don't even know how old I am. Nobody can tell me for sure, so they guessed."

Thor's eyebrows went up at this revelation. "You are a young woman."

"I don't feel like it; everything hurts."

He gently patted her shoulder. "I am 1500 years old, and by the grace of the universe, I'll live thousands more. You are but a youngster to me."

"Commander Adama was 165. He told me his people can live up to about 200. I don't know how long I can live. I don't even know where I'm from."

"It matters not, where you are from. You are where you live. Asgard was not just a place; Asgard was made by her people. If you live on Earth, you are part of Earth. What there is left of my people are now living on Earth."

"Commander Adama's people too, all scattered across the planet, but… but he went away, like Bucky, I think. I'm not sure. I don't know how many of them are left any more. Thanos made everyone…made some people go away. I don't understand why he did that to people. Shouldn't they have a say in their own futures?"

"Yes, they should. You are correct, young one."

"When I was on Atlantis, and later as we traveled to Earth, we watched these movies that showed the history of Earth, and about some dinosaurs. They think a big rock crashed into the ground and made a big explosion and it killed all the animals, or at least most of them. And then we watched this other movie about how some people brought dinosaurs back from the dead, but the dinosaurs just tried to eat everybody and it made a big mess. So, they left the dinosaurs alone, well, most of the people did anyway. The bad people who kept trying to control the dinosaurs just got eaten up. Crunch, crunch, crunch, just like that."

Thor smiled. "I see. So, what was the point?"

"Those things have a way…sometimes, of working themselves out."

"Quite true."

"So why doesn't Thanos understand that?"

"I don't know."

"I bet I could teach him a lot."

Thor smiled again. "I bet you could." He patted her on the shoulder once more. "But now it is time to get some sleep." He stood up.

As Zara stood, a flash of lightning lit up the sky. She startled and hugged Thor.

As the thunder rumbled, she hid her face into his torso. She mumbled something.

Thor pushed her back a bit. "What did you say?"

"I said I'm scared of thunder and lightning."

"On Earth I am known as the god of thunder and lightning."

She looked up at him, her pupils dilating. "Does that mean you can make the thunder and lightning go away?"

"I can make it happen, but I cannot stop the weather once it has begun."

"Oh." Her face fell.

"It is time to rest, come now."

* * *

The next morning, they trudged their way to the bar to see if anyone had heard anything. It seems their luck was about to change, the pilot they were looking for was due to land soon.

As they left to go meet up at the landing zone, Zara took one last look around. She hoped she'd never see this place again. It was still a surprise to her that the place never closed; debauchery and drinking happened around the clock here, along with the misery of those unfortunate enough to be forced to work there.

As they walked along, Zara tugged on Thor's shirt. "What are those?" She asked, pointing to some gleaming white robots hanging around the entrance.

Thor glanced over his shoulder at them. He knew what they were, but decided not to tell her the truth.

"They are dolls, robotic dolls."

Zara nodded her head and sucked in her lower lip to chew on it as she thought it over. She mumbled a syllable and looked away. Maybe she didn't want to know all that much.

Rocket first checked their own ship to make sure it was still in good condition and being taken care of, and then he led the way to the port where they were expecting their quarry to be landing.

They were told it could be up to an hour.

So they hang around. Rocket passed the time by pacing. Thor chatted away with anyone who wandered by, and Zara chewed on her nails.

About an hour later, a ship landed in the designated area. They waited until those onboard disembarked. Rocket walked up casually, and remarked on the ship.

"Yeah, I got a sweet deal on her." He thumbed at it over his shoulder.

"I like it. I'll buy it."

"Oh, it's not for sale."

"You haven't heard my offer yet."

Thor was standing just beyond Rocket and shrugged when a glance was shifted his way.

The man's eyes flickered and stopped at Zara. "If she's part of the payment, I might consider it."

Zara glanced away, and put her head down.

The man smiled. He recognized the fear in her eyes, her reaction to being leered at. He knew what she was.

"The woman belongs to me." Thor drew himself up taller.

"Too bad, I haven't had any fun for a while."

Thor stepped forward and grabbed the man by his shirt and lifted him off the ground. "You will keep your eyes off of her. She is mine. Do you understand?"

"Okay, okay, I get it! Let me down."

Thor eased him down. "We want to know what you know about Thanos' location."

"WHAT?! Are you crazy? You need to stay away from him! I'm not getting involved in this." He started to side step Thor, but he was grabbed by the arm.

"We will pay you for information."

"No money is worth ticking off Thanos; can't spend money when you're dead. Uh uh."

Thor grabbed him harder. "You will tell us what you know, or I will kill you where you stand."

"If Thanos finds out, I'm a dead man anyway."

Rocket pretended to pick a stray hair from his person. "Of course, if we let out you've been talking to us, he just might."

"But I haven't!" The guy started to become hysterical.

"But Thanos doesn't know that."

"Please! I don't want to die!"

"Just tell us where we can find him."

"I don't know, man! I swear!"

"Then give us a name of someone who can."

The guy just starts shaking his head.

"Please, please help me." Zara's small voice cut through the melee.

The guy looked down at her. She had tears threatening to fall. "I need answers, and only Thanos can answer them. I want to talk to him. I want to know why."

"Lady, Thanos does whatever he wants because he can. I can't help you."

"Just any little thing you can think of, anything…please."

"His planet is dead, but I hear sometimes he returns there. It's only a rumor."

Thor gave him a shake. "Anything else?"

"You can try the void."

"The void?" Thor asked.

"A patch of space out beyond Vormir. That's all I got. Now, let me go."

Thor let him go and he wasted no time getting out of there.

"What do you think rabbit?"

"We get supplies and head to Vormir first."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

Vormir

They wasted no time to get supplies loaded and traveled to Vormir. They scanned the void area first to make sure there were no ships lying in wait to ambush them.

After several days' worth of exploration, they were confident that no one was about and headed towards the planet.

They spent another full day scanning the surface to figure out the best place to land.

During this time, Zara sat in the furthest corner of the ship and pulled out a pen and a notebook. She had vowed to never write stuff down, for many reasons, but now she began writing in earnest. She had a gut feeling and it wasn't a good one.

The landing was uneventful. The surface of Vormir was unremarkable and boring. Zara was torn between staying in the ship and writing, or go explore.

In the end, she followed along, but packed her book in her backpack and shrugged it on.

They headed towards the closest area that seemed promising. Although it seemed uninhabited, the sensor readings revealed a staircase. Since the peak was too small to land on, they had to make their way on foot.

Zara found it very difficult to keep up. She moaned in pain and panted heavily. She began to crawl up the stairs on all fours, lagging further and further behind.

Rocket kept going, and ignored her. He sniffed the air and figured if she really wanted to reach the top, then she'd have to find her own way.

Thor was more sympathetic, and helped pull her along.

About halfway up, he suggested she rest. She sat on the stone step and nodded. She was completely out of breath.

She watched Thor disappear around the bend. He would easily catch up to Rocket with his longer legs.

Zara waited until she had caught her breath, and continued up the stairs on hands and knees.

At the top, Rocket and Thor stood and stared at the "caretaker". He seemed to have no flesh on his head, just a red skull.

What's more, he called them by name, even though neither had offered theirs.

"How do you know us?" Thor demanded.

"I know everyone by name who visits here. It is my curse. If you come seeking the Soul Stone, you are too late. It is gone."

"We know that genius! Tell us something we don't know." Rocket muttered angrily.

"What would you like to know?"

"Who are you?" Thor asked.

"I am the caretaker of this place. I am cursed to remain here for all eternity for my transgression."

"And what transgression would that be?"

"I tried to control the Tesseract, but I failed. My enemy and I fought, but I lost. It transported me here."

During the conversation, Zara had finally managed to crawl the rest of the way up. She panted on her knees as she peered at the strange being talking to Thor and Rocket.

"Ah, I see Zara has finally joined us."

Zara's breath froze for a heartbeat, and her head came up sharply. _What are they talking about?_

She hunkered down as far as possible.

"We know Thanos has the Soul Stone." Thor stated. "We want to know where he is."

"And what would you do once you found him?"

"Defeat him!" Thor pronounced defiantly.

"You cannot defeat him. He possesses all of the Infinity Stones."

"Leave that part to us. We just need to know where he is." Rocket added.

"He is nowhere and everywhere."

"That makes no sense." Rocket shook his head.

"With the Infinity Stones, he can move through time and space in an instant."

"So we've discovered. We just need to know where to start." Thor confirmed.

Zara crawled up behind Thor. "How did he get the stone?" She squeaked out.

"He had to sacrifice the thing he loved the most. The stone exacts a heavy price; a soul for a soul."

"Who did he sacrifice?"

"I believe her name was Gamora."

"Gamora's dead?" Rocket asked. "Gamora's dead?"

"She is part of the Soul Stone."

"Stop talking in riddles! Is she alive or dead?"

"She's down there." The Red Skull pointed over the edge of the cliff.

Rocket walked to the edge and saw Gamora's lifeless body lying on the face of the stone below. "She's dead! She's dead! He killed her!"

"Her soul lives on in the Soul Stone."

"How do we get her out?" Zara asked.

Rocket turned on Zara. "What's the matter with you? Don't you understand what dead means? She's dead; there's no coming back!"

"That is incorrect. Trade one soul for another and they can come back; a soul for a soul. That is the price the stone requires."

All three were silent as they thought over the revelation.

Rocket thought of Groot.

Thor thought about his people.

Zara thought about Bucky.

"Where would he go?" Zara asked him.

"Home, I would think. He would go to Titan."

"Well, then, that's where we're headed." Rocket declared.

"Be careful seeking him out. He can destroy you in a heartbeat."

"We know." Thor turned and helped Zara along back down the long staircase.

The Red Skull looked at the place where they had just moments ago stood. "Good luck, little one."

* * *

Rocket prepared the ship for take-off, with Thor acting as co-pilot.

Zara pulled out her notebook and began writing as fast as she could. _I don't have much time to finish this._ She thought.

She had already written the dedication on the second page. On the third page, she left some directions. The title page was self-explanatory. She now flipped to the page where she'd left off. With tears in her eyes, she began telling of her life; from childhood, to her capture, to the brutal training she endured, to her being sold from master to master, and all the pain and torture she'd suffered all the years of her life. She was desperate to write it all down.

Fueled by her fear and determination, she wrote all the rest of the day and halfway into the night. Her story, her life, now needed to be told, no matter how painful.

She would write as much as she could until Thanos was found. She hoped she would be able to express all her feelings clearly; the pain, the despair, the fear and the grief over the losses she'd suffered. She lost her parents. She lost her innocence. She lost her fellow "inmates".

She wrote about the girl who was so distraught over being a slave and having been brutalized that she jumped out the window and ended her life. As her blood leaked out of her mangled body several stories below, the remaining girls peered out the windows. She wrote how they had all been punished and bars installed on the outside of the building.

She wrote about her own desperate attempt to end her life without success.

She had ripped a table cloth off the masters' dining room table and spun it into a rope. She climbed up on the table and tied it to the fancy, glittering chandelier. The other end she tied around her throat, and flung herself off.

The chandelier ripped out of the ceiling as she plunged to the floor. Zara hit her head on the table and knocked herself out.

She got punished for ruining the chandelier. She got punished for bleeding all over the carpet and the tablecloth. She got punished for trying to escape her life.

She spent weeks in and out of the infirmary. Each punishment was separate and required separate healing time.

Then after she had healed, she was forced to entertain the masters' guests.

The men forced themselves on her.

She wrote about how she came to be taught to write and spell. She wrote about the fears they all had about being caught.

She wrote it all down. She swiped the tears from the pages when she could no longer hold them back, and caused the ink to smear. She didn't care; she knew she needed to make this one last effort. She didn't know if she'd ever see Steve again and she wasn't sure if she'd ever get back to Earth. She wasn't even sure her book would make it back to Earth, but her felt she had to try and set things straight.

She pushed her fear aside. _I'll be brave Steve. I won't disappoint you. I'll make him send Bucky back to you if it's the last thing I do. I promise._


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

The End of the Line

It had been a year now since the fight with Thanos, and many months since Zara's disappearance. There had only been a single message in all that time; just Thor saying he'd look after Zara.

Steve had fallen into a state of depression. Even when his house arrest had turned into general limited outings, he rarely went out.

Sharon had noticed it, and in spite of her insistence, he just claimed it would be safer for him to stay inside.

He'd lost Bucky…again, he'd lost Zara…again, and now for the first time in his life, he wondered whether or not America needed a captain. Since he hadn't been outside very much, and out of the public eye, he decided he would never be Captain America again.

He wrote letters and resigned from SHIELD, and "retired" from the army. Neither letter was necessary of course, but he felt he had to do it. He needed to see the letters in his hand. Steve was completely defeated. It felt like it was the end of the line.

* * *

Bucky, Sam and Gamora, and all the others stayed close to camp. Over the course of a few days people drifted in and settled down or grouped and wandered off. It made no difference. The sky was still orange, the light barely changed and time went by slowly.

To pass the time they told stories and made up games. People took turns sparring to keep up their skills.

They sent out hunting parties to search surrounding areas for other lost souls. Some days went by and they found no one. Some days the search party brought several others back. Those just arriving had lots of questions. Most were already scared, and learning where they were didn't really solve any issues. A few naturally got mad, and didn't believe them, and questioned further.

There were all sorts of species, subspecies, and races. The "people" all tended to stay within their comfort zone of like kinds. A few adventurous types wandered about between groups to talk and socialize, tell stories to the children and keep the peace.

It was hard waiting.

* * *

On Atlantis, word finally reached Ronon of Zara's disappearance. Since he already a man of few words, he just replied in typical fashion. "Okay."

The team held a quiet get together to wish Zara the best in the hopes she would find what she was looking for and return safely. Even Mr. Woolsey stopped by for a drink and to express his opinion, remarking about the day he had her clean his office.

Jennifer recounted how terrified she was when she arrived. Carson told of the strange looks she'd give him whenever he spoke. "I gave her some photographs of Scotland. I think Commander Adama was going to take her there someday."

Teyla expressed her regret that she hadn't quite been able to reach Zara and become friends, but maybe if she returned, they'd have a second chance.

John made everyone smile when he reminded them about the look on Zara's face when she took that first bite of chocolate.

"It was the same as the looks on those kids' faces when Ford gave them their first chocolate bar, you remember that planet that had the suicide pact."

Nods came from John and Teyla. Both had sad smiles on their faces too. Ford had been a casualty of the Pegasus galaxy.

They toasted to her success, and hoped for the best.

* * *

After many more months of searching and dead ends, Thor and Rocket came upon a lucky break and followed it.

They were all tired and now extra cramped. They had traveled to Titan and picked up Nebula and Tony Stark. All the details from what they knew were exchanged, dissected and analyzed for any clues.

Zara stayed away from them as much as possible. Nebula gave Zara chills, and Tony was very curt every time he opened his mouth. He bickered constantly with Rocket.

Now, they were on their way to yet another planet.

As they dropped out of hyper speed, they came upon a dreadful scene; Thanos fleet.

Thor and Rocket veered off, but they were spotted almost immediately. As they recalculated a new course, a mini-fleet of fighter ships barreled after them. "Hang on!" Rocket shouted, as he veered off in another direction.

The three passengers in the back grabbed hold of anything they could find to avoid being tumbled around in the ship.

The efforts were valiant, but so far unsuccessful. They headed down in the direction of the planet, hoping to lose the swarm either in the clouds or under cover somewhere.

The cloud cover, although very thick, did nothing to protect them. They had to go lower.

"Give me a readout on the planet."

Thor flipped a few switches. "Habitable…breathable atmosphere, not bad actually."

Rocket pushed the engines even more. "We…got….to… go…lower."

Zara was terrified as the ground loomed closer and closer, and they hurtled down at breakneck speed.

Rocket found a canyon and zigzagged between the mountains. Zara screamed as the ship brushed past and lurched.

A couple of explosions sounded behind them. If Rocket could keep out maneuvering them, maybe he could reduce their numbers considerably. "Two down!" He said triumphantly.

"And a lot more to go." Tony added. "Has anyone told you how insane you are?"

"Everyday." Rocket jerked back in the other direction, and caused Tony to teeter precariously.

Another explosion signaled the demise of another fighter craft behind them.

Rocket's ears began to droop as a dark shadow fell over the small ship. "This ain't good."

A tremendous shudder coursed through the ship as a laser bolt struck it.

Rocket tugged on the controls. "We're going down." He fought the beleaguered ship all the way to the surface.

Once they landed they grabbed whatever they could and abandoned ship.

When it became apparent Zara could not keep up, Thor picked her up and carried her.

"Head for those caves!" Nebula shouted and they all ran as fast as they could.

From inside the cave, they could hear the roar of the engines as they flew by the entrance.

"They'll have to land! If we don't find an exit we'll be trapped in here. Move!" Nebula hissed.

They scrambled further and further in until they came to a dead end.

"Oh crap!" Tony said.

Rocket pointed his gun and fired off a few rounds. The walls shook and rocks pelted them from above.

"What are you trying to do? Kill us?" Tony shouted.

"I'm trying to get us out of here!" Rocket shouted back.

There was a huge explosion from the outside, and the ground shook. Zara screamed as bigger rocks fell from overhead.

"Shut her up, will you?" Tony yelled at Thor.

Rocket blasted away rock at the far end, but no one knew how thick the walls were, and if they'd punch a hole through before or after the falling rocks killed them all.

Another tremendous blast shook the cave hollow. Zara pressed herself up against the side as much as she could, and cowered on the rocky ground.

Thor zapped the same spot as Rocket was blasting with bolts of lightning, with the hope that together, it would go faster.

Between the blasting from overhead and from inside, the ground shook and stones flew in every direction.

"STOP!" The order echoed around the hollow with a definitive sense of doom. The soldiers had cornered them.

With multiple blasters aimed at them, it didn't look good. Thor spun and shot lightning out at them, but they kept coming and coming.

Enemy soldiers began shooting at the ceiling and caused rocks to loosen and fall. The intrepid group dodged as best they could, but moving made them lose their only protection from the blaster fire.

Finally overwhelmed by sheer numbers and injuries from falling rocks, they were forced to surrender.

They were marched out of the caves and into a shuttle. They were transported up to Thanos flagship and separated into individual cells.

* * *

On the monitors Thanos watched them as he sat. They all paced in their cells, except Zara. She huddled in a ball on the floor. He didn't recognize her; the rest he knew.

He had no need to speak with any of the others, he already knew what they wanted, but the woman intrigued him.

"Have her brought to me." He commanded of his minions.

They went to her cell and dragged her out. She cried loudly as she was hauled past the cells of the others, begging them to return her to her cell. They just kept pulling her.

Zara was released abruptly at the feet of the Titan, and she crumpled to the floor weeping.

"Why are you crying my child?" Thanos asked.

Zara couldn't answer; she just shook her head.

Thanos stood up and went over to her. He bent down and stroked her hair with his massive hand. "There is nothing to be afraid of here. I will see to that." He waited patiently for her sobs to subside.

"What is your name, child?" Thanos scooped up one of her tiny hands in his. "Sit up and speak with me."

Zara struggled to a sitting position.

"Are you in pain?" Thanos asked her.

Zara nodded.

"What causes your pain?"

"It doesn't matter." She sputtered out.

Thanos took a deep breath, and after a slight pause, helped her to her feet.

"You did not tell me your name."

"Zara." She answered. When she looked up at the giant's face, she suddenly felt very small. A look of fear crossed her face swiftly, and she lowered her eyes to the floor.

Thanos knelt down. "Are you afraid?"

Zara nodded.

"Why?"

Zara half-turned and pointed to the way she had come into the room. "They told me…they told me…"

"They told you what?"

"Please don't hurt me! I didn't do anything bad. I just want…I just want Bucky back."

"Who is Bucky?" Thanos tilted his head.

"I'm…I'm not sure, but I just want to talk to him. He knows the answers to my questions. I have to know why I can't remember him, Steve wouldn't tell me."

One of the minions came forward and held out Zara's journal. "She had only this on her."

Zara's eyes got really wide and she lunged for the book, but Thanos got to it first.

"No! Please, no, don't read it! It's not for you. It's to tell Steve everything I can't say to him."

Thanos looked upon Zara quizzically; then to his minions. "Return her to her cell."

Zara screamed out NO, all the way back to her cell.

Thor beat on the force field with all his might, but even he was unable to escape the confines. He drooped to the floor as he heard Zara's cries.

* * *

Thanos had a difficult time with the book. His hands were too large to hold it comfortably, but he used the Infinity Gauntlet to leaf through it.

He saw the pictures she had included of Bucky and of Steve Rogers.

He read about her harsh life of pain and suffering.

He sniffed a bit as he recalled a young girl named Gamora. Gamora was young when he took her as his own.

He read about her explanation of why she had left; of her doubts and questions, and the haunted feelings she had.

Then he read the passage that stopped him cold. He closed the book. _Finally!_ He thought. _Someone understands._

* * *

All of the prisoners were brought some food, and about an hour later, all the plates were collected.

Thanos watched the screens as before.

Thor paced. Rocket sat. Tony appeared to be thinking of a way to escape. Nebula had an unreadable expression on her face. And Zara huddled in the corner furthest from the door.

Thanos picked the book up again and finished reading her entries. He put the book down on one of the arms of his large chair. "Bring the prisoners here. I wish to talk to them."

All of them struggled with their captors as they were brought before Thanos; all but Zara.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I had you brought here."

"You let me go and I'll show you why I'm here!" Thor threatened. It was an empty threat as Thanos held all the cards, so to speak.

"Release Zara." Thanos commanded.

The minions let go of her, and she stood there trembling.

"Come up to me my child. Tell them why you are here."

Zara glanced up in surprise. She sputtered out a few syllables in confusion.

"What did you wish to ask me? This man you have an image of in your book; the one you call Bucky. You believe me responsible for his disappearance?"

Zara nodded dumbly. "They said you made him go away." She squeaked out. "I want him back."

"I see. And you think I can bring him back?"

"If you are as powerful as they say, why couldn't you?"

"Oh, I didn't say I couldn't, but why would I? What's in it for me?"

Zara chewed on her lip and thought really hard.

Thanos watched her struggle with her thoughts until defeat finally appeared on her face.

"I don't have anything to offer in exchange, except for myself. I will take his place, if you are gracious enough to accept it."

"NO ZARA!" Thor cried out.

Zara glanced sadly at him before resuming. "Bucky has more value on Earth than I do. He can help so many more people. He is stronger than I am. Please let him go."

"And you would willingly give up your life for his?"

Zara sank to her knees, and bowed her head. "Yes."

"And what of these pitiful creatures? What should I do with them?" Thanos swept his hand at the rest of the group.

"Send them back to Earth with my book, so Steve understands why I did what I did."

"Would that make you happy, little one?"

Zara nodded.

He picked up the book and held it out for Zara. She took it from his paw, and she tucked it in under Thor's shirt and into the waistband of his pants. "Make sure Steve gets this."

Thor continued to struggle. "No, Zara, don't do this please."

She ignored him and faced Thanos. "I'm ready."

Thanos lit up the gauntlet stones, twisted his wrist, and Zara vanished into ashes.

* * *

Sam, Bucky and Gamora were sitting in the camp talking, when suddenly, without any warning, Bucky vanished into thin air.

Sam's mouth hung open for far too long. "What the hell…?"

Bucky was sitting talking to Sam one moment when he felt a funny, but familiar feeling. Everything before his eyes went dark.

When he opened his eyes, he was looking up at blue sky. He turned his head and instantly saw green grass. He sat up with a start and instantly regretted it. He felt nauseous and dizzy. He moaned at the awful feeling.

Behind him, a circle of watery light appeared and he jumped to his feet. The nauseous feeling got worse, but he had long since been trained to ignore his pains by HYDRA.

Stumbling and flailing, out of the circle came Nebula, Stark, Thor and the talking raccoon. The hole closed up with a whoosh, and all was still.

Once they picked themselves up off the ground, Rocket gave him a toothy grin. "Can I buy the arm now?"

Bucky ignored the question.

Tony stood up and glared angrily at Bucky. Tony pointed a finger at him. "I'm still going to kill you!"

Down the hillside, an armed assortment of Wakandans charged the little ragtag group.

Shuri opened her mouth in surprise. "What is this?" She spread her hands. "How are you here?"

Before Bucky could utter a sound, Thor stepped forward. "We need to speak with Steve Rogers."


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

The Returned

"Steve?" Natasha called on the intercom. "You'd better get up here, and I mean NOW!"

Steve didn't bother replying, he ran full tilt, and slid into the command center. "What's going on?"

"You'd better sit down."

"Why? What's going on?"

"See for yourself."

Nat spun the monitor around, and on it was a serious Thor looking back at him.

"Oh my, you're back. Why didn't you fly straight here? Let me talk to Zara."

Rocket came into view. His ears were droopy and so were his whiskers. "Zara isn't with us."

"What do you mean, she's not with you? Where is she? You promised to look after her! What happened?"

Tony and Nebula walked in front of the monitor. "She was the one responsible for our release."

"Will somebody just tell me where she is?" Steve was frantic by now.

"You'd better sit down Steve." Nat reiterated.

He gave her a dark look. "I'm not sitting down! Now will someone explain what's going on?"

Bucky walked into view. "She's gone Steve. She traded herself for me."

Steve's knees buckled and down he went crashing to the floor.

* * *

When Steve opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Nat. It took his brain a few heartbeats before his brain caught up with reality. He sat up with a jerk and made himself dizzy. He grabbed his head until the wave subsided. "Nat? Was I dreaming?"

She shook her head no.

"BUCKY?"

"He seems fine. The Wakandans checked them all out. No one can explain it."

"But how?" Steve's brain was firing on all cylinders. He had so many questions.

"I've got a quin jet standing by. Once you're feeling okay, we're getting on it."

"I'm fine right now! Let's go."

If Steve hadn't been up in one of the pilot seats, he would have been pacing in the back. In fact, he'd have worn a hole in the deck of the jet.

He pushed the engines to the breaking point in his haste to get to Wakanda.

The ramp hadn't even fully extended before he scrambled out of it and into Bucky's arms. He nearly crushed the ribs of his friend with his hug.

Bucky brought him inside and the explanation began unfolding for Steve, with everyone sharing their two cents. Tony glared at Steve with all the hate in his heart. He had agreed to sit in on this meeting, but afterwards Steve and his friend Bucky were on his shit list.

Once Tony had had his say, he left to go back to the Avengers compound in New York. "Don't come back Steve, you're not welcome, and if I see your old war buddy again, I will kill him." Then he stalked off.

Steve watched him go. When he had disappeared, he turned to Bucky. "How…?" All words failed him. "Where…?" Steve's face reddened, and his eyes glossed over with moisture. "She's…she's really… gone?"

"We only know that she vanished." Thor put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "She traded her life for ours."

Steve glanced at Bucky and a haunted look crossed his face. "You don't know what I did…"

Bucky frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Slowly, Steve explained how Zara was declining into a massive emotional hole and had stopped eating in her grief over Bucky's loss. Steve confessed his shame and guilt with Shuri by his side about doing a procedure on Zara, and how they erased her memories of Bucky.

"Unfortunately, there were unforeseen side-effects." Shuri supplied.

"What kind of side-effects?" Bucky asked warily.

"It left holes in her memory, just enough of a trace to confuse and frustrate her." Shuri answered.

"We went over her computer and looked at the places she'd visited online. She was looking up information about me, and that's when she discovered our connection. She re-directed her search to you, Buck; your life, your time as the Winter Soldier, anything she could find."

Bucky closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. "Go on." He looked back at Steve.

"She never said anything, but I think some part of her remembered you and she became obsessed with finding you. We'd told her that Thanos made you vanish, so she stowed away on Thor and Rocket's ship…"

"MY ship!" Rocket corrected.

Steve flashed him a brief glare before continuing. "Any way, I believe she thought he could bring you back; that he'd just taken you prisoner or something. We didn't even know she was gone until well past the time they left. We went nuts looking for her and then we found this note." He handed Bucky the letter she'd left.

Steve chewed his lip thoughtfully as he watched Bucky's eyes read the letter.

When Bucky looked him in the eye, his face was full of emotions.

"It seems no matter the procedure, she still knew she was connected to you somehow, and she was determined to get you back." Steve stated simply.

"We erased her memories from her mind, but I could not erase the love she felt for you in her heart." Shuri added.

"We gotta get her back Steve, we just gotta."

Thor stepped in. "The prevailing theory is that wherever Bucky was sent to, she exchanged places with him, and now she is there. I'm still doing research on the Infinity Stones, but much of the ancient records were lost when Asgard fell."

"So, where do we go from here?" Steve asked of him.

"There's more." Bucky cautioned.

"More?"

"Yeah, Steve. Sam was there and Wanda…"

"And Groot! Don't forget Groot."

"And Groot and a lot of other people."

"Okay, so what's our next move then?"

Thor rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "We need a ship."

"To go into outer space?" Steve exclaimed incredulously.

Thor nodded.

"Well, the only person I know of personally that can build one is Stark, and he's not too likely to help us."

"And why is that?"

There was a very long pause while Steve and Bucky exchanged glances. Finally, Bucky sighed.

"I killed his parents."

"But he was under the control of HYDRA as the Winter Soldier. He wasn't in control of his mind or his body. You can't hold yourself responsible for that, Buck." Steve added hastily.

"But I do."

"Nobody blames you."

"Tony does, and he hates me for it."

"You had no choice; they were controlling your mind."

"But I did it."

"Tony had issues with his parents even before you came into the picture. You aren't responsible for that either."

"Can we discuss this later?" Thor interrupted.

Nat put a sympathetic hand on Steve's shoulder. "Thor's right; we have to prioritize. I'll make some calls, see if I have any favors left to collect on. Let's meet back up at breakfast tomorrow, and pool what information we have."

Heads nodded all around in agreement.

It was going to be a long day.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

The Lost Soul

Zara opened her eyes. It was a painful process. The light hurt, and she kept squinting until her eyes adjusted to the light.

Her head felt dizzy as she sat up, so she lay back down until she felt better.

Much more slowly this time, she worked herself into a sitting position, and began to look around.

After a good long, hard look, a shudder shook her body, and she crossed her arms in a futile attempt to ward off the unnatural chill.

"What is this place?"

She stood up. She'd never seen a planet that looked like this. Everything was orange! "BUCKY?"

She tried calling out several times, but there was no answer from anyone.

"What do I do now?" She started biting her cuticles nervously. She was alone, and there wasn't anything in…sight…except for that. What is it?

Far in the distance, a dark shadow loomed on the edge of the horizon. Her options were limited; stay here out in the open completely exposed, or walk towards whatever that was. Maybe there was shelter there of some kind.

After another minute of uncertainty, she headed towards the dark blob in the distance.

After what seemed like hours, Zara stopped and sat down. She twisted her spine this way and that to loosen everything up, but it didn't seem to help.

She licked her lips, but that didn't produce the effect her mind said it should.

Shouldn't she be hungry? It didn't feel that way. Shouldn't she feel tired? Her body did not.

Unable to understand why her body didn't feel the way her mind expected, she pushed it aside to revisit later.

When she felt enough time has passed, she resumed her walk to the shape in the distance.

As she got closer, she realized what it was, but getting there seemed a daunting task. She'd walked and walked, but never seemed to get any closer, but surely, she had. Her eyes could see it clearer, so her mind was convinced it was closer. Finally, something sort of made sense.

When Zara arrived, she sat down heavily. The silence was disturbing. Not even the wind blew! She began to hum softly to herself, to comfort herself from the silence and began to rock.

She hadn't eaten. She hadn't slept. Yet, she felt nothing. She didn't understand why.

"Okay, Zara. Let's think; what do we need next?" She stopped rocking. "We need shelter."

She got up and began to explore the base of the mini mountain. She looked for outcroppings overhead as well as caves that could be used for shelter.

Climbing up to take a better look seemed like a good idea, but getting down; not so much. If she needed a quick getaway, the best place was at ground level. She couldn't risk a fall, but there wasn't any place that looked like a possibility.

She thought of Gaion, and how his people burrowed underground. While the thought made her shudder a bit, she conceded that it was her best option.

"Okay, I'll make a hole, but I need something to cover the entrance to it, so I'm not easily spotted."

She found a hand-sized rock and experimentally chipped at the craggy surface in random spots. She knew what she wanted, but finding it was another matter.

She made her way around until she determined a spot to try. She hunched over and copying Gaion's style, she flung the sandy soil backwards between her feet.

It took her several tries before a spot satisfied her requirements, but she managed to excavate a hole big enough to slip into feet first, and to find a flat rock to camouflage the entrance.

Zara sighed in relief. She now had a form of shelter. She dispersed the displaced sand so it didn't look out of place and crawled in. She propped up the cover and curled up for some rest.

* * *

On Earth, Bucky and Steve were catching up and trying to form some kind of plan, but without a ship, they really had nothing.

"Any word about Tony?" Steve asked Nat.

Nat shook her head. "Nothing since he returned."

"What about the blue…woman?" Steve was still trying to figure her out.

"She's working with Tony in New York, but no word on what. Tony isn't giving anything up to us."

"What has Shuri come up with?"

"Steve. If anything came to my attention, you'd be the next to know."

"I'm sorry, it's just that…"

Nat came over and put her hand on his shoulder. "I understand what this means to both of you. You want to find Zara. Everyone is doing everything they can. It just takes time."

"I know." Steve gave her a grim smile that didn't get as far as his eyes. "I just feel so helpless."

"Why don't you two go work out some of the frustrations? I'll call you if anything happens."

Bucky clapped Steve on the back to encourage him and Steve gave in and stood up nodding.

"All right." Steve let Bucky lead him outside and out of Nat's hair.

"Thank goodness!" Nat mumbled, and went back to work.

* * *

Sam, Gamora, Groot, and all the others at the camp were sleeping. Needing to set a schedule of sorts, they designated periods of time for being awake and for being asleep. There was no day or night as they knew, but this helped them have a sense of normalcy.

They all woke up to a tremble deep underground. People all around felt it as they sat up in fear.

"What the hell is that?" Sam cried.

"It felt like an earthquake." Peter supplied.

"That's not possible!" Gamora stated flatly. "That's not how the Soul Stone works."

"Well, how DOES it work then? Since you seem to know everything, explain it to us."

"I… I can't!"

The ground trembled again.

"CRAP!" Peter cried as he jumped up.

"Something is wrong." Gamora said.

"Ya think?" Sam quipped back.

The trembling ceased.

Everyone looked around, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow them all, but nothing further happened.

Sam blew out a breath. "That was freaky."

"I think it's over; everyone can go back to sleep." Peter said loudly. Then in a whisper, he spoke to Gamora. "It is over, isn't it?"

She gave him a glare.

"Right." He settled back down but the uneasiness clouded over all of them.

* * *

When Zara felt the tremble, she pushed the cover down and scrambled out of her hide-away spot. She'd never felt an earthquake before and didn't know what was going on. A small scream escaped her before she clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle it.

A couple of small rocks tumbled down from the upper reaches, but nothing really threatening. Zara crawled as fast as she could away from the base and curled up in a ball.

She began rocking herself when the second tremor rumbled by. She couldn't help but start crying. She was scared, and for the first time she was really alone.

After she calmed down, she thought about what she should do next. "What would Steve do?" She asked herself out loud.

Imaginary Steve answered back. "I would explore."

As she began a very slow climb up where it seemed the easiest to go, she wondered how much time had passed.

The sky was still orange; no darker or lighter. The wind was just as still as before. She did not feel any hungrier or any more rested. Why? Why not? Her mind could not make sense of any of it.

She stopped and looked into the distant horizon. More orange dirt, and even more orange dirt beyond that.

She turned her gaze onto the upper reaches of the rocky hillside, and felt a great despair. "What does it matter if I go any further up? I'll just see MORE orange dirt!" Angrily, she kicked a rock and sent it rolling down. It hit another rock. And those two hit more little rocks, causing a mini cascade of rocks to gather at the very bottom. Suddenly, Zara got an idea!

She scoured around and began kicking as many rocks as she could and sent them all rolling downhill. Then she gingerly climbed down.

She picked up as many as she could fit into a makeshift pouch using her shirt and began making a "bread-crumb" trail heading away from the hillside.

When she ran out, she hurried back and picked up another supply.

She followed the trail she'd made, and began placing more of them down, about 10 feet apart each. It was tedious and time-consuming, but she kept at it. She needed to keep busy to keep her mind off worse possibilities.

She went out as far as she could go and still see the hillside. Seeing nothing in front of her, she came to the conclusion that there was nothing to find. Dejected, she headed back and crawled into her hidey-hole. "Tomorrow" was another day.

When tomorrow came, she tried another direction, doubling back each time she ran out of rocks until she was as far out as she dared go. Nothing. There simply was nothing there.

She headed back to the hill.

The next day she tried again. And the next day, and the next after that, but found nothing.

She curled up in her hole and pulled the cover over the entrance, and cried herself to sleep, convinced that she would never find Bucky or anyone else.

As her troubled mind drifted further into the darkness of the sub-conscious, dreams started to form images. They were fuzzy images at first, and her fingers twitched.

The deeper she descended, the clearer the images became; monsters from her childhood rose up from the ashes of her fears, memories, long buried, erupted and burst forth, pleading voices cried out for help, disembodied arms reached out to try and grab her, laughter rang out and Zara jolted upright. She banged her head on the ceiling of rock and knocked herself out cold.

* * *

Beneath her, and all over outside of her little encampment, the ground trembled.

Peter jumped up. "It's another earthquake!"

People jumped up all around them in terror.

Groot tried to make his branches shoot into the ground, but they wouldn't grow. "I AM GROOT!"

"Yeah, I'm scared too." Gamora answered him.

This quake was stronger than the last, and lasted longer.

When it stopped, Peter grabbed Gamora's arm and pulled her away from the group. "We need to talk."

Drax, Groot, and Sam followed.

Gamora pulled her arm away. "What do you want?" She glared at Peter.

"Why is this happening?"

"How should I know?"

"You told me you had found the stone, surely you know something about it."

"Yeah, and explain why Bucky vanished into ash right before our eyes."

"I DON'T KNOW! OKAY? I don't know." Gamora sank to the ground on her knees. "The only way to leave here is for someone to sacrifice the thing they love the most. It's a trade-off; a soul for a soul."

"So, are you saying Bucky vanished because someone sacrificed someone else's soul?" Sam asked. "But why make him vanish, why not someone else?"

"I don't know, Sam, but it had to be Thanos doing it."

"So, who took Bucky's place?"

They all looked at Sam, realization finally dawning. Someone new had arrived!

Peter's mouth dropped open. "And, where are they?"

"They are here, of course." Drax growled.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Of course, they are here, but where here?" Drax gave him a blank look back.

"We got to go look!" Sam cried.

They all scrambled back to the main camp and sat down. Peter used his finger to draw in the soil, and gave everyone a quadrant to search. "Finding them or not, we come back here to re-group in three days."

"I am Groot."

"Oh, right. Um…" Peter threw his hands in the air. "I don't know; make your best guess."

"I am Groot."

"Yes, I heard you the first time."

"What's he saying?" Sam asked.

"He wants to know how long a day is."

Without thinking, Sam began to reply that a day was 24 hours, but he stopped mid-sentence when he realized that no longer applied. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Peter grumbled. "I guess we will all have to guess."

"They could be anywhere. We could be searching for a long time." Sam added.

"Time is meaningless here." Gamora reminded everyone.

"So, how long before we give up searching? And how do we get back here?" Peter looked at Gamora.

"I am Groot."

"That's a great idea!"


End file.
